


What Happens in Florida

by Pensieri



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-24
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2017-12-24 12:32:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 92,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/940060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pensieri/pseuds/Pensieri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ON HIATUS. AU: It's the summer before college begins. Santana Lopez is on holiday and incredibly bored until Quinn Fabray crashes into her life. Can Santana forget all about it when she returns home? Will she ever see Quinn again? Or will what happens in Florida stay in Florida?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Met This Girl

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this story in May on FF.net. I'm now adding all written chapters to AO3 as well and will be updating on here as I go along. Apologies if I tag/post things weirdly, I'm new. The first four chapters of this story almost act as a prologue, and are shorter than the chapters that follow.  
> All chapters are named after songs that I feel somehow link with the events, whether that is through the lyrics or just the song title itself. Thoughts are in italics.
> 
> Thanks to my beta, RivergronLover, for all her help throughout this story.

The sun blazed down, scattering light on the soft, white sand. The ocean gently lapped against the shore, the water clear and warm. All around people were lying happily, enjoying another day in the Floridian sun with not a care in the world.

But Santana Lopez was bored. Like, ridiculously bored.

It was day ten of their two week vacation in Florida and Santana could not wait to go home. She disliked spending time with her Dad and being forced to spend two weeks with him and her stupid Step Mom was way too much. On top of that she had to deal with the 2 Super Brats AKA the most irritating boys in the world. No, the universe.

She sighed as she brushed her fingers along the hot sand. She prayed some kind of miracle would happen and she'd be transported somewhere else.  _Oh well, at least I look super hot in my bikini. Silver linings and all._  However, her hot body had not been put to much good use in Florida. Back home she had girls falling all around her but somehow she had yet to find a girl to shamelessly flirt with on holiday. Santana knew if she did that her holiday would definitely improve. After all, flirting with hot girls seemed to make everything better.

Suddenly she felt water splash on her back, the contrast in temperature against her sun soaked body caused her to scream. She didn't need to look up to know that the culprit was one of her stupid step brothers. It didn't matter which one was responsible, Santana was going to kill him.

"Oh my god! Alex, you're an idiot!" She yelled, looking up at Super Brat Number 1.

The fourteen year old just laughed. His twin brother (Super Brat Number 2) was soon by his side.

"Santana! You need to calm down. Hey, this might help you cool off." Matt said as he emptied a bucket of water all over her, smirking as he did.

"You're fucking dead!" She said through gritted teeth. Anger was coursing through her veins, and it was taking every ounce of self control that she had not to strangle the pair of them.

Suddenly she saw her Dad approaching and she knew it was too late to deliver any kind of payback, either verbal or physical, "Hey guys! Everything alright?"

"No! Those idiots have drenched me with water. It's gone all over my phone!" Santana yelled.

Her Dad chuckled and ruffled Matt's hair, "Boys, eh?" Matt and Alex smirked at Santana. As usual Dad's little stars couldn't do anything wrong. They grinned as they ran back off down the beach. "Don't do it again!" He yelled after them.

Santana got up in a huff, she hated that her Mom had made her agree to go on this holiday, "I'm going for a walk."

She grabbed her potentially ruined phone and her headphones and jammed the buds into her ears, praying her phone still worked. She was in luck. She turned up the volume on her favourite song and walked down the beach, ignoring her Dad's calls from behind her. She couldn't care less where she was going as long as it is was away from him.

Music blared from Santana's headphones and she could see other people staring at her as she walked past. She was pretty sure it had nothing to do with her rock hard abs and everything to do with the look on her face (as well as the obnoxiously loud music that she was sure everyone could hear leaking from her headphones). As she walked down the beach she felt something hit her in the back of her head.

"Are you kidding me?" She said under her breath as she rubbed the back of her head. She turned around and saw a phone on the floor and a girl by her feet. She pulled out her headphones, tugging on the cable so that they were abruptly ripped from her ears.

"Oh my god, I'm so clumsy! I'm sorry. I just tripped and my phone flew out of my hand... Are you ok?" The girl said as she stood up, her words tumbling out of her mouth.

The first thing Santana noticed were her eyes. They were incredible, containing a intriguing mix of colours that Santana thought had the potential to be hypnotising. The words coming from the girl's mouth may as well have been a different language because Santana didn't hear a single one. She was completely and utterly mesmerised.

"Hello?" The girl said, looking a little confused.

"What? Oh... Erm... Sorry." Santana said, blushing.

"Are you ok?"

Santana couldn't help staring at the girl. She was absurdly pretty. "Yes..." Santana stuttered slightly, "Yeah, I'm erm... I'm fine."  _Real smooth, Lopez!_

The girl smiled and Santana's heart seemed to leap into her throat, "Good, I wouldn't want to hurt you."

"No harm done." Santana smiled back. She had no idea why the anger that had previously been coursing through her body had started to dissipate, but regardless she could feel her mood lightening and part of her didn't care why. Santana sensed their conversation was coming to a close but all she knew was she didn't want to let this girl go yet. Suddenly the words left her mouth, unplanned and hurried, "I'm Santana by the way."

The girl seemed somewhat surprised, "Oh... Hi Santana, I'm Quinn."

"I was just about to go get a coffee. Do you want one?" Santana couldn't believe what she had just said. A blush spread through her cheeks instantly, and she cringed inwardly as she felt the warmth of it on her face. Had she really just asked this stranger for coffee? She began to feel a bit of an idiot, "I mean... Only if you want to. I mean you're probably busy so it's no problem."

"Coffee?" Quinn asked, raising one eyebrow. Santana's stomach tensed at the action and she couldn't help thinking that eyebrows had never looked so sexy.

"It's ok. Forget it... Oh, don't forget your phone." Santana said as she held out Quinn's phone, dusting off the sand. Santana made a mental note never to ask a ridiculously attractive stranger to coffee again, at least not in such a lame way.  _Talk about out of my league..._

"Coffee sounds good."

It took a moment for Quinn's words to register in Santana's head.  _Did she just say yes?_ "Erm... Awesome. I mean, cool."

Quinn giggled and the sound seemed to make Santana's knees go weak. "Where were you going then?"

"Huh?"

"For coffee. You said you were getting coffee."

"Oh," Santana began, feeling slightly foolish, "Yeah. Erm... I don't know yet."

Quinn beamed, "I know a great place!"

"Awesome! Lead the way." Santana replied, barely believing her luck. She had no idea what was currently happening but whatever it was, she didn't care. Was this a date, a 'thing', or just a coffee? All she knew was she was about to have coffee with the most beautiful girl she had ever seen.

"It's this way," Quinn said, grabbing Santana's hand. The contact made Santana shudder, and waves of electricity seemed to course through her stinging her deliciously.

As Quinn led her away from the beach she couldn't help thinking that maybe this holiday wouldn't be quite so bad after all.

* * *

Santana had to admit that right now she was drinking the best coffee in the world. She had no doubt that this latte was the same as any other latte, but for some reason it tasted like nectar from the Gods. Santana was pretty sure she knew the reason why, and that reason was called 'Quinn'. She looked up, still not quite believing that Quinn had agreed to go for coffee with her. The girl was absent mindedly running her hand through her hair, and as she did Santana swore she could smell a tantalising combination of coconut and vanilla.

_Right, come on. I just need to figure out if she's gay. Drop in some kind of offhand comment about the waitress being attractive. No… No, then she might think I want to hook up with the waitress. Lopez! Jeez! Get your act together._

Santana was not used to feeling so nervous. Back home she was the Queen of Cool. Girls adored her, without much effort on her part; this was probably due to her confident nature as well as her amazing rack. But something about this whole situation was different. Quinn was different. Something about her made Santana's body tingle, and her brain turn to complete and utter mush. For some reason, she didn't just want Quinn... she felt like she needed her.

"So erm…" Santana struggled. She hated that she had suddenly and inexplicably developed some kind of inability to speak properly, "You from around here?"  _Oh my god. I am so fucking lame._

"Erm, no. Vacation. You know the drill." Quinn smiled, "How about you?"

Santana couldn't help smiling back.  _This girl is incredible. My conversational skills are about as good as a platypus but she's still managing to look interested._

"Oh, I'm on a super exciting holiday with my Dad and his family. I'm just loving it."

"Somehow I don't believe you." Quinn said, narrowing her eyes and giggling.

Santana's stomach squirmed, that giggle was the most adorable thing she had ever heard, "Quinn! I'm shocked! I was being totally genuine."

Quinn laughed, flashing a ridiculously cute smile.

_What the hell is happening to me?! Right, we've both finished our coffees and Dad's probably going mental. I can't have long left here. Play it cool… Come on, you're Santana 'Smooth' Lopez. Woo her and get your mack on. Simple. That's how you roll._

"How long are you around for?"  _That's the best I can come up with?! I'm dying here…_

"Another 4 days, then back home! You?"

"Same! I won't lie, I can't wait to head back. You're the best thing that's happened to me all holiday."

_Great, so I've gone from lamest person in the world to practically declaring my love._

Quinn looked at Santana, then smiled softly, "It is nice to meet someone I can hang out with. I've got to admit, this holiday has been pretty dull so far. Mom and Dad aren't exactly the best company."

"Same. My Dad drives me round the bend. I feel like he's just constantly trying to make up for leaving Mom rather than actually caring about me."  _Whoa, when did I decide to share and care?_

"That sucks," Quinn said genuinely, "Are you ok?"

Santana couldn't help but feel comfortable around Quinn, "I'm a big girl, I'm used to it by now."

As Quinn smiled she looked down at her phone, "Sorry, I should probably get back, Mom and Dad will be wondering where I am."

Santana tried to hide her disappointment, "Yeah, me too." Both girls stood up and headed towards the door, "I've had a really nice time though. Thanks for rescuing me from another boring day."

As they stood outside the coffee shop, Santana panicked. Was Quinn about to slip away from her? If she was going to make a move, she knew she needed to do it now. She desperately wanted to, but it was like her brain was overloaded and she couldn't find the right words to say. Why did it matter anyway? What was so special about Quinn?

"Santana?" Quinn interrupted her stream of thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"You've been pretty distracted all afternoon."

_Shit_. "Sorry, Quinn. I haven't meant to be, I promise."

"Well, I was kinda wondering why?"

Santana stuttered, "I… Erm..."

"Because if you want to kiss me, you should just do it."

Santana's brain took a while to comprehend what Quinn had just said, "I… I should…"

"Kiss me. You should kiss me." Quinn said, stepping closer.

Santana grinned, "That sounds pretty good to me."

She tucked a lock of hair behind Quinn's ear and gently pulled her forwards. Their lips met, the pressure soft at first. Quinn responded and Santana's confidence grew. She ran her tongue along Quinn's bottom lip, gently biting it before darting her tongue into her mouth. Santana was sure she heard a soft moan leave Quinn's mouth. Quinn responded, their lips and tongues dancing against each other in perfect timing, as though they had been doing this dance forever. Eventually they pulled apart.

Quinn smiled, "See? I don't know why you've been so nervous all afternoon."

Santana stuttered slightly, the words she wanted to find seemed to be lost within a labyrinth, "You're very… dazzling. You… dazzled me."  _Dazzled? What the fuck? God, it's a good job I'm a good kisser._

Quinn's eyebrow raised and Santana's stomach lurched, her mind full of ideas that were definitely not appropriate for a such a public place, "Dazzled?"

Santana ignored the comment, somehow being near Quinn seemed to turn her into some kind of flailing idiot. She took a deep breath and said, much more confidently than she actually felt, "So when are you going to give me your number?"

Quinn laughed softly, "Someone's confident." She paused, "I better go. This was fun. Maybe I'll see you around." She turned on her heel and began to walk away, grinning.

"What? Are you serious?" Santana called after her in disbelief.

Quinn looked back, "I get the feeling you're no good for me, Santana. Let's leave it up to fate. Maybe I'll see you again."

Santana was left stunned, one question filling her mind.

_What the hell just happened?_


	2. Stutter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song is by Maroon 5.

Every blonde she saw...

Every adorable giggle she heard...

Every pair of piercing eyes that caught hers...

She was obsessed.

Quinn had put Santana under some sort of spell and now she couldn't get her out of her mind. It was the next day and all Santana could think about was finding Quinn. There were three days of her holiday in Florida left and she was not going to let them be Quinn-free. Part of her wanted to just leave it. She could find someone else, right? But the other side of her only wanted Quinn. She couldn't explain why, but she felt like something was pulling her towards the blonde.

It was late afternoon and Santana was trying to distract herself by texting her friend Rachel. As she scrolled down her list of contacts something caught her eye. Just before Rachel was a contact listed as 'Q'. Santana racked her brains... She was pretty sure that hadn't been there before. Did she even know anyone whose name began with a Q? Well, except Quinn of course.

 _Quinn... Quinn! Oh my god is that Quinn's number?_ Santana tried to calm down. It couldn't be? Could it? She thought carefully about their meeting. Could Quinn have possibly got hold of her phone? She relayed the events through in her mind...

_We met on the beach, walked to get coffee, grabbed a table, I went and ordered the coffee, we sat down... Wait! I ordered the coffee. She stayed at the table!_

Santana was positive she had left her phone on the table and therefore Quinn could easily have added her number. Santana almost hit the 'call' button. Then a hideous thought entered her mind. Santana was no saint, she had had her fair share of one night stands. What if it was another girl?  _No... How many girls names even begin with a Q?_ Did she definitely leave her phone on the table? Weighing up her options, Santana decided she had nothing to lose.

After 3 rings someone answered.

"Took you long enough."

"Quinn," Santana said simply. Inside, she was doing a happy dance. "You said it was up to fate."

"If you hadn't found my number it could have been."

"Are you busy?" Santana asked, praying Quinn would be free.

"Not really. Got a proposition?"

Santana's happy dance continued, "Want to... erm... grab a drink?"

"Sure. Sounds good to me. Meet you at Reflex at 9?"

"Yeah, I know where that is. See you at 9."

"I'm looking forward to it." Quinn said.

"Good. See you then, Q."

As Santana hung up she prayed that the grin on her face wouldn't become permanent. She needed to keep her cool in front of Quinn.

* * *

Santana had gone to town. She had put on the tightest, sexiest dress she owned and it was safe to say she was looking smoking. She told her Dad she was going out and he didn't seem to care as long as she was home for midnight. As she arrived at Reflex she caught sight of Quinn waiting outside. She looked absolutely stunning.

Santana took a deep breath.  _She's just another girl. I'm looking good and she is definitely interested... Breathe._

"Hey." Quinn said as Santana walked over, "Shall we?"

"Definitely." As they walked in Quinn's arm brushed against hers and it sent shivers down her spine.

As they waited at the bar, flashing their fake IDs, Santana noticed something. Yes, Quinn was pretty but there was more to it than that. As she looked at her properly, taking in everything about her, she realised she wasn't just pretty... She was beautiful. Like, the kind of beautiful that makes your heart feel like it's skipping and your breath catch in your throat. It was this realisation that shook Santana's world. She wasn't the type of person to have feelings for someone, not proper feelings anyway. She was more the type of girl who liked to have fun. She made a quick excuse and decided she was definitely in need of some advice.

"Rachel! I need your help!"

"Erm... Ok! What's up?" Rachel replied.

"I've met this girl." Santana began.

"Since when do you not meet a girl? Isn't that every day for you?"

"Yes... But... This one is different. I..."

Santana heard Rachel gasp on the other end of the phone, "Oh my god has Santana Lopez got, dare I say it, feelings for a girl?"

"No... I mean, I don't know. That's the problem." Santana said falteringly.

"Tell me everything." Rachel squealed in excitement.

"Ok. But you've got to promise not to interrupt! I know what you're like!"

"I promise!"

"So we met yesterday on the beach and we went for coffee." Santana paused, hearing Rachel let out a small squeal, "Rach! I only said we went for coffee! Be quiet!" She sighed, "Right, so we went for coffee. I asked her and I literally couldn't believe it when she said yes. So we went to this really nice place and Rach I... I was a mess! Like, words wouldn't come out right and my conversation was as dry as the freaking Sahara! Yet by some miracle she asked me to kiss her. She had to ask me, Rachel! And I couldn't get her out of my head all night. Her smile, her eyes. She's beautiful. And now we're in a bar and I'm freaking out. I... I think I actually, you know, like her. I don't do the whole liking people thing! It's messy! Plus I'm on vacation, I'm never going to see her again."

"Ok. Firstly, calm down. Secondly, breathe. Thirdly, having feelings isn't a bad thing Santana."

"It is when you only have 3 days left of your holiday!"

"The way it seems to me is you have two options. Option one is that you leave now and don't see her again. Option two is that you have the best 3 days of your vacation and keep seeing her."

Santana sighed then said, "Does option two mean I get to have insanely hot sex with her?"

Rachel laughed, "I think that's something you would need to ask her, not me. But seriously, don't overthink this. You've got 3 days and then you'll never see her again. It's not a bad thing that you actually like her! We finally know you're not a robot now!"

"Haha Rach, very funny!" Santana smiled, "Ok. Thanks. I should probably go, she'll think I've got lost."

"Ooh! Wait! What's her name?"

"Quinn." Santana smiled saying her name. "Right, thanks Rachel. Santana is going to go get some sweet lady kisses."

Santana hung up and returned to the bar. Quinn was right where she'd left her.

"I'm so sorry about that Quinn."

Quinn smiled, "I guess I'll forgive you."

There was something about Quinn's voice that made Santana shudder. Was she doing that deliberately?

"Good. What do you feel like?" Santana said, gesturing to the bar as a guy came to ask for their order.

"Cranberry and vodka." Quinn said to the barman, before she looked at Santana and whispered, "And you."

Santana almost didn't catch the last part. Almost. But then she did and she choked. Literally. As she caught her breath again she blushed.  _Oh my fucking god. That did not happen. I'm a wreck._

"Wow... I know it's good to take a girl's breath away but I never thought it happened literally." Quinn winked, looking slightly amused.

"I..."

Quinn downed her drink in one, "Come on chokey. Let's dance."

Santana followed her, still stunned. Why was it that Quinn could be so forward yet she, womaniser extradionaire, was being about as sexy as a worm. She gave herself yet another pep talk.  _Ok, just do what you always do. She's just a girl. Compliment her!_

"You know, you look really pretty tonight Quinn. That dress is... It looks great on you."  _Really pretty? This should be R rated, not PG. Oh well. It's a start._

Quinn smiled as she grabbed Santana's hand and led her to the dance floor, "Thanks. You're looking pretty hot yourself."

Santana was a good mover. She had that uncanny ability to be able to feel the beat of the music coursing through her veins, allowing her body to move in perfect time with perfect fluidity. Santana couldn't help but think that this was her chance to finally get some good flirting in. If she couldn't find the right words to say, then she'd let her body do the talking.

Quinn seemed to move naturally on the dance floor too and Santana couldn't help but want to stare at her, but instead she pulled Quinn closer and began moving her body against hers. Santana could feel the heat of Quinn's skin against her own as Quinn matched her movements perfectly. Santana noticed her heart beating faster. God this girl could move. Quinn's eyes stared into hers, Santana couldn't help but notice the desire that was blazing obviously from them. Santana turned around and pressed her body into Quinn's tightly, grinding against her.

As she continued, Santana felt Quinn's lip brush against her ear. Her hot breath caused Santana to begin to lose control. If this was dancing, she couldn't even imagine what the sex would be like.

Quinn kissed her neck before whispering, her voice a seductive purr, "I want you."

Santana had never heard three words sound that good. She turned back around, meeting Quinn's eyes with her own. She daren't kiss her, if she did she wasn't sure she could trust herself to stop. Wordlessly, she took Quinn's hand and led her out of the bar, jumping into the first cab she saw.

Santana looked at Quinn, one eyebrow raised. The line 'my place or yours' seemed too cheesy and Quinn understood perfectly. She said to the driver, "Edgewater."

Santana smiled. That wasn't too far away, which was a good job because it was taking every bit of control she had not to strip Quinn naked right there. The two girls said nothing as the driver sped through the streets. He pulled up and Santana passed him more than enough money, thanking him quickly. Before Santana knew it they were in the lift and her back was pressed against the elevator wall. Quinn's face was so close she could smell the sweet cranberries on her breath.

"If you kiss me," Santana said, her voice transformed into something that sounded much more confident than she felt, "I don't think I'll be able to stop."

Quinn's eyes widened slightly, "When this lift stops and we get to my room I'm counting on you not being able to stop."

The lift pinged and Quinn stepped away, freeing Santana. Feeling slightly dazed, she took a deep breath and followed Quinn. As she caught up with her, the blonde was already swiping her key card in the door and pulling the handle. The door opened and Santana couldn't contain it any longer. She closed the door shut behind them, not giving a second thought about the noise, and slammed Quinn against it.

"I don't think we're going to make it to the bed." Santana said as she began trailing kisses down Quinn's neck. Her tongue ran expertly across her hot, smooth skin before she scattered gentle bites back up Quinn's neck. Her teeth grazed Quinn's earlobe and the blonde let out a gentle moan.

"I'm definitely ok with that."

Santana needed no further confirmation. Swiftly she spun Quinn around, pinning her to the door, and unzipped her dress. As it fell to the floor, she took a second to admire the girl in front of her. Dressed in nothing but thin lace underwear, she looked heavenly. Deftly, Santana unhooked her bra before scraping her fingernails slowly down Quinn's spine. She grinned as she felt Quinn's body shudder. Quinn moved suddenly, removing her underwear.

"Someone's eager." Santana quipped.

Quinn turned back around, her intentions obvious, "Fuck me, Santana."

The two girls crashed to the floor, not reaching the bed. Lost in desire, Santana's worries disappeared. So what if she didn't want to have feelings for this girl? All Santana knew was sex had never felt like this and her name had never sounded as right as it did when Quinn moaned it. She couldn't get enough. As she brought Quinn closer and closer to the edge, Santana felt something more than lust take over her. Santana loved the feeling of making someone orgasm, but she also always felt like she was waiting for reciprocation. However as she looked at Quinn, her body tensed and her breathing uncontrolled as she tumbled over the edge, she felt as though she could happily please the blonde forever. Quinn barely had time to think before Santana was trailing kisses down her stomach. She paused as she reached Quinn's thigh, looking up to gauge Quinn's reaction.

"Santana," Quinn said, breathlessly, "I don't know if I'm ready."

Santana smirked, "Trust me."

"What about you?"

Santana grinned and lowered her mouth, "We've got all night."

It was safe to say that Santana didn't get home for midnight.


	3. Treacherous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter song is by Taylor Swift.

Santana woke as sunlight streamed through the curtains. She felt bare skin on her own and she realised that Quinn was practically wrapped around her. At some point last night they must have made it to the bed. Santana had a feeling it was at some point between round 3 and round 4 although she couldn't be certain. The whole night felt like a blur. A ridiculously good, mind blowing, leg shaking, scream worthy blur. She daren't move, not wanting to wake Quinn. She turned her head slightly so she could see the blonde girl lying by her side.

_God, even after a night of insane sex she still looks incredible. Sex hair has never looked so good._

Santana grinned. Last night had been, without question, the best night of her life. As her mind wandered over the events of the previous night she felt Quinn stir.

_Oh shit. I'm staring._

But before Santana could move, Quinn's eyes met hers. Santana wasn't used to having too many awkward morning encounters. Normally by the time the other girl woke up Santana was already showered, or better yet they'd both been aware of their encounter being a one night only deal and they'd skipped the whole sleeping part. Ordinarily Santana would be running for the door but somehow that didn't seem right.

Quinn grinned, "Morning."

"Sleep ok?"

"God yes. I think we both practically passed out last night."

Santana smirked, "Well we did use up a lot of energy." She reached over to grab her phone, "Fuck."

"Again?" Quinn raised her eyebrow, "If you insist."

Santana looked up, "That's not… I didn't…"  _Brain… in… gear…_ "Don't pretend you don't want to. But no, I was talking about the fact I have 10 missed calls from my Dad and some seriously pissed off texts."

Quinn shrugged, "You can tell him why you didn't make it home. It's a pretty good reason after all."

"I guess you're a decent enough reason."

"Decent? Don't lie, it's not very ladylike." Quinn leaned forward and kissed Santana, "Hmm...I prefer it when you taste of me. We should rectify that." As she spoke she rolled out of bed and, while completely naked, walked across to the bathroom. Santana was in shock, her eyes unable to stop staring at Quinn's perfect body.  _She prefers it when I taste of her? Fuck, she's sexy._ Just before Quinn closed the door she looked back and said, "It's rude to stare, Santana."

Before Santana could regain her thoughts into something more than the current mess inside her head her phone rang. She looked at the screen and sighed... Time to face the wrath.

"Hey dad... Yes... No I know I said I'd be home for midnight." Santana ran her fingers through her long hair, trying desperately to untangle the knots. As her Dad began shouting at her, her mind wandered.  _I hope my hair looks half as good as Quinn's... How she manages to look so amazing after that much sex is beyond me._ She zoned back in to the conversation, "I know. I am sorry Dad. I was with a friend and we lost track of time. I should've let you know... Ok... Yeah I'll be home in an hour, I promise."

Santana hung up and heard the shower turn on in the bathroom. Quinn reappeared from the bathroom and began casually leaning against the door frame. "Aren't you going to join me?"

Santana felt her throat constrict, Quinn just kept surprising her, "I... Wow..." she paused before finishing lamely, "I promised I'd be home in an hour."

Quinn looked straight at Santana, her eyes still full of lust, "You shouldn't make promises you can't keep."

Santana was powerless to resist.

* * *

Santana had faced some pretty harsh words when she got back. She had just managed to get back within an hour, although her Dad insisted it had been longer. Somehow everything he said didn't seem to matter very much. Santana had had the best night of her life with Quinn and no matter what her Dad said, she wouldn't have changed a thing.

When Santana had woken up she had also found herself faced with 5 texts from Rachel. As she read them again she imagined reading them in Rachel's voice, in increasingly shrill tones. She knew that her friend was one of the most impatient people in the world. Santana sent her a quick text back.

**Santana:** _Best. Sex. Ever._

Santana grinned. She knew Rachel wouldn't accept such a small level of information and sure enough by the time she had counted to 5 'Defying Gravity' was blaring from her phone. Rachel's ringtone (that she had insisted on setting).

"Oh my goodness! Santana! You can't just send that and nothing else!"

"What do you want Berry? The fine details?" Santana joked.

"Oh god, no!"

"Keep your hair on!" Santana laughed, "We were in the bar and... Well, she was so forward Rach! Her dancing... She was all over me. Oh my god. I nearly had a heart attack."

"She sounds just like you!"

"That's the thing though, I totally wasn't myself! I couldn't think of anything good to say and everytime I tried to speak... Rachel, my flirting was as bad as yours!"

Rachel cleared her throat, "I'll have you know that my flirting technique is perfectly acceptable."

"Keep telling yourself that. Anyway, back to me. Best night of my life."

"So are you going to see her again?"

"I have no idea. I mean... I have her number and she has mine. She's busy doing lame family stuff all day today but I figured I'd see her tomorrow. Plus the sex was so good I just kinda assumed she'd call me." Santana admitted, before pausing, "But... What if she doesn't? Shit. What if she doesn't call?"

Rachel laughed slightly, "You have got it bad! Oh I'm so pleased! I knew you could have feelings like a real person."

"Rachel! Shush. What if she doesn't call? Crap. I like her and she might not call." Santana took a deep breath, "It's ok. It's a holiday thing... She'll call and we'll have great sex and that's it. That's all this is."

"Santana, you know I'm glad that you like her but... Just look after yourself. You know you'll never see again after your vacation and I don't want to see you get hurt."

Santana smiled softly, Rachel was a great friend. At first the two had had what can only be described as a hate-hate relationship, but over time they had discovered that their polar opposite personalities made for a pretty solid friendship. "I promise I'll look after myself. Come on, there are only 2 days left of my vacation. There isn't enough time to get hurt in 2 days. Besides I won't even see her today because she's not around."

Rachel hesitated, "Ok. Keep me posted?"

"Promise. Talk soon."

The day passed slowly. Her Dad insisted they all go play crazy golf which Santana knew would just end with her wanting to clobber Matt and Alex around the head with her club, but considering she was in her Dad's bad books she had no choice. During the drive Santana felt like her head was in the clouds, and those clouds all seemed to be filled with the same thing… Quinn. Her eyes. Her smile. Her lips. Her body… She was so distracted she didn't even say anything obnoxious to the Super Brats the whole day, even when they were throwing her golf ball into the sand. She shot them evil glares, but right now it seemed such a waste of time to put energy into finding the right words to tell them just how irritating they were. For once her Dad seemed concerned, even asking her if she was ok as they drove back to their rented apartment. Santana nodded and put a little more effort into being 'part of the family', which seemed to be her Dad's favourite phrase.

The evening passed just as slowly. Santana hadn't heard from Quinn all day. She tried to convince herself that Quinn was just really busy with her family, but she didn't believe herself. Laying in bed she angrily slammed her phone down on the bedside table.

_Why the fuck am I bothered anyway? I knew she wasn't going to be around today but I'm still gazing at my phone screen waiting for her to text like some kind of love sick puppy. Not cool. She's nothing special._

But Santana knew she was just lying to herself. Eventually she drifted into a disturbed sleep, one face haunting her as she replayed scenarios over and over in her head.

* * *

Santana woke up and checked her phone. Her heart leapt as she saw she had a new message but it promptly sank again when she realised it was from Rachel.

**Rachel:** _Any new developments?_

She sighed as she replied.

**Santana:** _Nope. No big deal. She wasn't around yesterday. Maybe I'll see her today._

Rachel was totally being over-protective. It was like she was waiting for Santana to fall desperately in love and end up heartbroken. There was no way she'd develop any kind of real feelings for Quinn. After all this was the last full day of her holiday. Tomorrow she'd be getting ready to go back home. No. She was going to be just fine. She just liked Quinn a little bit. That wasn't a bad thing. Right? Liking her just made the sex better.

She shook her head.  _Stop over-thinking this! Right, this girl is insanely good looking and I am on holiday, bored out of my mind. This is the last day, I should just contact her. What have I got to lose? I can't call though... Isn't that a bit... Desperate? Maybe a text... I can try and sound all chilled out about it. Yes. Because I am totally cool with it all. Definitely._

Santana drafted a text to Quinn.

**Santana:** _Let me know if you fancy meeting again tonight._

She stared at the screen. That didn't sound desperate at all. No, it was very casually. With slight hesitation, she pressed send. After a couple of minutes she realised she was still staring at her phone screen. _May as well call myself Santana 'Desperate' Lopez... I need a distraction. What am I even doing? I don't see girls more than once. That's my rule._ As she stood up, her phone buzzed. Within seconds she had the message open.

**Quinn:** _Can't get enough?_

Santana knew if Quinn had been there in person, she would've been a stuttering mess. At least she could play it cool via text. She could see Quinn once more, that couldn't hurt, right?

**Santana:** _If you're busy I can easily get other plans._

**Quinn:** _We both know that's a lie. I could take pity on you I guess._

**Santana:** _Q, we both know you want me. I seem to remember you telling me exactly that at Reflex._

**Quinn:** _Don't go getting cocky, chokey._

**Santana:** _Want me to fuck you senseless again or not, blondie?_

**Quinn:** _You can try your best._

Santana took a deep breath, she needed to be confident. At least she could do that when Quinn's hazel eyes weren't staring into hers and giving her a complete and utter brain meltdown.

**Santana:** _I don't need to try. See you for coffee at 3. Same place as last time._

**Quinn:** _Go on then._

Santana smiled. She couldn't wait to see Quinn again. She pushed the extent of her happiness to the back of her mind. Quinn was just another girl...This was definitely just a fling. Nothing more.

Santana flopped down on her bed, sighing. If it was just a meaningless fling then why did she feel like this? It was as though she was free falling, with no parachute and no way to escape. What the hell had Quinn done to her? She knew it was stupid and she knew she'd be smart to walk away but somehow she knew she couldn't.


	4. Summer Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title courtesy of a song by Simple Plan.

Santana's fingernails nervously drummed a beat on the smooth surface of the coffee table. It was 3:05pm. What if Quinn had changed her mind?

As she looked at her phone screen once again (it was still 3:05) the bell above the door softly rang. She looked up and was met with hazel eyes. As her heart uncontrollably leapt around like some kind of hyperactive puppy, she smiled. That was about all she could manage.

Quinn sat down, "Hey."

 _She just said 'hey', I really need to calm down._ "Hi. Do you want anything?" She said, gesturing to the menu on the wall.

"Sure. I'll go get something."

"It's cool, I can do that. What do you want?" Santana asked.

"You don't need to buy me coffee Santana, I'm still going to sleep with you."

Santana laughed, somewhat nervously, "That's not why I'm buying you coffee. Some people do this thing, called being nice..."

Quinn raised her eyebrow and Santana's stomach lurched so far it felt like it had disappeared entirely, that eyebrow felt like her worst enemy and her best friend all at once, "Fine. I'll have a hazelnut latte."

"Coming right up." Santana said as she got to her feet.

Santana took a deep breath in, in an attempt to calm her nerves. As she brought Quinn's coffee over she glanced at her face and saw something new in those eyes. Their previous encounters had mostly consisted of Quinn looking at her with a look that could only be described as pure, undiluted sex. Now she saw slight confusion. Santana grinned slightly, somehow she was pleased that Quinn didn't seem quite so confident or sure of what was going on as she normally did. Santana put the coffee down in front of Quinn and sat down, nursing her own drink.

"Thanks…" Quinn said, hesitating slightly.

"What's up, blondie?"

"I just... I kinda figured we'd skip the formalities and get straight to the point but… what is this?" Quinn looked up, quizzically.

Santana giggled, this was the first time she'd seen even a vague hint of a chink in Quinn's armour. Before now everything the blonde said had been perfectly poised, but now she seemed unsure. "I just figured we could get to know each other, have fun. Don't worry, I'll make you scream later." She said casually as she sipped her coffee. Quinn being off her game was certainly helping Santana's confidence.

"Santana, this isn't a date… is it? Because I didn't sign up for that."

"Calm yourself, Q. You won't get more than you bargained for." Santana smirked, "I'm not going to get all gooey eyed on you. I just figured this holiday has been pretty dull and lacking in good conversation, as well as action. Figured we could kill two birds with one stone."

Quinn thought for a moment, "Fine. I can deal with that."

"Cool. How was yesterday?"

Quinn sighed, "It was ok. You know, the usual wholesome family stuff. It wasn't as bad as it could have been to be fair."

"Is it just your Mom and Dad with you here?"

"Yeah. I have a sister but she's older and so managed to escape the family fun."

Santana laughed, "I bet you're having a great time really. You seem the wholesome type."

Quinn narrowed her eyes, "I have no idea how you can even say that after everything I did to you."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, your sexual activities are far from wholesome but I can totally picture your adorable blonde family having ridiculously nice lunches and dinner parties."

Quinn laughed and smiled, "You're absurd."

Santana smiled softly. It felt good to get to know Quinn a little more, she'd missed being able to talk to someone on her level over the last fortnight. Quinn seemed to have relaxed into their conversation and Santana was pleased. I mean, of course she was dying to get into Quinn's pants but there was something about talking to Quinn properly that made her happy. The two girls talked about everything and with every new topic of conversation Santana felt Quinn open up a bit more. Somehow Santana felt less on-edge around Quinn now. She hadn't choked or stuttered or done any of the other stupid things she'd managed to do before. She was even managing to hold a pretty decent conversation. Santana grinned at this thought and gave herself a mental high five.

"God, it's been 2 hours!" Quinn exclaimed suddenly.

Santana looked at her phone, "Oh crap. That went quickly. I guess time flies..."

Quinn smiled, "Now look, I won't lie I'm actually really enjoying talking to you..."

"But?"

Quinn leaned forwards slightly, "I can't stop thinking about how much I really want you naked."

Santana bit her lip, "I know exactly how you feel."

"Good." Quinn said simply, her eyes getting that now oh so familiar look of sex.

Santana stood up, "We've got hours."

"We'll need them." Quinn responded, opening the door as she walked out onto the street.

As they made their way back to Quinn's hotel, Santana couldn't help but think about the fact that this would be the last time she saw Quinn.  _No. Not the right time to be thinking this, Santana! You are going to get your sexy times on and deal with this crap later if you have to. Which you won't. Because it's all going to be totally cool. Don't ruin this._

They reached Quinn's room. Santana could feel the tension between them filling the room. She was used to girls being attracted to her, but she had never felt such an intense connection before. Quinn's lips crashed into hers. Her lips were parted with Quinn's tongue and Santana put her hands on Quinn's hips, desperately pulling her closer so that their bodies were pressed tightly together. She had never needed anyone so much. She pulled Quinn's top over her head and pushed her onto the bed. As she landed softly on top of Quinn her lips found Quinn's neck. Slowly she trailed soft kisses down her exposed skin, stopping every so often to scatter gentle bites in amongst the kisses. She stopped as she reached the top of Quinn's breast, still covered by her bra.

"Naked. Now." Santana demanded, between kisses.

Quinn obliged immediately, kissing her hungrily, "You are wearing far too many clothes."

Santana grinned and quickly removed her clothing. She heard Quinn inhale sharply as she expertly removed her underwear. Santana regained her position of control on top of Quinn, her stomach tensed at the contact of her own bare skin against Quinn's. She had no idea how someone could be so beautiful. She looked into Quinn's eyes and it hit her like a ton of bricks.  _Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is so much more than just sex._

She hesitated slightly. Quinn looked back at her, confused. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Quinn."  _Everything._

"What is it?"

Santana kissed her, pushing her thoughts aside. She didn't need this right now, "Nothing." She murmured between kisses.

Quinn gently pushed her back, "Don't lie."

"Don't, Quinn."

"I want nothing more than to fuck you right now but I can tell something's wrong."

"Fuck." Santana sat up, she needed distance between them.  _No, don't do this. I can't do this._ "I really like you Quinn."  _Shit. Holy fucking shit._

Quinn remained silent.

"Will you say something?"

"This is just sex Santana." Quinn said softly, avoiding eye contact with her.

"I... I know... I just..." Santana took a deep breath, "Look, I get it. We're on holiday and I'm never going to see you again. I know it's ridiculous but I can't help it. Trust me, I don't do this and I didn't plan it. There's just something about you. About us." After another moment of silence Santana spoke again, "Just say something."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"I want you to say that I haven't made this all up in my head. There's something here. Fuck, Quinn. There's something and I wish there wasn't."

Quinn hesitated, "I'm sorry, Santana. This is just sex. That's all it can be."

 _Crap. I need to get out of here._ "It's ok... This isn't your fault." Santana said quietly, grabbing her clothes.

"Santana, you don't need to go." Quinn stood in front of her.

"I do."  _Fuck, she has no idea how much I need to get out of here._

"Can't we just enjoy this for what it is? You said yourself we'll never see each other again and I know you leave in the morning."

Santana pulled her jeans up, "I would love to stay but I can't. I... I just can't. It's too much... I already can't get you out of my head. This is just going to make that worse."  _I cannot believe I'm turning down sex with a really hot girl._

Santana dressed quickly. No words passed between the two girls. Santana was almost glad, she didn't think there was anything Quinn could say to make it better. There was no miracle cure. As Santana grabbed her bag, Quinn finally broke the silence.

"Santana..." She gently grabbed her wrist, "I didn't... I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault I've got feelings for you. I... I wish I didn't but I can't help it. There's this pull, it's like I'm drawn to you. Sorry."

"You don't need to apologise, San."

Santana gave a half hearted smile, "See you, I guess."

As she closed the door she felt empty.

_What the hell have I done? Oh god... Rach was so right. I've known this girl for all of two minutes yet somehow she manages to send me into a complete meltdown. I need to go home. I fucking hate Florida._

The next day as Santana's plane began it's ascent into the air she couldn't help but look down. Quinn was down there somewhere and she was flying away from her. Her heart sank as the distance between them grew. She wished she could go back 3 days. Maybe she could have avoided her feelings somehow. Santana couldn't help but think that she had royally fucked things up. If she'd kept her mouth shut they could have had another night of amazing sex. But at what cost? Santana already felt like Quinn had claimed a part of her that no one else had had before. It was like Quinn had showed her paradise, a paradise she couldn't have. Santana sighed. Feelings sucked. That much she definitely knew.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. It was time for a new start. She was starting college in two weeks. It would be a whole new world with thousands of brand new people to meet. She could forget all about Quinn. After all, she would probably never see her again.


	5. Cute Without The 'E'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And what I consider in my head to be the prologue is now over, and here is where the main bulk of the story begins.  
> Chapter song is by Taking Back Sunday.

It had been two weeks since Santana had returned from her vacation in Florida. Every tiny thing seemed to remind her of Quinn. At first, she had thought she was going crazy. Every blonde girl looked like her from a distance, every whiff of coconut and vanilla seemed to send her brain into a flurry, and every public display of affection made her want to unleash a Hulk style rage. It was all just wishful thinking and Santana couldn't stand it. She naturally assumed that it would improve over time, but 14 days later it still seemed to be a daily occurrence.

_Santana Lopez does not fall for people. You are better than this._  She would repeat her daily mantra, but she knew she was lying. Santana Lopez clearly did fall for people. Well, Quinn anyway.

There was some kind of ironic karma about the situation. Santana knew full well that she had hurt girls in the past, whether it had been intentional or not. You see, Santana didn't do feelings. At least, that was what she had always thought and that had been her excuse now for 3 years. At high school there had been several attractive girls who would have followed her around like lovesick puppies if she had let them. But, no, Santana had always insisted relationships were not for her. It's not that she considered herself a lothario, it was just that from what Santana had seen relationships were messy. So Santana Lopez came with a 'no strings attached' clause, and girls could either take it or leave it. Most of them took it, hoping to change her mind. It never worked.

Santana sighed.  _What is my problem?! I don't know where she lives and I don't even know her freaking last name. Why can't I just feel something for anyone other than her?!_ Santana had no idea what Quinn had done to her, all she knew was that when they had met something had just felt right. It sounded far too cheesy but it was like she'd seen sparks fly between them. She groaned and shook her head. It all sounded far too much like a bad romcom. She took a deep breath, hoping she could stop thinking about Quinn for a short while.

She looked up as she lay on her bed. Her room looked like a scene from Saving Private Ryan. She knew her Mom was crazy (in a completely adorable way) but she had never anticipated that packing for college would be quite this ridiculous. The phrase 'everything but the kitchen sink' suddenly made complete sense. Obviously, Santana Lopez liked to look good but this amount of bags was absurd even for her. As she counted four suitcases, with a fifth half packed already, she prayed that her roommate would be the understanding kind... It wasn't even like she was going to be far away from home! A little over a month ago they'd moved to Arizona for her Mom's new job and Phoenix was only a 5 hour drive from University of California, San Diego. Anything she forgot, she could either buy again or get from home. Due to home being so close to college, her Mom had insisted on driving her. Santana loved her Mom but she knew the drive wouldn't exactly be the relaxing kind.

Santana recalled returning home from Florida. While she had been happy to be home she hadn't really been looking forward to her Mom's questions. She was bound to notice something, Santana's mood was about as glaringly obvious as the Grand Canyon. As soon as she walked into the house her Mom had noticed something was wrong. Santana had guessed this would happen; after all she had to get her Mexican third eye from somewhere... Surprisingly, she'd managed to brush the whole thing off, explaining that her change of mood was due to the fact that two weeks had been far too long for her to cope being around the Super Brats. However, after a fortnight of moping around Santana had a feeling that the 5 hour drive to UCSD wasn't going to be a fun one...

* * *

"Mija, what's wrong?" Her Mom asked a mere 15 minutes into their journey.

Santana hesitated, with 4 hours and 45 minutes left to go she really did not feel like talking about her feelings. She wasn't in the mood for a Maribel Lopez inquisition, "I told you already, Mom."

"I know and I'm not buying it."

Santana sighed, "You know how I feel about Matt and Alex."

"I know, I know but you're not angry Santana... You're distracted and I can see something new in your eyes. It isn't anger. I haven't seen you like this before."

Santana wished she could tell her Mom the truth, but getting into all of that right now seemed too overwhelming. Her Mom didn't even know she was gay, "I'm ok Mom, I promise. Really. It's not a big deal."

"I wish you would tell me Santana. I don't like seeing you like this. I'm not stupid. Did some boy break your heart in Florida?"

Santana smiled slightly, her Mom wasn't quite on the right track... "Something like that but Mom I promise you my heart is not broken. That's a little extreme."

Her Mom sighed, "You know I'm always here if you want to talk, right?"

"I know and if I need to then I promise I will."

Maribel smiled, seemingly contented that she had gained some new information at least, "Well that's ok then." She paused, "Did you remember your sunscreen?"

"I'm freaking Latina! I don't need sunscreen!"

"Oh yes you do! Right we'll pit stop and get some on the way."

Santana sighed. Only another 4 hours and 40 minutes to go...

* * *

Eventually they pulled up UCSD and Santana heard her Mom sniff.

"Hey, Mom. It's going to be ok."

"I know baby, you just grew up so fast." She said with a sad smile.

Santana leant over and hugged her Mom, "Stop it, you'll make me cry and I need a good reputation."

Maribel laughed and playfully hit her arm. They carried her (many) bags up the stairs and they bid a sad farewell. Even though her Mom was only 5 hours away, Santana knew she would miss her like crazy. It was after all just the two of them; it had been like that ever since the divorce. As her Mom's car pulled away Santana felt her nerves begin to kick in. What if she hated San Diego? What if she didn't make friends? What would her roommate be like?

She didn't have to wait long for her last question to be answered. The door opened and in walked a tall, pretty, blonde girl.

"Hi!" Santana began, "You must be my roommate. I'm Santana."

"I'm Brittany. Oh my god, your teeth are so straight." Brittany smiled.

Santana hesitated.  _What? Did she seriously just compliment my teeth?_ "Erm... Thanks?"

"You're welcome. I brought my collection of stuffed unicorns. I hope you don't mind." She said, gesturing to an extremely large bag on the floor behind her.

_At least I don't look so stupid with my five billion bags._  "No... That's, erm, cool with me. Who doesn't like unicorns?"

"Precisely. We're going to get on so great! Plus Lord Tubbington said I should bring them and he's always right."

"Lord Tubbington?"

"My cat. He's super smart. Oh my god, is that sunscreen? I totally forgot mine!"

Santana laughed, "Yeah... My Mom insisted I bring it. You can definitely borrow some, she made me get like 10 bottles."

"Awesome. Thanks!" Brittany smiled genuinely and Santana immediately felt at ease, "Wanna go explore campus?"

Santana laughed, something about Brittany made Santana feel like they'd been friends for years, "You know what, that sounds awesome." Santana smiled, she had a feeling her and Brittany were going to get along just fine.

* * *

Santana quickly settled into life at UCSD. Being roommates with Brittany had been interesting to say the least, but Santana thought she was brilliant. Getting along was so easy and Brittany had even been helping her try to get over Quinn. The first time it had happened it had been pretty embarrassing. A blonde girl had walked past them and Santana had whipped her head round as the aroma of coconut and vanilla hit her nostrils. Upon further inspection it was clear that the girl was not Quinn..

Santana had explained everything to Brittany and her roommate had been fantastic about it all. Brittany's plan had been to distract her with so much fun stuff that Santana didn't have time to pine or feel sorry for herself. True to her word Brittany had been a great distraction! They had gone to a whole bunch of parties and Brittany had introduced her to some of her friends she knew at UCSD already. Puck, aka Noah, was quickly becoming one of Santana's close friends. He was hilarious, but also had a ridiculously sweet side that he occasionally let people see. Mike was brilliant too and Santana got the impression that he and Brittany had once been a 'thing'. Mike had been the one to convince her to tryout for the cheerleading team at UCSD.

Santana had been captain of the Cheerios back at a high school in Ohio, a team that had won Nationals several times. She'd been offered scholarships at a few universities but had turned them down, not wanting to become defined by cheerleading. She loved drama and she knew she wanted to pursue that, so she had decided to major in drama at UCSD. She had ruled out joining a cheerleading team at all at university but after talking with Mike she realised that cheerleading gave her an outlet, something that was hers. She didn't want it to define her, but that didn't mean she couldn't still be involved. This way, without a scholarship, there was no pressure on her to be part of the team unless she wanted to be. Although she had missed the tryouts and it was now 2 weeks into term, after sending them a video of the Cheerios winning Nationals routine the coach had insisted on giving her a late tryout. Needless to say, Santana had seriously impressed them and had made the team with no problems at all.

Santana had to admit that she had thought about Quinn much less over the past two weeks, Brittany's plan of distraction had certainly worked. Classes had started and Santana had so far loved all her drama classes. She wasn't quite as keen on psychology so far but she wanted to give it some more time before she decided if she wanted to switch it. It was Sunday night and Santana was headed to her first UCSD cheerleading practice. She grinned as she walked along, the uniforms had always been a perk of being a cheerleader. Attractive girls in short skirts? Major bonus. She could see a bunch of other girls gathered across the field and she headed in their direction. To her left there was a blonde cheerleader making out with some tall, lanky guy, who was dressed in football gear.

_Some high school scenarios never change..._  Santana thought to her herself. She rolled her eyes as she walked past them. Something almost made her stop in her tracks... She swore she could smell something that seemed familiar somehow.

"Happy anniversary, babe." The tall guy said from behind her, "See you when you finish at 8. I've got a table booked for us. I love you Quinn."

Santana's feet froze to the floor. Did she just hear what she thought she had heard? Suddenly, she realised why that smell seemed familiar.  _Coconut and vanilla... Wait, it's a common smell. But he did just say 'Quinn', right? No... It couldn't be..._

"I love you too."

_Fuck_. Santana could recognise that voice anywhere. Shockwaves ran through her entire body. That voice had haunted her for weeks, echoing in her mind. She turned around and was met with hazel eyes. Her stomach tensed. She had dreamed of seeing Quinn again, but not like this. Quinn's eyes widened as her brain registered and recognition flashed in her eyes.

"Santana?" Quinn said, unable to hide the surprise in her voice.

Santana couldn't speak. Even if she could what the hell was she supposed to say? Quinn had a boyfriend.


	6. Damned If I Do Ya (Damned If I Don't)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from a song by All Time Low.

Her voice was trapped in her throat. Every word she tried to say just got stuck, not that they were the right words anyway. What the hell were the right words in this situation? Santana had a feeling there were none. Something was telling her to leave, but she knew she wouldn't. She couldn't.

"Santana… Hi." Quinn stuttered.

The confident, sexy blonde she had met on holiday seemed long gone. As Santana looked at her she didn't know what to feel. A strange concoction of emotions brewed up inside her like she was some kind of malfunctioning cauldron.

Initially she felt anger.

_Quinn fucking lied to me. What the hell? Who has a boyfriend and doesn't include that bit of information. Fucking whore._

This was quickly replaced by stupidity.

_But… I shouldn't even care. It's not like we're an item. It's completely ridiculous to feel this way. We had sex on holiday and I went and got stupidly attached. She's stunning, it makes complete sense that she's not single. God I'm such an idiot._

Only to be followed by confusion.

_I didn't ask if she had a boyfriend… so is that really lying? I don't even know. Do I have any right to be angry? She's not my girlfriend. She's not my… anything._

Her head felt like it was ready to explode and the fact that Quinn was standing right in front of her, something she had thought would never happen again, really wasn't helping her brain to function correctly. Santana didn't have a good track record of being able think logically around Quinn anyway and this was no exception. Santana felt like when Quinn hung around, she only made a fool of herself. She opened her mouth to speak but there was still nothing to say.

"Ladies! Are we ready for practice?" Coach Williams shouted from a few metres away.

Quinn glanced at Santana nervously, her eyes almost questioning her silently, "Yeah coach. We're coming."

Santana gave a small nod to Quinn and followed obediently, muttering an apology to the coach as she did so. It occurred to Santana that she had no idea how to describe how she was currently feeling, perhaps the closest word would be 'numb'. The coach introduced her, since she was joining the team late, but Santana barely heard a word.

"Santana? Are you listening?" Coach Williams asked.

"Yes... Yes, I'm sorry coach."

The session was utter torture. The ridiculously hot uniforms that normally made Santana smirk with glee quickly became her worst nightmare. So much of Quinn was on display for her to see and it did nothing to help her focus on the task at hand. Seeing Quinn in the flesh only reminded her of everything that had happened in Florida. Every tiny detail flashed through her mind. As Quinn casually did a back handspring her skirt wafted up gently and Santana's stomach lurched. Her soft skin shined flawlessly in the light and Santana knew all too well exactly what was hidden under that uniform. To have Quinn so close, yet so unattainable, was like hell and a sick feeling started to form in her stomach. Quinn looked up and met Santana's eyes for a second. Santana blushed and quickly averted her gaze, realising she had been fixated on the blonde for the past few minutes.

_Fuck. Stop staring you idiot._

"Right we're going to get into pairs." Coach Williams began. Santana prayed she wouldn't be paired with Quinn. "Hayley and Freya can work together, Heather and Lucy over on that side, Quinn and Tara can you two be a pair?" Santana breathed a sigh of relief, "Santana… You'll go with Mia."

Coach Williams continued to pair people off but Santana had stopped paying attention, instead she was looking around trying to figure out which one of the 25 cheerleaders currently surrounding her was Mia. A brunette girl was walking towards her, a shy smile on her face. Before she arrived next to Santana she gestured to an empty spot on the field. Santana returned her smile and nodded, following her. Santana quickly glanced around, desperately hoping that Quinn and her partner were nowhere near them. She spotted them and relief washed over her as she realised there were 3 other couples separating them. The last thing she needed right now was to have Quinn within such close proximity.

"So… Erm… I guess we should get started," Mia said tentatively, her voice soft.

Santana turned back around. Mia was slightly shorter than her, and immediately Santana noticed she was looking uncomfortable, her teeth softly gripping her bottom lip. Santana had no idea why, "Are you ok Mia? You seem…"

"Nervous?" Mia interrupted, a blush spreading softly through her cheeks.

"Yes. Precisely," Santana laughed softly "I'm not a serial killer you know." She had always known her laugh was the infectious type, and sure enough Mia giggled softly in response. Santana noticed the dimples that appeared in Mia's cheeks when she smiled.

"Coach Williams showed us your winning routine at Nationals and… Santana, you're incredible. Like, really good. I mean, you were captain of the Cheerios and everyone knows how good the Cheerios are. You don't win Nationals three times in a row by luck. It's kind of nerve-wracking to be put with you for partner work. I… I haven't really done a whole lot of cheerleading before."

"You're far too sweet. Seriously. I promise you, I'm just a regular person!" Santana grinned, "I'm sure you're amazing! You made the team after all!"

Mia returned Santana's smile, "Thank you… And thanks for not laughing at me."

"Don't be silly! Come on then, let's get to it!"

Santana spent the rest of the 3 hour practice trying to avoid looking at Quinn at all, instead focusing on her work with Mia. After a while they had to pair up with another couple to practice as a four. Once again, Santana had a lucky escape, managing to avoid being put with Quinn and her partner, Tara. The session seemed to last forever and Santana was convinced that time had never moved so slowly. She couldn't help but glance in Quinn's direction every now and again. Every movement Quinn executed seemed to be done with utter perfection. No wonder she'd been able to move so well on the dance floor. Santana's mind went round and round in circles, she still had no clue how she was supposed to feel. She wished there was some kind of handbook. Something along the lines of, 'How to feel when the incredibly attractive girl you screw on holiday and stupidly develop feelings for suddenly shows up at your university with a boyfriend in tow.' She tried her best to push her thoughts to the back of her mind and put everything into her moves, but it seemed impossible.

As her time around Quinn grew Santana could feel one emotion overtake the rest. Maybe it was due to her Latina roots, or maybe it was just a coping mechanism, but she could feel anger bubbling up inside her like lava.  _Surely Quinn should have mentioned that she had a boyfriend? It's not exactly an insignificant detail if you're going to have sex with someone. Plus, she came on to me. You don't fucking come on to someone like that if you have a boyfriend._ Santana knew she was being irrational. After all it wasn't Quinn's fault that she had started to fall for her but somehow that didn't matter. Maybe anger was the easy way out, but Santana didn't care.

Although Santana had managed to escape being paired up with Quinn for any partner work that hadn't stopped her from being completely off her game. Her feelings seemed to be getting in the way of everything. Moves she could have nailed in her sleep came out all wrong. Her skill, her fluidity, her flexibility... it was all gone. She felt about as useful as a turnip and had spent what felt like the entire session apologising to Mia and the rest of the team. Mia had been incredibly nice and had insisted Santana shouldn't worry telling her that everyone had off days now and again. Coach Williams clearly noticed and towards the end of practice she approached her.

"Santana, do we have a problem?"

"No…" Santana started, out of breath, "I'm sorry. I'm off my game today and it won't happen again."

"That's ok. I just don't like to see any of my team not looking their best and you seem distracted. Just so you know if there's something wrong you can talk to me anytime. Ok?"

Santana smiled, Coach Williams was certainly a hell of a lot different from her coach at high school, "Yeah, thank you."

"Right guys, that's practice over for today. See you next time."

Mia gave Santana a small wave goodbye as she headed off with the rest of the team towards the locker room. Santana stayed behind, grabbing her bag which she had left at the side of the bench overlooking the practice field. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed someone else was still there too. She looked up to see Quinn standing at the other end of the bench. Her eyes were focused on the floor as she paced a little, fidgeting with her thumbs; the nerves were practically radiating from her. Santana's whole body tensed as anger scorched through her. She didn't want to have this conversation now, if ever, but she had a funny feeling it was going to happen whether she wanted it to or not.

"What?" Santana spat as she looked up to see Quinn staring at her.

"Aren't we going to talk?"

"I honestly don't see what there is to talk about. You're a liar and slut. The end." Santana said, venom dripping from her every word.

Quinn's eyes widened in shock, "Santana! I'm not a liar."

"Oh but you are a slut?"

Quinn narrowed her eyes, "No, I'm not a slut either."

"Could've fooled me." Santana said, her gaze piercing.

Quinn took a deep breath, "Look… Finn and I..."

Santana interrupted, "Finn? Let's just call him Fetus Face. It suits him better."

Quinn ignored Santana's comment, "Finn and I were on a break over summer. We weren't even talking."

"Aww poor Quinnie. Probably because you'd fucked somebody else, yeah? Look, Sluts McGee, I don't give a shit. Ok? We slept together on holiday. It was a one-time thing and I'm over it. You weren't that good, honey." Santana felt the anger consuming her. She knew she needed to get out of there; she didn't want to even look at Quinn. She began to walk away.

"Will you stop?" Quinn shouted, "Jesus, Santana!"

Santana heard footsteps behind her and turned around angrily, "What do you want Quinn?"

"I want to talk to you properly so if you can stop throwing insults at me for one minute that'd be fucking great."

"Oh, is Quinn getting angry?" Santana said with a slight snigger.

Quinn walked towards Santana, closing the gap between them, "You know what? All I wanted to do was apologise, Santana. But fuck it, why should I bother? We were on holiday and slept together when I wasn't even with Finn. I did nothing wrong and I sure as hell don't need to waste my time apologising to you when you're behaving like a 5 year old!"

"Then don't." Santana stepped closer, her eyes dark and cold, "There are so many better things to do with your time. After all you've only been here 2 weeks, why don't you ring one of the guys on the football team? Or have you slept with them all already?"

Suddenly Santana felt Quinn's palm collide with her cheek, the force causing her to grimace. Quinn sure knew how to slap someone. Hot tears began to form in her eyes, stinging. She took a deep breath, calming herself down. Santana turned to face Quinn again, her hand instinctively reaching up to touch her cheek which was still burning from the ferocity of Quinn's slap.

"How fucking dare you!" Quinn said, each word spoken so precisely it was like a missile aimed right at Santana.

The two girls were so close that Santana could feel the heat radiating from Quinn's body. Santana swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. Her throat felt like it had closed up, constricting her. She took a deep breath, desperately trying to get more oxygen into her lungs. Her head was spinning. It felt like all the emotions she had tried to keep at bay for the past month were forming a tidal wave that she couldn't escape from and all the words she wanted to say were drifting away from her, lost at sea. She had fought it for a long time, but now she felt like she was drowning in a river of denial. She had so many things she wanted to say but she knew there was no point.

She wanted to tell Quinn she hated her, however irrational and untrue that was.

She wanted to say that she never wanted to see her again, but in reality she wanted exactly the opposite.

She wanted to stop feeling so goddamn confused, although she knew she couldn't control that in the slightest.

Most of all she wanted so desperately to kiss Quinn, but she knew that couldn't happen.

3 days in Florida. That was all it had been. How did 3 days lead to this?

"Haven't you got anything smart left to say, Santana?" Quinn said, her voice almost a whisper.

Santana allowed herself to look directly into Quinn's eyes, but as soon as she did she knew it had been a huge mistake. She couldn't be around this girl without completely losing her mind and right now, with the intensity of their mutual frustration and anger consuming them both, she felt herself start to break down.

_I can't cry, not in front of her._

"San…" Quinn said, the expression on her face now softer as she saw the change in Santana's emotions.

_God, no. Why does she have to look at me like that?_ "Don't. This is completely fucked up, Quinn."

Quinn sighed, "I know."

Santana shook her head in frustration, "I know I have no right to be angry with you, but I am. I can't control that. And I know I have no right to feel anything for you at all, but I do…. God, I do."

Quinn's lips parted slightly, and her tongue darted out to moisten them. It looked as though she was about to speak but instead Santana saw her swallow hard before taking a deep breath. When she re-opened her eyes they were focused entirely on Santana's, her breathing somewhat unsteady. In that moment, stood so close, all Santana could think about was good it would feel to kiss her again. Quinn suddenly broke eye contact, flustered. After what felt like an age, she finally spoke, "We need to talk properly… I think…"

But whatever Quinn was going to say was abruptly cut off, "Quinn! Are you ready?"

Quinn jumped apart from Santana, distancing herself before looking over guiltily at her boyfriend, "Sorry Finn. I got… caught up. I'll be 5 minutes, ok?"

Finn smiled dopily and Santana couldn't help but wonder what the hell Quinn saw in him, "Sure babe. I'll wait right here."

Quinn turned slowly to face Santana once more, "I… I better go shower."

Santana nodded and began to walk away.

"I'll see you soon though, right?" Quinn called after her.

Santana knew it was definitely not a good idea to spend any more time with Quinn than she had to. The sensible thing to do would be to cut ties altogether and quit the team. On the other hand, Quinn was like her drug and she couldn't help but want more. No matter how painful it might be. She knew exactly what Rachel would tell her to do. But unfortunately, Santana knew herself all too well and she wasn't nearly as sensible as Rachel. As far as Santana could see, she was damned either way.

She turned on her heel to face Quinn and shrugged her shoulders. "We'll see."


	7. I Caught Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although this is written in third person, for some reason I like to state if the POV changes. It's just something I do.  
> This chapter contains a flashback.  
> This chapter's song is by Paramore.

**Quinn's POV**

Quinn sighed as the jets of hot water hit her body. Why did life have to be so complicated? She had never imagined that her decision to hook up with someone in Florida would turn out like this. After all, she had been a free agent back then. Surely what she had done hadn't been wrong, had it? She sighed; she had no time to think about it now. Finn was waiting for her outside, and she knew it wasn't fair to keep him waiting. Since they'd got back together he'd been making a real effort to make things better. He'd insisted on taking her out for their anniversary. Quinn wasn't sure that tonight even counted as their anniversary anymore due to them having spent an entire month apart over summer, but regardless she wasn't going to spoil his plans.

_Time to shake this mood._ Quinn told herself, as she put on her white dress with a yellow cardigan over the top. She carefully twisted a strand of her hair, pulling it back and securing it into place. She took a deep breath, grabbed her bag and headed out into the cool night air.

As soon as she was outside she saw Finn smiling in her direction, "You look great. Dinner reservations are in 5 minutes so we better hurry."

"I'm sorry, it's my fault we're late." Quinn knew full well her argument with Santana, although she wasn't sure if an argument was the right name for it, was to blame for them running late.

"It's ok! You were talking with your friend, it's cool."

Quinn blushed slightly as Finn spoke about Santana. Santana was far from her friend, although he didn't need to know that. She pushed thoughts of Santana from her mind, after all tonight was about her and Finn. Quinn had to admit he was looking pretty nice, he'd even made an effort to wear something other than jeans and a checked shirt. The two of them had been on and off since they were 15, their relationship far from steady. Their friends constantly joked that every 6 months, like clockwork, the two of them split up. Quinn had been somewhat reluctant about them getting back together again this time. They had been the poster couple at high school, the pretty, popular cheerleader and the football quarterback, winning Prom King and Queen. It had just seemed right, but now that high school was over Quinn wasn't sure what they had left. However, Finn seemed really serious about making it work this time, insisting that both of them had grown up a lot and were ready to take their relationship seriously. She had caved. After all, Finn meant a lot to her. He had been her first kiss, her first love, her first everything. Finn was all she really knew.

That's not to say she hadn't been with anyone else. During their many breaks both of them had dated other people before inevitably, as always, they got back together. Nobody else had ever really left a lasting impression on Quinn. At least not until that summer.

* * *

**_Flashback_ **

The sand tickled in between her toes as she walked along the beach. She didn't even notice the sandcastle she almost barrelled straight into. Quinn Fabray was too angry.  _Argh! Why can't he just leave me the hell alone?!_

For what felt like the billionth time that summer her sort-of-ex-boyfriend Finn was hassling her. They were on a break, yet again, but Quinn had a feeling there was no way back this time. She wasn't even sure how she felt about him anymore. Three years of emotions over the same relationship made things far from easy to figure out in her head, and all she knew was that being away from him was helping her get her thoughts together. She was a little bit sick of being Finn Hudson's girlfriend. Not because of Finn himself but because she had become sick of upholding all those stupid expectations that came with being the quarterbacks girlfriend. Not to mention being the cheerleading captain and senior class president as well. Quinn knew there was more to her than that and she felt like it was about time she figured herself out properly. There was way more to life than being popular and pretty. Thank God high school was over. In September she'd be starting at UCSD and she couldn't wait although Finn was going with her, something that had caused many arguments between them.

She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she didn't even notice the chair she was about to trip over before it was far too late. Before she knew it she was face down in the sand. As she stood up, brushing sand from herself, she realised her phone had flown out of her hand. She heard the girl in front of her say something under her breath and it sounded far from happy. Judging by her tone, and the way she was rubbing the back of her skull, Quinn guessed her phone had somehow collided with her head.

An apology gushed from Quinn's mouth, "Oh my god, I'm so clumsy! I'm sorry. I just tripped and my phone flew out of my hand... Are you ok?"

As the girl turned around Quinn saw her eyes widen. As they did Quinn couldn't help but notice how exceptionally pretty those eyes were. The girl seemed somewhat stunned so Quinn spoke again, wanting to make sure her apology had been heard. As the girl spoke, Quinn noticed the nervous nature in which she was speaking. Her words were being stuttered and a blush was spreading through her tan cheeks. Quinn responded to the conversation as best she could, her words coming out much more confidently than they normally did. All the while she was thinking about how attractive the girl, who had just introduced herself as Santana, was.

_Attractive isn't a good enough word for her. Whoa. Since when do I think about girls like this? Ok, so there was that time at Christmas when Katie and I…_

Quinn's thoughts were interrupted as Santana asked her for coffee.

"Coffee?" Quinn said, raising her eyebrow.  _Maybe coffee would be nice. Coffee definitely couldn't hurt._  The girl was stammering her way through her sentences again. Quinn decided to interrupt, "Coffee sounds good."

The look of surprise on Santana's face was clear and once again her words came out all muddled up. Quinn couldn't help but giggle in response.  _This girl is seriously adorable, not to mention really hot. Maybe... No… Screw it, I think too much._

Quinn smiled as she took Santana's hand, the contact of their skin sending what felt like shockwaves through her body. They were going to have coffee and it was going to be great. After all, Quinn was getting a little bit fed up of only having Russell and Judy Fabray for company… It definitely hadn't been the world's most exciting holiday. But maybe it was about to get a whole lot better.

They had just arrived in the coffee shop and it was already glaringly obvious that Santana was gay. Utterly and completely gay. What was also obvious to Quinn, unless she was completely misreading the signs, was that Santana was totally into her. However, what wasn't obvious to Quinn was what she should do about it. She looked at the girl in front of her, her raven black hair shining softly under the lights. She really was stunning. There was something about her that was different, although Quinn couldn't quite put her finger on it. She felt completely hypnotised by her. Plus Santana's conversational skills were so awkward it was actually ridiculously cute. Quinn absent-mindedly wondered if Santana was always like this, somehow she got the impression that she would ordinarily be the confident type. Quinn concluded that if that was the case then Santana was clearly nervous to be around her, which only made her feel all the more confident.

Quinn's mind brought up a question she hadn't really given too much thought to. What was she actually doing there, besides having coffee of course?  _Right… So I'm on holiday and Finn and I are totally on a break._   _Santana is gorgeous and I can't deny that I'm insanely attracted to her. Why should I question it? Also, let's face it I've been flirting like hell with her since we met. If something happened here… would that be so bad?_

Quinn decided it definitely wouldn't be.

You see, one thing you should know about Quinn Fabray is that when she wants something, she tends to get it. And in that moment Quinn decided that there was one thing she definitely wanted, and that thing was called 'Santana'.

As Santana got up to order their coffees, Quinn noticed the iPhone she had left on the table. She grinned to herself as she quickly grabbed it, a plan formulating in her head. She turned around to ensure that Santana's eyes were focused elsewhere, quickly inputted her number and named it 'Q'. When she was finished she returned the phone to the table, taking care to position it exactly as it had been before.

Santana returned and the two girls began talking. Quinn realised that Santana made her feel different. She felt confident and sexy, something she rarely felt with Finn, and she liked it. Not to mention the sexual tension between them was undeniable. Eventually they made their way out of the coffee shop. Santana hesitated, not saying goodbye, and Quinn was pretty sure she knew why. Quinn knew exactly what she was going to do next. She had a feeling she had made the decision long before she was actually aware of it.

Suddenly, before she knew it, the words had left her mouth, "If you want to kiss me, you should just do it."

Quinn stepped forward, smiling slightly as Santana stuttered once more, "I… I should…"

"Kiss me. You should kiss me." Quinn said, stepping closer. Adrenaline was buzzing through her and it felt good.

Santana grinned, "That sounds pretty good to me."

As Santana kissed her, gently pulling her forwards so their bodies were pressed tightly together, Quinn couldn't help but think it was the best first kiss she had ever had. Santana pried her lips apart softly with her tongue and Quinn struggled to contain a moan as Santana gently bit her bottom lip. If this was how Santana kissed, Quinn could only imagine what sex would be like.

It was in that moment that Quinn realised exactly what she wanted to happen next and it didn't scare her in the slightest. Before her holiday was up, Quinn definitely wanted to have tasted more than just those lips.

And the next night she had done exactly that. Several times.

* * *

As memories of Florida whirled around in her head, Quinn was suddenly brought crashing back to the present at the sound of someone dropping their glass on the adjacent table. She pushed her thoughts aside.  _No. I should never have started thinking about that. Not now. I've got to stop myself. Finn is being amazing and we're going to make it work this time. We've known each other too long to mess it up again. He's sweet and he really cares about me. He deserves another chance. One night of mind-blowing sex with someone else doesn't change any of that. Besides, Santana is ridiculously volatile._ Quinn grinned to herself as her train of thoughts continued.  _God, she'd be a terrible girlfriend!_ Quinn stopped smiling as she realised where that train had led her. _Stop! Why am I even thinking about that?!_

Quinn felt terrible; she had been distracted all the way through dinner. She knew she should be enjoying her date with Finn but as hard as she had tried her confused thoughts had begun to consume her, overtaking all her other emotions. As dessert arrived Finn got out a small black box from his pocket, grinning as he passed it to her.

"I… Finn, what is this?" Quinn said, panic instantly filling her.  _No… It can't be… He totally wouldn't get me a ring. Would he?_

"It's our anniversary and I wanted to get you something. I know we agreed no presents, but I saw these and thought you'd like them."

Relief washed over Quinn.  _He said 'these'. Plural._ She opened the box to see a beautiful pair of earrings; Quinn had to admit he had actually done a pretty good job with these. Finn's presents normally weren't so… thoughtful. She cringed as she remembered the necklace he had given her when they were 16, a simple gold chain with 'Finn' hanging from it. She had hated it, it was like she'd been branded like a cow, but she hadn't been able to bear telling him and had worn it dutifully for 4 months before 'losing it'. Thinking about it now, for a 16 year old boy the gift hadn't been all that bad.

"Finn… Wow. Thank you, they're really beautiful." Quinn couldn't help but smile at Finn's romantic gesture.

Finn reached across the table and gently took her hand, "I want you to know that I'm really serious about us this time Quinn. I know that in the past I haven't made time for you and god knows we've both made stupid mistakes. But this summer I was miserable without you. I spent the whole time in my room listening to Radiohead. I couldn't think straight and it made me understand that we're meant to be together Quinn. I love you and I know we can make this work."

Finn wasn't great with grand romantic gestures, or talking openly about his feelings, so Quinn knew by his speech how much their relationship meant to him. Still, she didn't know what to say in response. He was her rock, he always had been. Even when they hadn't been together he'd always been there for her. But things weren't that simple. She felt like she didn't even know what she wanted.

As she replied, she wondered if her words were even true anymore, "I love you too."

Quinn Fabray was used to being able to get what she wanted, but right now she didn't have a clue what that was.


	8. She's Got A Boyfriend Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used for the title is by Boys Like Girls.

Santana lay on her bed, loudly singing along to her iPod which was currently sitting in her docking station, playing at an extremely high volume.

_Now she's got a boyfriend a_ _nd I've got a rock band_

_Guess nothing really ever goes the way it's planned_

"Oh my god, you have to turn that music off!" Brittany yelled as she entered their dorm room, "I am so sick of this song."

_I wish that I could turn this car around, 'c_ _ause there she goes_

_I wish that I could press rewind somehow b_ _ut she's got a boyfriend now_

The end of the final chorus was rudely interrupted by Brittany turning off the docking station.

Santana shot upright, her eyes forming daggers that were aimed directly at her blonde friend, "Hey! I was listening to that!"

"Santana that must be like the gazillionth time you've listened to that song today!"

"Yeah well… it's a good song! Anyway, I can listen to whatever the hell I want to." Santana said, crossing her arms across her chest like a sulking teenager.

Brittany put her hand on her hip, "No it's not a good song, and besides you're listening to that song because of Quinn and you know it. 'She's got a boyfriend now'? Come on. How obvious do you want to be?" Brittany fixed her eyes on Santana, waiting to be proven wrong. Santana sighed and looked away, pouting slightly. Brittany knew she had won and smiled gleefully.

Suddenly Brittany looked somewhat puzzled. Santana recognised that look as Brittany's thinking face. "The lyrics don't even make any sense anyway because you  _don't_ have a rock band."

"I didn't freaking write it, Britt!"

"Look, why don't you stop taking your feelings out on everybody else in our corridor with your really loud music and talk to me instead. We can eat Lucky Charms while we talk; I saved the marshmallows for you. Deal?" Brittany was now stood next to her bed.

"I've told you already, I don't want to talk about it."

"But… what about the Lucky Charms?" Brittany sighed before admitting, "Look, I'm under strict orders from Rachel to get you to talk."

Santana's eyes widened, "You spoke to Rachel? Britt!"

"I didn't have a choice! She wouldn't stop calling me! I don't even know how she got my number! She's very forceful you know…"

Santana laughed, "Yes… Yes she is. She'll be so pleased to hear that."

"Come on then, Santana. Let's talk. I made a deal with Rachel and I am not breaking it… I'm sort of scared about what might happen if I do." Brittany said as she sat down next to Santana.

Santana knew Rachel would not let up until she talked. She thought for a minute before grinning and responding, "Fine. You've got 5 minutes. Off you go."

"What?" Brittany asked, confusion on her face, "What do you want me to do?"

"I don't feel like waffling on for 5 minutes solid so you can ask me questions and I will answer those questions and those alone." Santana said simply, "So if you want me to talk, this is how it's going to go."

Brittany stood up. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, tapping quickly on the screen.

"What are you doing?" Santana asked, eyebrow raised, "I've started timing! You've got less than 5 minutes!"

Brittany ignored her, putting her phone to her ear, "Hey Rachel, it's me. You told me to ring you if I had any problems." Santana glared in her direction, "She says she'll only talk by answering questions and I figured you'd want to be in charge of that… I don't trust myself to ask the right ones. I'm going to put you on speakerphone now and you can deal with your crazy best friend yourself. Oh you've got exactly 5 minutes apparently."

Santana narrowed her eyes, "Erm… Actually it's four and a half minutes now."

Brittany hit the speakerphone button and Rachel's voice filled the room, "You're absurd Santana, this isn't 20 questions. Any normal person would just talk."

"Rach, I don't want to talk! I've agreed to answer questions and I think that's very reasonable of me."

Santana knew her best friend well enough to know that Rachel was almost certainly glaring in New York, "Fine. If that's the way you want to play this… How do you feel about Quinn?"

"God, get stuck right in there why don't you hobbit?"

Rachel cleared her throat, "I'll ignore that because I know you're merely trying to hide your feelings behind your childish and vaguely hurtful comments. Stop with the insults, start with the talking."

"Fine. I… I don't know how I feel. You both know that I like Quinn, a lot. I don't know why because I really barely know her but it's like there's this weird connection between us and I thought I'd started to work through it but… then she showed up and was all breathtakingly beautiful and painfully straight right in front of my face."

"And what happened when you spoke with Quinn after practice?"

Santana so far had refused to go into details about exactly what had happened on Sunday, just saying that Quinn had been there and had a boyfriend, "I called her a slut. She slapped me." Santana heard Rachel gasp on the other end of the phone and rolled her eyes, "Oh be quiet. It's not some TV show on Fox."

"Well it sounds like it is!" Rachel exclaimed.

"Anyway, after that it went all weird…" Santana continued

"Weird how?" Brittany cut in.

"I don't know. One moment I was all like 'you're a whore bag' and then the next she'd slapped me and then she was like… right there, you know? Right in front of me and… I… I couldn't breathe. We just stood there, she was so close, and I swear it was the one of the most intense moments I've ever had in my life."

"And then what happened?" Rachel asked.

"Nothing." Santana said simply.

"What do you mean nothing happened?"

"The moment went. She said we should talk properly and then Finn showed up." Santana said, flopping down on her bed with a sigh.

Brittany sat down next to her again and asked, "Finn?"

Santana rolled her eyes, "The boyfriend. Don't even get me started… I mean, their names fucking rhyme. It's absurd. It's as bad as when Taylor Swift dated Taylor Lautner. Can you imagine if they'd got married?"

"But… then there'd be  _two_ Taylor Lautners…" Brittany said, absent-mindedly.

Rachel ignored their comments, instead continuing in her usual demanding tone, "Well, that's not nothing! Santana! She said she wanted to talk to you. So are you going to talk to her or not?"

"I really don't see the point."

"Why?"

Santana sighed once more. Rachel sure kept the questions coming. "God how many more questions do I have to answer? I don't like this anymore."

There was a slight pause before Rachel answered, "By my watch you still have 2 minutes to go and besides this was your idea. Come on, why don't you see the point?"

"But I expected Brittany to be asking the questions. It would have been so much easier!"

Brittany raised her eyebrow, glaring slightly at Santana, "No marshmallows for you."

"Fine... Because I don't. Ok, I don't see the point. What is it going to change? She has a boyfriend and I need to move on. Talking won't change the situation."

"Are you going to quit the team?"

Santana had known Rachel would ask her this, "No. I thought about it, but no I'm not going to quit."

"But…" Rachel began.

"I know what you're going to say Rachel but I'll be fine. I'm going to man up and stop moping around. If I quit the team then I'll lose doing something I love and it'll be like she's won or something."

"Do you really think you can forget about her if you're going to be seeing her at least 3 times a week?" Rachel asked, concern evident in her voice.

"Rachel, I didn't say it would be easy." Santana replied.

"Does this mean you're going to stop listening to that song now?" Brittany asked.

"Maybe. But I still say it's a good song." Santana laughed, "Any more questions Berry?"

"There are still 30 seconds left." Rachel paused, clearly contemplating how to make her final question count, "Are you in love with her?"

It took a moment for the question to register in her head, "Love? Rachel, I've known her all of two minutes."

"I'm just asking, Santana!"

"I think it's a good question," Brittany chimed, "It's like in all those sappy movies, people fall in love after they say hello."

"But this isn't a sappy movie, Britt. It's real life. I don't even know her well enough to be in love with her, do I?"

"Whatever you say, I was just asking." Rachel's voice sounded anything but casual, regardless of the attempted casual nature of her words.

"I do not love her, Rachel. That's just ridiculous…" Santana continued, "Are we done now?"

"Yes. We are. See that wasn't so painful, was it?" Rachel's voice was far too chirpy for Santana's liking.

Santana looked at Brittany, since her best friend was not actually there in person, "Yes. Yes it was. Right, I'm done sitting in my room. Britt, let's go out."

Brittany nodded enthusiastically, "Sounds good to me!"

They said goodbye to Rachel, not before she had made Santana promise to keep her informed of any new developments. Brittany knew that Puck was throwing a party, so their choice of destination was obvious.

* * *

30 minutes later and Santana and Brittany's room looked like a bomb had exploded. In fact it looked like several bombs had exploded, with a couple of grenades thrown in for good measure. Brittany looked on in disbelief as Santana, currently wearing just her underwear, continued to throw clothes around the room like a mad woman.

"Oh god! I have nothing to wear!" Santana sighed, clearly exasperated.

Brittany looked on feeling completely stunned, "Erm... There are a lot of clothes here Santana."

"Yes, but none of them are right! None of them say, 'I'm hot, single and not quite ready to mingle because I'm still feeling pretty fucking miserable.' Do they?" Santana said, throwing her hands in the air.

"That's quite a lot for an outfit to say..." Brittany looked around before grabbing a black dress that was just visible under one of the many mountains of clothes that now dominated their dorm room, "Seriously, Santana, this is perfect!"

Santana looked at the dress, "You think so?"

"Yes! You'll look ridiculously hot in it, but it's definitely not so slutty that people will be all over you like a rash. Perfect." Brittany nodded, hoping to strengthen her argument.

"What a load of crap." Santana rolled her eyes, "Have you seen me? People will be all over me whatever I do. But it is a pretty smoking dress. Ok, I think we have a winner."

"God you're cocky." Brittany laughed, throwing the dress in Santana's direction.

"Tonight is all about having fun and starting to get over Quinn. I need to get my confidence back!" Santana pulled the dress on, taking a moment to admire herself in the mirror.

Eventually, after a lengthy discussion about footwear, Santana and Brittany were finally ready to go. Puck's parties were always good and when Santana had first arrived at UCSD they had been very useful at helping get Quinn off her mind. Therefore, she could see no reason why the same thing couldn't happen again. Santana smiled as they arrived. Tonight she was determined to have fun and while she knew getting over Quinn wouldn't happen overnight, she was pretty sure that copious amounts of alcohol would definitely get the process off to a good start.

As they walked in they saw Puck talking to some guys, he spotted them and immediately headed over, "Ladies! Good to see you as always."

"Likewise Mr Puckerman. Now please tell me you have some tequila in this place, because I am ready to get my buzz on!" Santana grinned.

"What kind of party would this be if I didn't have tequila, Miss Lopez?" Puck lead them through the crowd, before handing Santana a bottle of tequila, salt and some limes. "I like to be organised. You in, Britt?"

"Sure! Hey, is erm... Is Mike here too? I haven't seen him for a while." Brittany said, her eyes scanning the room.

"Yeah, he was just outside a minute ago." Puck replied, unscrewing the tequila and pouring 3 shots.

"I'll be back in a minute, ok? Don't start without me!"

Within seconds Brittany was already halfway across the room. Santana watched her leave before turning back to face Puck, "What's the deal there, Puckerman?"

"You mean with Mike and Britt?" He said, putting a line of salt on the back of his hand.

Santana reached for the salt and did the same, "Yeah. I'm guessing they have history?"

"The two of them have driven me insane this past year. By the way, we're totally not actually going to wait until Brittany gets back to start are we?"

"Hell no!" Santana said, licking the salt from her hand before quickly downing her shot.

Puck grinned and passed her a wedge of lime, "Right answer."

Santana paused before responding, grimacing ever so slightly as she bit into the lime, "Fuck. That is just what I needed. Ok, so, fill me in on the Mike and Brittany situation."

Puck quickly downed his tequila, going through the motions, before responding, "He's basically been in love with her since forever, but she didn't notice and he didn't have the balls to tell her. Then in senior year she started seeing this girl, Erica."

Santana raised her eyebrow, she had not known anything about Brittany's sexuality before tonight, "I gotta admit, I did not have Britt down as gay and I have a pretty good gaydar."

Puck laughed, "We just figured she was fooling around with her but it lasted a few months. Mike stopped talking to her but Brittany didn't have a clue why. He was a dick to her and she was completely torn up by it, they've been friends since kindergarten, you know? Well... Eventually things fizzled out between Britt and Erica but things still weren't the same between her and Mike and I was just stuck in the middle. It wasn't until prom that she confronted him. He was pretty drunk and basically ended up announcing his undying love for her in front of everyone."

"Shit. What'd Britt say?"

"Nothing. I guess she was in shock and to be fair Mike pretty much ran straight out of there." Puck glanced towards the door to make sure Brittany wasn't on her way back, "Anyway since then it's been super awkward. Mike says they haven't talked about it properly and it seems pretty obvious he's not going to bring it up again. Brittany has tried but he avoids her, although she won't talk about her feelings. I'm not sure if she likes him like that. They've been friends for so long. I thought it might get fixed over summer but Mike was gone all summer with his family. God knows if it'll ever get sorted now."

"Noah, my dear, you are forgetting that you now have me on board. I can totally figure out how Brittany feels about it all while you tackle Mike!"

Puck grinned, "Team approach? I like it!"

Santana winked, "Lopez and Puckerman, the unstoppable duo. We're fucking awesome."

"Ooh, here she comes."

"I can't find him. Oh well." Brittany sighed before frowning slightly at the empty, yet clearly used, shot glasses in Santana and Puck's hands, "Hey! You guys started without me."

Santana laughed, "Well you better catch up then!"

The three of them downed another shot of tequila before Puck got dragged off by some guys from the basketball team. The hours passed quickly and Santana felt her worries drifting away, almost as if they were floating gently down a river. Whether this was due to the alcohol making its way through her system or the fact that Puck's party was a great distraction or a combination of the two, she wasn't sure. Honestly, she didn't really care. All she knew was that she was feeling better than she had for days.

After a couple of hours, Santana and Brittany joined in with a game of 'truth or dare'. Santana only knew a few of the people playing but Brittany introduced her to a few more that she knew. Some guy had just done a dare and was currently doing a circuit of the house butt naked. All of a sudden two new people sat down to join the circle, as Santana turned back around to see who the newcomers were her whole body froze. She gently nudged Brittany but before she could get her friends attention and explain, hazel eyes met hers.

"Santana…" Quinn said, shock clearly visible in her eyes.

Santana looked down and saw Quinn's hand was intertwined with Finn's. It shouldn't have surprised her, after all they  _were_ dating, but something about it made Santana's stomach feel funny and not in a good way. Brittany looked at Santana, her eyes full of questions. Santana had a feeling her next sentence would answer some of them and she said simply, "Hi Quinn."

Brittany's eyes widened, "Quinn?!"

Luckily Brittany's exclamation hadn't been too loud. Santana nudged her and shot her a look that said 'shut the hell up' before hissing through her teeth, "Yes, Quinn. You know, from the cheerleading team."

Finn smiled, "Oh yeah, you were talking to Quinn after practice on Sunday, right?"

Santana stammered slightly, "Erm… yes. Yes, that was me."

"Cool!" Finn said simply, a smile still etched on his face.

_If he had a vaguest idea what happened in Florida he definitely wouldn't think this was fucking cool. I need to make an excuse and get out of here…_

"Santana! Your turn! Truth or dare?" Jason, a guy on the basketball team, asked.

_Shit. I totally can't leave until after this. Right, just get it over with quickly._ "Erm… Truth?"

"Ok…" Jason said, thinking, "What's the best sex you've ever had?"

_Fuck. You're kidding. Of all the fucking questions…_ Santana shot a worried look to Brittany. What the hell was she going to say? Her honest answer would of course be Quinn. That night had been, without question, the best night of her existence. Santana hadn't even known that sex could be that intense before Florida. The way Quinn had made her feel had been something she had never experienced before. "Erm…"

"Come on!"

Santana looked up, glancing quickly at Quinn, before staring at the floor.  _I could just lie… But… It's going to be so obvious. I'll just leave out names. Quinn isn't stupid though, she's going to know exactly who I'm talking about._ Santana took a deep breath and looked up at Jason, "I guess… I'd have to say this summer on holiday."

"Details!" Jason exclaimed, his request repeated by several people in the circle.

"Guys!" Santana sighed, she knew she couldn't get out of it now, "Fine. It was this girl I met on holiday and we hooked up for one night. Ok? That's all you're getting."

"What? Santana! You suck at this!"

Santana laughed nervously, "Yeah well, it isn't my fault you're all perverts. Right, I'm going. Britt, you coming?"

Santana stood up quickly, not daring to turn around and look at Quinn. She walked off quickly, grabbing a bottle of tequila that was left on the side. She didn't need the salt or the lime anymore, she didn't need anything but the numbness that she knew alcohol could give her. She darted through the door, the cold air shocking her body. Her lungs felt like they were caving in, she took a deep breath of air hoping to bring them back to life.

"Santana!" She heard Brittany's voice shout from behind her.

She blinked back tears.  _How the hell am I meant to get over her when she's fucking everywhere? Maybe Rachel was right; maybe staying on the team is stupid._ She turned around as she heard footsteps behind her, "Hey Britt."

"Are you ok?" Brittany asked, before continuing, "Sorry. That's a stupid question."

"I'm fine, Britt. Look, you should just go back inside and enjoy the party." Santana said, starting to walk away.

Brittany cut in front of her, blocking her exit, "If you think I'm leaving you then you don't know me well enough."

"Fine. But I'm warning you, me and this tequila are about to get real friendly."

Brittany smiled softly, "Not a problem."

They walked across campus, stopping at a tree in the centre of one of the nearby quads. Santana sat down, pressing her back against the rough bark and sighed. "Out of all the people to join in truth or fucking dare…"

"I know." Brittany said simply, sitting down beside her.

Santana felt like her emotions were on a rollercoaster ride, a ride she couldn't escape from. She looked down at the ground and whispered, "Being around her is just so hard, Britt."

Brittany opened her mouth to speak but couldn't think of the right words to say, and Santana wasn't sure there were any. So the two girls sat in silence, Brittany's arm wrapped around Santana's shoulder. All Santana wanted to do was get over Quinn, but how could she when she couldn't escape her? Santana took a large swig of tequila, ignoring the burning sensation that she felt as the liquid went down her throat.

Tears began to form in her eyes but she wiped them away quickly. She didn't want to cry.

All she wanted to do was forget, at least for now.


	9. The King of Wishful Thinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used is originally by Go West, though the New Found Glory version is the one that's playing in my head.

**Quinn's POV**

_Oh god._

Quinn sat, her hand still intertwined with Finn's. She pulled it away gently, unable to think straight, as Santana stood up and walked away. It was over within a matter of seconds. Santana was gone. Quinn made an excuse, an excuse she knew was nowhere near good enough, and stood up leaving behind her very confused boyfriend.

Santana had just announced, without using her name, that she had been the best sex she had ever had. Except, instead of looking happy about the fact that she was talking about a night of mind-blowing sex she had looked completely broken, and Quinn knew why. Because it had been  _her_ , and from the look in Santana's eyes Quinn guessed that she wished it had been someone else, hell, anyone else but her.

She felt sick.

Quinn ran out of the front door and onto the porch. The oxygen couldn't enter her lungs quick enough, she felt as though the world was spinning and she hadn't even had that much to drink. Quickly she grasped onto the wooden railing. She told herself to focus on something else. As she repositioned her hand on the railing she felt the cracks in the old paint beneath her fingertips, and began slowly running her fingers over them. She took a deep breath in, imagining those cracks were pathways, each one leading to someplace new.

She desperately wondered which one could lead her to where she needed to be, wherever that was.

As her heart rate slowed and her breathing steadied she opened her eyes. She hadn't realised how long she had been stood there with her eyes shut until the bright porch light seared through her. She groaned slightly, narrowing her eyes to limit the amount of light entering them. As her eyes adjusted she looked up to see two girls in the distance. She saw them slump to the ground, leaning against a tree. Once her eyesight was back to normal she knew exactly who she was looking at. Santana and Brittany were sat against a tree and Quinn could see the bottle of tequila Santana had taken, it was currently clutched in Santana's right hand. Santana's eyes were focused downwards, on the ground and then it appeared as though she was wiping her eyes. After a moment Brittany reached across and placed her arm around Santana's shoulder. Quinn watched for another minute or so, the two girls remained in the same position until Santana shuffled slightly, raising her right hand and drinking deeply from the bottle.

She wondered if she should contact Santana, her hand moving towards her purse where her phone was held. Shaking her head, she brought her hand back to the railing. Santana clearly didn't want to hear from her right now and besides, what could she possibly say?

She heard footsteps behind her, "Quinn?"

_Oh god, he must be wondering what the hell is going on._  "Sorry, Finn. I… I didn't feel too good in there. I guess I got too warm or something, I just needed some fresh air."

She felt the warmth of Finn's body against her back as his arms wrapped around her, making her feel safe momentarily. As his scent, that ever familiar smell, surrounded her she knew she truly cared for him. Even though their relationship had been far from constant, he had still always been part of her life. He was her safety, he always had been. Suddenly her eyes darted up, looking for Santana but she was gone.

As her thoughts consumed her, she felt that feeling of safety slipping further and further away. Quinn had no idea how to explain her feelings; all she knew was that it felt like she was falling through perpetual darkness. Forever falling with no idea who, if anyone, was going to catch her.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

Santana grimaced as she opened her eyes. Her head was pounding so badly she felt dizzy, and she was still lying down. She heard a groan from the other bed and knew Brittany was waking up too.

Santana moaned, "Britt…"

"No, don't talk. Too soon."

Santana rolled over slowly before looking at her phone to check the time. "Oh fuck." Brittany mumbled in response and Santana figured that was the most she would get out of her friend, "It's 4:30 in the afternoon… I only have 2 hours before cheer practice."

Britt sighed, pulling the covers from her eyes just enough so that she could see Santana, "You're going?"

"I…" Santana groaned, "I have no idea. Britt… what do I do?"

"San, only you know that. It depends if you can face you-know-who."

"She's not Voldemort, you know." She smiled weakly before grabbing the bottle of water by her bed and taking a big gulp, "I don't know. I feel like quitting isn't the answer."

"I know you love cheerleading, but can you face seeing Quinn there?"

Santana thought for a moment, "Last night was shit, I'm not going to say it wasn't, but it doesn't change the fact that I need to get over her. Ok so I fell at the first hurdle, but the race isn't done, right? We went to Puck's party so I could do that and before she showed up we were having a pretty awesome time."

"You bet we were."

"Fuck it. I'm going to go and I'm going to be fine. I'll act like nothing happened and move past this." Santana had a feeling it was all just wishful thinking, but she knew she had to try. She paused for a moment then moaned again, "Oh god… We're practicing our dance routine today and all that movement is bound to make me spew."

Brittany chuckled softly, "Sucks to be you."

"Fuck you Pierce." Santana sighed. "I'm going to kill Puck."

"It isn't his fault your new best friend is tequila." Brittany pulled the cover back over her head, groaning as she did so, "Now are we going to sleep some more?"

Upon consideration, Santana decided that right at that moment tequila was definitely not being a good friend. Until Quinn had arrived, Puck's party had been just what Santana had needed. She knew she couldn't let one bump in the road stop her from trying to start making more of her time at UCSD. Although she'd got to know Puck and Mike pretty well, she was definitely lacking on the socialising side of university. It occurred to her that she didn't really know anyone on the cheer team, besides Mia and Quinn. And while she knew Quinn  _far_ too well, she didn't really know Mia that well at all. At the last practice she had been far too preoccupied and distracted but maybe this time she could push her feelings for Quinn to one side and make more of an effort to get to know the rest of her team. After all, at the moment they probably thought she was just some moody bitch (not to say that wasn't often true).

After lying in bed for another hour, Santana eventually had to face reality and get ready for practice. She psyched herself up, telling herself that practice was definitely not going to be that bad. She refused to give in to her negative feelings and walked slowly to the bathroom, hoping that a shower would somewhat improve both her hangover and state of mind. It didn't.

Grabbing her bag, she looked over at Brittany who had pulled her cover even further over her head in an attempt to block out the world. Santana couldn't help but think about how adorable her roommate was. She picked up Brittany's favourite unicorn toy, Miss Fluffington, from the floor and peeled back the covers ever so slightly.

"Here…Although I'm insanely jealous of your extra sleep I figured you might want her." She said, tucking Miss Fluffington in besides Brittany.

Brittany made an incoherent noise before responding properly, "Thanks Sannie. You're the best. If you need me just call."

"Thanks. Just don't tell people I can be so nice. I've got to make a reputation for myself here." Santana sighed, "See you in 3 hours."

As Santana made her way across campus, she desperately hoped that the fresh air would help to ease the pounding in her head _. I am never drinking again._  She vowed to herself, knowing full well that it was a complete and utter lie _. Hangover, cheerleading and Quinn… worst combination ever?_  Suddenly, she heard her name being called from behind her. She turned around to see Mia heading in her direction.

"Hi!" Mia said, as she ruffled her long brown hair, "How are you?"

"Hey Mia. I'm… Well, let's just say I've been better!"

"Oh, sorry." A concerned look appeared on Mia's face.

Santana laughed, "Don't be! It's all self-inflicted."

Mia grinned, "In which case I'm not sure you deserve my sympathy!"

"I totally don't! Although I might need some sympathy after practice…"

Mia laughed softly, "I'll see what I can do. Have you eaten? Food always makes my hangovers better."

"No, I didn't have time! Besides, I'm not quite sure I can stomach it yet!"

The two girls arrived and Santana's eyes immediately found Quinn. Quinn saw her and, after a moment, did what Santana could only describe as the world's most awkward wave. Santana nodded her head in Quinn's direction and smiled.  _Right, time to move on. Everything is fine. We're on the same team and who knows… maybe we can be friends? I can totally do this. It's all about positive thinking._

"Well, how about…" Mia paused, "Maybe after practice, if you're up for it, we can go grab some pizza. I swear pizza is great for hangovers."

Santana smiled, if she was going to make more friends this seemed like a very good place to start, "You know what, I think I could totally go for pizza. That sounds nice."

"Good." Mia flashed an adorable grin in Santana's direction.

The first practice Santana had had at UCSD had been hell. She had spent the entire time with her head in the clouds and anger coursing through her veins. Santana prayed that this practice would be better, even if she was nursing what felt like the world's worst hangover, along with her confused emotions from the previous night.

Before they started Mia introduced Santana properly to some of the other girls on the team. Santana was grateful; having new people to talk to was definitely helping her mind to not completely freak out over the fact that Quinn was just a few metres away. The first half of the practice didn't go quite as terribly as Santana had expected. She had successfully managed to not throw up, and the coach was definitely more impressed with her moves than she had been last time. As far as she was concerned, she was definitely winning.

As Coach Williams told them to have a quick break Santana found herself in conversation with Mia, Heather and Tara. As much as she tried to stop herself, occasionally her eyes were drawn in Quinn's direction. As she looked her way once more she noticed Quinn was standing on her own, her eyes fixed to her phone screen, and she looked far from happy. Sadness seemed to be visible in her eyes. Santana tried to ignore the instinct rising in her, but it was fruitless.

"Hey guys," she said, "I'll just be a minute."

Santana made her excuses and walked slowly towards Quinn. She still wasn't sure that this was actually a good idea but if she was going to try and move on then she knew she couldn't ignore Quinn forever. As she got nearer, the blonde looked up. A look of surprise entered her face as she saw it was Santana approaching her.

"Hey Santana." Quinn said slowly.

"Hi." Santana smiled softly, "So... Erm... Are you ok?"

Quinn looked somewhat puzzled, "Erm, yeah. I'm alright. You?"

"I'm ok. Ridiculously hungover though."

Quinn hesitated, after all she knew exactly why Santana was hungover. Eventually she gave a small smile, "Hungover and cheerleading? Fun."

"Yep!" Santana laughed, "I won't lie, it's pretty shit."

After a slight pause, Quinn said honestly, "I have to admit... I didn't think you were going to say anything to me."

Santana gave a half-hearted smile, "I was a bitch on Sunday and it wasn't entirely fair _._ " _I'm going to skip out any details from last night for both our sakes. I don't think I can face that._  "Look, we're on the same team Quinn. I figure we need to find a way to be around each other, maybe try and be friends."

Quinn tentatively returned her smile, "That sounds good."

Santana looked back at the group of girls she had been talking to, "I better get back. You should come talk too, Mia's great and Heather and Tara seem nice too."

"Yeah, maybe I will in a minute. Thanks."

"It's cool." Santana began walking away. As she did she took a deep breath, her nerves felt like they were in shreds.  _Ok... So that wasn't too bad. It definitely could have been worse... Plus surely it's bound to get easier._

Mia was sat on the grass, and Heather and Tara were wandering off together in the direction of the toilets. Santana joined Mia, groaning as the movement of sitting down caused her head to spin a little. Santana moaned, putting her head in her hands, "Remind me never to go out again."

"That would be no fun for me though!" Mia giggled. Suddenly it seemed as though realisation had dawned on her and she reached into her bag and pulled out some paracetamol, "Oh! I totally forgot I have these! They might help."

Santana looked up, "Oh my god Mia you're amazing. I think I'm in love with you."

Santana noticed Mia blush slightly, "That's ok. After all, if you feel crap after practice then I won't get to have pizza with you so really, I'm being incredibly selfish."

Santana smiled, "Thanks for not thinking I'm not just a complete bitch, Mia. I know I wasn't exactly awesome company last practice."

"It's ok. Look, everyone has off days and everyone deserves a second chance. Although your first impression was definitely not as bad as you clearly think it was!"

Santana laughed. The conversation flowed effortlessly between them and Santana was glad that talking to Mia seemed so easy. "Well thank you! Your first impression, of course, was impeccable."

Mia grinned before giggling, "I would expect nothing less!"

The rest of practice passed quickly. Santana felt much more like herself this time around and she was glad she had made the decision not to quit the team. Although every so often her eyes would automatically look for Quinn, it certainly wasn't happening as frequently as it had before. Being around her was hard, but now that Santana was making friends on the team it was much easier to focus on other things.

As practice drew to a close, Santana saw Quinn on the other side of the field. Her face was flushed and her breathing unsteady. Immediately it brought back unwanted memories of their night together.  _Stop._ She took a deep breath.  _I've done ridiculously well so far, my mind better not ruin it now. Besides, I'm really hungry and if my stupid brain ruins pizza time then I'll be forced to go all Lima Heights on myself and I'm not entirely sure how would work..._  The girls got ready and Santana managed to avoid speaking too much to Quinn. Although she had meant what she had said previously about trying to be friends, she knew she had to take baby steps.

"You ready?" Mia shouted from outside.

Santana responded quickly, "Yep! Hang on!"

As she stepped outside to find Mia, Santana practically walked straight into Quinn, "Shit! Sorry Quinn."

"Oh, it's cool, don't worry about it." Quinn smiled.

Santana tried desperately to ignore the butterflies that were racing around her stomach. She looked up to see Mia looking at her, "I… I better go." She said, gesturing in Mia's direction.

Mia walked towards her smiling, before saying jokingly, "Come on Santana! I don't like waiting for food!"

Santana's noticed the puzzled look on Quinn's face. For some reason she felt the need to explain, "We're getting pizza."

Santana could've sworn she saw a new emotion flash through Quinn's eyes momentarily, although by the time she tried to place it it was too late, it had already gone. Quinn smiled awkwardly, "Oh… Well, erm… have fun. I guess I'll see you both next time."

As Santana watched Quinn walk away she couldn't help but feel confused. Something in Quinn's tone had been different...

"Are you ok?" Mia asked, somewhat breaking Santana's train of thoughts.

Santana mentally shook herself, "Of course. Got a place in mind?"

Mia smiled sweetly before running her fingers through her dark brown hair, "Yep! My favourite place is a little walk away but I promise it's worth it. Or we can get take out if you'd prefer that?"

Santana pushed thoughts of Quinn from her mind. She must have just been imagining things. Even if she wasn't, why did it matter? So what if Quinn had seemed a bit odd? There were definitely more important things to think about and having her mind on Quinn all night was not an idea she was particularly fond of. Right now she had better things to think about.

She looked at Mia and smiled, "I think the walk will be nice. Lead the way!"


	10. Girls Freak Me Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song by The Summer Set.

"Oh... My... God!" Santana sputtered out. She clutched at her sides which were hurting from laughing far too much. Taking in a jagged breath, she desperately tried to calm down. The task seemed impossible. She settled for hitting her friend on the arm before managing to blurt out a single word, "Mia!"

Mia laughed, "It's not my fault I'm so hilarious!"

"But..." Santana tried to get the final giggles out of her system, "It was a freakin' walrus!" Suddenly she erupted into further laughter, tears beginning to form in her eyes. Unable to control herself she rolled onto her back on Mia's floor, gasping for air.

Mia looked on grinning, "Whenever you're ready, yeah Lopez? Your sushi is totally getting cold..."

After a moment, Santana composed herself enough to feebly glare up at her friend, "Very funny Mia."

"Don't go dissing my humour now. 5 seconds ago you were all like, 'Oh my god Mia you're so funny and amazing and brilliant. You're the best person in the world.' Don't even try to deny it."

Santana narrowed her eyes, "I did not say  _any_ of that!"

"I read minds, you were thinking it. Every word. Now here, have your disgusting cold fish in a rolly thing."

"I still do not get how you can't like sushi. It's like food of the gods." Santana said, stuffing her face. "And I'll have you know this is called a California roll."

"Santana... Chew then speak. Yeah?" Mia raised her eyebrow before giggling, "Also, a California roll? I know we're in California but come on... Massive cliché."

"Oh shut up and eat your totally lame food!"

It had been two weeks since Santana and Mia had gone for pizza after cheer practice and Santana was pretty sure she could now class Mia as a firm friend. Although she loved hanging out with Brittany, Puck and Mike (when he wasn't being super awkward around Brittany that is), it was good to have a different set of friends in her life. Now when Brittany went to dance practice Santana didn't have to be a complete loser and sit in their room watching her boxset of 'The OC' all alone. She'd tried to rope Mia into watching it with her but her friend had point blank refused.

Whilst Santana had mainly hung out with Mia, she'd also spent a little more time with Heather and Tara too. She found herself no longer having a slight feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach when she thought about going to cheerleading practice. After all, as well as having her new found friends around, things with Quinn were slowly improving. The other day during a 5 minute conversation with the blonde, Santana had only thought about Florida 10 times which was a definite improvement. Santana found herself grinning as she realised that 2 times a minute was certainly her new record, and while it wasn't perfect it was a good start.

She was brought back from her thoughts by the sound of Mia coughing, "Earth to Santana..."

"Oh! Sorry! What did you say?"

"I said... It's Heather's birthday soon and she's just text me. Apparently she's decided to throw a last minute party on Saturday. Everyone on the team is invited. You're coming, yeah?"

"Yeah, of course!" Santana smiled, noticing her friend had put an unusual stress on the word 'everyone', "Why wouldn't I?"

"No reason..."

Santana raised her eyebrow, "Spit it out, shortie."

"I'm like 2 inches shorter than you!" Mia glared, "Stop distracting me from my point, Lopez. Look... Promise you won't get mad?"

"Hey! I have a tendency to get mad and go all big and green, it's not something I can control." Santana said seriously, pulling her best Hulk face.

Mia laughed before saying, "I'm serious!"

Santana's features softened, "Oh. You really are serious. What is it?"

"It's just... Look, I can't help but notice that when we're at practice there's sometimes this weird atmosphere between... Well, between you and erm... Quinn."

Santana stuttered, "Erm... No. Not at all."  _I clearly haven't been half as ninja-like and sly as I thought I had been..._

"Nice try. Look, I'm not asking what the problem is. That's your business. It's just that Heather said she's inviting everyone and I know she and Quinn get on pretty well so I wanted to give you a heads up."

Santana smiled softly, "Thanks Mia but I promise I'm cool with Quinn. Yeah we have... I mean  _had_ , a slight problem but it's, erm, sorted now. Come on, I see her three times a week anyway! A party is no big deal."

* * *

"Oh God! Brittany! A party is such a big deal!" Santana sighed as she flopped down suddenly on her head. The impact causing her iPod to fall onto the floor, "Look! Even Barry has committed suicide at the thought!"

Brittany followed Santana's gaze to the floor, "Barry?"

"Yes. Barry the iPod."

Brittany laughed, "Firstly, Barry? Seriously? Secondly, a party is  _not_  a big deal!"

Santana groaned, "Don't you remember tequila-gate?"

"God, yes. I probably remember it far better than you do. But that party was completely different. Besides, aren't you and Quinn better now?"

"We're civil..." Santana paused for a moment. "No, we are better. We talk in practice, nothing major, but it isn't ridiculously painful."

"Well there you go! I call that progress!" Brittany beamed.

Santana chuckled softly before rolling her eyes, "Alcohol though..."

"Alcohol does tend to bring out your erm..."

Santana snapped her head in Brittany's direction, "My what?"

Brittany cleared her throat and said quietly, "Inner bitch."

"I totally heard that Pierce. You suck at whispering. And I'm a bitch all the time."

Brittany laughed, "Sure you are, you big softie." Santana leapt to her feet, closing the gap between her and Brittany with 3 long strides, "You don't scare me Sannie. You're adorable. Tucking me in with Miss Fluffington and telling me bedtime stories when I hear funny noises in the dark and can't sleep."

Santana huffed and pouted, "Just don't tell anyone."

"Your secret's safe with me, cutie." Brittany grinned, before sending a wink in Santana's direction.

* * *

Saturday seemed to come around far too quickly for Santana's liking. She hung up the phone, having just received another pep talk about the party from Rachel. As much as Rachel could irritate her sometimes, she couldn't help but wish her best friend was in San Diego with her. She missed her, and although she hated admitting it she really loved her best friend. Santana made a mental note to hassle Rachel to come and visit soon, hearing her voice was way more irritating when she couldn't squish her in a big hug at the same time.  _Eurgh. Squish? God I am getting soft with my old age._

Santana picked up her bag, ready to go. As she opened the dorm room door she turned around and pouted at Brittany, "I can't believe you're not coming with me, Brittany."

"I told you, I'm hanging with Mike tonight."

"I know. I still can't believe he agreed to see you...  _alone_." Santana wiggled her eyebrows as she emphasised the last word of her sentence. Over the past two weeks Santana had been trying desperately to get information out of Brittany about her situation with Mike. The mission had not been all that successful. All Santana had managed to ascertain was that Brittany missed Mike. As if she didn't already know that...

"Oh shut up. We've talked more this last week and besides he wants to see some new geeky movie and he knows Puck won't go with him."

"Since when do you like geeky films?"

"Oh, I don't. But I totally fall asleep when I see a movie anyway! It's so warm and comfy..."

Santana giggled, "And really freakin' loud? Wow, Britt... You'll be, erm, great company. Mike is one lucky guy."

"Oh just go. Enjoy your party full of hot cheerleaders." Brittany joked.

"They're not  _all_  hot..."

"No. Just Quinn and Mia, right?" Brittany said, smirking.

Santana closed the door, taking a step towards Brittany, "Whoa, Pierce! Back it up! We don't talk about Voldemort like that, remember? Voldy is super ugly, like a dog that looks like it's been hit in the face with a baseball bat. Plus, totally noseless. And I have never said Mia is hot!"

Brittany ignored Santana's rant about Quinn, instead focusing on the last sentence, "Yeah, but she totally is hot. Actually I don't know if hot is the right word for her... No, she's super cute. Yeah, like, ridiculously adorable. Like, erm, like a cross between Zooey Deschanel and that new girl on Doctor Who."

"Doctor Who? Geek alert. I can tell you've been hanging out with Mike more. Also, that was without a doubt the gayest sentence I have ever heard you say. Go hit on her if you think she's cute then Captain Semi-Gay. Although I'm not sure she swings that way."

"What? She totally swings that way! What is wrong with your gaydar? Come on. She's cute, Santana. Admit it."

Santana stuttered before re-opening the door, "I... I don't... I really don't see why I need to admit anything!" She cleared her throat, "Right, I'm going. Have a good time on your 'date' with Mikeypoos."

As the door closed Santana heard four words echo down the corridor, "It's  _not_  a date!" She smirked as she walked out of the front door of their building.  _Serves her right. What was all that shit about Mia? It was totally like she was trying to imply... No... No. Absolutely not. Mia's my friend. I mean, yeah, she's definitely cute. Not that I've noticed... And Brittany is wrong, Mia doesn't swing that way at all. And bringing up Quinn like that? Totally not cool. Even if she_ _ **isn't**_ _noseless. Thinking about it, her nose is really adorable. Argh! God! I hate my brain!_

Taking a moment to find her bearings, she began to wander across campus. Heather lived in a swanky coastal apartment, which Santana was fairly sure was paid for entirely by her loaded parents, so since the beach was a stone's throw away it had only been logical that Heather had decided on a beach party at La Jolla. Santana had no clue exactly how far away the beach was from Warren College, where she lived. She had been before, obviously, but Brittany had always insisted on getting a taxi there. Santana figured this was due to her friend's laziness and she was sure it couldn't take long to walk there... after all, the taxi drive always seemed pretty short.

Once she decided which way to go she set off purposefully. However, after 10 minutes of walking she started to wonder if her plan was wise. She hadn't exactly managed to get very far in 10 minutes... She paused, considering ringing Brittany for directions.  _Shit, she'll be on her way to the movies with Mike. I can't ring her._ Santana weighed up her options, she knew she was heading in roughly the right direction but it seemed to have taken her longer than she had figured it would just to get as far as the UCSD bookstore...  _I guess I could just ring a cab, get them to pick me up from there. No... It can't be_ _ **that**_ _much further, surely?_

"Santana?"

Santana recognised the voice instantly. Slowly, she turned around, "Quinn. Hey."

"Are you on your way to Heather's party?"

"Yeah. I didn't know you lived around here."

"I'm in Sixth." Quinn said, pointing behind them, "I figured La Jolla can't be  _that_ far to walk to."

"That's what I thought too... But ten minutes later and I'm already thinking I might have been wrong."

"Ten minutes?" Quinn grinned, "What have you been doing? Walking around in circles?"

Santana laughed, "No, I'm at Warren... The college that is stupidly far away from other things."

Quinn smiled warmly, laughing too, "It's not that far!"

"Ok... I may have got a little lost." Santana admitted, blushing slightly as she looked at the floor.

"You've been here for a month now!" Quinn giggled, "Do you still get lost?"

Santana stuttered, "I... My sense of direction isn't the best... It's not my strong suit. Besides, you don't know how to get to the beach either!"

"I totally do... I think..." Quinn looked around, "It's definitely this way. Yeah, we get to Revelle and that's just over there," Quinn said, pointing, "and then... well, we just walk in a straight line down the shore, pretty much. I'm sure it's not  _far._ "

Santana narrowed her eyes, Quinn's tone of voice didn't fill her with confidence, "We could just get a taxi from here..."

Quinn widened her eyes, putting on her best shocked face, "Santana Lopez! Do you not trust me?"

Santana couldn't help but laugh at the absurd face the blonde girl was pulling, "If that's your best shocked face then all I can say is it's a good job you're not majoring in drama..." Quinn pretended to be offended before Santana continued, "Anyway, I did not say that I didn't trust your directions! But it might be a long walk and, well, you didn't  _exactly_ sound certain!"

"Come on. I'm sure I'm right!" Quinn instinctively grabbed Santana's hand, gently pulling her in the right direction. The contact of their skin caused both girls to tense up. However, within seconds the blonde dropped Santana's hand, blushing furiously. Suddenly, her face fell to the floor awkwardly, "I... Sorry."

Santana smiled softly, "It's ok. I promise. Jesus, Quinn. We're in the same cheerleading team; we're going to have to have physical contact. Chill."  _Ok... Deep breath. It's not a big deal, it was just her hand. It's not like it completely reminded me of when we first met and she grabbed my hand before dragging me along the beach... Right before we had coffee and then had the best kiss ever. No. Nope. Not at all. Never._

Although Quinn returned Santana's somewhat awkward smile, she took a deep breath before responding, "Sorry. Yes. Erm... Right, it's this way!"

"Ok then, blondie. You're in charge!"

The two girls walked along and, ignoring the awkward hand-holding moment, Santana had to admit their conversation was much more relaxed than it had been before. After another ten minutes, just as Quinn had predicted, the girls passed Revelle College. A cocky smirk appeared on Quinn's face, "Told you!"

"Oh fine, you were right. But now I've been walking for 20 minutes... How much further?"

"Now we're off campus I swear it must only be like ten minutes down the coast."

Santana nodded, "Ok then, I guess it hasn't seemed that long anyway."

"Duh. That's because I'm excellent company." Quinn looked down the long road in front of them, "You know, California looks nothing like they made it look in 'The OC'."

Santana laughed, "Well that's because Newport is like an hour and a half in that direction!" Santana pointed behind them then span around in a circle looking confused before pointing in front of them, "Or... that way?"

Quinn cleared her throat, a grin appearing on her face. "Erm... I think you'll find it's that way" She said, pointing in a completely different direction to Santana, "And I know that 'The OC' was set in Newport but still... totally different."

"Tijuana is closer than Newport though, right?"

Quinn raised her eyebrow, and put on her best serious face, "Whoa, Santana. Tijuana is a dangerous place. What happens in Tijuana does  _not_ stay in Tijuana. Did you not learn anything from Marissa?"

Santana laughed, "Fair point, Q. I don't fancy a drug overdose anytime soon. Man, I love 'The OC'."

"Who doesn't?!" Quinn said, with far too much enthusiasm, "I mean Seth and Summer are like the cutest thing ever!"

"I know, right?! Thank god someone around here finally gets it. Everyone refuses to watch it with me! My boxset just sits sad and lonely in the corner. I can practically hear it crying at night."

Quinn laughed, "Poor boxset. Well I'll totally watch it with you."

"Yeah?" Santana looked surprised.  _Did Quinn just sort of suggest we... hang out?_

"I mean... only if you want to. I'm just thinking of the boxset, you know? Trying to spare it from more pain. Although we'd have to stick to the first two seasons... Season 3 isn't great and I like to pretend season 4 doesn't exist."

"I understand that. " Santana nodded seriously, "Except I have to watch season 4 sometimes... you know... for closure."

Quinn sputtered slightly, putting her hand in front of her mouth to try to stop the laughter rising inside her, "Closure?"

Santana glared, "Oh shut it, blondie. I'll watch that season alone."

Another 15 minutes passed, although Santana barely realised, and the two girls seemed no closer to their destination. Time with Quinn was passing quickly, the only indication that she had been walking for so long was the slow, dull ache that Santana could feel in her feet. She heard the soft beep of her phone and swiftly pulled it out.

"Mia's text me wanting to know where I am. Hang on, I'll reply and tell her what I can see. Maybe she'll know how far away we are."

"Oh... Mia. Cool." Quinn paused, before clearing her throat, "No, yeah, that's a good plan. I have to admit this is taking much longer than I thought it would."

Santana began typing back and within a minute she had a response. As she opened up Mia's latest text she began laughing. Quinn raised her eyebrow, clearly puzzled, "Erm... Is everything ok?"

Santana controlled her laughter, "Oh god Quinn. We're still half a fucking hour away!"

"And that's funny?!" Quinn said, clearly exasperated.

"It kind of is when you think about it! Mia says we're idiots." Santana smiled, "Oh come on, Q. It is pretty funny. Fuck this, let's get a taxi."

Quinn began to smile, "God my feet hurt. We really are idiots."

"Totally. You know I said we should get a taxi right at the start but you said you knew what you were doing, Miss I'm-Super-Good-With-Directions." Santana stuck out her tongue as she began to dial the number for a taxi.

5 minutes later Santana and Quinn arrived at their destination. As they got out of the taxi, Santana couldn't help but roll her eyes at Quinn, "Who would ever have thought that getting a taxi would be easier, huh, Q?"

Quinn playfully pushed her, "Oh shut up, at least I know how to get across campus!"

"Low blow!" Santana's expression changed into one of hurt.

Quinn saw the hurt in Santana's eyes and panicked, "Oh... I'm sorry. I, I didn't..."

Santana grinned, "Gotcha, blondie."

"Santana! Finally!" Mia ran towards them, quickly enveloping Santana in a big hug, "I was worried about you."

"We were fine." Quinn said suddenly, almost snapping, "We were just walking together. It was actually pretty fun right Santana?"

Santana looked up.  _Am I going crazy again or is Quinn acting a bit... weird?_ "Yeah, I have to admit you made that walk much more entertaining than it would have been if I'd been on my own."

Mia looked directly at Santana, almost completely ignoring the fact that Quinn was stood right next to them, "Well I'm glad you're here now, Santana. It wasn't the same without you."

_Mia is totally ignoring Quinn... I mean, that was actually pretty rude. Why do I feel ridiculously awkward right now? Is Mia pissed with Quinn? Oh god, is it because she said she'd noticed we were awkward together at practice?_ "Erm... Thanks! I am pretty awesome so obviously everyone missed me."

"Come on, I have to show you something! You're going to love it!" Mia grinned, grabbing Santana's hand.

Santana looked back at Quinn, whose gaze seemed to be focused on Mia, "Ok... Erm, I'll see you in a bit Quinn?"

Quinn looked up, hesitated for a moment and then smiled at Santana, "Yeah. Oh, and remember we need to arrange our OC date. I'm looking forward to it."

Santana's stomach lurched.  _Did she just say date? No. She didn't mean it like_ _ **that.**_ _Stop freaking out. You and Quinn are going to be friends, which is a good thing. Definitely._ "Yes. Yes we do. Text me or something."

"I will." As Quinn spoke Santana couldn't help but feel like her tone of voice seemed different somehow.

"Come on, Santana." Mia pulled at her hand gently, "Bye Quinn."

"Yeah... Erm, see you soon, blondie." As Mia guided Santana away from the crowd of people, Santana couldn't help but look back. Slowly, her head turned and she was met with hazel eyes staring back at her. As her eyes fixed on Quinn's, Quinn quickly turned away looking somewhat embarrassed to have been caught looking her way.

Santana shook her head.  _What just happened? Am I going crazy or were Mia and Quinn totally not cool with each other? Girls are complicated. No, I must have been imagining that because they're fine together in practice. Yeah, I'm definitely going crazy._

"You ok, Santana?"

"Erm... yeah! Yes, Mia. Everything's fine." Santana smiled.  _Everything's definitely fine... I think._


	11. crushcrushcrush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song title provided by Paramore.

"Britt?"

"Mmm," Britt responded, her pen hanging out of her mouth as she attempted to do some work.

"I think I need to talk to you."

Brittany looked up, her eyes examining Santana's features searching for sincerity. She decided her friend was definitely being serious. She put down her pen, after all it wasn't like her essay was going to be done anytime soon anyway, "What's up, San?"

Santana began, "At the party-"

"The one you've been suspiciously quiet about for a whole week?"

"Erm, yes. That one. Well, nothing crazy happened so I promise I haven't been keeping anything exciting from you. Actually, most of it was really… well, a bit boring actually. Heather totally needs to throw better parties. But it started off a bit weird."

Brittany raised her eyebrow, "Are we talking Lucky Charms sugar high weird or freaky horror film weird?"

Santana laughed, "Neither. It's…"

"Go on."

"Mia," Santana said simply, hesitating for a moment before adding, "and maybe Quinn too."

Brittany opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by a rapid, and rather strange, knock at the door.

"No way!" Santana leapt to her feet, a look of excitement on her face. Santana looked over at her blonde friend, noting the look of confusion on her face, "I'd recognise that knock anywhere!"

"Huh?" Brittany said, looking extremely puzzled.

"There is only one person in the world you knocks to the freakin' tune of 'Don't Rain On My Parade' and her name is..." Santana pulled open the door, beaming as she saw her best friend, "Rachel Berry!"

"I... What?!" Brittany still looked completely dazed.

"Santana! Surprise!" Rachel said as Santana pulled her into a hug.

"Erm..." Brittany began to speak but quickly stopped, unsure of what to say.

Rachel turned her head to face Brittany, "Well hello there. You must be Brittany, it's nice to finally meet you. Although of course I feel like we already know each since we've talked on the phone so much about our mutual friend Santana."

Brittany hesitated before speaking, "Does she always…"

"Talk so much?" Santana grinned, "Hell yes."

"I mean on the phone she talked a lot but..."

Rachel cleared her throat, "I am standing right here you know. And yes, I do have a tendency to be more verbose in person."

"Rach, not that I haven't missed you like crazy but what are you doing here? It's 2pm on a Saturday!"

"I wanted to surprise you! You've been unnaturally quiet lately, my best friend radar was beeping. Plus, Kurt has gone home for the weekend so the apartment was empty."

"So, I assume you're wanting to stay here?" Brittany asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rachel smiled, "How nice of you to offer!"

"Of course you can stay! Right, Britt?" Santana looked at Brittany who nodded, "Oh! How about we go for coffee? I know this great place. Then we can show you around San Diego a bit?" Santana said, grinning.

"Sounds great to me!"

"You in, Britt?" Santana asked, smiling at her friend.

Brittany smiled, "Sure. Beats working on this essay anyway."

The three girls walked to La Jolla Village Square, a shopping area ridiculously close to UCSD campus. Santana had explored the area a few times on her own between lectures, it was close enough that even she had managed not to get too lost. Although once, while trying to find Starbucks, she had somehow managed to take a wrong turning and had stumbled across a small coffee shop called 'Harrington's' tucked away on a side street. As soon as she had gone in she had realised it was the best wrong turning she had ever taken, and she felt surprisingly glad that she had a terrible sense of direction.

Harrington's was tiny with only about 10 tables and it was owned by an adorable British couple, Geoffrey and Caroline Harrington. Santana had fallen in love with the place as soon as the man behind the counter had called her 'dear' when she had gone to order. Now they knew her by name and they knew her order off by heart. Plus, they sometimes let her try out Caroline's latest baking experiments.

She lead Rachel and Brittany down the side street and smiled as the bell jingled its familiar melody when she opened the door. Immediately she saw Geoffrey look up to see who had entered the shop and a genuine smile appeared on his face.

"Santana! How are you, love?"

"I'm great thanks Geoffrey. These are my friends Brittany and Rachel. Rachel's visiting from New York so of course I had to bring them here."

"You're all welcome, of course! Come in, sit down!" Geoffrey smiled warmly, gesturing towards the array of armchairs set out in the shop.

That was another thing Santana loved about Harrington's. The frayed and worn mismatched chairs weren't part of some elaborate plan to make the place ironically cool, it just made it feel homely. The sight of the exposed brickwork on the walls, with their added warmth from the soft glow of the lighting, coupled with the armchairs that were arranged beautifully around the dark wood tables, made Santana feel immediately relaxed and comfortable. Harrington's was like her safe haven. Since she had discovered it she had found herself escaping down that side street whenever she needed time to think, or just a bit of space from the mad rush of campus. The three girls ordered and sat down in a nearby corner.

"This place is so cute!" Rachel exclaimed, sinking into a brown leather chair.

"I know, right? Plus the coffee is amazing."

Brittany's eyes widened as she suddenly remembered something, "Oh! Santana!"

"Erm... Yes?" Santana replied cautiously.

"Before Rachel arrived you were about to talk to me about Mia and Quinn!"

Rachel's head snapped in Brittany's direction immediately, a look of glee on her face, "She was?" Rachel's attention switched to her best friend, "What about? Is this something to do with the party? Because you have been very quiet about that and it was exactly a week ago now. You know I'm not very patient."

"You two are unbearable together..." Santana sighed, "All I was going to say was that things were a bit, well, awkward on Saturday."

"Awkward how?"

"I might have been imagining things but Mia and Quinn were definitely weird around each other." Santana paused before continuing, "I walked there with Quinn, which was actually really nice, and we were talking about arranging an OC date-"

"Date?!" Rachel shrieked.

"Not like that! You know, like a friend... datey... thing. Like a coffee date! A date between friends!" Santana said, as Brittany raised an eyebrow, "It's not like that at all!"

"Alright! Whatever you say..."

"She has a boyfriend remember. I'm not going there. I'm just trying to be her friend." Santana sighed, "Anyway... When we got to the party Mia and Quinn were really weird with each other. Quinn snapped at Mia and then Mia practically ignored Quinn and dragged me off before I could even say goodbye properly. It was really odd, I have no idea what got into her. Mia and Quinn are normally fine in practice; she's never been like that with Quinn before. Mia's so nice!"

Brittany grinned and shared a knowing glance with Rachel, who smirked in response.

"Ok, what was that about? God you two are like tweedledum and tweedledee. I'm so glad you don't live here Rachel, I love you but I honestly don't think I could cope."

"San... It's obvious, really." Brittany began.

"What's obvious?"

Brittany hesitated before speaking, looking at Rachel first, "Santana… Mia likes you."

Santana's expression changed from confusion to shock as Brittany's words sunk in, "What?! As in  _likes_ me likes me? As in... More-than-friends likes me?" Santana said, shaking her head in disbelief, "No. You're wrong. We're definitely just friends."

"I'm just saying-"

"Fuck!" Santana suddenly ducked out of sight, picking up a menu from the table and hiding behind it.

"What the-"

"Ssh!" Santana whispered, peeking out from behind her menu, her eyes looking at the counter. Brittany began to turn her head, "No, Britt!"

"Santana! What is the matter with you? You're behaving like a crazy person." Rachel asked, looking confused.

"It's…" Santana paused, "It's Quinn."

"What?! Quinn?! Here? I totally need to meet her!"

"Rachel! Shut the fuck up!" Santana hissed, shooting daggers at her best friend, "I don't want her to see us, let alone meet you!"

"Hey!" Rachel exclaimed, looking offended.

Brittany leaned in, keeping her voice quiet, "But… You guys are friends now, aren't you? So why are you hiding?"

Santana lowered her menu slightly, "Yeah but she was all weird with Mia at the party and I'm not sure I can face her right now, not with you two here!"

Rachel's eye widened, "I don't know what you could possibly mean! I am perfectly capable of conversing normally with Quinn, you know. I'm good at meeting new people!"

Santana snorted, "Sure, sweetie." Santana glanced up again, "Shit! Oh shit, shit, shit. She's totally looking this way!"

"Oh stop being pathetic!" Brittany turned around and waved in Quinn's direction, "Quinn! Hey!"

Santana sat up suddenly, not wanting Quinn to see her hiding. She fumbled, dropping her menu on the floor. As Quinn heard Brittany she turned round, her eyes immediately meeting Santana's.  _Fuck. Oh for god's sake pick up the menu, you fool. It's just Quinn._ "Erm, yeah, hey Quinn."

The surprise on Quinn's face was evident, she walked slowly over to their table, "Hi… Erm… Is it Brittany? Did we meet at that party?"

"Yep!" Brittany said grinning, "This is Santana's friend Rachel, she's come to visit from New York."

"Hello there," Rachel chirped, "Lovely to make your acquaintance."

"Erm… hi?" Quinn responded, looking slightly amused.

_I've got to butt in before Berry says something ridiculous or embarrasses me._ "Sorry Q, we didn't mean to interrupt you. I'm sure you have somewhere to be."

"Oh, be quiet Santana. Why don't you join us, Quinn? You're on Santana's cheerleading team, right?" Rachel asked, smiling sweetly.

_Oh no. Please tell me she didn't just do that. Fuck, I hate her so much sometimes. Now it must sound like I talk about Quinn to everybody in the world. Plus, Quinn looks terrified, I can't blame her... Rachel can be a bit much to take in at first._

"Oh… That's, erm, very kind but I actually can't stay long. I was just getting a take out before…" Quinn hesitated, avoiding Santana's gaze, "well, before I meet Finn."

Santana saw Quinn's eyes shift downwards, settling on the floor.  _Well, this isn't awkward at all… Just act normally. After all, things with Quinn have been way better lately._ "That's cool. I'll see you tomorrow though in practice?"

"Yeah!" Quinn beamed, "And we should definitely watch The OC soon. I haven't seen it for so long, I think I've got withdrawal symptoms!"

Santana laughed, "Definitely. Shall we talk about it tomorrow? Maybe figure out when's good?"

"Sounds good to me!" Quinn smiled, "I, erm, better go get my order. Don't want to keep Geoffrey waiting!"

"It was lovely to meet you, Quinn." Rachel chimed in.

Santana rolled her eyes in Rachel's direction, "See you tomorrow, blondie."

Quinn smiled and walked back to the counter, picking up her coffee, "Nice to see you all. See you soon, Santana."

As Santana watched Quinn pick up her coffee and exit, she released a breath she hadn't even been aware she was holding. Seeing Quinn didn't make her that nervous anymore, after all over the past two weeks things had improved a lot between them, but for some reason having Quinn meet her friends, especially Rachel, made her feel on edge.

Rachel broke the silence, "Well, she's very pretty."

Brittany elbowed her, "We, erm, don't talk about Voldemort like that..."

Rachel raised an eyebrow, silently questioning Brittany's sentence. Santana laughed, "I may have called her Voldemort once before and well… it sort of stuck. Anyway, look, enough about that. Quinn is perfectly nice. We're friends. The end."

"Back to Mia?" Brittany asked.

"Gosh, Santana, you get all the girls." Rachel joked.

"I'm well jel."

Santana looked at Brittany in amusement, "What did you just say?"

"Well jel! I heard it on some TV show called 'The Only Way Is Essex'. It was some British reality rubbish. It means 'well jealous'!"

Santana laughed, "Please promise me you will never use that phrase again!"

"Deal… but only if we talk about Mia though." Brittany said, as Rachel high fived her across the table and whispered 'nice move'.

"There is literally nothing to talk about. She doesn't like me. We're friends."

Rachel absent-mindedly picked up her coffee cup, running her thumb along the handle, "If that's the case, why was she weird at the party?"

Santana sighed and leant back into her chair with a slump, "I don't know! Because she'd been drinking? Because she's worried Quinn and I aren't cool? I don't know because I'm not Mia!"

"You haven't asked her about it?"

Santana looked at the floor, "I've kind of been avoiding her a bit this week. I mean, I've just told her I'm busy with an assignment for my drama class so couldn't hang out as much, that's all. It's not a complete lie!"

Rachel sighed, "You're useless. I should have known you'd do that. Look, why don't you just ask her in practice tomorrow?"

"No. Absolutely not. But I do promise I'll stop avoiding her, and then everything can go back to normal and I can prove to you that we're just friends." Santana said with determination, slamming her coffee cup down on the table a little too enthusiastically. She shot an apologetic glance up at Geoffrey who was looking at her in amusement.

"Fine! But I am telling you that girl is crushing on you." Brittany insisted.

"She is absolutely not. Now come on, let's go show Rach the sights of San Diego!"

* * *

It was early on Sunday morning when Santana began to stir. Light streamed through the thin curtains and Santana, not for the first time, cursed them under her breath and squinted as she adjusted to the absurd amount of light entering her eyes. As thoughts began to whirr around her mind, she knew that there was no chance of her getting back to sleep. She sighed quietly. Brittany was still fast asleep, as usual, and Rachel was snoring softly in Santana's bed. Santana had insisted on sleeping on the air mattress on the floor. She didn't actually mind at all, for some reason she had always loved sleeping on them. As she rolled over the air bed creaked slightly and she slowed her movements down. Without looking she gently reached over to her left and felt around on the floor until her hand came into contact with her phone. She unlocked it, inwardly groaning when she saw that it was only 7:30am. Santana closed her eyes, wishing for the return of sleep, but she knew it was pointless.  _This kind of time on a Sunday morning should be illegal. It's way too fucking early, only birds are awake right now._

She quietly slid her body up the air bed until she was leaning up slightly against the wall behind her, moving her pillow behind her upper back for added comfort. She plugged her headphones into her phone, putting on her 'chill out' playlist. Santana loved making playlists; it was like her secret pleasure. She could spend hours carefully selecting songs for her many different moods, she had always thought there was something unexplainably relaxing about it. As the drum beat of Ed Sheeran's 'Grade 8' began, she smiled to herself. She scrolled through the apps on her phone, somewhat absent-mindedly, before tapping on 'Fruit Ninja'. She made sure the sound was muted; Ed Sheeran definitely didn't need additional percussion. She began slashing her way through watermelons, apples and bananas but within a minute she had already managed to lose all three of her lives.  _Fucking bombs._ She dropped the phone on her stomach, closing her eyes and focusing on the lyrics of the song. It was no use.

What if Brittany was right? What if Mia  _did_ like her? She had no idea what she was supposed to think or feel about the situation. After all, as much as they were moving forwards in their friendship, she couldn't deny she had residual feelings for Quinn. But surely, that was only natural. Should she let feelings for someone completely unattainable stop her from thinking about other people in that way? Surely not. The song came to an end and the familiar introduction to the acoustic version of 'Fell In Love Without You' began. She turned the volume up one more notch.  _Maybe I'm over thinking all of this. Mia might not even feel like that. But what if she does? How do I feel about her?_ To say Santana felt confused was somewhat of an understatement.  _Mia's great. She's sweet, funny and thoughtful. Plus I get on ridiculously well with her, I can't deny that. And she is really cute, but I just… I haven't thought about her like_ _ **that**_ _before. What if I_ _ **did**_ _think about her like that? I mean, can I… see myself with Mia?_ Santana furrowed her eyebrows, thinking about it all made her head hurt. The riff of 'Misery' began, another acoustic version of one of her favourite songs.  _Fucking misery about sums it up, Adam Levine._

_Right. No. This stops. This is a 'chill out' playlist, not a 'moping around' playlist… Although I do have one of those… No! God! Ok, so Mia might like me. The key word is 'might'. Practice is tonight and I'll just talk to her, like I would normally. There's no point sitting here worrying about something that might not even be an issue._ She paused her music and pulled her earphones out.  _I know what will fix this; it's time for a run._

She crept out of bed and tiptoed her way to the bathroom, grabbing some of her running clothes from her drawer. Within ten minutes she was ready to go. She left a note for Brittany and Rachel telling them where she had gone, she knew Rachel well enough to know she would wake up and freak out when she noticed Santana's absence. Closing the door quietly she walked down the corridor, tapping on her phone as she changed her music over to her 'running' playlist. As she exited the building the first chords of 'All The Small Things' rang in her ears. She smiled, taking a deep breath before setting off. The music flooded her head and she found herself concentrating on the steady rhythm of her feet pounding against the floor. Endorphins began to flood through her system. Running was her escape, although right now she wasn't exactly sure what she was running from, or if there was any need to escape.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

Quinn walked across the field, the soft grass dulling the sound of her footsteps. She enjoyed cheer practice and was looking forward to working some more on their routine. Coach Williams was really good and the routine was challenging even for Quinn, who had been star cheerleader at school. As she got closer she saw Santana standing talking to some of the other girls on the team, including Mia. Her stomach lurched. It was a similar feeling to that moment when you're on a rollercoaster. Not the moment where you're flying over the edge, hurtling down towards the ground at full speed, but the moment before that that lasts for only a few short seconds. That moment where you're waiting at the top, looking down at the people below who looks like ants. That moment where you're teetering on the brink, anticipating the fall with a slight feeling of dread because you're unsure of what will happen next. As Quinn's eyes locked on Mia, who seemed completely immersed in her conversation with Santana, that was how she felt.

She had no idea why Mia made her feel like that. Ok, so that was a lie, she had an idea and she was pretty sure the reason began with an 'S' and ended in 'antana Lopez.'  _It's perfectly normal to have weird feelings for someone who you slept with. Definitely. I need to stop giving myself a hard time. It doesn't mean I don't want to be with Finn._ Quinn's eyes widened as she saw Mia touch Santana's arm as they talked,  _Jeez. Her eyes are constantly glued to Santana. It's pathetically obvious that she likes her. Although Santana does seem oblivious…_

Quinn's thoughts were interrupted as she neared the rest of the team and Heather called her over. She smiled and headed over, walking past Santana and Mia as she did. She paused momentarily before turning around, "Hey Santana, when do you want to watch our favourite TV show?" As she looked at Santana she couldn't help but feel like she had just interrupted something between the two girls, who were now stood alone. Quinn noticed that Mia was avoiding looking her way.

Santana returned her smile, "How about all the freakin' time?!"

"Deal!" Quinn giggled, "I don't think I could ever get enough."

Santana laughed, "Who could? How about Wednesday night? Brittany has dance practice so we can watch it without Britt complaining during every scene."

"Sounds great to me!"

"Shall we say 7?" Santana suggested.

"Perfect. We should order pizza too."

Santana nodded, "Definitely! Pizza and The OC sounds like a perfect combination."

"Great! See you Wednesday." Quinn smiled.  _Hanging out with Santana will be really nice._ Quinn thought as she walked over to where Heather was stood.  _Obviously that definitely has more to do with our choice of TV show rather than Santana. Yeah, totally. Although it will be nice to get to know her a bit more. I think we could be really good friends._

As Quinn walked away she heard Mia's voice behind her. There was no mistaking the serious nature of her tone, although she was too far away to make out the words that had been spoken. Quinn raised an eyebrow, wondering what she had just interrupted.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

Santana was somewhat grateful for Quinn's interruption. As soon as she had arrived at practice Mia had found her, making an immediate, and purposeful, beeline for her. She should have known it would happen. After all, she was aware that she had neglected her friend this last week and her excuses had been fairly pathetic.

"Santana, I just get the feeling you've been avoiding me this week." Mia said, hurt visible in her eyes.

"No, Mia, I…" Santana began.

"Look, you're shit at lying, ok? I'm your friend, be honest with me."

"I promise I really have had an assignment to do in drama." Santana knew she should be honest, after all friendship relied on honesty and she didn't want to lose Mia as her friend.

"But?" Mia questioned.

Santana sighed, "Ok, it's just that at the party on Saturday things were a bit awkward… at the start…"

Mia bit her lip, clearly nervous, "You mean with Quinn?"

"Yeah," Santana said simply, "You guys have been fine before now. I don't get it."

Mia looked down, staring at her feet, "Isn't it obvious, Santana?"

Santana shook her head in response, the words getting lost in her throat.

"When you first joined it was painfully obvious that things were not normal between you and Quinn. Plus the way you looked at her… San, it was so obvious that something had gone on between the two of you."

"No… I. There's nothing-"

Mia cut her off, "I'm not going to say anything. I know she has a boyfriend but I don't know anything about what went on between the two of you, or when it happened, and I'm not asking."

Santana knew she couldn't deny it, "Ok. But Quinn and I are way better now, you don't need to be pissed off with her."

"I'm not pissed off." Mia sighed, "Do you seriously need me to spell it out for you?"

Santana swallowed, her heart beating faster. She was almost positive she knew exactly what Mia was going to say next.

Mia took a deep breath before fixing her dark brown eyes on Santana's, "Santana, I like you. I like you a lot and I'd really like to be more than this." Mia's eyes were full of fear and Santana knew why. Rejection was horrible, something she now knew from experience.

Santana opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by the sound of Coach Williams shouting across the field, "Ok guys! Enough talking! Let's warm up, everyone's eyes this way please."

Santana mouthed an apology at Mia, smiling softly.

"Can we talk after practice?" Mia whispered.

Santana nodded in response.

Now all she had to do was figure out what she was going to say.


	12. Flux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song is by Bloc Party.  
> Just added information (since I was asked this question by someone) about Mia's appearance:  
> Britt describes her as a cross between Zooey Deschanel and Jenna Louise Coleman in a previous chapter and I'd go with something like that. Basically she's brunette, has dark brown eyes and is a couple of inches shorter than Santana.

Santana stared at the grass beneath her feet, willing the right words to enter her brain. The two girls were stood alone now on the practice field, everyone else had wandered off as soon as practice had finished.

Mia broke the silence between them, "You're kinda freaking me out, San."

She looked up to see Mia's eyes fixed on her, full of fear. Guilt ripped through her, hurting Mia was definitely not her intention, "Mia…"

"I get it. Look, if you don't like me that way then just say. I'm a big girl, I can handle it."

The last 7 weeks at UCSD, not to mention the summer, had been a whirlwind of emotions. She was having trouble figuring out exactly what was going on in her head. It was as though all her thoughts had whizzed around in her brain so much that they had all knotted together, creating a mess that she was struggling to untangle. When had life started to get so complicated? At high school it had all been so simple. She had seen girls casually, never getting attached, but since Florida things had changed so much. Santana felt like  _she_  was changing so much, although she still wasn't sure in exactly what way. But in amongst all the mess, the fear, and the burning desire to run away from her confusing emotions she was starting to realise one thing, "It's not that I don't like you…"

"It isn't?" Mia said, her features softening slightly as some of the fear disappeared from her eyes.

"Can we sit down?" Santana asked, gesturing to the grass below them.

"Sure."

Santana sat down, bringing her knees up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around them and took a deep breath before turning to face Mia, "I don't do this. This whole…" she gestured between the two of them awkwardly, before ending lamely,"…thing."

Mia narrowed her eyes, sitting next to Santana, "You do know I didn't just propose to you, don't you?"

Santana laughed softly, "I know."

"I didn't even ask you to be my girlfriend. In fact, I haven't asked you anything."

Santana nodded, "I know. Look, before this summer my life was a series of hook ups with hot girls. No feelings, that was my rule."

"This summer?" Mia raised her eyebrow, questioning.

"I met someone over the summer, got in a little too deep. It threw me." Santana decided details weren't necessary right now, after all Florida was in the past now, "Like I said, I don't do feelings or getting attached or any of that stuff. It all just seems so complicated. Well before this summer that was how I liked it anyway."

"Liked?" Mia asked, focusing on Santana's use of past tense.

"I don't know…" Santana took a deep breath, "Maybe I've changed? I'm not sure. This is what I'm trying to tell you. I don't know what  _this_  is at all, between us. I know I like you but I don't know exactly what that means or what I want this to be. Does that make sense?"

Mia nodded, "I get it and for the record, you being honest with me means a lot."

"I figure you deserve it, we're good friends." Santana shrugged, "I… don't really know where this leaves us though."

Mia ran her hand through her dark brown hair, releasing a soft sigh, "It doesn't have to leave us with anything if you don't want it to. We can just be friends."

Santana looked up, "No, we can't."

"Oh." Mia looked away nervously, breaking their eye contact, "Hang on, what do you mean exactly?"

"I mean…" Santana inhaled deeply, "Let's see what this is. I'm not promising anything, but I think we should at least give it a chance to be something. I mean… only if you want to."

Mia smiled, "I like the sound of that."

"Erm… Cool." Santana said somewhat awkwardly. She wasn't exactly sure what was supposed to happen next and she looked down at her shoes, fiddling with the laces.

"Will you stop being so nervous?" Mia said, grinning, "Look, nothing's that different. Right, Lopez, here's the deal. Let's get pizza on Friday night, we can even go to the same place we went to last time if you want to. It's not like we haven't done that before. Ok?"

Santana laughed, "Pizza sounds great."

Mia stood up, holding out her hand towards Santana to help her up, "Come on, this grass is so not comfortable."

Santana grabbed her hand and Mia pulled her up. As she did the motion caused Santana to start to topple over slightly. Mia's arms found Santana's waist, steadying her, "For someone who can cheer so well you really are exceptionally clumsy sometimes."

Santana's eyes travelled downwards briefly, taking in their current stance. She swallowed nervously, before chuckling, "Thanks for stopping me from making a fool of myself."

Mia's eyes fixed on Santana's. Their bodies were so close that they were only a few inches apart. Gently, Mia tucked a strand of hair behind Santana's ear, her thumb lingering slightly on Santana's cheek, "You're welcome." After another moment, Mia smiled softly, "Come on, loser. Rachel will kill you if you're not back in time to say goodbye to her."

They broke apart, "God you're right! I almost forgot. Count yourself lucky you never got to meet her!" Santana laughed before pausing, "Hey, why don't you come and see her off with me? That way she can't shout at me for almost being late."

"Are you using me as a protective shield against your best friend?"

Santana giggled, "Maybe. Come on, shortie."

Mia narrowed her eyes, "I am only two inches shorter than you! God, you're an ass. Fine, let's go say bye to Rachel. God knows why I'm letting you bully me into this."

"Because I'm awesome. Right! Let's go!"

As the two girls headed off towards Warren College neither of them noticed the blonde girl who, for the last minute or so, had been stood only a few metres away.

* * *

Santana's plan had worked perfectly. Rachel had been so surprised to meet Mia that she had been exceptionally nice, even though Santana had been running late. Santana had to admit that it had been nice having her best friend around for the weekend, and before Rachel had left she had made Santana promise to return the favour and visit her in New York as soon as she could.

Between classes and cheer practice, the week passed quickly. Since Sunday Santana's nerves about Mia had started to dull slightly, after all so far things hadn't been all that different to how they were before, they'd basically just hung out with their other friends. Although Santana knew that Friday night would be different, and it didn't help that Brittany insisted on teasing her about it.

"I am telling you! It is definitely a date!" Brittany exclaimed, as she pulled on her jacket.

"Oh my god, shut up! It isn't! The word 'date' hasn't been used at all. Mia knows where we stand. We're just seeing what this is, that's all."

Brittany raised an eyebrow, "Keep telling yourself that, Sannie."

"I will! You know why? Because it's freakin' true!"

"Oh calm down, Sannie." Brittany said jokingly. Both girls could give as good as they got and while they both teased each other, neither ever took it too far.

Santana narrowed her eyes, "Whatever. Have fun on your date with Mike."

"It is not-"

"A date?" Santana interrupted before mimicking Brittany, "Keep telling yourself that, Brittany."

Brittany couldn't help but laugh, "I sound nothing like that! Anyway, just because we have dance practice together, it doesn't make it a date."

"But you are going to see a movie after…Admit that Mia and I aren't going on a date and I'll stop!"

Brittany sighed, "Fine. You win. Neither of us are going on dates. Ok?"

Santana grinned, "Yep! Man I love winning."

"Yes and you don't brag about it at all…" Brittany said sarcastically, "Right I better go. Oh! Have fun with Quinn."

"We're watching The OC, it's bound to be fun. It's like a law or something."

Brittany laughed, "Whatever. I still don't get that show." Santana was about to protest when Brittany reached for the door, "I know, I know, you think I'm crazy. But hey if I liked it it would mean you couldn't have your 'date' with Quinn."

"Quinn and I are just friends!" Santana took a deep breath, stopping herself from rising to Brittany's bait, "You know what? I am banning the use of the word 'date'. That's it, it's not allowed anymore!"

Brittany opened the door, "Sure thing, Romeo."

Santana opened her mouth to speak but stopped abruptly when she saw Quinn standing right outside their door. Santana blushed, hoping Quinn hadn't heard too much of their conversation.

"I… I was just about to knock."

"Oh hey Quinn!" Brittany beamed, before turning back to Santana and mouthing an apology, "See you later guys, don't stay up too late."

As Brittany walked down the corridor Santana couldn't resist shouting after her, "Have a great  _date_  Brittany!" She turned back round to face Quinn, "Sorry about that, blondie."

Quinn grinned, "No problem. It was pretty funny. Although if I'd known this was a date I would have at least brought you some flowers."

Santana's eyes widened.  _Oh god, no. She heard everything Brittany said. I am going to kill Pierce when she gets back. Now would be a great time for the ground to swallow me whole…_  "Oh, you… heard that?"

Quinn smirked, "About our date? Every word. Now come on, this is a rubbish date so far. You haven't even let me in! You're a rubbish Romeo."

Santana breathed a sigh of relief, the tension that had filled her body slowly vanishing.  _Thank god, she is clearly cool with everything. I thought things were going to get ridiculously awkward._  Santana stepped back inside the room, "Oh shush. Come in. Right, blondie." Santana said, holding her boxset of 'The OC' up, "I have two suggestions for you. I figured we could start at the beginning if you wanted, or we can just take a tour through our favourite episodes?"

"Well, it's been forever since I watched it all so maybe we could watch all of seasons 1 and 2 and then rewatch our favourites?" Quinn smiled.

"Deal." Santana said, "Although that does mean you can't escape me! We'll have to make this a regular thing."

"Oh no. I'll have to hang out with you? I didn't think this through properly…" Quinn joked.

Santana put on her best shocked face, "You know, I am seriously offended. I'll have you know I am super cool."

Quinn held back her laughter, "Of course. You're practically ice cold."

Santana narrowed her eyes, "Now, now, Q. I get the feeling you're making fun of me!"

"No! Never!" As the disc loaded Quinn giggled, "I don't care if this makes me a loser, but I am ridiculously excited."

Santana laughed, "Quinn, I am with you all the way! Oh, by the way, when do you want to order pizza?"

"Shall we watch the first episode and then order?" Quinn said, sitting down on the floor so she was leaning against Santana's bed.

"Sounds good. I didn't know if you had anywhere else you needed to be later. You know, if you had plans with erm, Finn or something." Santana said, throwing a cushion in Quinn's direction, "Here. I don't want you being uncomfortable Miss... Hang on, I don't even know your last name."

Quinn laughed, "Fabray. Thanks for the cushion Miss Lopez. And no, I don't have plans."

"Awesome then Miss Fabray. OC marathon time!"

As the first episode came to a close, Santana got up to grab a takeout menu. As she did, Quinn began softly singing the theme tune to The OC to herself, seemingly oblivious to the fact that she was doing so. Santana looked over, holding the pizza menu. She hesitated before speaking, instead listening to Quinn who seemed completely unaware of what she was doing, trapped in her own little bubble. Eventually she looked up, immediately stopping singing and blushing slightly as her eyes met Santana's.

"Don't stop on my account."

Quinn looked awkwardly at the floor before laughing it off, "You can't help but sing that theme tune!"

Santana smiled, "That is definitely true. You have a great voice though."

"It's nothing special." Quinn shrugged, "What are we ordering?"

"What do you fancy?" Santana asked, rejoining Quinn on the floor. As Quinn looked over the menu, Santana said, "I totally need to get you to a karaoke bar at some point."

Quinn looked up, her eyes wide, "Not in a million years, Santana!"

"We'll see about that." Santana grinned, "Right, pick your pizza. I'm starving!"

After watching another couple of episodes, they were interrupted as the door opened. Santana looked up, somewhat puzzled to see Brittany back so early. As her eyes focused on her friend's, she knew something wasn't right. Brittany's eyes were red, a stark contrast against their usual blazing blue.

Quinn paused the DVD and looked over at Santana before saying softly, "I'll see you later. Thanks for tonight."

Santana smiled gently, "See you soon."

As Quinn slipped out of the room, Santana immediately pulled Brittany into a hug. New tears formed in Brittany's eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Mike." Brittany said simply.

"Tell me what happened. Do I need to punch him?"

Brittany laughed softly, pulling out of their hug and sitting on the floor, "I love him, Sannie."

"So why are you crying?"

"Because I told him. Like a complete idiot I told him that I loved him and he just mumbled and said something about us 'not working' and I don't even know. It's all hazy and head feels muddled."

Santana bit her lip. Seeing Brittany like this was just wrong. Brittany was the kind of person that was like the first ray of light that pierces through a dark storm. Being sad didn't suit her. It was as wrong as the Moon not orbiting the Earth, and if Mike had done something to put out that light then Santana knew she couldn't forgive him. "It's ok. It's going to be ok. Maybe you should talk to him again? If you don't talk about your problems then you can't fix them."

"He'll just say he wants to be friends and I can't be friends with him, San. I just can't." Brittany sighed.

"You've been friends for so long though, losing that would be horrible."

"I know but I can't do it, not now I know how I feel about him. How do you push your feelings to one side and just be friends? It's sort of like you and Quinn. I think that you're so brave for being able to be friends with her. I can't do that."

Santana was surprised Brittany had brought up Quinn, "Oh Britt, that's completely different to you and Mike. You guys have known each other forever and you're in love with him. You can't even compare it."

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. Santana shot an apologetic look at Brittany and got up to open the door, "You better be here for the right fucking reasons because I swear to god I will end you, Chang."

Mike stepped through the door, "Brittany, can we talk?"

"Do you want me here or not, Britt?"

Brittany looked up at Santana, "Can you give us 5 minutes?"

Santana nodded and headed downstairs. She exited and stood outside, the cold air waking her up slightly. Sitting and watching TV for so long had made her sleepy. She noticed Quinn sat on a bench a few metres away and walked towards her.

"What are you still doing around?"

Quinn looked up, surprise clear in her eyes, "Oh, I was just thinking before I headed back home. I like this part of campus and I figured I'm in no rush. Is Brittany ok?"

"Boy trouble. He showed up so I'm giving them some space. She's got feelings for her friend Mike and he totally likes her too but before now they've both been too stubborn to sort it out properly. Tonight she told him she loves him and it sounds like he kinda freaked out." Santana said as she sat down by Quinn on the bench, "She's worried he's just going to want to be friends, which she doesn't think she can do. She said she can't be friends with someone she feels so strongly for."

Quinn hesitated for a moment before she spoke, "Yeah, I can understand that." She looked at the floor, kicking her shoe softly against the ground to fill the growing silence between them.

"Are you ok?" Santana said, breaking the silence, "You seem kinda down. Is everything ok with Finn? Here I am rambling about Brittany's problems with Mike and-"

Quinn looked up, smiling softly before she interrupted Santana, "It's not Finn. Don't worry. I'm ok, I just fancied a bit of time out here that was all."

Santana smiled in response before the beeping of her phone broke their silence. She pulled it out, reading the new text, "Apparently I'm safe to go up. There's a smiley face at the end, I'm going to assume Mike has stopped being an ass." As she spoke her phone beeped once again, Santana laughed, "Brittany again. She says I don't need to kill him."

Quinn smiled, "Well that sounds positive."

Santana stood up, "I... I guess I'll see you soon?"

"Sure. See you at practice."

Santana walked back up. She looked back, Quinn was still sat there. Santana silently wondered if everything was ok with her. As she walked down their corridor she found herself holding her breath as she entered their dorm room. Brittany grinned at her, "Everything's ok. We're erm, off to go see that movie now."

Mike looked up at Santana, a hint of fear in his eyes, "I'm going to take Brittany out on a date, so you definitely don't need to kill me."

Santana laughed, "Ok Chang, I'll forgive you this time. But you hurt my girl again and I will not be so forgiving."

As Brittany and Mike headed towards the door, Brittany stopped for a moment to whisper to Santana, "I guess you were right. It was a date after all."

Santana grinned, "I'm always right."

"Maybe Friday can be a date for you too, Sannie."

Santana narrowed her eyes, glaring at her friend, "Don't push your luck, B."


	13. Mr. Brightside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Killers get all credit for the naming of this chapter.

Santana gazed out into the dark, night sky as she walked. It was close to 11pm and the air was starting to get cooler. She had been somewhat sceptical of anything between her and Mia working, although she knew she wanted to give it a try. If she was honest with herself, the idea of having anything more than casual sex with someone kinda freaked her out. It just wasn't what she was used to. But here they were, having had pizza together and they had both seemingly survived.  _Maybe this 'seeing how it goes' thing won't be so bad after all._

"So this is me."

Santana looked up, they had reached Sixth College where Mia lived, "That was quick."

Mia smiled, "Thank you... for tonight."

"You don't need to thank me. Technically it was all your idea."

"No, I mean... I guess I just mean thanks for letting us give this a shot. I had a good time."

Santana giggled softly, "Of course you did. I was there."

"Has anyone ever told you how unattractive your ego is, Lopez?" Mia smirked.

"No, no one has ever said that because even with my ego I'm super hot."

"You're so modest." Mia laughed and then paused. She waited a moment before stepping a little closer to Santana, blushing slightly as she spoke, "But, you know, I've got to agree...You are super hot."

Santana's nerves began to build. So far, things between her and Mia had been much the same as ever. Earlier in the week they'd hung out with Tara, Hayley and a few of the other girls on the team, and practice had been normal all week. Tonight, however, had the potential to change things substantially.

Santana could feel Mia's breath on her cheek, could see every eyelash, could hear her soft breathing... All because they were close enough to kiss.

Normally Santana would never have hesitated to kiss a girl, especially not a girl she thought was cute, but this felt different. This kiss would be different and she was aware of that. Within what must have been only a split second, what felt like a million thoughts rushed through her head. Was she over Quinn? Did that matter? Did she want Mia to be more than a friend? Did she want to try having something that was more than casual? Would all of this ruin their friendship? But in the end one thought seemed to shine out like a beacon. Right now, Mia made her happy. Surely, questioning that fact was pointless. Quinn was old news and she had had enough of moping around about it. Lately, things had been so much better and all Santana knew was that she had Mia to thank for that. Plus, Santana and Quinn were friends and not moving on was illogical, especially when Mia seemed to be everything she needed right now.

She had no idea how all those thoughts had even managed to form in her head in such a short space of time, but they did and by the time that split second had passed Santana knew exactly what she was going to do.

"You know, you're really not so bad yourself." Santana said smiling gently back at Mia. She put one hand on Mia's waist and leaned forward, pressing her lips against Mia's softly.

The kiss wasn't one of those passionate ones that makes the whole ground feel like it's breaking apart beneath your feet. It was slow, it was tender and it made Santana's body tingle gently. As far as first kisses go, Santana thought it was pretty damn good.

* * *

Brittany looked up as Santana entered their room, she grinned, "Well someone looks happy! Can I assume your 'non-date' with Mia went well?"

Santana smiled, "It was nice, thanks. It was kinda nice just to relax with her a bit and stuff I guess. You know."

"I'm not going to lie, Sannie... That didn't really tell me a lot!" Brittany laughed.

"I had a nice time! Ok?"

"Well, I'm glad. So…. Details?"

Santana smirked, "So, let's see… We ordered some pizza, then it arrived and then we ate it. It was totally crazy."

Brittany narrowed her eyes, "That is not what I meant and you know it!"

"Fine. It was good, honestly. I don't do the whole… y'know… 'non-dating' thing." Santana said, "But I have to admit it was good."

"Santana you are still not giving me what I want! Did you kiss? Did you hold hands? Oh my god did you do both?"

Santana laughed, "You are so ridiculous. No, we didn't hold hands. Eurgh, sappy alert."

"But did you kiss?" Brittany said, the excitement evident in her voice.

Santana kept a straight face, "Maybe. Maybe not."

"I swear to god I will tickle you!" Brittany crept forward, wiggling her fingers, "Rachel would approve of my method!"

"Britt! No! You know I hate being tickled!"

"Tell me then!" Brittany jumped forwards, cornering Santana.

"Fine! Fine! We kissed!"

Brittany squealed, "I knew it! How was it?"

"It was only a kiss! I don't know what you want from me!"

"God you're useless." Brittany whined, "Is she a good kisser?"

Santana blushed ever so slightly, "Yes... Yes she is."

"So… was it a date?" Brittany asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Calm your boots, B. It was just a… 'thing'. Not a date."

Brittany paused for a second, "Please don't kill me but… why can't it be a date?"

Santana hesitated before speaking, "I guess… I just, I've never done that before and-"

"You've never been on a date?" Brittany interrupted.

"I've… Well... I've, y'know, gone out somewhere with a girl before... but only when we both knew it was going to end with casual, mind-blowing sex. And I definitely never took a girl out twice. That was my rule. We could sleep together more than once, but not go out."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. I don't do this. I don't really know what I'm doing if I'm honest. All I know is I feel like this thing with Mia might be worth a shot."

"That's kinda cute, you know."

Santana rolled her eyes, "Oh shush. It's early days anyway. I don't know what's going on really. What about you and Mikeypoos?"

Brittany blushed, "What about us?"

"No wedding bells yet?" Santana grinned.

"Oh shut up, it's been like 3 days."

"Yeah and you're already his  _girlfriend_." Santana said, stressing the last word of her sentence as she stuck her tongue out.

"Look I can't help it if I'm not emotionally stunted, Santana." Brittany said, sticking her tongue out in response.

"Harsh words, Pierce. I am totally not emotionally stunted!"

"Sure thing, Sannie." Brittany paused and then smiled warmly at her friend, "You do know I'm kidding, right?"

Santana laughed, "Yes, I do. Although let's be honest, I sort of am. But, hey, I'm working on it! I went out with a girl and I'm totally planning on doing it again. And, shocker, it'll be with the same girl!"

"Well that sounds like progress. Can we have hot chocolate and PJ times? I'm not sleepy yet! Ooh could we could watch 'Notting Hill' this time?" Brittany asked.

"Totally, although I swear if you tell anyone we have hot chocolate and PJ times while we snuggle and watch your selection of crappy romcoms I will deny all knowledge and claim you need psychiatric help."

Brittany grinned, "Whatever, you love Hugh Grant really. Plus I know how much you love a good romance. You totally teared up at Moulin Rouge the other week, you big softie." Brittany paused, ignoring Santana as she glared at her across the room, "Ooh! Do we have marshmallows? Because hot chocolate without marshmallows isn't the same!"

"I did not cry, I told you I had something in my eye. This place is totally full of dust. It's disgusting. Oh god, I sound like Rachel." Santana grimaced slightly before continuing, "And yes, I bought us marshmallows."

"Yay! Come on then, Sannie." Brittany grinned with glee as she grabbed her copy of 'Notting Hill'.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

Quinn stood in her room, staring out of the window across the courtyard outside Sixth College. Her roommate Lucy was round at her boyfriend's place, as always, and Finn was snoring lightly in her bed. It was only 11pm but he'd had football practice for the last 4 nights in a row in preparation for their big game, so he was exhausted. Quinn on the other hand still felt wide awake.

Quinn liked that her dorm room was at the front of the building. Sometimes she liked to sit in the little space in the window people watching, imagining what kind of lives other people led. Imagining their stories. Like the old, bumbly professor that seemed to pass by Sixth every day at 6:15pm, always holding a cup of fresh coffee. She could tell it was fresh from the way he held it with such care, always watching his footing so he didn't spill a drop. Or the blonde haired boy who she had seen throwing pebbles up at the window below hers the other night, a grin on his face as he hit his target on his 3rd try and the window had opened.

In her head she made up their stories. The professor taught Philosophy and every day at the same time he would rush home to his loving wife, taking with him a cup of her favourite coffee because he knew how hard she worked. Even after all their years together she was always grateful. It was those little things that mattered the most to her. The blonde haired boy was desperately in love with his girlfriend who lived below Quinn, he'd been lying in his room trying to get to sleep but all he could think about was how much he missed her. So he had decided that all he wanted to do was see her face, even if it was just for a moment as she looked out of the window at him and said goodnight.

As Quinn looked out into the clear, night sky she saw two girls walking across the grass. The figures came closer, before eventually coming to a stop just outside the building. She absent-mindedly wondered what their story was. However, before she could piece it together in her mind, one of the girls turned slightly and she saw her face properly. It was Santana. And, upon closer inspection, the other girl was Mia. Quinn remembered that Mia lived in Sixth too. Mia took a step towards Santana.  _I need to look away. When you know the people, it effectively becomes spying instead of people watching_. But suddenly Santana's hand was on Mia's waist, pulling her closer.  _Ok, so I'm just going to step away from the window._ Then Santana's lips were on Mia's, and Quinn's eyes were frozen on the scene. The kiss didn't last long, and by the time it was over Quinn hadn't fully processed what she had seen. In the bottom of her stomach there was a sick feeling that definitely hadn't been there before. She blinked, taking a step back from the window. She couldn't look anymore.  _Whatever. I knew something was going on here. Let's face it Mia hasn't exactly been subtle and they've been getting really close over these past few weeks. Plus I saw them together after practice the other day…_

Quinn gripped the side of her bedside table as she stepped away, for some reason her head felt funny and she didn't quite trust her legs to keep her upright. She took a deep breath and sat down on Lucy's bed, after all it had probably been a month since she'd even slept in it.

_What's my problem?!_  Quinn sighed. She lay down on top of the covers, her head in her hands. So what if Mia and Santana were dating now? It was glaringly obvious the two of them were becoming more than friends, even if they hadn't known it themselves before now. Really, none of this should have come as a surprise at all. Yet still there was an unpleasant emotion brewing up inside Quinn and she had an awful feeling it was jealousy. She shook it off. _I should really just get some sleep. I'm just tired that's all. I've been keeping the same schedule as Finn these last few days and I should be asleep right now_. Quinn closed her eyes, taking deliberate big breaths in an attempt to calm her mind. She did what she always did when she needed to escape. She conjured up an image of an island in her mind, with every corner filled with her favourite things. Anything she wanted in the whole word, all on her island. In one corner, an orchard of trees in the fall. Quinn could hear the satisfyingly crisp rustle of leaves under her feet as she became the first human to ever walk over them. As she turned her head to the left she could smell the aroma of her Mom's homemade hot chocolate drifting through the trees. She imagined its smooth texture like pure melted chocolate, and the hint of cinnamon that left a feeling of warmth that tingled through her whole body as she drank it deeply.

She took another deep breath and imagined that to her right she could hear the gentle lapping of the calm ocean as it bubbled onto the shore, leaving intricate patterns in the sand. She walked over to it in her mind but as she reached down to the sand to trace the lines with her fingertips, she realised something was wrong. Quinn wasn't on her island anymore. The sand was too hot and the sun was too bright. Beside her was a girl, their fingers intertwined. She could hear the girl giggle nervously as they walked hand in hand across the beach, their coffee shop destination just in front of them. Quinn turned around and she was met with a pair of dark brown eyes. Quinn's eyes shot open. The beach was gone, instead her dark dorm room surrounded her. Santana Lopez, and thoughts of Florida, were invading every corner of her life, virtual or reality. It was too much and she didn't have a clue what to do.

Her head felt too full, like a dam that had been over filled and was close to breaking. There was too much going on for her to make sense of. Lying on the bed on the other side of the room was her boyfriend. The last few weeks, she had to admit, had actually been really nice. The changes she could see in Finn were obvious, he was maturing and seemed to have come to the conclusion that the time for he and Quinn to make it work was now. Maybe he was right. But outside was Santana who was probably kissing Mia again. Or worse. Her stomach tensed unpleasantly. She pushed the unwanted thoughts from her head. Quinn felt like she couldn't ignore the fact that she still felt weird around Santana. She had tried to deny it but their OC date had only confirmed it in her mind. However, she wasn't entirely sure what those weird feelings actually meant. They'd slept together, residual feelings were surely a given. Did it mean anything more than that?

Quinn moved, sitting cross-legged on the bed. Her blonde hair fell around her face as she leaned forwards.  _God, I wish I could just talk to someone about all of this_. It was then that she realised exactly what she needed. On Wednesday she would be heading home for Thanksgiving for a long weekend, which would give her the space she needed from all the complications and confusion that seemed to be in San Diego. More than that, going home meant that Quinn could finally talk to someone, her best friend.  _Ok, he can't fix any of this for me but at least if I talk to him it might help me work out exactly what's going on in my head._  Quinn smiled softly. Maybe everything was going to be ok. After all going home meant she could talk to her best friend, someone she knew she could trust with anything, Blaine Anderson.


	14. Such A Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is taken from a New Found Glory song.  
> There's a flashback in the middle of this chapter. I can't format it in italics or anything because I use that for thoughts, but there are line breaks so I'm sure you can see where it begins and ends.

"Finn! I said, leave it." Quinn snapped, turning on her heel as she headed towards the door.

"Quinn, come on. This is ridiculous." Finn insisted, "What's wrong?"

"God!" Quinn sighed, clearly exasperated, "Just leave it alone."

"We were supposed to be spending time together today."

"Well, now we're not," Quinn said angrily, turning back round to face Finn.

"I don't understand!" Finn said, confusion written all over his face.

"Look, I told you that I was seeing Blaine today."

"I know, but that's not until later. Quinn… Is something wrong? Have I done something wrong?" Finn paused before adding hesitantly, "Is this to do with last night?"

Quinn sighed. She knew she was being unfair, after all it wasn't Finn's fault that her head was about as messed up as she thought it could possibly be. She took a deep breath, before responding more calmly, "No… Finn, it's not about last night. I've already told you, you didn't do anything wrong… I… I woke up and I just wasn't feeling great."

Finn looked at the floor sheepishly, "It's just well… You were crying… That doesn't happen for no reason."

Quinn's stomach churned. Last night had been horrible, and she had no doubt that her explanation to Finn had been less than satisfactory. It had happened again… Her dreams had been infiltrated by thoughts of Santana, only this time when she had woken with a start she had been unable to stop the tears from forming in her eyes. She wasn't sure exactly why she had cried. Perhaps it had been a culmination of all the sleepless nights that had been occurring since she had seen Mia and Santana kiss. Perhaps the uncertainty and confusion that lingered in her mind were becoming too much for her to cope with. Or maybe it was just hormones. Whatever it was, she hoped to god it didn't happen again. After all, she had a feeling she couldn't explain it away again. Quinn was grateful that it was only a few more hours until she was seeing Blaine.

"Quinn?" Finn's voice was soft, full of concern.

Quinn was brought away from her thoughts and back to reality with a jolt, "I'm sorry. God, Finn, I'm not being fair to you. Look, I'm just not feeling so good and obviously I didn't sleep well last night so I'm not in a great mood." Quinn knew she needed to get out of there and before she knew it the lie was slipping from her mouth far too easily, "I told Blaine I'd meet him early so I've got to go, but I'll talk to you later ok?"

"Erm… Ok." Finn said uncertainly, "I love you, ok? You know where I am if you need me. Say hi to Blaine for me."

"I will. Thank you, and I'm sorry for snapping at you." Quinn smiled weakly.

As Quinn left Finn's house she looked down the familiar street. She'd only been at UCSD for around 2 months but somehow being back in Colorado seemed strange. She knew Finn's street as well as her own, having spent a lot of time there during High School. They only lived a few streets apart. So although her mind was far from focused on her destination, her feet moved as if they were on autopilot. She paused at the corner ready to take the turning back home but instead she found herself holding her phone.  _I may as well see if Blaine is free now, it's not like I have much else to do..._

 **Quinn:**   _Don't suppose you're free now? No worries if not!_

Within seconds she had a response.

 **Blaine:**   _I'm free anytime for you! Give me half an hour and I'll meet you in the usual place? :)_

 **Quinn:**   _Sounds great!_

She wandered down to their favourite spot, a little coffee shop that they had hung out at for years. It wasn't too far, and besides Quinn felt like she could do with the fresh air. Blaine had first taken her there when they were 15 and since then that small shop had seen them through break ups, exam stress, family problems and more. It was their go to location whenever they wanted to catch up, pass some time, or just relax. Quinn smiled as she saw that their favourite seats right by the window were free. It was thanks to Blaine that she had become so fond of people watching. The two of them often watched people walk by on the busy street, Blaine commenting on their hair and outfits while Quinn gave them a story. Neither of them really knew when their routine had begun, but it had somehow become a tradition.

As Quinn sat down she couldn't help but feel happy. The place was similar to Harrington's, which was probably why she had felt so drawn to that small café when she had discovered it in San Diego. Quinn beamed as she saw Blaine enter the coffee shop. She stood up and he pulled her into a massive hug. Some of her worries began to slip away just knowing that she could finally talk to someone about how she was feeling. Quinn sighed softly, "I've missed you so much."

Blaine pulled away, examining Quinn's face, "Let's sit down. What's wrong?"

"No hello?" Quinn giggled half-heartedly.

"That look on your face tells me something's wrong. Plus I've known you since we were 3 and we played with Barbie and Optimus Prime in doll houses together, we're way past hello."

Quinn hesitated. She hadn't told anyone about Santana, not even divulging information about their tryst in Florida. After all, as soon as she had got back from her holiday she had been confronted by an apologetic Finn and they had got back together. Plus, she thought she would never see Santana again so at the time dwelling on it had seemed pointless. She had never imagined she could have been so wrong. Quinn looked up at Blaine. She knew she could trust him with anything, besides the heavy weight on her shoulders was becoming unbearable, "I think I've messed up Blaine."

"I had a weird text from Finn earlier... Is everything ok between you two?"

"Yeah... No... I don't know," Quinn sighed. She looked up and saw her best friend smiling gently at her. She took a deep breath, "Over summer, when I was in Florida, I kinda... hooked up with someone."

"You never said anything." Blaine said, with no hint of negativity in his tone. Quinn was grateful that he didn't seem offended that she hadn't shared this information sooner.

"Things were complicated. Finn wouldn't leave me alone when I got back and besides I figured it didn't really matter."

"But now it does?" Blaine looked somewhat puzzled.

"Ok, right. It's complicated. Here's the thing. I hooked up with..." She paused, "A girl."

Blaine raised an eyebrow, "Quinnie, you are full of surprises. I mean, I know there was that Christmas with Katie..."

"But that was different, I know. I just... We were in Florida, she was there and I was instantly attracted to her." Quinn admitted, blushing slightly, "I just figured 'what the hell'. She was hot and clearly gay and we were on holiday. She made me feel different, more confident and attractive somehow. I don't know… It seemed perfect so I didn't over-think it."

"So what's the problem? Has Finn found out? You guys weren't together then, right?"

"She's at UCSD," Quinn said simply.

Blaine's eyes widened, "You're kidding?"

"And she's on my cheerleading team."

"Shit."

"Yep," Quinn nodded, "Finn doesn't know."

"I swear stuff like this only happens on TV, Quinnie." Blaine blinked as he tried to digest the new information. He sensed Quinn had more to say, "Go on."

"Her name's Santana. When we met in Florida we had this instant connection and we had one amazing night of sex. Then the next time we agreed to meet up, we went back to mine and she told me she liked me. I freaked out because that wasn't what I signed up for. Anyway we left it there and we both went home. I thought that was it. But then I showed up at practice one day at UCSD with Finn and there she was." Quinn paused, looking at Blaine. He nodded for her to continue, "After practice Santana and I had this weird confrontation. For a while it was ridiculously awkward but lately we've sort of become friends."

"Friends? Is that not a bit... weird?"

"Well, I didn't think it was! Not at first. But lately we've started spending more time together and we're having OC dates. And now she's started seeing this other girl on our team, Mia, who's like fucking perfect and adorable and has these ridiculously cute dimples..." Quinn sighed, slumping back in her chair.

Blaine leaned forward, "She's got you swearing and sighing... This must be bad."

"My head is so confused, Blaine. It's such a mess. I thought I was ok with being friends but I think I'm just lying to myself. And to make matters worse, I see her all the time at practice. God, the last practice was like hell."

"What happened?" Blaine asked.

* * *

_**Last Sunday** _

Quinn walked across the grass, the familiar sight of the practice field in front of her. Her eyes immediately focused on Mia and Santana, who were stood alone. Quinn couldn't help but notice the way that Mia's eyes were constantly focused on Santana; it was as if looking away simply wasn't an option. She was fixated. Quinn realised that, rather ironically, she was fixated right now too. Mia's hand gently touched Santana's arm and the two of them smiled. Quinn turned away, her feelings were already messed up enough and she certainly didn't need to add to that by watching the scene unfold.

She started a gentle jog around the field, beginning her warm up early. For a few minutes she blocked out the world around her, a world that only seemed to be full of confusion, and focused only on the rhythm of her heart beating in her chest. She realised she had almost completed an entire lap and was deliberating continuing when she heard a familiar voice.

"Hey, blondie!"

Quinn stopped abruptly, taking a moment to catch her breath before she turned around. Dark brown eyes pierced hers and her stomach squirmed unpleasantly. Mia was stood by Santana, smiling somewhat weakly in Quinn's direction. Quinn swallowed, unsure of what any of the many feelings consuming her meant, and smiled slightly, "What's up, Santana?"

Santana grinned, "We on for another OC date this week?"

Quinn hesitated. After Friday night she had decided that until she talked to Blaine spending additional time with Santana probably wasn't a great idea. Besides, she was leaving for Colorado on Wednesday, "Oh, I can't. Sorry! I'm leaving to go home for Thanksgiving on Wednesday and I'm ridiculously busy before that."

Santana looked slightly disappointed, but quickly smiled, "Oh well! I'm sure I'll cope but my boxset will be distraught!"

Quinn giggled, "I hope your boxset will be able to find the heart to forgive me?"

Santana grinned, "Perhaps. You might have to buy it something pretty though."

Quinn couldn't help but laugh. Being around Santana seemed to make all her worries disappear, even if it was only momentary. It was almost as if being around her was just too easy, "Deal!"

Santana laughed in response, "Glad to hear it. Right, I'll be back in a minute." Her head tilted towards the toilets and she looked over at Mia.

Mia smiled softly at Santana, "See you soon."

Quinn's eyes flickered across to where Mia was stood. She noticed that Mia's eyes were following Santana as she walked away. Mia's feelings for Santana were painfully obvious, and Quinn wondered if Santana knew the extent of them.  _This is a bit awkward... I really need to say something._ "So, erm, do you like The OC too, Mia?"

Mia looked at Quinn, "No. I've never been into it."

"Oh, right. Ok."  _Oh my goodness. Awkward alert... Should I wave to someone else? Get them to come over?_

"Look, Quinn?" Mia said suddenly.

Quinn raised an eyebrow. She was unsure of what Mia was going to say but she had a feeling it wasn't going to be entirely positive, "Yes?"

"I know something went on between you and Santana."

 _Shit. Ok, I did not expect to have this conversation. Has Santana told her about Florida? No... Surely not._ Quinn faltered, "Erm..."

"I don't know everything that went on but I know enough to know you should stay away from her." Mia said, softly, her voice calm and collected.

 _What?! Did she seriously just say that?_ Quinn looked at her, confused, "Mia... Santana and I are just friends."

"When she first joined the team I saw it straight away in her eyes. The hurt. Whatever happened between the two of you messed her up."

"Look, Mia-"

Mia interrupted, "Quinn I care about her... a lot. I don't want to see her get hurt again."

"Mia, we are just friends. I'm not going to hurt her. You don't know anything about what did or did not happen between us anyway and it's quite frankly none of your business."

"I'm not stupid. There's this weird atmosphere between the two of you and it's not normal."

Quinn paused, unsure of what exactly Mia wanted her to say. Her tone of voice wasn't aggressive at all; in fact Quinn was sure this confrontation was the nicest she'd ever had. Quinn weighed up the words in her mind before replying, "I don't know what you want from me but I am not about to stop being Santana's friend. So if you're trying to tell me to stay away from her completely then I'm afraid that's not going to happen."

Mia hesitated for a moment, "Look, I like you. You seem nice enough and for all I know I'm barking up the wrong tree here but something tells me I'm not. I don't like confrontation; I'm not that kind of person. All I'm trying to say is that she doesn't need any more confusion."

"I have a boyfriend, Mia. Look, you don't even know what happened between us. This is ridiculous." Quinn could feel a hint of anger beginning to bubble up inside her, it didn't help that the way Mia was speaking to her was actually remarkably nice. It only seemed to make her feel more irritated.  _Why does she have to be so lovely about everything? Even when she's effectively telling me to stay away from her girlfriend… if that's what they are._

Mia began to speak but stopped abruptly, her eyes drawn to the figure of Santana walking towards them, "I'm not trying to make enemies here, I'm just watching out for Santana."

"I'm sure Santana can do that for herself." Quinn snapped slightly.

"Can do what for myself?"

Quinn turned around to see Santana was much closer than she had anticipated. Quinn tried to act nonchalantly, "Oh, nothing!"

Santana narrowed her eyes slightly, clearly somewhat unconvinced by Quinn's response. But the three girls didn't have time to discuss it further as Coach Williams called them over to start practice.

"Oh hey, Santana. We'll definitely catch up on The OC after Thanksgiving though, yeah? I really enjoyed it last time," Quinn said, as they headed over to join everyone else.

"Of course!" Santana smiled.

Quinn's eyes met Mia's briefly.  _Why did I say that? What the hell am I doing?! I need to pull myself together. Thanksgiving cannot come fast enough…_

* * *

"Wow, Quinnie."

Quinn sighed deeply, "I know! God, Blaine, I have no idea what I'm doing or thinking right now."

Blaine smiled softly, his eyes full of sympathy, "I think you need to try not to over-analyse your feelings too much. In my experience that never helps. Sometimes the more you think about why you feel the way you do, the more confused things seem. How are things with Finn?"

Quinn shrugged, "The same as ever. Nothing's changed really."

"How do you feel about him?"

"Honestly?" Quinn paused, "I haven't got a clue anymore."

"Do you love him?"

"I don't know," Quinn replied honestly, "He's been everything for so long, Blaine. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for him. Of course I do, but I don't know if those feelings are love anymore. I care so much about him and sometimes I think he's right, maybe this time is the right time for us. He's been so fantastic lately."

Blaine nodded, contemplating Quinn's words, "If Finn wasn't in the picture what would you do about Santana?"

Quinn raised an eyebrow, somewhat surprised by Blaine's question, "Erm… You sure are asking hard questions!"

Blaine laughed softly, "That's why I'm your best friend."

"Well… I don't know. I've never even considered having a relationship with a girl before. What happened in Florida was crazy. I didn't even stop and think about it all."

"Because it felt right? Or because it was casual?"

"I guess both. Things just seemed to happen so easily between us and it certainly didn't feel wrong. But in Florida all I was looking for was a good time, never a relationship."

"But now?"

"Could I really be in a relationship with a girl? Do I want to be? I've seen some of the things you've had to go through and I'd be lying if I said I wanted that for myself."

Blaine half-smiled, "I can't blame you. It's not so bad though, you know, not if it's all for someone who's worth it."

"But I don't know if she's that girl. How could I know? How well do I even know her?" Quinn sighed, "You're so brave, Blaine. I wish I could be like that."

"Hey Quinnie, I can't help it if I'm totally a Gryffindor." Blaine laughed, "Y'know, you can be brave too. You can be whoever you want to be, whether you're with Finn, Santana or someone else."

Quinn giggled, "You're not just a Gryffindor! The way you dealt with everything at school when you came out and started dating Josh was incredible. You're basically Harry Potter. The king of brave! God, I swear I must be a Hufflepuff… one that no one cares about because I'm not a sparkly vampire. Or even if I was a Gryffindor, I'd be some lame Gryffindor that's mentioned in one chapter of the first book and then disappears."

"Nah, you can totally be my Hermione. My amazing sidekick!" Blaine winked.

Quinn couldn't hold in her laughter, "I love you so much."

"The question is… Who's your Ron?"

"You are so ridiculous," Quinn smiled. She loved her friendship with Blaine and she'd missed him a lot in San Diego, "I wish you could be my Ron. That'd be so much easier!"

Blaine laughed, "If I wasn't gay, and you could cope with the absurd amount of hair gel I use and bowties I wear then we'd be perfect for each other. When we're 40 if we're both single we can marry each other."

"Deal!"

Blaine paused, "What are you going to do, Quinnie?"

"I haven't got a clue. I care about Finn so much but I can't deny that I feel something for Santana too. But she's with Mia now and as much I hate to admit it, Mia's lovely."

"That doesn't matter."

"It does. She seems happy, Blaine. Even if I do decide that I want to tell her how I feel what do I say? 'Oh hey Santana, I know you seem super happy with Mia, who is probably the nicest person I've ever met, but I have feelings for you. Oh, but I've got a boyfriend and I don't know what to do about any of this.' Yeah, I'm sure she'll love that."

"Stop beating yourself up, Quinnie. You're not the first person to have feelings for two people and you sure as hell won't be the last. You didn't cheat on Finn and you haven't now. You're being pretty mature about this really. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks," Quinn said softly, tears forming in her eyes, "I just haven't got a clue what to do, Blaine."

Blaine leaned forwards, taking Quinn's hand in his. He looked straight into her hazel eyes, "Ignore that Santana's a girl and don't think about Mia. Try to ignore your past with Finn, put your history to one side. What feels right?"

Quinn looked up, her eyes glistening with tears. She paused, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She knew the answer to his question, she had a feeling she had known the truth for a while but hadn't wanted to face it. She opened her eyes, "Santana."

"So talk to her. If she says no then at least you tried. If she's what you want then don't ignore it."

"I'm scared, Blaine." Quinn voice shook as she spoke, her voice practically a whisper.

"I know, Quinnie."

"What if none of this matters? What if she tells me to go away? God, what if she doesn't? My parents will kill me."

"She might tell you to go away, but at least you'll know you tried. But for the record if she does then she's crazy because you're amazing. As for your parents, you have to do what feels right for you. Deal with everything else later."

"I know you're right," Quinn wiped her eyes, "Thanks for helping me realise what I needed. It's sucked not having anyone to talk to about any of this."

"I didn't do anything, I just listened. I think you already knew what you wanted. Also, you never have to thank me. I'm your bestie, all of this is written in my contract."

Quinn hesitated, realisation hitting her, "Shit. I have to break up with Finn."

Blaine smiled sadly and nodded, "Yeah."

"So… I guess that's it, then? After all these years, this really is it. It's over."

Blaine nodded, "I guess it is."

"And I guess I need to talk to Santana."

"Yeah. You know I'm always here for you, don't you? Even when you're miles away in San Diego?" Blaine asked.

"Of course I do. And the same applies for you, always."

"I know it. If I get anything even closely resembling a love life anytime soon, you'll be the first person I'll be calling!"

Quinn exhaled sharply, "Right… Can we talk about something else now? I want to catch up with my best friend properly. Enough moping!"

"Of course, whatever you want! I'll get us two hazelnut lattes, then we can sit and people watch while I tell you all about my super exciting life back here in Colorado?" Blaine said, the latter part of his sentence laced with sarcasm.

"That sounds perfect!" Quinn grinned.

Blaine stood up, pausing before setting off towards the counter. He turned around, "Just so you know… Whatever happens next you'll always be a Gryffindor to me, Quinnie."

As he turned and walked away, Quinn smiled. She knew what she had to do wasn't going to be easy, but life wasn't supposed to be simple. After all, just like Blaine had said, it was worth it for the right person and maybe, just maybe, that person could be Santana.


	15. Alone Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from a wonderful song by Fall Out Boy.

**Quinn's POV**

Quinn curled up in a ball on her bed, her eyes still sore from crying. After talking with Blaine at Thanksgiving she had made the decision to break up with Finn. Regardless of her feelings for Santana she knew that things with Finn had changed. She wasn't sure exactly when it had all happened, she had a feeling it had begun long before Florida, but all she knew was that it was impossible to deny that things had altered between them.

She had been dreading talking to Finn ever since she had come to her realisation. How do you break up with someone who's been in your life for so long? How do you tell someone who you've been in love with for 5 years that those feelings have changed? How do you convince someone without breaking them apart completely that this time it really is the end? That was what had held her back so far, her understanding that this time it really was it: The end. They'd broken up so many times but it had never really mattered before, not properly. There had always been a small part of Quinn which knew it wouldn't last forever. The two of them were like opposite ends of a magnet, drawn together whether they liked it or not. Pulled right back to the start each time they got close enough to each other. Quinn had started to understand that this had mostly been due to habit. However, this time Quinn knew that they were too far apart to be brought back together. The mountain separating them was insurmountable because the fact was Quinn knew she simply didn't love Finn anymore. At least, not in the way he deserved. She had no doubt that there would be a small part of her that would always love him. Nevertheless she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she wasn't  _in love_ with him anymore, and the difference between those two statements was vast.

She had managed to avoid Finn for most of their time in Colorado. With family commitments on both sides, they had been left with very little free time that fitted both their schedules. Finn had gone back a day earlier than her, needing to be on campus for some football related event, giving Quinn more time to work out exactly what she wanted to say. Quinn quickly realised that time wasn't actually going to help. It didn't matter how many times she played the scene through in her mind, there was nothing she could say or do that seemed to make what she needed to say any better. After returning to San Diego she had eventually come to the understanding that no amount of time in the world could help her plan the right speech. One week passed and she knew she had hesitated for long enough. The guilt had built in her mind, like a wave, and she felt as though she was suffocating under the weight of it. The last thing she wanted to do was lead Finn on, and so that night she had decided it was time to talk to him.

To say it had been terrible did the word 'understatement' no justice. After the initial shock had set in and Finn had fully heard her words it had taken an hour to convince him that this time she meant it: that this time it was for real. That hour had been one of the worst of her life. He had insisted they could make it work, that this break up was no different than before, so she was forced to stand there and effectively break his heart further with every reason she gave for her decision. As she watched the glimmer of hope gradually disappear from his eyes, the pain ripped through her. It was then that she realised that it wasn't just Finn's heart she was breaking, it was also her own. Once upon a time Quinn had thought that Finn was it, the one she'd be with forever, but now in the harsh wake of the truth she understood that she had broken that dream into pieces. Whilst she knew it was a decision she couldn't have avoided, it certainly didn't make it any easier or numb the pain.

So she lay there, surrounded by nothing but darkness and silence. She imagined a world where things could have been different. A world where everything was simpler and all her thoughts made sense. A world where she hadn't had to break the heart of someone she loved. But that was a world that didn't exist.

Quinn knew that it would get better, and that time would heal them both. She also knew her job was only half done, she still needed to talk to Santana, but she needed time before facing the next hurdle that was in her way. Talking to Santana would have to wait, if only for a short while.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

Santana groaned slightly as her eyes adjusted to the morning light. She squinted, limiting the amount of light entering them. Her hand instinctively reached out towards her bedside table, grabbing her phone. As she rolled over slightly to reach it more easily she heard a quiet moan. Soft skin brushed against hers and she grinned, remembering the night before.

"Morning," Santana whispered, turning round to face Mia.

Mia squinted, rubbing her eyes, before smiling up at Santana, "Hey there."

Santana returned Mia's smile.  _A girl is in my bed... A girl I'm sort of seeing..._  She had never been in this situation before but she realised that she didn't feel half as weird about it as she thought she would.  _Mia's in my bed for the first time, and there's no reason to kick her out because she's my... thing. Yeah, my thing._

As Santana looked at Mia she sensed she was nervous. Intrigued, and slightly concerned, she decided to figure out what was going on in Mia's head, "What's up, shortie?"

Mia pretended to pout, "I am not short."

"Fine, fine, I'll be nice. What's up?"

"Nothing."

Santana raised an eyebrow and giggled. As she did she shuffled so she was lying closer to Mia, their foreheads practically touching as they lay facing each other. Whispering, she asked, "Will you please tell me? You seem nervous."

Mia blushed slightly, "Well, you know, of course I am."

"But why? I mean, people normally get nervous  _before_."

Mia rolled her eyes, "I know that, silly. But this is nervous in a different way. Here I am, in the morning, in your bed."

Santana nodded and said seriously, "10 points for Ravenclaw."

"I am so not a Ravenclaw!"

"Are too. Besides there's nothing wrong with Ravenclaw, after all Cho Chang is pretty hot. Now come on, why is this making you nervous?"

"Because... You're you." Mia paused, before the slightly offended look on Santana's face made her continue, "No! I don't mean anything bad! I mean... You've already told me you haven't done  _this_  before and I know you've not hidden the fact that you've been with a few girls, so I just... It's nerve-wracking. You're amazing and so experienced. But then again, you're not experienced. Not at...  _This_. And I guess part of me was concerned that..." Mia trailed off, looking away from Santana shyly.

"That what? That I'd wake up and say 'Thanks for the sex. It was a fantastic post-Thanksgiving treat but now I'll just see you later'?" Santana smiled softly, "Mia, I like you and yeah, this is all new to me but I'm liking seeing what this is so far. More importantly, let's rewind... I'm amazing?"

Mia rolled her eyes and sighed, "Trust you to pick up on that."

Santana grinned, "Duh."

"You really can be an ass sometimes, Lopez."

"Why'd you have to go and say the word 'ass'?! Now all I can think about is your ass and how cute it is." Santana smirked. Mia shuddered as Santana's hands suddenly touched the bare skin at her waist. Santana started tracing lines up Mia's sides, her fingers gently brushing over her soft skin.

"Santana..."

Santana nodded, "Yes?"

"What are you doing?" Mia said, the breath catching in her throat as Santana's fingernails grazed down her spine.

"I just figured I could show you how amazing I am again." Santana said, her voice low.

"San... Won't Britt be back soon?"

Santana shook her head, one of her hands absent-mindedly running along Mia's stomach, "She was going straight to lectures from Mike's place. Her schedule is pretty full today."

"But..."

Santana leaned forward, kissing Mia softly, "Stop thinking." Her lips made their way slowly down Mia's neck, stopping only when Mia moaned gently. Santana muttered, "That's better."

"By the way, don't think I didn't notice you called me fantastic."

"Did I now?" Santana paused momentarily before continuing her trail of kisses down to the base of Mia's neck.

Mia nodded and whispered softly, "You called it a 'fantastic post-Thanksgiving treat.' I noticed."

Santana's mouth continued its journey and found Mia's breast. She gently sucked on her nipple before pulling away. She met Mia's eyes, noticing the desire that was forming in them, "Maybe you need to remind me so I can remember if it really was fantastic."

Mia quickly moved so she was straddling Santana. She looked down and saw a vague look of surprise on Santana's face and couldn't help but grin. Mia leant down and kissed her deeply, "You're on."

* * *

Santana's day had been amazing. Neither Mia nor Santana had had any classes until after lunch so they had spent the majority of the morning in Santana's bed. After having lunch together they had gone their separate ways, and the rest of Santana's day had flown by. Thoughts of her night (and morning) with Mia kept floating around in her head, making her feel like she had a smirk permanently plastered onto her face. Before that night she hadn't had sex with anyone since Florida, which for Santana was a record amount of time. Things with Mia seemed to be going well and she was happy to be spending more time with the brunette.

That night, after they had caught up on each other's days, Brittany had suggested they continue their late night hot chocolate and PJ tradition while watching yet another of Britt's romantic films. Santana had agreed, after all she would never admit it to anyone but she did sort of like Brittany's collection of DVDs sometimes. They were sat together on Brittany's bed and Santana had just received yet another text. She grinned as she opened it and found that it was, unsurprisingly, from Mia once again.

"Another text from Mia?" Brittany asked, rolling her eyes, "You know you only saw each other last night."

Santana smirked, "We sure did see each other."

"Please stop grinning like that!" Brittany exclaimed.

"Why?" Santana asked, smirking slightly.

"Because we're watching 'The Notebook' and I know you have not got that ridiculous grin on your face because of that. This film is so sad."

"You know you're totally meant to watch this film with someone you want to screw..."

Brittany's eyes widened, "What?"

"It's absurdly romantic. You're supposed to watch it with someone you like and then seduce them while emotions are all high."

"You are not! Sannie! This film is great and you're totally ruining it!"

"You're too sweet and innocent." Santana shrugged, "I swear it's a thing! It makes guys all sensitive and girls super emotional which then leads to notebook sex. It's a totally legitimate date move. It's called being notebooked! There was an episode of One Tree Hill about it!"

"That does not make it true!" Brittany rolled her eyes, "Being notebooked? You're just making up words."

"Says the girl who used the word 'gigglring' the other day…"

Brittany looked shocked, "It's giggling while glaring! It's like calling Brad and Angelina 'Brangelina'. It's a word!"

"That is completely different and you know it. Besides, being notebooked is a legitimate thing." Santana insisted.

"Whatever, you've got sex on the brain, Sannie."

Santana grinned, "I can't help that!"

Brittany pressed pause on the remote and suddenly turned around to face Santana, "Fine. Come on."

"Come on what?"

"Just do it. You've been grinning like an idiot since I came in and you keep making crude comments so I am absolutely assuming that Mia stayed over last night while I was at Mike's. So come on, spill. I know you won't stop grinning or ruining the film until you do."

Santana paused, but only for a second, "We had sex."

"I never would have guessed..." Brittany said, sarcasm dripping from her words.

"It was awesome."

"So does this mean you two are-"

Santana interrupted her, "No. I know what you're going to ask and no."

"Come on! How long has it been now since you two have been doing whatever the hell it is you're doing?"

"I don't know, not long really. A few weeks? Maybe 3? I have no clue. Seriously, Britt, there's no need to label it. Right now things are going well; I don't see a reason to complicate it."

"Sannie, don't get mad with me..." Brittany paused, continuing when Santana nodded her head, "But do you think Mia sees it like you do?"

Santana looked surprised, "What do you mean? Of course she does. We've talked about it. Besides I'm not saying I don't like her or I'm just fucking around with her, it's just we're not calling it 'dating'. It's just a label."

"Ok, I just don't want to see either of you get hurt!"

"By that, you mean you don't want to see me hurt Mia, right?"

Brittany reached over and took Santana's hand, "Sannie, I adore you but I think you need to open your eyes a bit. Mia really likes you a lot, it's obvious."

Santana thought for a moment, "I don't want to hurt her, I like her too. We're definitely on the same page."

"I know you don't want to hurt her but just be careful."

"I will. You know, you may get on at me a little bit but I know you're always looking out for me when you do. And you might make me watch shit like 'The Notebook', but I love you, Britt."

"Best roommate ever?" Brittany asked, grinning.

"I don't know..." Santana picked up Brittany's favourite stuffed unicorn, "Miss Fluffington is a pretty serious contender. I mean, she's purple... You're not."

Brittany laughed, "I can cope with losing out to Miss Fluffington. She's the best."

"I promise to try not the ruin the rest of 'The Notebook', ok? This is definitely the sappiest hot chocolate and PJ time we've had though."

"Well I know Mike won't watch it with me, plus I know that you secretly love all of this. There's a secret sappy side to you Sannie and I am totally going to bring it out of you."

Santana snorted, "Good luck with that, Britt. Now come on, let's watch Ryan Gosling restore this house although I have to say I think it's ridiculously stupid. It's a lot of effort to go to. He should just sleep with someone else; he'll get over that Allie girl. I know she's hot but she ain't that awesome."

Brittany's finger hovered over the play button, her face in slight shock, "Sannie! He loves her!"

Santana pulled a face, pretending to vomit, "Love schmove."

"Shut up! You promised not to ruin it!" Brittany pouted and glared at Santana.

"Fine, fine! Press play, Pierce." Santana smiled, "Next time I'm picking the film though."

"I can deal with that but I might need extra marshmallows in my hot chocolate." Brittany responded, pressing play.

"Deal," Santana grinned, rolling her eyes as Ryan Gosling's frozen form returned to life on their screen.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

Quinn had skipped practice earlier in the week, telling Coach Williams she wasn't feeling well. The truth was she hadn't been able to face it, or Santana, so soon after breaking up with Finn. Regardless of the break up being her choice, she couldn't deny that it had shaken her up. Wondering about life without someone turned out to be a whole lot different than actually living it and Quinn was unashamed to say she missed Finn. Soon it would be Christmas break and the idea of going back home to Colorado for Christmas but not seeing Finn left an unpleasant feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew she didn't want to be with him, but being without him was unfamiliar and almost scary. It was as though she didn't know where she was going anymore. Finn used to be her home and her safety, and now she wasn't even sure where home was.

After skipping practice she had found herself faced with a text from Santana. She had responded with a short message, just saying that she didn't feel well, but she knew she couldn't get away with that excuse for long. Besides, Quinn was aware that she really needed to talk to Santana and although she still felt emotionally drained from her talk with Finn she knew it wasn't something she should put off. The problem was that the idea of telling Santana how she felt was ridiculously terrifying. What if she didn't feel the same?

Quinn had made herself go to the next practice, after all hiding out in her room wasn't going to do her much good. It was then that Santana had asked Quinn if she wanted to go around for an OC date while Brittany was at dance practice later that week. Somehow Quinn had found herself agreeing, and although she knew it would allow them time alone to talk, she sort of wished she had said no. Spending time with Santana alone, but together, was a prospect that Quinn wasn't really looking forward to. Of course she had rung Blaine immediately after their OC date had been arranged and he had attempted to ease her mind, although it all seemed to be to no avail. The fact of the matter was that, should Quinn say something, that night had the potential to change everything.

Quinn had been wandering across campus for the last hour with no real destination. She knew she had agreed to be at Santana's later but for now she was simply walking, hoping the fresh air would help to clear her mind. She ran over her thoughts in her head once again.  _Ok, so… I'll tell her that I like her. It's that simple. 'I like you, Santana', and then she'll either say she likes me too or… I won't think about the alternative. Either way, it's 4 words. I can totally manage 4 words. I can even cut out her name and then it's only 3 words. And it's not like they're long words…_

She ran her fingers through her blonde hair, sighing. She knew there was no point hiding her emotions anymore. Regardless of what Santana said in response, Quinn needed to get her feelings off her chest because trying to hide them had become unbearable. Watching Santana during their last practice had been horrible. Santana had worked with Mia, once again, and Quinn couldn't help but feel jealous every time the two girls had touched. All she had been able to think about was how much she wished it was her. She felt as though her emotions were leading her down a road to ruin; Santana seemed happy with Mia and all Quinn was going to do was throw a spanner in the works. Was that fair? Could Quinn compete with that? Either way, Quinn and Santana had begun paving this road a long time ago, somewhat unconventionally starting at the end when they had hooked up in Florida, but now Quinn wanted to go back to the start and turn that road into something better, something with a happier ending.

Suddenly she found herself outside Santana's building. She hadn't realised she'd been heading that way until she had almost walked headfirst into the front door. Quinn paused, looking up at the building in front of her. Santana had suggested Quinn came round at around 7pm, and it was 6:40pm now. Quinn bit her lip, and began to pace back and forth along the grass outside the door.  _I can justify being twenty minutes early… but if I go in then I have to do this, I have to tell her. What if telling her means we can't be friends anymore? What if she tells me she's ridiculously happy with Mia? Where will that leave me? I won't be able to be on the team anymore, surely it'd be too painful…_

Quinn's thoughts were interrupted as a blonde girl nearly walked straight into her. Quinn looked up to see Brittany expertly regaining her balance, somehow managing to not topple over onto the floor as a result of their almost impact.

"Brittany! I'm so sorry! Standing by the front door was not a great idea!" Quinn gushed apologetically.

"Oh it's fine! Santana's upstairs if you're here looking for her. Are you guys watching The OC again?"

Quinn nodded, "Erm, yeah. I was just about to see if she was around."

"Cool! Well, she is," Brittany smiled, looking at Quinn expectantly.

_Brittany's right here, I'm actually going to have to go in now. Otherwise I'll just look like some kind of creepy stalker who stands around outside their building._ "Ok, well thanks. See you later!" Quinn reached for the door handle.

"Have fun!" Brittany said chirpily, practically skipping away.

Quinn stepped inside, heading towards Brittany and Santana's room. She stopped outside their door, the butterflies in her stomach whizzing around like they were on overdrive. She had no idea what she was expecting. That she could just go in, tell Santana she liked her and they could play pretend? Make believe that Florida had never happened and Mia didn't exist? It wasn't that simple. She knocked gently, and was greeted a moment later by Santana.

"Hey! You're early!"

"Sorry, do you want me to come back in a bit?" Quinn asked, nerves flooding her entire body.

"No, don't be silly. Come in!"

Quinn walked in, more cautiously than she had before.  _I need to relax a little bit, this is ridiculous. My heart is beating way too fast._

"So, blondie, we're on episode 7. Tijuana time!"

Quinn frowned, "Poor Marissa… She has no clue what's about to happen."

"I know. It's tragic, really." Santana put the DVD in, "Grab a seat!"

Quinn picked up a cushion, propping it up against the wall as she sat on Santana's bed. The episode started and Quinn allowed herself to become distracted in the plot, even though she had seen it countless times before. Santana seemed oblivious to any strange vibes Quinn was giving off, and the blonde was grateful. She knew she needed to work up the courage to say what she needed to say in her own time. 40 minutes passed quickly and before Quinn knew it the episode was over. As the disc went back to the menu screen and the theme tune began to play in the background, Santana looked over at Quinn.

"Want a drink or anything, Q? Food?"

"I don't mind."

Santana shuffled off the bed, groaning slightly as she did, "Well, I'm going to get a drink. Want one?"

"Erm… sure. I'll have whatever you're getting."

"Cool." Santana walked over to the mini-fridge in the corner of the room, "God, I swear my ass has gone numb."

Quinn giggled, "I don't want to move in case I have pins and needles..."

Santana gasped, "I just had the best idea ever!"

"Yes?" Quinn's voice was hesitant, the look of glee in Santana's eyes scaring her a little.

"We should build a fort!" Santana exclaimed, "We can use the blankets, cushions and mattress and make a blanket fort. It'll be super comfy. An OC fort!"

Quinn raised an eyebrow, unsure about Santana's master plan, "A fort?"

"Come on, blondie! Don't spoil my fun, it's gonna be awesome."

Quinn looked at Santana, her eyes lit up with excitement and knew she couldn't say no, "Ok… Fine. You're such a child though."

"You're gonna love it when it's done, Fabray. I'm a fort master." Santana threw a cushion in Quinn's direction, "Let's go!"

Santana gave Quinn directions, and within 30 minutes the two of them had managed to make Santana's dorm room look unrecognisable. Santana's mattress was on the floor, topped with a scattering of cushions. Using chairs around the edge, they had managed to build a tent of blankets that surrounded the mattress. Quinn had to admit, it looked pretty impressive considering their limited resources.

Santana carefully crawled in, exclaiming, "Oh my god, this is fucking awesome! Get in here!"

Quinn lifted the corner of the front blanket, creating an entrance and hesitantly climbed in, "Ok, I have to say this is pretty cool."

Santana grinned, "Told you I was good at making forts!"

"I never doubted you. One question though…"

"Yep?"

"How are we going to watch The OC? We can't exactly see your TV from here."

Santana tutted, dramatically shaking her head in fake disappointment, "Quinn, Quinn, Quinn! We bring The OC to us!" Santana crawled forwards and squeezed past Quinn, their arms brushing. The close proximity of their bodies made Quinn shudder. Santana returned holding her laptop, "Smaller screen but totally worth it since we get to watch it in a fort."

"Seems like a fair trade off to me."

"Get comfy, Q. I'll get the next episode ready."

Quinn crawled into the fort properly, lying on her stomach on the mattress facing Santana. Santana was still fiddling around with her laptop. Her long, dark hair had fallen in front of her face, and she absent-mindedly pushed it behind her ear. As she did, Quinn noticed how her features seemed even more defined in the light of the laptop screen. Every line was more pronounced and Quinn couldn't help but trace them in her mind, building her own picture. She looked stunning. Suddenly Santana moved and Quinn blushed, frantically looking away and pretending to be focused on rearranging the cushion in front of her.

"I love this episode," Santana said, getting comfortable on the mattress next to Quinn.

The fort was small and Quinn could feel the heat of Santana's skin next to hers. She swallowed, trying to regain her composure, "Which episode is it?"

"It's called 'The Heights'."

Quinn racked her brain, trying to remember which episode came after the one they had just watched. Suddenly it hit her. It was the episode where Ryan and Marissa, after a whole ton of flirting and misunderstandings, finally got together. Ryan had been trying to win Marissa's affections and the episode would end with the two of them trapped together at the top of a ferris wheel, Ryan finally telling Marissa how he felt, before she kissed him. Quinn's stomach lurched.  _How the hell am I meant to watch such a ridiculously romantic ending to an episode when Santana is lying so close to me? Should I just say something now? Maybe I should get it over with…_

Quinn looked up, debating whether it was the right moment to talk about her feelings, only to see Santana on her phone. She was smiling softly, clearly replying to a message from someone. As she finished typing she looked over and met Quinn's gaze, "Oh, sorry blondie. It's just Mia. She asked me a question and I didn't want to keep her waiting."

"No, of course. Of course you should text Mia." Quinn swallowed, quickly fixing a smile on her face, "Come on then, press play."

_Oh god, what am I doing? This plan sucks. I'm going to watch this episode and then get out of here. I need to talk to Blaine._ Quinn attempted to calm her nerves, once again focusing on watching the episode. Marissa was torn, choosing between her boyfriend Luke and Ryan. Quinn couldn't help but compare the situation to her own. If she told Santana how she felt then she'd be putting her in the same situation as Marissa, having to choose between two people. Quinn knew that in The OC Marissa chose Ryan, and not her boyfriend Luke. And if Quinn was Ryan in this situation then Mia was Luke. However, Luke was a bit of a dick in the show and Mia definitely wasn't. Mia was lovely and Santana seemed happy with her. What if Quinn and Santana weren't like Ryan and Marissa? What if they weren't meant to be? What if Quinn had already wasted her chance and Mia was the one who could make Santana truly happy? Quinn pushed the thoughts out of her head.  _This really isn't helping at all. I just need to get through this and go home so I can talk it all out with Blaine._

Quinn was too aware of how close Santana was. Every move she made sent shivers down Quinn's spine and Quinn knew that if she only reached over a few centimetres, she would be able to touch her. It felt like torture. To be so close, yet feel so far away, only made the sick feeling that was forming in Quinn's stomach worsen. Somehow, she had managed to make it through almost the entire episode, although she had no idea how. Ryan was about to go on the ferris wheel and Quinn knew exactly what would happen next. She kept looking forward, but glanced to the side of the screen, not wanting Santana to see her looking away so obviously. It was all too much. There was Marissa, getting her guy, no complications in her way anymore. Yet Quinn was lying next to a girl she so desperately wanted to kiss, but somehow she couldn't find the right words to say. Tears threatened to form and she blinked, willing them to disappear.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the moment happen. Marissa leaned towards Ryan and kissed him softly. Suddenly she heard a small squeal of excitement and felt Santana's hand grab her arm. The sudden contact of Santana's skin on her own made Quinn jump what felt like a mile into the air. As she did her leg knocked over one of the chairs that was holding up the blankets surrounding them. All of a sudden blankets tumbled down on top of them and she heard Santana scream slightly.

"Fabray! You killed the fort!"

Quinn untangled herself from the blankets, resurfacing to find Santana emerging from beneath the covers too, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!"

"I forgive you." Santana's eyes met hers and Quinn saw the expression on Santana's face alter, "Are you ok? You look… I don't know."

"I'm ok." Quinn's lie was feeble and she knew it but she was terrified that Santana was about to see straight through her. She had no doubt that the tears that had been threatening to appear only moments ago were still somewhat visible.

"No you're not."

Quinn swallowed as Santana shuffled forwards, closing the gap between them, "I am."

"Bullshit. What's wrong, Q?"

Quinn opened her mouth to speak but she couldn't find the right words to say. Santana was merely inches away and all Quinn could think about was how beautiful she looked, "I…"

Santana furrowed her brow, clearly confused, and said softly, "Yeah?"

"I…" Quinn looked away, taking a deep breath.  _I guess it's now or never…_ She fixed her eyes on Santana's once more, willing herself to find the courage to say what she needed to say, "I like you, Santana."

Quinn saw uncertainty in Santana's eyes as she contemplated Quinn's words. The blonde leaned forward and took Santana's hand in her own, "I've been an idiot. In Florida you were right, there's something between us and I can't deny it. It's impossible. Since I met you again here in San Diego everything's changed. It's changed because of you and I'm fed up of pretending it hasn't." Quinn looked up, Santana was silent, "I'm sorry if this is freaking you out or if it's bad timing but I know you can't say there isn't something here. I feel it every single time I'm with you. When I saw you at that party and there was that game of truth or dare, I wanted to chase after you so badly. I wanted to tell you that you were my answer too. Not just because of the sex, but because of you. Because whatever this is that's between us is special. You're special." The words flooded out of Quinn's mouth before she had a chance to stop them. Santana on the other hand had still said nothing. Quinn felt sick, the acid in her stomach whirling around violently like a tornado, "Please say something."  _Please say yes._

"I…" Santana began, "I can't. God, Quinn, I can't do this."

Quinn panicked, "What do you mean?"

Santana stood up and as the distance grew between them Quinn felt her hope slip away, "I'm with Mia. I can't…"

Quinn felt hot tears form in her eyes. She didn't try to hold them back this time, she knew it was pointless. She stood up, her voice practically a whisper, "I know. I get it but I want to be with you and if you let me I promise I'll show you that this can work. We can work."

"I'm sorry."

Those two words pierced through Quinn like daggers. All along she had known that Santana might say this, she wasn't stupid enough to believe that rejection wasn't a possibility, but hearing the words made it all far too real, "Please, San."

Santana swallowed, her voice shaking, "I'm sorry, Quinn. You should go."

Quinn's head was in a daze. She knew she must have heard the words properly because suddenly her bag was in her hand and she had taken a step towards the door, "I'm sorry, Santana. I didn't…"

"I…" Santana began, finding herself at a loss for words.

Both girls stood for a moment, neither knowing what to say. Quinn stepped towards the door and grabbed the handle. She tried desperately to think of something else to say, but Santana had made it clear. She wanted her gone, and Quinn couldn't blame her. She'd had her chance before and she'd gone and blown it. Now Santana was happy with Mia and Quinn's efforts were obviously too little, too late.

Quinn opened the door. As she stepped forwards through the door frame she looked back to see Santana still stood in the middle of the room, her expression completely unreadable. They caught each other's eyes and Quinn's heart skipped involuntarily, but before Quinn could blink their eye contact was broken and Santana was looking at the floor once more.

Quinn turned and walked away down the corridor, hot tears spilling onto the carpet. With every step she took she felt herself fall apart further. She prayed that before she got to the front door she would hear Santana's voice calling her back, saying the words that would make all of this better. She reached the front door and stepped out into the night. As she looked back once more she allowed herself to hope one last time that Santana would appear and say the words she so desperately wanted to hear.

But the words never came.


	16. All At Once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song chosen is by The Fray.

Her phone buzzed loudly. It took a moment for her to realise what the sound filling the room was. She had been fixed to that spot on the carpet for what felt like forever, too many thoughts colliding in her mind for her to be able to focus on regaining the ability to move her feet as well. Dazed, she blinked, the loud vibration of her phone continuing. Slowly, Santana walked over to the remains of the fort, following the noise of her phone. Her stomach tensed unpleasantly at the memory of the fort collapsing and what had followed in the aftermath. She found her phone which had somehow ended up partially wedged beneath the mattress, the brightly lit screen only half visible. She grabbed it and looked at the screen. She paused and looked again, realising that whilst she had certainly read the Caller ID that was displayed she definitely hadn't actually taken it in because she had no clue who was calling her. She looked again, focusing her attention on the words properly this time. She bit her lip, furrowing her eyebrows as she saw the name.

Mia.

Without looking she gently threw her phone down in the direction of the mattress and it landed with a soft thud. The noise told her that her aim had been accurate. Talking to Mia right now was not a good idea, that much she was certain of. After a couple more buzzes the phone fell silent and Santana sighed. She felt bad for ignoring Mia's call, but she knew it was the right decision. After all, she wasn't entirely convinced that she would be able to string together any words that would make sense considering her current state of mind. She knew she needed to talk to someone, and Mia definitely wasn't the right person for the job. That much was obvious, even if nothing else felt like it was.

She looked at the clock, hoping that it would be close to the time when Brittany would return from dance practice. Her stomach sank as she saw that her roommate wouldn't be home for another 45 minutes. Santana knew she shouldn't be alone, her brain was complete mush and she had no idea how to even begin analysing what the hell had just happened. Quinn's words were echoing in her mind...

_I like you, Santana._

Those 4 words had changed everything. They were whizzing around in her brain at what felt like 100mph, the phrase incessantly repeating itself over and over. Santana didn't like asking for help, it simply wasn't her style, but even she wasn't stubborn enough to pretend that she didn't need Brittany right now. She wished Rachel were there but her best friend was in New York and she needed someone who could be physically there, someone tangible who could wrap their arms around her and help her to untangle the mess that was swimming around in her head.

Brittany answered after 3 rings. Her voice full of concern, "Sannie?"

"Can you come home please?" Santana heard her own voice, unsure and quiet. Brittany would immediately know something was not right.

Brittany answered with no hesitation, "I'm on my way."

Santana sat down on Brittany's bed since her own mattress was still on the floor covered with various blankets and cushions. She took a deep breath and imagined that all the thoughts in her mind were in a long queue, each one waiting to be answered. She hoped that this way she could deal with the complex mix of emotions she was feeling in a more logical way, although she wasn't entirely convinced she was capable of that. She had never been a logical person when it came to her feelings, her fiery nature often relying on anger as a coping mechanism. The thoughts in her head fought for dominance and she struggled to pick out the ones that mattered most. In the end it was a simple statement, just three small words, that stood out like a beacon in amongst the confusion.  _Quinn likes me._ The words made her stomach tense, like it was curling itself into a tight ball. She repeated them to herself for what felt like the hundredth time. The problem was she had no idea what to do with that piece of information.

The door opened abruptly and Brittany crossed the room in three large strides, sitting next to Santana on the bed. Her face was red and it was clear she had run across campus in an attempt to get back to their room as soon as possible.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you leave dance," Santana said softly, her eyes fixed on the chair that Quinn had knocked over. It was still lying on the floor, exactly as Quinn had left it.

"It's ok. I knew something must be wrong as soon as I answered the phone. What's happened?" Brittany's eyes scanned the room quickly before looking back at Santana.

Santana focused, tearing her eyes away from the wreckage on the floor and meeting Brittany's gaze, "Quinn… She, erm, she told me she liked me."

Brittany's eyes widened and she hesitated before responding, searching Santana's eyes for any clue of her current emotional state, "Right… And what did you say?"

"I told her to leave."

"Oh." Brittany paused, "Did she say anything else?"

"A bit… She said she'd been an idiot and that she wanted to be with me. Actually, she said quite a lot," Santana sighed and sank backwards, flopping down onto the bed. Her head narrowly missed the wall behind, although she barely noticed.

Brittany bit her lip, completely unsure of what was going on in Santana's head. She struggled to find the right words to say, not knowing what it was that Santana wanted to hear. Normally she found it easy to read Santana, she wasn't exactly good at hiding her emotions, but this was different. She lowered herself down onto the bed, much more carefully than Santana had, and gently hooked her pinky finger onto her friend's, "Talk to me, Sannie."

Santana stared at the ceiling for a moment in silence before responding, "I don't know what to say."

"How do you feel?"

"About what?"

Brittany paused, "Let's start with Quinn."

Santana shrugged, "I don't know. What she said it caught me off guard and… I didn't know what to say to her, Britt. So I just let her leave without really talking about it and I know that probably wasn't the best move but I…" Santana groaned, unhooking her finger from Brittany's and running both hands through her dark hair harshly before letting her hands fall back onto the bed with a crash.

Brittany could sense Santana's frustration with herself, "You don't need to be cross with yourself. I don't think letting her go was a bad idea, not if you didn't know what to say."

"It's just if this had been in July then I would have known exactly how to feel and what to say to her. When I stupidly told her I liked her in Florida I would have given anything for her to say it back to me but it's December now and things have changed."

"Do you mean because of Mia?" Brittany questioned.

"Yes and no." Santana sighed, "Yes, of course it makes a difference. I know we're not anything proper or official but I can't lie about the fact that she makes me happy and I like spending time with her. She doesn't rush me into anything I'm not ready for; she lets me set the pace. Honestly, Britt, she's so good for me. I know she is." Santana paused, looking at Brittany who nodded at her to continue, "But no as well because Florida feels like a long time ago. It's been like 5 months and Quinn can't just expect me to be here waiting for her that far down the line. It doesn't work like that; I had to move on. You know how hard it was for me to be friends with her. God, at the start I thought I was going to go crazy but then it all seemed to fall into place. We were friends and that was all and I was ok with that. I  _made_  myself be ok with that. Besides, she's with Finn anyway; I don't get what she wants from me. It's all just so confusing and I can't sort out what's going on in my head. It's all at once and it's too much."

Brittany smiled weakly, "Be honest with yourself, how do you feel about Quinn?"

"I still have feelings for her; I'd be lying if I said I didn't. What happened in Florida really messed me up, you know that, and it's taken me a while to be ok with the fact that I'm still going to have some feelings left over. I feel like that's normal… But I'm moving past those now, and not just because of Mia."

"So you don't want to be with Quinn?"

"Quinn and I saw each other 3 times in Florida. That's nothing! And now she wants me to just press rewind and pick up where we left off or something?" Santana could feel sparks of anger igniting inside her. She wasn't sure if she was angry with Quinn, herself or just the situation but nevertheless she couldn't deny the anger that was building, "I don't know if I can do that, Britt! I don't know if I  _should_  do that. What would we even have? It's a mess, a complete mess. Too much has happened since then. I feel like all Quinn does is fuck with my head. She might not mean to, but she does. I was stupid for letting myself get this close to her, letting her get to me again. God, and I've dragged Mia into this mess and that's not fair. All she's done is be everything I needed. It's not her fault that I'm emotionally fucked up."

"Sannie, this isn't your fault. You need to stop beating yourself up. I know it feels like a mess but you just need to work out what the right thing is for you. It doesn't matter if it's the easy thing, as long as it's right."

Santana nodded slowly. She knew being angry wasn't going to solve anything but it was easier said than done to switch it off, "Yeah, I guess you're right. What do I do now though?"

"Whatever you want to do."

"But if I stay with Mia does it matter that I have feelings for Quinn as well as her?"

Brittany paused, "I think that depends on the feelings."

"Shit, do I have to tell Mia about all of this?"

"That's your call." She rolled over onto her side and looked at Santana, "You know we can talk about it all night if you want to."

Santana met Brittany's gaze and muttered softly, "Thank you."

Brittany smiled and shrugged, "It's what I'm here for."

"You're an amazing friend. God, it's good job you're not crazy for me too because I could not cope with that." She joked, smiling half-heartedly.

Brittany laughed, "I don't think your ego could handle that as well, it's big enough as it is. Anyway, Sannie, sorry but you're not my type."

Santana rolled her eyes, "Oh please, I'm everyone's type."

"You're ridiculous." Brittany giggled, "Want me to help you put your bed back together and then we can just lie here and talk as much or as little as you want?"

Santana nodded, "That sounds great. Can we eat chocolate too?"

Brittany pulled her into a tight hug, "We can eat all the chocolate in the world. We can even get ice cream. Phish food?"

"I love you, Britt."

* * *

The grass was slightly damp. Unusually it had rained a little overnight, and Santana was glad she had missed it. She had never been a massive fan of getting caught in the rain. All it ever did was ruin her hair and give her a cold, and she really hated colds. It was impossible to look attractive when you had a runny nose. Her dislike for the rain was one of the reasons she had chosen to go to university in California.

She ran as fast as she could, her feet slamming into the ground harshly. Breathing was becoming difficult and she could feel the energy draining out of her rapidly, but still she continued on. As beads of sweat covered her forehead she wiped them away, ignoring the aching feeling that was spreading through her limbs. She needed this release.

After eventually drifting off to sleep the night before at around 4am, she had found herself wide awake once more at 7am. She knew lying there wouldn't help so she did the only thing that felt right: she ran. She wished she could run away from her problems too but had a feeling that wasn't an option. All night long she had been haunted by Quinn's words as they echoed through her mind and she hoped that the music blasting out of her headphones would help to fix that, at least for a short while. Despite sleeping (although not for long) and talking things through with Brittany she still felt frustrated and angry at the whole situation. She was angry with Quinn for causing all this confusion but mostly though, she was cross with herself. She hated that she had let someone get to her so much. After all, this was precisely why she had maintained her 'no-relationship' policy for so long. Although neither Quinn nor Mia fit neatly into a 'relationship' box, Mia was the closest thing she had ever had to anything even vaguely resembling a relationship and Quinn had been the first girl to make her think she might want to have one.

Her situation with Quinn was confusing and despite thinking about it for the best part of 7 hours she was no closer to understanding their connection. Meaningless sex on holiday wasn't meant to lead to this, it was meant to be simple and fun. However, Santana had started to realise that part of the problem had been that it hadn't exactly been completely meaningless, at least not for her. But still, she couldn't explain why she felt so drawn to Quinn. It was completely illogical but also utterly undeniable. After hours of thinking, her thoughts seemed to come down to just a handful of key questions…

Was Quinn good for her? To which she had a feeling the answer was no.

Was Mia good for her? Absolutely.

Quinn had, after all, had her chance in Florida. She had also had plenty of time to make a move before now and she hadn't. And now Santana was with Mia, and just at the moment where everything seemed to be ticking along nicely Quinn had decided to complicate it.

Santana hadn't been paying attention to where she was going in the slightest, merely running as fast as she could. She realised that Brittany would freak out if she woke up to find Santana gone, so she gathered her bearings (her navigational skills on campus were getting much better now) and headed back in the direction of Warren College. As she ran past the football field she spotted a girl in the distance, running laps. It was unusual for anyone else to be out at this ridiculous hour, especially on a Saturday morning. Her pace unrelenting, the girl was getting closer and as Santana focused on her she recognised her immediately. It was Quinn. Her face was red and she looked exhausted, she had clearly been out for some time and Santana wondered how many laps she had done. Santana began thinking about what might happen at cheer practice later that day. She had no idea how she was supposed to act around her now, and she was also aware that any awkward interactions would be immediately noticed by Mia (not the mention the rest of the team). That was an added complication she certainly wasn't ready for yet. Santana ran off quickly before Quinn could see her, pumping up the volume on her iPod a little more in an attempt to drown out the increasingly confusing world around her.

* * *

Santana arrived at cheer practice a little later than usual. Normally she arrived and had time to talk to everyone before Coach Williams started the session, but this time she joined the rest of her team just as Coach was outlining the plan for that day's practice. She had somewhat lost track of time earlier when she had gone to Harrington's for her fix of good coffee. Caroline had smiled sadly at her as she had entered, clearly sensing that something wasn't quite right, and had promptly provided her with a spiced cookie from her new trial Christmas batch. But Santana also knew that her decision to be late had been somewhat deliberate, an attempt to avoid Quinn, but she quickly saw that it was irrelevant because Quinn wasn't there.

As Santana's eyes scanned the rest of the team, she saw Mia looking over at her. Her expression was mixed, she was smiling but there was something else that Santana couldn't quite place. She assumed that her late arrival had perhaps confused Mia, since it was highly unusual.

The practice wasn't too challenging, not for Santana, although she had to admit that their routine was shaping up really nicely. Today they were working on a routine for an inter-state competition that would be happening after Christmas, and Coach Williams really was doing a great job. Santana and Mia barely came into contact with each other since Quinn's absence had caused Coach to vaguely alter their positions. After an hour or so Coach Williams called a break, which was welcomed gratefully, and Santana headed over to where Mia, Heather and Tara were stood.

"Hi Santana!" Tara smiled.

Santana returned her smile. Tara was lovely, if a little shy, and it hadn't taken long for Santana to realise that she was just a genuinely nice person. She was sure that Tara was the type of person who would never dream of playing games or saying something she didn't mean. In some respects, Santana could see elements of Brittany within her, "Hey Tara."

"You ok?" Mia asked, a hint of concern in her tone.

Santana nodded, "Yeah, I'm ok."

Mia clearly wasn't convinced, "You were later than usual."

"Well I like to be a rebel every now and again. Keep you all on your toes." Santana joked, although she sensed that her comment hadn't quite persuaded Mia that everything was ok.

"Where do you think Quinn is today?" Tara asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

"Well… haven't you guys heard?" Heather began, looking around to make sure no one else was listening, "Her and Finn broke up. Sounded like it was pretty bad."

Santana's stomach flipped uncontrollably at Heather's words. A range of emotions filled her, the first being anger. She had never really liked Heather, the girl just seemed to thrive on gossip too much for Santana's liking. She felt herself becoming angry on Quinn's behalf. Had Quinn asked Heather to share this information? Santana was fairly sure the answer to that would be no. In amongst her frustration questions frantically ran around in her mind…  _Who broke up with who? Why? When?_

"When did they break up?" The question slipped from Santana's mouth before she had a chance to hold it back.

Luckily Heather didn't seem to notice the urgency that had filled her question, "Last week. She came to practice after because that's how I found out, but I'm guessing it must have all become too much or something."

Heather's answer repeated in Santana's mind. She had a feeling she knew exactly why Quinn had skipped practice today.  _If they broke up last week that means that when she told me she liked me she wasn't even with Finn anymore…_

"Who ended it?" Santana mentally chastised herself for not being able to hold in some of the questions that were whizzing around her mind. She glanced over at Mia who was looking somewhat puzzled, deep in contemplation. _Fuck, why am I even asking all of this? It doesn't matter._

"Quinn." Heather responded simply, "She just said she realised she didn't love him anymore and that things had changed."

"That must be hard. Break ups are horrible," Tara said sadly.

"Yeah, I hope Quinn's ok." Mia said before looking at Santana, "Hey Santana, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Erm… Yeah, of course."

The two girls moved to the side. Heather and Tara weren't even vaguely surprised by the two girls wanting to be alone. It was obvious to everyone that they were more than friends, even if they hadn't explicitly said so.

"Are you ok? You seem kind of distant?"

Santana had already made the decision not to talk to Mia about anything that had happened with Quinn. Christmas break was starting in a couple of days and she knew the break would help her clear things out in her mind. The decision had filled her with guilt, after all she knew keeping things from Mia wasn't a good idea, but the alternative didn't fill her with happiness either. The way she figured it was, right now she wanted to keep trying to work things out with Mia but her head was getting in the way, filling itself with unwanted thoughts of Quinn. She hoped that those emotions would die down over Christmas and everything could return to normal.

She smiled softly, "Yeah, sorry, I'm ok."

"I rang you last night," Mia stated, "It was about Quinn actually."

Santana raised her eyebrow, "It was?"

"Yeah. I saw her coming back to Sixth and she was crying. I knew you guys were supposed to be hanging out that night and I wondered if everything was ok, but I guess if her and Finn have split up it was probably to do with that."

_I always forget that Mia and Quinn live in the same college,_ "Yeah, I saw her last night. She didn't mention Finn while we were together actually but I guess you must be right."

"Anyway, I wanted to ask you something," Mia said, her voice slightly hesitant.

"Yeah?"

Mia looked to the ground, clearly nervous, "Ok, so, I know Christmas break is coming up and I won't see you for a while… But I was wondering if when we both get back to San Diego you'd maybe want to go on a date with me? A proper one."

Santana swallowed hard, her throat suddenly inexplicably dry, "A date?"

Mia bit her lip, "I know you want to take this slow and I'm ok with that, I really am. I understand that you don't do this and I know that something happened over the summer that messed with your head but I'd like to maybe help you fix that."

"So… We'd be dating?"

"Only if you want to be. Look, just think about it over Christmas, ok? I'm not going to get offended if you need more time but I just wanted to put it out there."

Santana gave a small nod, "I will… Think about it, I mean."

Mia paused for a moment, "You know I'd never ask you to tell me, but if you ever want to talk about whatever it was that happened to you over summer then I'm here."

_God, why does she have to be so freakin' understanding all the time? I don't deserve that, not when I'm not even being honest with her._ Santana could only manage one word,"Thanks."

"Anyway, we better get back." Mia smiled, "Come on, Lopez."

* * *

Santana walked home alone, being around people was too much effort when it was taking all her efforts to control what was happening in her head. Mia wanted to date her… would that make her Mia's girlfriend? She wasn't sure why that word made such a big difference but it did. It was stupid really considering that dating was pretty much exactly what they were already doing but without the label. On top of that Quinn liked her and her feelings for Quinn were so tangled up that couldn't quite figure out exactly what they were. She was grateful that she had Christmas break to give her some much needed space from both girls.

She arrived back at their dorm room, which was empty. Brittany was out although she was due back soon. She had offered to cancel her plans but Santana had refused to let her. As she stepped through the doorway she felt her foot stand on something unexpected. She looked down and saw that underneath her left foot was a piece of paper that someone had clearly slipped under the door. Moving her foot, she bent down and picked it up. It was a piece of A4 paper that had been folded in half, her name written neatly on the front in cursive script. She stared at it for a moment before unfolding it, her eyes automatically glancing to the bottom of the note to identify the sender.

**_Santana,_ **

**_I always find that I can write down what I want to say much more eloquently so I hope you'll forgive me for not saying all of this in person. Besides, I wasn't exactly sure you'd want to have this conversation, which is also part of the reason that I skipped cheer practice today. I don't want to make you feel awkward in any way._ **

**_I want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that's happened between us. I feel like I've messed you around a lot and I apologise for any confusion that I've caused you, it was never my intention. You're with Mia now and I completely understand that me announcing my feelings for you might have seemed selfish but I can promise you that I didn't time it like this on purpose. What happened in Florida seems like forever ago now and the fact that it's taken me so long to understand my feelings for you isn't fair on you at all. I thought we could be friends but being around you so much only made me see what had been right in front of me all this time. I won't repeat how I feel because I know it's not what you want to hear, but just know that everything I said to you last night was true._ **

**_I'm sorry. I know that those words are used too much but I hope you understand that I mean it and that I never wanted to hurt you. For now I'll leave you alone and I won't contact you again, I figure you might want space from me. I hope that maybe one day, when we're both ready, we can be friends again. After all, the first season of The OC is too good not to finish._ **

**_Quinn_ **

Santana found herself reading the letter again, the words slowly sinking in. She had known that she wouldn't see either Mia or Quinn for about 3 weeks because of Christmas break, but she hadn't let herself think about the fact that things would be different between the two of them on a long-term basis. It made perfect sense but Santana just hadn't thought about the fact that Quinn might want to stay away from her for a more considerable length of time. The two had become good friends over the last month and the idea of not seeing her, maybe not even at cheer practice, made Santana feel strange in a way she couldn't explain. As she read Quinn's letter for a second time she slowly wandered across the room and sat on the edge of her bed. She took a deep breath in as she finished reading it and carefully placed the piece of paper beside her on the bed. She wasn't sure where she was supposed to go from here but one thing she did know was that it was going to be a long Christmas.


	17. Broken Hearts, Torn Up Letters and The Story of a Lonely Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a song by Lostprophets.

"Santana!"

Santana immediately recognised the familiar squeal and found herself grinning from ear to ear. She turned round and her best friend crashed into her, enveloping her in a tight hug. She gasped, "Rachel... I... can't... breathe!"

Rachel loosened her grip slightly, squealing excitedly, "I didn't think I'd see you this Christmas!"

Santana grinned at her friend as their hug ended, "Yeah well, Mom figured that we should spend Christmas in Lima. We both miss Abuela, and there's nothing keeping us in Arizona for the holidays. Plus, this way Dad can pretend to care about seeing me and we can catch up with all our friends and family."

"Well I think it's a very good plan, of course!"

Santana laughed, "I never would have guessed. I've missed you, Rach. How's New York?"

"Amazing! I adore it. I really think I've found where I belong. I have so much to tell you, Santana." Rachel paused for a moment, "But we can talk about that later. How are you?"

Santana smiled softly, understanding exactly what Rachel meant. She had filled in her about events with Mia and Quinn as much as possible over the phone, "I'm alright. I mean, my head feels a bit like it's been mixed up by a blender but, y'know, I'll survive."

"Have you talked to Quinn at all since?"

"No, and I don't think she plans on talking to me anytime soon. Her letter made that fairly clear."

Rachel frowned, "How do you feel about that?"

"Honestly? I feel weird about it. Quinn's become a fairly big part of my life at UCSD. I see her several times a week at practice and we were hanging out a fair bit watching The OC too. It'll be really odd not seeing her. I don't even know if she's planning on coming to practice again or not."

"I can imagine that must feel rather peculiar."

"Yeah, it is. I feel like I have all these conflicting feelings that I can't make sense of. I swear half the time I don't even know what I'm doing or thinking. I'll be sitting in my room and all these thoughts will be going round my mind and then suddenly it'll all become too much and before I've realised what I'm doing I've pulled on my sneakers and I'm going for a run or something. It's like some kind of puppet master is in control of my life and I haven't got any input on where the hell I'm going or what I'm thinking or doing... I don't know. Everything just feels confusing right now and I don't really know what to do about it. Whenever I think I've started to sort my thoughts out, it all switches round."

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked. Santana had to admit that whilst Rachel was normally ridiculously talkative, she did have the capability to be a really good listener when she needed her to be.

"I mean it's like Mia vs. Quinn in my head all the time. I can't handle it. I know I've decided to forget about all this stuff with Quinn and give Mia a chance but every time I think about Quinn my stomach does this weird twisty thing and I have no idea if that's good or bad. My head's telling me that Mia makes me happy and she's good for me but..."

"But?"

Santana paused. Even after thinking about it continually she still wasn't exactly sure how to define her feelings for Mia. They were definitely more than friends, and Santana couldn't deny that hanging out with Mia made her happy, but she there was just one thing she couldn't shake. One thought that kept running round in her mind, almost to the point of driving her completely insane...

Santana sighed, "I don't feel a pull." Rachel raised an eyebrow and nodded for Santana to continue. "In Florida, with Quinn, the attraction was instant. It was like I'd been shot with a stun gun or something. It sounds stupid but it was like there was a string connecting the two of us together, forcing me to be closer to her. But with Mia, I don't feel that pull. But I don't know if that even matters. She definitely makes me happy and I'm totally attracted to her, so I don't know if I'm getting caught up on this for no reason. What if feeling that pull isn't always a good thing? Let's face it, things with Quinn haven't exactly been peachy. And even if that pull is good, do I even have that pull with Quinn anymore?"

She had thought about it a lot, her mind seemingly revisiting the same questions over and over again. Were you always supposed to feel so drawn to someone? What if feeling that pull was a bad thing? What if you fall for a person slowly, can that pull come over time? The questions had all become too much, creating an incredibly confusing mess of words in her head.

Rachel thought for a moment, "I… I don't know."

"God, you're normally so much more talkative. Where's Rachel Berry gone?"

Rachel narrowed her eyes, "Oh be quiet, I'm being a supportive friend! Also, I don't really know what to say. Mia seems lovely but I understand that you have feelings for Quinn too."

"Mia is so great. Like, if you were going to write me the perfect girlfriend then I'm fairly sure she'd be it. She's doing everything right and I feel like a complete dick for not being able to just focus on that. Fuck, I need to stop this shit with Quinn from being in my head."

"You don't think Quinn's right for you?"

"So far the signs haven't exactly been great, have they?" Santana sighed, "Maybe her staying away from me will be a good thing. I can just try and not be a complete jackass to Mia. Maybe I  _should_ go on a proper date with her. But what if that just messes things up even more? God, I feel like all I'm doing is fucking everything up."

"That's not true," Rachel said, "I can tell you're getting frustrated with yourself and you know that's not conducive to anything good."

Santana stifled a laugh, "Conducive? I swear sometimes I feel like you've swallowed a thesaurus."

"It's called being articulate, Santana. There's nothing wrong with that." Rachel waved her hand as if to dismiss the conversation, "Anyway, we were talking about your anger issues. Stop being annoyed with yourself."

Santana groaned, "Yeah, because it's that easy. God, yesterday I ended up ripping up Quinn's letter for no reason."

Rachel shook her head, "Oh Santana…"

"I got pissed off! ' _For now I'll leave you alone and I won't contact you again'_? I mean, what the fuck does she even mean?! Is she quitting the team because of me? We have the inter-state competition coming up and her leaving throws off the routine, it's selfish." Santana pouted slightly, aware that she sounded more than a bit like a stroppy teenager.

"I can't believe you ripped it up… I wanted to look at it!" Rachel saw Santana's face contort into a look of pure confusion and explained herself, "What? You can tell a lot from someone's penmanship!"

"Loser," Santana muttered, before clearing her throat and saying something under her breath.

Rachel raised an eyebrow, "What was that? You need to speak up."

"I said…" Santana sighed, still saying the words under her breath but this time just loudly enough for Rachel to hear, "You can still look at it because I sellotaped it back together."

Rachel tried to contain her laughter but failed miserably, spluttering out her words in between giggles, "Seriously? Oh my goodness, what the hell have you done with Santana Lopez?!"

"I'm going to kill you if you tell another living soul. Besides, my head is really confused right now so I'm allowed to do shit like this. Now, let's stop talking about this because I've had enough and I know you're absolutely dying to tell me all about N-freakin'-YADA."

Rachel paused, as if waiting for Santana's approval to talk, unsure that her best friend wanted to end their discussion about Quinn and Mia. When Santana nodded her head and insisted that she didn't want to talk about it anymore, Rachel happily obliged and began filling Santana in on her life in New York. Once upon a time, Santana Lopez would have hated hearing Rachel Berry drone on about her life in such detail but now it was the exact opposite. Santana loved her friend and loved hearing about everything that was going on with her, although the level of detail that she used could be a little too much at times…. But regardless, it was a perfect distraction from the torrent of questions that were speeding around Santana's brain, and she had a feeling that she might need a fair few distractions over the course of winter break.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

"Blaine, I think I'm just going to go home."

"What?" Blaine widened his eyes, his eyebrows shooting up his face in shock, "There's only 40 minutes left before midnight!"

Quinn sighed, running a hand through her hair, "I know but I don't think I can be here. Finn is here and since he isn't talking to me that's pretty much the most awkward thing ever. I just want to go home."

"So this has nothing to do with Santana?"

"She's not even here," Quinn said softly, looking to the floor.

Blaine smiled sympathetically, "Like that matters, Quinnie."

Quinn had spent the majority of Christmas break trying to get Santana out of her mind. Blaine had been a model best friend, distracting her with a plethora of fun-filled activities, but still sensing when she just wanted to stay in and watch bad films while eating Chinese takeaway and enough ice cream to fill the Grand Canyon. Quinn was sure she had probably gained enough calories for 5 people over the last fortnight.

Her first term at UCSD had been nothing like she had imagined. She cast her mind back to the first two weeks of term, when everything had seemed to be going brilliantly. She had joined the cheerleading team, things with Finn had been improving, she had made lots of new friends and had been enjoying all her classes. Then suddenly, like a whirlwind, Santana had re-entered her life and everything had changed. She imagined what life at college would have been like if Santana had never joined the team. Ok, she might have seen her around campus at some point but she could easily have remained hidden in amongst the other 4,500 freshman, her presence completely unknown. Would that have been better? Would everything still be ok now? Quinn somehow doubted it.

Quinn sighed, "She's always on my mind. It doesn't matter what I do, I can't shut her out. That's why I need to stay away from her. And right now I just can't be here, not with Finn looking over at me every two minutes with that sad look on his face reminding me of how I broke his heart. I just want to sit in my room and watch One Tree Hill."

"You don't even like One Tree Hill that much."

Quinn shrugged, "Well thanks to Santana I can't exactly watch The OC anymore."

"Oh come on, there are a million other shows you could watch! You cannot ditch me for Chad Michael Murray!" Blaine grabbed Quinn's hand, "I just feel like you'll regret it if you leave, Quinnie. Besides, who'll keep me in check? It'll get to midnight and I'll have to find someone to kiss and you know that I make bad choices under pressure!"

"Oh god! Don't I know it! Remember New Year's Eve last year? When you decided to kiss Sebastian? He's such a sleazeball..."

Blaine shuddered dramatically, a look of disgust on his face, "Please don't remind me... See! This is why I need you! I just don't want you to sit at home alone and get all sad, I can distract you."

"Fine but I forbid you from kissing anyone at midnight. If I have to be miserable and alone, then so do you."

"Oh Quinnie, I'll kiss you. Think about it, it's perfect! No confusion or awkward post-Midnight fumbling. I even promise not to use tongue." Blaine grinned, hoping to make his best friend laugh.

Quinn giggled, "I love you."

"So… Do you want to talk about Santana or not?"

"I don't know. There's nothing to really talk about. She's with Mia and I can't blame her for rejecting me since things have been pretty complicated. I shouldn't have let myself believe she'd just drop everything for me."

"Give her time. If she's the Mickey to your Minnie, Quinnie, then it'll happen."

Quinn shook her head gently, "I can't. I can't let myself hope that she'll change her mind, it's too much. I just need to move on and that's precisely why I'm quitting cheerleading. Plus I'm sure she doesn't want to see me, she probably hates me right now."

"I really doubt that she hates you. Stop being so hard on yourself, I don't like it and you don't deserve it."

"I wouldn't blame her for hating me, Blaine."

"Well, I would. You've done nothing wrong. This is just one of those situations where things haven't been simple or easy, but it's not like that's anyone's fault. You were honest about your feelings and that's not a bad thing."

"Yeah but if I'd realised earlier…" Quinn's words trailed off and she sighed, "Whatever. It doesn't matter now."

Blaine pulled her into a hug, "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"It's ok, I don't mind."

As they pulled apart Blaine spoke again, locking his eyes with Quinn's, "So you're really going to quit the team?"

"Yeah. I need space and I'm sure Santana does too. It's the right thing to do."

Quinn smiled sadly. Although she knew it was the right thing to do, both for herself and for Santana, it sure as hell didn't feel like it.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

The too-hot-to-be-January sun caused Santana to shield her eyes. Christmas break had been eventful to say the least. After her talk with Rachel, as well as several conversations over Skype with Brittany, Santana had come to the conclusion that when she got back she needed to talk to Mia properly. If she was going to try and make a go of things with her then the least Mia deserved was her honesty.

She turned right onto the small side street and pulled open the blue wooden door of Harrington's. The bell above the door tinkled softly and she walked over to the counter.

"The usual?"

Santana smiled, "I think I'll mix it up today. Can I get a cappuccino?"

Geoffrey nodded, "Of course. I'll bring it over to you, love."

Santana sank into the leather chair, the dark material cracked and soft. She looked around her surroundings, she'd missed this place. Her eyes focused on a new painting that was on the wall just opposite her seat. It showed what looked like a seaside town. Little houses were scattered around on the hillside behind the water, with what looked like a ruined church sitting proudly at the top of the slope. She wondered where it was, not recognising the location.

"That's Whitby." Geoffrey said, reading her mind. He put her coffee down on the table and smiled, "It's one of my favourite places. Caroline bought me that painting for Christmas."

"Is it in England?"

"Yes, not too far from my hometown. Lovely little place. You know, part of Dracula is set in Whitby." Geoffrey paused before continuing, "Santana, I hope you don't mind me asking but are you alright? The missus and I were just wondering, you see."

Santana had to admit she had already been in Harrington's rather a lot since she had returned to San Diego five days ago. Brittany had returned a couple of days after her, with Mike and Puck in tow, but campus still wasn't very busy. After all, classes didn't officially start until the Monday. Santana hadn't seen Quinn or Mia. Although she knew Mia wasn't due back from home until the next day, she hadn't spoken to Quinn for three weeks and so had no idea if the blonde was back at UCSD or not. Santana had returned earlier than most students, her Mom had been due back at work and so they had flown back to Arizona just after New Year's. So since her Mom was out working most of the time Santana had decided that being alone in San Diego was better than being alone in Arizona, where she still didn't really know anyone. She smiled softly, shrugging, "I'm ok. Things are a bit complicated at the moment but it's nothing that I can't sort out."

"Good. You're one of our favourite customers you know!"

"One of?" Santana raised an eyebrow and tutted softly, "I'm obviously your best customer."

Geoffrey laughed softly, "Oh, before I forget, Caroline asked me to let you know that she's just finished a fresh batch of raspberry crumble muffins if you'd like one?"

"This place is terrible for my waistline, but yes, you know how much I love those!"

"Life's too short to worry about your waistline." Geoffrey turned to walk away but stopped abruptly, as if he had suddenly recalled something, "I don't suppose you've seen Quinn lately, have you?"

"Quinn?" Santana said, evidently surprised. She took a sip of her coffee, silently wondering to herself why Geoffrey would be asking her about Quinn.

"Yes, before the Christmas holiday we hadn't seen her for a while. She used to pop in quite often and we know you two girls are friends. Anyway, we were just hoping she was alright."

Santana knew Quinn frequented Harrington's too and they had bumped into each other there on several occasions since the first time when Rachel had visited, "Yeah, I'm sure she's ok. I just don't think she's back from winter break yet."

"Well when you see her be sure to let her know that there's a salted caramel brownie here with her name on. It's her favourite!" Geoffrey smiled kindly, returning to his place behind the counter as a new customer entered the shop.

Santana half-smiled in response. She wasn't entirely sure when she would be seeing Quinn again. After all, the blonde had made it pretty clear that her intention was to steer clear of her and Santana still wasn't sure if that extended to cheer practice too. She didn't like the idea of Quinn quitting the team because of her.

As she picked at her muffin, she wondered what exactly she was going to say to Mia. She knew the time had come to be honest with her and telling her about Quinn seemed to be the right thing to do. She still wasn't completely sure precisely what her feelings for the brunette were, all she knew was that things had seemed to be going quite well before the holidays and she'd been having a nice time hanging out with her. Mia's suggestion of them going on a proper date had been weighing on Santana's mind too. Was she ready for that? Did she want things to be 'official'?

She sighed, slowly chewing her muffin. For a girl that 'didn't do feelings' she had sure managed to get herself pretty tangled up in a whole heap of them.

* * *

It was Monday night and Santana was walking slowly over to the practice area. She'd unusually found herself ready to go and sat in her room far earlier than had been necessary and since Brittany was hanging out with Mike she had decided she may as well head across campus anyway. She was therefore the first to arrive that evening, and as she had showed up she saw Coach Williams talking on the phone, a worried look on her face.

As Santana neared she saw Coach hang up the phone, as she did she caught Santana's eye and smiled somewhat half-heartedly, "Hi Santana, you're early. Did you have a good Christmas?"

"It was ok thanks. Are you ok?"

Coach Williams nodded, "Yeah, just a slight hiccup with the inter-state comp but I'm sure I can fix it." Santana raised an eyebrow in silent question, "Oh it's just that Quinn has quit the team and Hayley is going to be back late this term so she'll miss the competition which means we're 2 members down."

Santana thought for a moment, she had known that Hayley's Mom had been in hospital over Christmas so the fact she wasn't coming back on time wasn't a surprise, but to hear for definite that Quinn had quit the team left an unpleasant sensation in her stomach. She swallowed hard, ignoring the feeling, "But that's ok, right? We can just adapt the routine a little bit. It's Monday now and the competition isn't until Saturday."

"Oh the routine isn't the problem, that's easily adaptable. I mean, obviously, it would take a bit of extra work but nothing major."

"So what's the problem?"

"The competition is for teams with 25 cheerleaders and over, and with Quinn and Hayley gone that leaves us with 24." Coach Williams took a deep breath, "So unless we can find an extra person, we can't enter. I have to let them know by tomorrow morning if we're going to be attending. There are plenty of other competitions we can do instead, we can save the routine, but it would be a shame when you've all worked so hard."

So, they were one cheerleader down… Santana couldn't help but think that things like this didn't happen except for in movies; it could easily be the plot for (yet another) 'Bring It On' sequel. She thought for a while, but it didn't take long for her to realise that the situation could be easily fixed. As far as Santana was concerned there was an obvious solution and that solution was called 'Quinn'. She was sure that if the blonde knew about the competition then she'd re-join the team, even if it was just to help out as a one-off. The problem was that at the moment Quinn probably didn't know about the competition rules… so  _someone_ would have to tell her. Santana thought about asking Heather to go, or maybe Tara, but she knew that could put Quinn in an awkward position. She'd have to be able to come up with some sort of explanation as to why she had quit the team, as Santana was fairly sure she'd want to keep the truth from them. It was then that Santana decided there was no other solution.

She would have to convince Quinn to help out herself.

"Coach, don't call them yet, ok?"

Coach Williams looked slightly puzzled, "What do you mean?"

As Santana spoke she heard voices behind them, "Just let me talk to someone before we give up on the competition, alright? I have an idea." She turned around to see some of the other girls on the team arriving, including Tara and Mia. Tara grinned at her, waving, and Mia smiled too. Santana waved at both of them before turning back to Coach Williams, "I think can fix this."

Practice flew by. In amongst catching up with all her friends (the amount of gossip that everyone seemed to have after three weeks apart really was astronomical) and actually practising their routine, Santana didn't have a whole lot of time to think over her plan. She felt like the whole situation was somewhat her fault anyway so all she knew was that she had to fix it, the  _how_ part of her plan hadn't quite fully formulated in her mind. Coach Williams didn't mention the hiccup with the competition to the rest of the team, saving that news until she knew for sure, and Santana was glad that Coach was taking her seriously when she said she had a plan to fix it. She just hoped it would work. Time flew by so quickly that she barely had chance to catch up with Mia until the end of their practice session.

Mia walked towards her, pulling her into a hug, "I've missed you! God, it feels like way longer than three weeks since I saw everyone."

"I know exactly what you mean! It's kind of crazy."

Mia smiled, kissing Santana gently as they pulled apart, "Hey so, shall we catch up properly later this week? I know we talked on the phone over Christmas but I still feel like there's a whole ton of stuff we probably didn't even get round to talking about."

Santana smiled softly, "That sounds good. This week is kinda hectic since we have the inter-state comp, but how about we hang out properly on the Sunday when it's all done?"

"Sounds great to me," Mia grinned. "Hey, do you know where Quinn is?"

"Erm, kinda. I'm actually going to go see her now, I wanted to talk to her about something." Santana said, feeling somewhat guilty for not telling Mia the exact truth. But what exactly was she supposed to say? It was easier for now to just deal with the drama of the competition, and deal with the drama that had become her life on Sunday when she could talk to Mia properly.

"Oh, ok. Well, shall we walk to Sixth together then?"

Santana nodded, "Works with me."

As they walked the short distance across campus to Sixth College, Mia filled Santana in on parts of her holiday. She'd spent the run up to Christmas skiing with her family on holiday in Vermont, and the rest back at home. Sixth College appeared in front of them and Santana said goodbye to Mia, knowing she'd see her again soon at cheer practice. It suddenly dawned on Santana that she actually didn't have a clue whereabouts in Sixth Quinn actually lived… After mulling over the options in her head for a moment she decided there was nothing else for it, she was going to have to call her.

She unlocked her phone, quickly bringing up Quinn's number on her screen. Her mind flashed back to the moment she had discovered Quinn's number on her phone for the first time, mysteriously labelled 'Q'. Pushing the memory to one side, her finger hovered hesitantly over the call button before she shook her head and let out an exasperated sigh.  _Get a grip, Lopez. Just call her and tell her about the competition._ Before she knew it her finger had touched the call button and she could hear the phone ringing on the other end. Bringing it up to her ear, she paced across the grass nervously. What if Quinn didn't answer? The likelihood seemed high. Surely she'd just see it was Santana and not answer…

"Santana?" Quinn's voice was unsure.

Santana took a deep breath in, ignoring the strange feeling in her chest. Hearing Quinn's voice again after three weeks of silence seemed peculiar, "Yeah. Look, I'm at Sixth and I need to talk to you… it's about cheerleading. Have you got a minute?"

"Erm…" Quinn paused, "I guess."

"I don't know which room is yours. Come find me outside?"

"Ok… I'll, erm, see you in a second," Quinn said before hanging up abruptly.

Santana realised she was still pacing and immediately stood still, chastising herself for being so ridiculous. Within less than a minute she saw a door open and Quinn appeared from behind it. She walked slowly in Santana's direction, rubbing her hands together in a way that told Santana she wasn't feeling too great about having to interact with her.

"Hi," Santana said, the word hanging awkwardly between them until she continued, "Erm, so, you quit the team."

Quinn bit her lip, nodding slowly, "Yeah, I did."

Santana swallowed, regaining her thoughts, "Well it's just that you know we have the inter-state competition this Saturday, right? The thing is we have to have at least 25 members on the team and Hayley is coming back late so she's not going to be here and with you gone as well that gives us 24 people." Santana paused, taking a moment to figure out what words to say next, "So, basically, we can't enter. And I thought that maybe you could help us out? Maybe rejoin?"

"Oh… I…." Quinn began, looking at the floor, "I just don't think that's a great idea."

"It can be a one-off. It just sucks that we can't enter and you know the routine like the back of your hand anyway, you're brilliant. Without you it all gets thrown off and… well… you don't have to, I get that you don't want to be around me, but I just thought maybe you could help this once."

Quinn faltered and Santana noticed the confusion in her eyes, almost as if she seemed torn between her options, "I just… It's easier if we're not around each other."

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I know I'm not exactly your favourite person right now-"

Quinn interrupted Santana, although her voice remained soft and unsure as she did so, "That's not… I… Santana, I just think-"

"Please?" Santana looked up at Quinn, their eyes meeting for a short moment, "It can just be a one-off and then I swear that I'll never talk to you again if that's what you want."

Quinn opened her mouth to speak but stopped suddenly. Santana began to wonder what exactly she had been going to say but her thoughts had barely formulated before Quinn's voice interrupted them, "Ok."

The words took a moment to sink in and Santana's eyes widened slightly. She hadn't expected Quinn to actually agree, after all she was fairly sure that the blonde probably hated her at the moment since she was doing her best to avoid any contact with her, "Ok? You mean, you'll do it?"

"I'll do it." Quinn looked at the ground, her arms loosely folded across her chest, "It's not fair that the rest of the team don't get to do the competition because of me."

"Thanks Quinn," Santana smiled genuinely, catching Quinn's eye as she did.

Quinn half-smiled before stepping back towards the door, almost pre-warning Santana that their brief conversation was about to come to an end, "That's ok. Erm… See you later then."

"Yeah, see you. I, erm, I should probably go anyway. I need to tell Coach that we're back on for Saturday."

Quinn turned and walked away, exiting the situation as quickly as possible. As the door closed behind her Santana breathed out deeply, releasing a breath she hadn't even been aware she had been holding. As she walked away, she allowed the conversation she had just shared with Quinn to replay in her mind. It had been painfully awkward and if that was any indication of how their future interactions would be then Santana wasn't exactly looking forward to them. Mia wasn't stupid and if the two girls couldn't even look at each other during practice then she was bound to notice something wasn't right between them, especially since they had started to become pretty close before Christmas. Whilst Santana was planning to tell Mia everything on Sunday, when they had the time to discuss it properly, she hoped that she wouldn't have to tell her sooner. After all, if she did have to tell Mia sooner then Santana couldn't even begin to imagine how awkward the bus ride to Los Angeles would be on Saturday…


	18. Never Be What You Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used for the title of this chapter is by We Are The In Crowd.

"So, let me get this straight…" Brittany paused, popping a small chunk of cotton candy into her mouth, "Quinn is rejoining the team after you convinced her to with your super awkward conversation… and now you have to spend loads of time with her at practice and at the competition?"

"Oh and don't forget the 2 hours we'll have to spend together in a confined space each way on the bus ride…" Santana said, grabbing the bag of cotton candy from Brittany's lap, "I think it was the best idea I've ever had."

Brittany nodded, "Oh totally. You're a genius, Sannie."

"Mensa'll be snatching me up anytime now."

Brittany giggled, "Ok, so here are your film choices for tonight, genius girl."

Santana looked at the DVDs Brittany was holding up, her eyes flicking from left to right as she eyed up the movies on offer, "Let's go with 'How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days.' Do you actually own any other genre of films?"

"There are genres other than romantic comedy?" Brittany did her best to look puzzled as she got up and put the DVD in, "I like other films too... Despicable Me is hilarious, Harry Potter-"

"Wait! We've spent months only watching romcoms and now I'm finding out you like the Harry Potter films?! I didn't know this before because…?" Santana said, throwing her hands up in the air.

"I have a few of them with me, although some of them confuse me a bit…" Brittany admitted, "But Harry Potter isn't the right kind of film for our hot chocolate and PJ times… is it? Do you want to watch Harry Potter?"

"I… No, I don't. I think you're right… Hot chocolate and PJ times is all about watching bad films-"

"Hey!" Brittany interrupted, "This film is great!"

"And anyway, I'm not sure I want to watch Voldemort livin' it large on the screen as well as in my life," Santana joked.

"That nickname really is far too harsh you know…" Brittany scolded, "Quinn is lovely and you know it."

"Oh don't start that. I'm not in the mood to talk about Quinn, not seriously anyway." Santana sighed, "It's all going to be fine. Quinn will help out this week and it'll all go brilliantly and then she can quit the team and we'll never see each other again."

Brittany frowned, "And that's really what you want?"

"I don't know…" Santana groaned, "No…"

"Sannie, are you sure you don't want to talk about this?"

Santana fell back onto the bed, "Briiiiiitt…."

"You know I'm just trying to help!"

Santana muttered, "I know…"

"So?"

Santana sat up, pouting slightly, "Life sucks. I don't like growing up."

"Come on… We need to talk about this. You've spent weeks ignoring it all."

"I have not ignored it!" Santana insisted, "I'm going to talk to Mia on Sunday, you know that! I'm going to tell her about Quinn!"

"Yes, but, you do know that it's been almost a month since Quinn told you she liked you and we haven't really talked about your feelings for her properly."

"I liked her, we had a thing and now it's done. End of story." Santana said, frustration clear in her voice.

"You know it's more than that. Whenever you talk about Quinn and how she's not going to be around anymore you get this weird look in your eyes and I can tell you don't want to ignore her or have her disappear from your life. Telling Mia isn't a miracle cure. You can't brush over your feelings for her."

"I know that, and I'm not. It's complicated and quite frankly the last few weeks have been shit. All that's whirred around my brain is Mia or Quinn and I'm sick of it all. This is why meaningless sex is so much better. It's simpler and it doesn't confuse anyone."

"You and Quinn started as meaningless sex and that didn't end up simple, did it?"

"That's because I stupidly allowed my feelings to get in the way. Feelings are just confusing and they lead to bad places."

Brittany hesitated, "That's not true, Santana. You can't just push it all to one side and ignore everything because you think feelings have to be bad. What are you even going to say to Mia on Sunday? Have you thought about whether you want to go on that date?"

"I don't want to talk about this," Santana insisted. "Please, can we just watch the film Britt?"

"I just don't understand what you're so scared of. You know we're going to have to talk about this properly at some point because it won't fix itself. You can tell Mia whatever you like on Sunday but it doesn't change the fact that you don't really know what you want." Brittany eye's filled with concern, "Sannie…"

"I know, ok? I know that. But I just want to ignore it right now… Please? God, life would just be easier if girls didn't exist." Brittany's words repeated in Santana's head. What was she so scared of? She had a feeling she knew exactly what she was scared of, but the complexity of the emotions that she was feeling were far from easy to deal with and right now she didn't want to discuss them."I know you're worried but I'll be fine. I just… I really don't want to talk about it right now. It's all that's been in my mind for the last month and I could really do with just switching off for a bit."

Brittany nodded uneasily, clearly concerned about Santana's refusal to talk, but she knew her well enough to know she shouldn't push it any further, "Ok… But… Well, you know that if you need to-"

"I can talk to you. I know, Britt. Now can we just watch Kate Hudson be a crazy bitch?"

"Of course we can." Brittany said, "You know, you're sort of a crazy bitch too sometimes."

Santana smiled, "Totally. I'm hotter than Kate Hudson though."

Brittany sniggered, "Sure thing, cupcake."

Santana tried her best to focus on the film but it wasn't enough to distract her from what Brittany had said. The situation  _wasn't_ going to fix itself. Santana knew that she was going to talk to Mia on Sunday but what the hell was she even going to say? On top of the fact that she felt she had to tell her about Quinn, she also had Mia's suggestion of a 'real date' to consider and that was something she had been putting off thinking about. Being someone's girlfriend? The thought made Santana uneasy. Relationships were complicated things, full of hurt and loss and betrayal. At least that was what Santana saw, and the mess she found herself in just seemed to support that. Did she want that? And if she didn't then what the hell did she think she was even doing with Mia? It had been a couple of months now and clearly Mia wanted to make their 'thing' more serious. If Santana said 'no'… Where would that even leave them?

These thoughts whirled around in her brain, seemingly indestructible, for the full length of the film. Not even the hilarity of the love fern could distract her.

* * *

Moans filled the room.

The heat radiating between the two of them was teetering close to the line of unbearable, yet stayed just far enough away to serve only to intensify every single touch made between them. Sweat glistened on skin as limbs became tangled together, pressed so closely that it was seemingly impossible to separate them. Fingernails scraped down spines, leaving red marks in their wake. Fingertips grazed over delicate skin, creating tingling sensations wherever they want. Teeth nipped at bare flesh, the pain just enough to cause eyes to roll in pleasure. Lips collided with perfect pressure, tongues moving in harmony as they teased one another. Suddenly Santana felt two fingers push inside her causing her back to arch as a moan exited her throat, encapsulating her want, no her  _need_ , for more.

Santana looked up and was met with hazel eyes, green flecks only just visible around Quinn's dilated pupils. Santana closed her eyes as Quinn's fingers curled inside her, and when she re-opened them she found dark brown eyes staring into hers. Mia leaned forward, pressing their lips together urgently. Confusion filled Santana's mind as their lips connected and her hands became entangled in hair, her hands automatically shooting up to the back of Mia's neck to deepen the kiss. As they pulled apart her hands pulled out of blonde hair, her eyes meeting once more with Quinn's. She swallowed hard, blinking repeatedly, unaware of what the hell was going on. With every blink the face in front of her altered, features morphing…

Mia.

Quinn.

Mia.

Quinn.

She shook her head, unable to think straight. Fingers were still inside her, and lips were sucking gently on her neck… Her breathing accelerated and her heart began beating faster than she thought it ever had. As the familiar feeling began to build inside her she didn't even know where she was anymore, let alone who was there with her. The sensation built, so intense that when she opened her eyes her vision was too blurred to accurately make out anything around her. Darkness surrounded her as it built further, the pleasure becoming so strong she felt she might pass out. On the cusp of release her eyes shot open and she found herself sitting upright in her bed, no eyes looking back at hers.

Sweat was covering her body, her breathing uncontrolled and erratic.

She was in her dorm room.

Alone.

It took a moment for her to realise what the hell was going on. Santana never normally remembered dreams, yet now she had had one so vivid that she was questioning what was real. She looked over at Brittany's bed. It was empty; her friend had spent the night at Mike's. Santana reached for the glass of water by her bed but found it was empty. Slowly, she stood up, refilling the glass and taking a long, deep drink.

She sighed, trying to understand where such an intense dream had come from. Ok, so they'd all had practice together that night but, to Santana's surprise, the whole situation hadn't actually been that bad.

It turned out that being so busy perfecting their routine meant that there was very little time to talk, and although Quinn had been exceptionally quiet it could easily have been misconstrued as concentration. Heather, Tara and Mia had all commented when Quinn had left very suddenly as practice ended, but their confusion had only been momentary, as they all just assumed she had somewhere she needed to be. Sure, she had missed a couple of practices (one before Christmas and the one on the Monday evening) but the rest of the girls just assumed that she'd missed the one before Christmas because of Finn, and that something had come up on Monday night. No one seemed to be overly interested, and her reappearance really hadn't caused much disruption, which was a relief to Santana.

Santana hadn't interacted with Quinn during the session at all, except for a few awkward smiles, but regardless of their lack of interactions Santana had gone home that night with a headache, aching muscles and a whole bunch of mixed emotions. No matter how hard she had tried, how much she had told herself that things with Quinn were too complicated to pursue, how much she had focused on Mia, the blonde still managed to make her head spin. The sensation was as unpleasant as it was unwelcome. It had been that way since Quinn had announced her feelings. She had known that being around Quinn again would be hard, after all she wasn't stupid, but she hadn't anticipated it being quite so hard. Santana was sure that without Quinn there she could focus on what was lying ahead and continue to travel down the hassle-free straight road that was stretching out in front of her, but with every thought of Quinn a new crossroad appeared, giving her too many confusing options and unknown endings to cope with.

Santana had analysed her thoughts so much that it felt as though they were worn out and frayed in her mind, their seams threatening to break. She felt like she kept running around in circles. At the start of Christmas she'd told both Brittany and Rachel that she knew Mia was good for her, was doing everything right, and she knew that all of that was true and that the clear choice seemed to be to give Mia a chance to get closer to her, let her in. Mia had been patient enough to stick around for a few months and not get irritated by Santana's need to back away from anything too overly emotional. Mia cared about her. But the idea of having a relationship with Mia… That wasn't something Santana was quite so sure about. Yes, she definitely had some sort of feelings for Mia, but were they enough? Since talking about it with her friends, she had become increasingly unsure. As she had told Brittany, feelings just seemed to lead to bad places. On top of that, mingled in with her feelings for Mia were her feelings for Quinn, and those feelings were so different.

Quinn was like a fire blazing through her, uncontrollable and intense. Perhaps too intense. Santana had never felt anything like it before, and in Florida she had allowed herself to get close to that fire, so close that it had melted away part of her icy exterior that she kept around her heart. But, in that moment, she had been rejected. Did she really want to put herself through that again? Ok, it had been Quinn that had put herself out there this time but that didn't change the fact that the fire between them was too strong and the chances of getting burned were significant. Santana had a feeling that Quinn would be able to hurt her like no one else could. Pursuing anything with her seemed reckless. Besides, what good was it starting something that was built on such shaky foundations? And now, judging by their limited interactions, Santana couldn't help but assume that Quinn seemed to hate her. The blonde couldn't even look at her, let alone try and talk to her, and Santana could understand why. After Quinn had admitted her feelings Santana had told her to leave, without even trying to explain herself or her thoughts. The least she could have done was talk to her about it. It was no wonder Quinn didn't want to be anywhere near her.

She felt like whatever she touched was doomed. Just when things with Mia had been going well, Quinn had come along and confused it all, and now Mia was unknowingly stuck in the middle. With every turn Santana felt like she was fucking things up, and not just for herself.

Her plan circled around again in her head.

Step 1- Get the competition over with  
Step 2- Tell Mia  
Step 3- Quinn disappears

She had been stuck fixated on this plan since she had decided on it, regardless of the fact that Step 3 made her feel ridiculously uneasy and she wasn't exactly sure what Step 2 entailed, but she wasn't sure she had to strength to change it now. The problem was, even if Quinn disappeared, Santana wasn't sure exactly what came afterwards. What was Step 4? Was it Mia? She was unsure. Maybe it would all just be simpler if Step 4 was just her, with no one else to fuck over but herself. That way no one would get hurt. After all, high school had never been this complicated and she'd been perfectly happy then, hadn't she? Maybe she could go back to that.

Santana had her reasons for keeping herself away from any real feelings, always ensuring her heart was at arms distance from any girl, and the situation that she found herself in now only made her want to do one thing.

Escape.

But who was she escaping from and where was she supposed to escape to?

The fight-or-flight response is a reaction that all animals have. It's a natural response that occurs when faced with an attack, event or anything else that could be a threat to survival. For Santana, the attack came from her own emotions, and from the idea that pursuing anything with either girl could place her heart in threat. She had been under pressure for weeks, trying to understand how she was feeling and what she wanted, but her desire for flight was beginning to kick in. Cutting loose would mean escape, a reprieve from the on-going stress of her emotions and the more she thought about it all, the more she wanted to run away and go back to a time when things had been simpler.

She sighed, half-wishing that Brittany was there to talk to although she felt like her friend might not understand. Judging by Brittany's budding relationship with Mike, she didn't seem to have any problems with getting in too deep. The two of them seemed to be going pretty well, even if they were still taking things ridiculously slowly.

She flopped down on the bed, her skin was still moist and stuck to the sheets unpleasantly. She blocked the thoughts from her head and willed sleep to come, if only to save herself from her own mind.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

When Quinn had woken up (from a very disturbed sleep) her whole body had felt heavy, weighed down with the imminent feeling of dread that she felt over the day in front of her. 2 hours on a bus, god knows how long in LA for the competition, then another 2 hours back to UCSD. That was assuming that their journey didn't get delayed in any way. And all of that time had to be spent within close proximity of Santana Lopez. They had barely spoken since the night Santana had asked her to help out for the competition. Quinn could recall their conversation that night with superb accuracy due to the fact she had played it through in her mind at least 100 times.

One thing bothered her, and that was the fact that Santana seemed to be assuming that Quinn's reluctance to be around Santana was due to the fact that Quinn hated her. Nothing could be further from the truth. The truth was that being around Santana was painful. It was a constant reminder of everything that had happened, and therefore stopped her from being able to try to move on. How can you forget about something when every day you're faced with the biggest reminder of all?

Practice that week had been dreadful. She had managed to avoid awkward questions by keeping to herself, and rushing straight off when they had finished. She found herself planning her excuses in her mind beforehand, ready in case any of her teammates asked. Giving away her feelings for Santana wasn't an option. After all, as well as the fact that Mia was on the team, she didn't feel like letting everyone else know that she was pining for someone she couldn't have. No, it was easier to let them all think that her mood was due to Finn, PMS, a mountain of work or family problems. Whatever reason they wanted to come up with suited Quinn just fine.

An hour later she was stood with the rest of the team waiting for the bus. She had a feeling that today she wouldn't be able to get away with the lack of communication that she had managed to maintain previously. After all, spending an entire day with a group of people and ignoring them all was definitely going to look suspicious. Quinn knew that she would have to interact, and so she planned on plastering a fake smile on her face and wearing it as best she could all day. Quinn was stood talking to Heather pretending to listen to whatever it was she had to say about her boyfriend, Nate. Quinn nodded in the all the right places, and listened just enough to be able to give some vaguely meaningful responses, but all the while her gaze uncontrollably flickered across to where Mia and Santana were stood. She tried forcing herself to look at something else, anything else, but the task was almost impossible.

Quinn breathed a sigh of relief as the bus finally arrived. Heather and Tara were going to sit next to each other and Quinn had managed to convince them that she would sit solo on the seats in front of them so they could all talk. That way, she could at least have a bit of time to herself if she wanted it. After all, there were 25 of them so someone would have to sit alone. The two girls seemed to think Quinn's reasoning was sound enough and agreed.

It was an hour into the journey when Quinn found Mia walking towards her. The brunette smiled and gestured to the seat next to Quinn.

"Erm, hi," Quinn said, as Mia sat down beside her.

"Hey, Quinn."

Quinn hesitated for a moment before deciding the fill the silence between them before it became too awkward, "What's up?"

"I just… I've noticed you've been quiet this week and I just wondered if you were ok. You can tell me to butt out if you want to."

"Oh…" Quinn was surprised, it wasn't as though Mia was her enemy but she wasn't exactly sure she would class her as a friend either, "I'm fine. I've just been really busy this week so haven't been able to stick around after practice and stuff."

"Yeah, I asked Santana when you guys were getting together to watch The OC this week but she said she wasn't sure. You've just been really quiet, and well… Not really yourself. I just wanted to see if you were alright after… well… after everything that happened before Christmas."

Quinn's eyes widened ever so slightly.  _She doesn't mean things with Santana does she? No… Surely if Santana had told her we wouldn't be having this conversation. I mean, I know she's nice but even she can't be_ _ **that**_ _nice! No, she has to be talking about Finn… right?_ "Oh… you, erm, you mean things… with Finn?"

Mia's face showed a hint of confusion, but she hid it quickly, "Yeah, of course."

"Yeah, I'm ok. I mean, it's weird obviously because we've known each other for so long and I feel terrible knowing I've hurt him but I just knew he wasn't right for me anymore. I think things hadn't been right since the summer really. We broke up then and I went to Florida on vacation and didn't see him for weeks. I think things changed then, it was just hard to admit it."

"Florida?" Mia hesitated for a second, as though cogs had suddenly begun whirring in her mind, before saying, "Blame the sunshine. It can cause havoc."

"Yep. It's pesky," Quinn noticed Mia's hesitation and the fact that the smile that had followed hadn't seemed as genuine as before. She wondered what she had said that had caused the awkwardness between them, although perhaps it had just been there all along, "Look, thanks for asking. It's really sweet of you. I know we haven't always seen eye to eye but… thank you."

"It's, erm, no problem. We're all friends here, right?" Mia said, standing up, "I'll see you in a bit."

Quinn watched, somewhat perplexed, as Mia returned to her seat. Her eyes met Santana's and she realised the girl must have been watching their interaction. Their eyes locked together and Santana gave a weak smile in Quinn's direction. Her stomach flipped, a swarm of butterflies suddenly filling her. Swallowing hard, Quinn abruptly turned away and broke their eye contact. Her thoughts were broken by Heather calling her name. She took a deep breath and turned to face the two girls sitting behind her, looking at her phone to check the time.

_1 hour and 12 minutes down…_

* * *

**Santana's POV**

25 girls packed onto a bus, in a confined space.

Santana knew it would once have been a situation that would have filled her head with dirty thoughts (especially since a lot of the girls were pretty attractive). Plus several of them were still damp from the showers. Any self-respecting lesbian should have been at least a little bit turned on, but instead Santana found herself hoping the bus would arrive back at UCSD as soon as possible.

The competition had gone well and the team had placed second, which everyone seemed more than happy with. After all, UCSD wasn't known for having a great cheerleading team and that was the best ranking the college had got at that competition for several years. They had performed well and they were all really pleased, plus they got to take back a pretty cool trophy. The mood on the bus was great but even that couldn't lift Santana's spirits. Being around Quinn for so long had turned out to be a lot harder than she had imagined. The blonde had essentially ignored her all day. She had tried smiling at her, and had even attempted starting a conversation with her in LA to try and minimise the awkwardness, but Quinn had ignored her at every turn. The few words that did pass between the two of them had either been due to necessity (Santana recalled Quinn saying as much as 'excuse me' when she had needed to get past her) or had been indirect, a result of a group conversation, and even that had been rather painful.

Sitting next to Mia had sent her emotions into turmoil too. At first it had started out ok, but halfway through the journey to UCLA Mia had become quiet. She had insisted that she just got travel sick and wanted to try napping, but Santana wasn't so sure. Mia's dampened mood had coincided perfectly with her impromptu chat with Quinn on the bus, and Santana wished she knew what they had talked about because she had a feeling it had caused the sudden change.

The bus felt like a prison, a metal container forcing Santana to be close to both Mia and Quinn at the same time regardless of what she wanted. As well as her concern over Mia and Quinn's conversation, Santana couldn't help but feel weighed down by the guilt she was feeling. Guilt over what she was doing to Mia. She knew it wasn't fair and that she should have been honest with Mia about Quinn from the start, but now it was too late for that. That damage was done and all Santana could do was be honest now, something she intended to do the next day. Santana had a feeling that she may have to be honest about more than just Quinn too. If Mia asked her about her feelings for her, what was she supposed to say? Did she see herself being Mia's girlfriend? Not really… Did she see herself being  _anyone's_  girlfriend? Not particularly… And if that was the case then was it even fair to keeping dragging Mia along like this? Probably not.

After what felt like forever the bus eventually arrived back in San Diego. It was late and Santana felt tired, the day had exhausted her both physically and emotionally. As they filed off the bus most of the girls headed off, uttering their goodbyes. Santana heard a voice speak softly behind her.

"Hey, Lopez, can we talk?" Mia headed towards a nearby bench and waited for Santana to sit down beside her.

"Erm… yeah, of course," Santana tried to analyse the look on Mia's face but was left puzzled, "What is it?"

"Quinn," Mia said simply.

"Oh?"

Mia paused, taking a breath in before she spoke, "She's the one isn't she? Florida girl?"

Santana's mouth opened but no words came out. She had told Mia when they had decided to try being 'something' that she had met a girl in Florida and gotten in too deep, and she knew that Mia had picked up on the awkwardness between Quinn and Santana when Santana had first joined the team but she had never explicitly explained anything that had happened with Quinn.

"It's ok. I'm not angry or anything, but I do wish you'd told me. It makes a lot more sense now."

Santana swallowed, the words she wanted to say becoming increasingly difficult to find, "Sorry. I was planning on explaining to you tomorrow."

"She was the girl who messed up your head on holiday, right?" Mia noticed Santana nod in response, "But there's more to it, isn't there? You two have barely talked all week but before winter break you were hanging out all the time watching The OC."

"Before Christmas she told me she liked me. I told her it wasn't going to happen."

Mia nodded slowly, "Of course she likes you. It's so obvious, Santana."

Santana furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, "Why aren't you mad? I didn't tell you."

"Would it be better if I was mad?"

Santana shrugged, "I don't know… It would be easier maybe. I'd understand it. I should've told you straightaway, it wasn't cool to keep it from you."

Mia half-smiled, "Well, sorry to disappoint. Look, I like you and you know that. I like you a lot, but we're not even really dating properly are we?"

"No… But I know that's what you want."

"I'm not going to lie to you, of course it's what I want but it's pointless." Mia looked at Santana, "The way you look at Quinn… Santana, I can't compete with that and there's no point trying."

"Mia, nothing's happened between the two of us since Florida. I haven't cheated on you or anything."

"No, I know. Santana, I'm not angry. I wish you'd told me, but I'm not angry."

Santana sighed, "Why do you have to be so nice? It just makes this so much harder. I'm such a dick."

"You're not a dick, Lopez. Look, yes I wanted to see where this was going but it's better to break it off now before feelings get too deep. Does it hurt? Yes, of course but it's not your fault. Not really. You can't help who you have feelings for. I'm just not what you want."

Santana raised an eyebrow in question, "I… I don't know what you mean."

Mia smiled sadly, "No… I'm not sure you do. Not yet anyway."

"I'm just not a relationship person. I should've known this wouldn't work from the beginning."

"Santana, that's bullshit. Sorry, but it is."

Santana's eyes widened slightly in shock, "What?"

"It's bullshit. The way you and Quinn look at each other isn't the way you look at someone who you just want to have a casual thing with. We didn't work, but that doesn't mean that you can't do relationships."

"I'm not that person." Santana said simply. She didn't want to have this conversation, particularly not with the girl she had just sort-of broken up with.

"I'm not going to sit here and tell you what to do but you need to give yourself more credit. I don't know why you think you're not capable of being with someone properly, but I'm telling you that you are. You just need to find the right person to be with, or in your case you need to admit who that person is."

"How can you sit here and give me relationship advice when I've lied to you and fucked things up? This isn't how it's meant to be. You're perfect and I can't even…" Santana sighed, kicking the ground in anger, "God… This is what I mean. I don't do this. I said it from the beginning and you should've just listened to me because now I've hurt you and I didn't want to." Santana stood up, frustration beginning to build inside her. The world had handed her a ridiculously lovely girl who cared about her and who had the patience of a saint yet she had managed to royally fuck it up.

"Stop it," Mia said calmly. She stood up, her voice less sure than it had been before as her emotions began to take control, "Stop being angry with yourself. Look, I think I should go because this isn't helping and I'm not sure I can do this, but will you please ring Brittany now?"

"I'm fine. This should be the other way around. I should be making sure you're ok." Santana muttered, "Go see Tara? Please?"

"I will, but only if you ring Brittany."

The word came out quieter than Santana had intended, almost whispered, "Ok."

Silence hung between them, but instead of making Santana feel awkward it just made her feel angry with herself.  _I should have known this would happen, that all I'd end up doing was hurting her._

Mia stood up from the bench, the gentle rustling of the grass beneath her feet interrupting the silence, "I'm going to go."

As Mia hesitantly turned away, Santana didn't know what to say. She knew there was nothing she could say to make it better, but the sentiment of the two words that slipped out of her mouth was genuine nonetheless, "I'm sorry."

Mia looked back, "I know. Just promise me you'll stop ignoring your feelings, ok? You deserve to be happy and I don't know why you think you don't."

Santana let Mia's words sink in, her only response to them was a weak smile. As Mia walked away she remembered her promise to call Brittany. Even though Mia would never know if she called her friend, she knew that the brunette was right. She needed to call Brittany. Her feelings of anger were becoming too much, bubbling up and threatening to overcome her. Not for the first time, she wished that her coping mechanism wasn't like this, but it was no use.

There was a reason why Santana Lopez knew she didn't do relationships, and in her mind all she had just done was gone and proved it.


	19. What Are You So Scared Of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tonight Alive present this chapter's song.

"Santana?" Brittany called out into the darkness. Her friend had called her, asking her to meet her in the centre of campus. Brittany searched, her eyes scanning all around. Suddenly she saw someone pacing frantically to her left. She made her way over quickly, "Santana, hey."

Santana spun around quickly, "Hi. Sorry, were you with Mike?"

"No. I mean… I was but I'd already left." Santana raised an eyebrow in question to Brittany's somewhat strange response, "It doesn't matter now. We can talk about it later. Talk to me."

"Mia and I broke up, if you can even call it a break up since it's not like we were dating."

Brittany stepped closer to her friend, resisting pulling her into a hug due to the anger she could tell was seeping out of Santana, "I'm sorry. What happened?"

"She worked out everything to do with Quinn… That she was Florida girl." Santana sighed, "She wasn't even mad with me. She just said she couldn't compete with Quinn."

"Oh."

"I mean, what does that even mean?" Santana continued pacing, still looking into the distance as she did so, "I fucked up Britt. I knew I shouldn't have ever started this thing, right back when Mia told me she liked me, but what did I go and do? I fucking did it anyway. I let her get feelings for me. I let her want to date me when I should've known all along that I couldn't do that because it's not me. I don't do dating."

"That's not true," Brittany frowned, seeing her friend so angry with herself was unpleasant.

"It is. If it wasn't true then why didn't things work with Mia? It's not like she's a bitch, is it? She's amazing. So if I can't make it work with someone like her, then there's not much hope is there? It's not like in the movies where they have to break up because someone does something wrong or someone becomes the villain. Mia did absolutely nothing wrong so that means that I'm the one that's wrong."

"Sannie, please. That isn't true. A person doesn't have to be a villain for you to break up. A lot of the time people break up because it's just not right anymore, or because they're just not the perfect fit. It's no one's fault."

"Well this is all my fault. Britt, I've gone and hurt someone and I could've avoided it. Thanks to me, Mia is upset and I'm fairly sure Quinn hates me."

Brittany narrowed her eyes, confusion evident in them, "Why would you think she hates you?"

"Because before Christmas she spilled her heart to me and I just told her to leave. I didn't give her an explanation or talk about my feelings, I just let her leave." Santana barely paused for breath before continuing, the words spilling out of her mouth, "And now she can't even look at me or talk to me and you know, I don't even blame her for hating me because I think if I were her then I'd hate me too."

"Santana, that's ridiculous. I know you're angry but you're not thinking straight and you're being way too hard on yourself."

"Am I?" For the first time since their conversation had begun, Santana stopped dead in her tracks. No longer pacing she turned and faced Brittany.

Brittany hated the look in Santana's eyes, it was colder than she was used to seeing, "Yes, you are. Quinn doesn't hate you. Don't you remember what you were like when you first got to UCSD and every time you had to be around Quinn was a struggle? Has it never occurred to you that being around you is just too hard for her?"

"She should hate me and so should Mia."

"Now you're being ridiculous. Santana, I don't get it. Where has all this come from? I know things have been complicated for you and I know that that's been hard but you said yourself Mia isn't angry with you. I'm sure she is hurting but she knows that you didn't mean to do that, it wasn't like you asked to have feelings for Quinn."

"Well, they don't matter anyway because I don't want any of this." Santana flung her arms around, as if somehow gesturing to what 'this' was exactly. Whilst her tone still contained elements of anger, hints of vulnerability were starting to show and her voice began to become much less hostile.

"Don't want what? Quinn? A relationship?" Brittany asked, trying desperately to keep up with Santana's chain of thoughts as she rolled through them at the speed of a freight train.

"Any of it!" Santana's voice cracked slightly as she spoke.

"Once you've calmed down it'll seem a bit better, I promise. I get that you're angry but we can talk about it and figure out what's going on in your head."

"I can't do any of this." Santana swallowed hard, trying to combat the lump that was forming in her throat, "All I'm doing is hurting people and I'm not him, Britt. I won't be him."

"Who, Sannie?" Brittany's voice was quiet, she didn't quite know how to take Santana's words. Santana stood there in silence, looking up at the stars above them, "Sannie, you're not deliberately hurting people. Sometimes these things happen but it doesn't mean everything won't be ok. I don't know who you're comparing yourself to but I'm sure it's not fair."

Santana felt tears forming in her eyes and quickly blinked them back. It was in that moment, that physical sign of what Santana perceived to be vulnerability, that her walls flung back up. She didn't want to cry. She wiped her eyes roughly, steadying her voice and responding as coolly as she could, "It doesn't matter."

"Oh, Sannie, please don't. It's ok to cry, you can talk to me about anything and I won't judge you. You know that."

"I know. Look, I just need some fresh air and some time by myself, ok? I'm going to go for a walk and I'll meet you back at our room."

Brittany shook her head, "No you won't. Santana, you shouldn't be on your own. Don't shut me out. You need to talk about whatever it is that's going on in your head."

"Later." Santana looked up at her friend, only briefly managing to maintain eye contact, "Please, Britt. Thank you for coming and finding me but I just want to be on my own for a bit."

"I really don't think-"

Santana interrupted her, "I'll see you at home. I have my phone, you can call me if you're worried. I need this."

* * *

**Brittany's POV**

It was 2am when she heard the door open. She'd been lying in bed worrying frantically since Santana had walked off. After her friend had disappeared Brittany had walked in the opposite direction, back to their dorm room, and on the way had passed Mia who was sat on a bench.

* * *

_**3 hours earlier** _

_"Mia?"_

_Mia looked up, "Oh, hi Brittany. Have you seen Santana?"_

_Brittany nodded slowly, smiling sadly at the brunette, "Yeah. Are you ok?"_

_"I will be… I just…" Mia's words trailed off, disappearing into the darkness that surrounded them._

_"I know. Do you wanna talk?" Brittany sat down beside Mia on the bench, "Oh… That's probably a bit weird for you, isn't it? Sorry. I don't always think before I speak."_

_"It's ok, I don't think it's that weird." Mia smiled softly, "Is Santana ok? She was kinda…"_

_"Angry?"_

_"Yeah. With herself. I told her she should talk to you but I'm guessing that didn't go so well since you're not with her now."_

_"She's ok. She just wanted a bit of space." Brittany paused, "But you need to look after yourself and not her. I've got that. You're not just going to stay here, are you?"_

_"No… I'll probably go to my friend Tara's. I just wanted a minute."_

_"Oh, I'm sorry for interrupting." Brittany stood up, "I'll see you around maybe. Don't be a stranger."_

_"It's ok, I didn't mean you had to leave."_

_Brittany smiled, "It's ok. I've got stuff I need to sort anyway."_

_"Sounds ominous," Mia responded, raising her eyebrows slightly as if to silently question Brittany._

_Brittany gave a half-hearted laugh, "A little but it's ok. Go see Tara soon though, I'm sure that'll help. Marshmallows help too, they're all fluffy and squidgy and they always make me feel better. Lord Tubbington taught me that."_

_"Lord Who-ington?" Mia asked, looking completely confused._

_"My cat."_

_"Well then maybe I'll get some marshmallows," Mia said, after laughing softly, "Thanks, Brittany. Look after her?"_

_"I'll do my best. You know what she's like though, she can be ridiculously stubborn when she wants to be."_

_"Oh, I know. I don't think she understands her feelings for Quinn, it's like she's refusing to admit how much she likes her because she thinks she isn't good enough."_

_Brittany nodded, "Santana Lopez is complicated."_

_"She sure is. See you around."_

* * *

Brittany sat up immediately, looking at Santana as she walked through the door. Her friend shot her an apologetic look, "Sannie! God, I've been really worried. I rang you but you didn't answer."

"I know... I'm sorry, Britt. I just needed space."

"I didn't know what to do!"

Santana sat down on her bed, "I know. I really am sorry. I just needed... I don't know."

"I get it. You get all angry and when that happens I know you need space. It's how you work. You could've at least sent me a text though."

"I know." Santana smiled gratefully at her friend, "How do you do that? You just get me. Sometimes I think you know more about how I work than I do."

Brittany laughed, "I just get people. I always have I think. And we clicked from the moment we met, so I really get you. You're like reading a book. A crazy, feisty book that has lots of twists and turns because you can sometimes be a bit unpredictable, but it's like it's a book I've read before so that's ok because it all makes sense to me."

Brittany had never been the smart type, at least not in the conventional way. At school she had struggled with most academic subjects and had been forced to redo her senior year. After a hell of a lot of tutoring, and working the hardest she ever had (although the discovery that turning facts into song lyrics made them way easier to remember had been a key moment for her) she had managed to graduate and do well enough to be able to seriously think about colleges. Her natural affinity for dancing had led to her getting a scholarship at UCSD, and as well as that she was actually enjoying taking other subjects too.

Brittany was under no illusion, she knew she wasn't the most academic girl around but that didn't matter. There was more to life than being intelligent in that way and Brittany was smart enough in other ways to know it. At school a lot of people had just assumed that she was dumb or stupid, but she was far from it really. You see, Brittany wouldn't ever be a famous scientist or a brain surgeon, but she didn't care because that wasn't what she wanted. Brittany however was definitely people smart. She always had been. So her caring nature, along with her uncanny ability to read people, meant she was an extremely good friend to those she loved. And Brittany knew she'd much rather be able to be there for those she loved than pass some fancy exam, or quote Shakespeare word for word, any day.

"Well I'm glad you get people. Even if I'm a bitch to you sometimes when I go all crazy."

"We've discussed this before. You go all Hulk and that's ok with me," Brittany shrugged. Looking at Santana, she realised one thing immediately, "You still don't want to talk now, do you?"

Santana shook her head, "I think I need to sleep. My head is all fuzzy and my emotions are kind of all over the place. Tomorrow, though. We'll talk tomorrow."

Brittany knew better than to push Santana to talk. She had learned that from Rachel, although she had soon picked up on it. Plus, she was pretty tired herself. It had been a long (and strange) day and part of her just wanted to sleep it off. She stifled a yawn before responding, "Alright. Let's sleep. You know I love you though, right? Even when you're all green and scary."

"I do. And I'm really glad you do. I love you too, Britt. You might be overtaking Miss Fluffington in the best roommate category, y'know. I know she's a unicorn and that's pretty special, but you're special too."

Brittany grinned, "Miss Fluffington doesn't stand a chance. I'm my own type of unicorn and so are you, Sannie."

Santana had been getting changed while they talked, and had just pulled her on her shorts. She clambered into bed before looking over at her friend, "Sleep well, B."

* * *

When Brittany woke up she looked over to Santana's bed, but instead of being met by her roommate she was met with an empty bed. She frowned, and got up to look and see if Santana had left her a note.

_Gone for a run. I'll see you soon._

After reading Santana's super-informative note, Brittany sat back down on her bed and wondered what the hell she should do. From their conversation the previous night, and her brief one with Mia, Brittany knew that Santana was extremely angry with herself. On top of that, it seemed that her friend was determined to avoid the feelings she had for Quinn. Brittany had a feeling that Santana's approach wasn't altogether a healthy one.

As well as that, there was a specific part of her conversation with Santana that was still confusing her... For a brief moment it had appeared that Santana's walls had started to come down and it was in that period that she had started comparing herself to someone. However, as quick as lightning those walls had shot back up, and now Brittany was still completely oblivious as to what, or who, Santana had been talking about.

It was then that it struck her. She knew exactly what she needed to do. She was sort of annoyed with herself for not thinking of it earlier, but it was better late than never. Getting out her phone she dialled Rachel's number. The line started to ring when it entered her mind that there was a time difference between San Diego and New York but she wasn't exactly sure what it was... Things like that had always confused her a little. It was 8am in San Diego, so surely that meant it was a more sociable time in New York... Or was it the other way around? Her brain was still busy trying to figure it out when she heard a frantic voice on the other end.

"Brittany? Brittany, why are you calling me? Oh no, is this a pocket dial? Because if it is then I'm pretty sure my dance teacher is going to want to kill me even more than she does on a daily basis anyway. Answering the phone mid-lesson is not really acceptable..."

It took Brittany a moment to shake her thoughts from her mind and respond to Rachel's monologue. She grinned slightly, she still wasn't all that used to the way Rachel talked and quite frankly, she found it pretty amusing, "Sorry, Rachel. I know you're probably busy."

"It's ok. You never call me so I assumed something fairly serious had occurred. So, tell me, what has she done now?" Rachel asked, and Brittany almost wanted to laugh because she could imagine the look on Rachel's face.

"Her and Mia broke up last night."

Brittany began telling Rachel everything she knew. When it came to discussing Santana's feelings however, it transpired that what she knew was actually very little since her friend had so far avoided talking. Brittany suddenly remembered how their conversation had ended the previous night, and told Rachel all about the mystery person Santana had compared herself to.

"Oh... She didn't say any more than that then?" Rachel asked.

"No. She went all weird."

"How much do you know about her parents divorce?"

Brittany paused, trying to recall any facts Santana had told her previously, "Not a lot. I mean, I know her relationship with her Dad isn't great. She calls him a 'cabron' a lot, and google translate helped me figure out that isn't a very nice word..."

"Needless to say it was complicated. A lot happened and it was very messy. It took an exceptionally long time for Santana to be able to even talk to her Dad again. Look, it's not my story to tell and I'm sure Santana will tell you if, or when, she needs to. Would you mind if I called her? I know she's got you, and I'm very grateful that she has, but-"

Brittany interrupted, "Go for it. That's sort of why I rang you anyway. I figured maybe you'd be able to get through to her. I'm worried she's just going to ignore all her feelings."

"I'll call her. I'll talk to you later, Brittany. Thank you for informing me."

After they hung up Brittany sank backwards, flopping down onto her bed. The truth was that Santana could be incredibly frustrating at times, like so frustrating that she almost wanted to pull her own hair out, but regardless she was still absurdly glad that they were roommates. She just hoped her roommate would sort herself out soon, because Brittany wasn't sure she could cope with seeing her friend go through much more pain.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

Santana had just stopped to take a swig of water when her phone rang. She looked at the screen and saw Rachel's name, although the 'Defying Gravity' ringtone that had rudely interrupted her running playlist had told her the identity of who was calling anyway.

_Damn you, Brittany S Pierce. Man, she's a sly one going and calling for reinforcements... Although I guess I can't blame her for ringing Rachel really..._

She frowned, almost considering ignoring the call but she decided that wasn't a good idea. Knowing Rachel, or more accurately Rachel's determination, this conversation would happen whether she wanted it to or not.

She took a deep breath and answered the call, "Go on then, tell me what Brittany told you."

"She told me about recent developments with Mia. She also explained that you're being irrationally angry with yourself regardless of the fact that blaming yourself is not necessary at all." Rachel spoke quickly and purposefully, shooting her words out like a ridiculously efficient gun with a dictionary attached instead of a scope.

"I know there is no way Britt said it like that."

Santana could practically feel Rachel's eyes glaring at her, "No. You're not using any of your distraction techniques. We're going to talk about this. What the hell is wrong with you?"

_Oh, so she's going for the tough approach..._  Normally Rachel tried the gentle approach first before hitting Santana with tough love, but apparently she was skipping that stage today, "Hey! Nothing is wrong with me!"

"Brittany told me that Mia found out about Quinn and that she broke up with you because she, like everyone else, can see straight through your bullshit when you say you don't want to be with Quinn."

Santana's eyes widened slightly, "Shit, Berry. You just swore. I think a hobbit just died somewhere because of that. I hope you can live with yourself."

"Santana, I'm serious."

Santana sighed, "It isn't bullshit."

"It is. You know we've waited for you to acknowledge your feelings for Quinn yourself. I didn't want to push you before you were ready but maybe I should because at this rate you'll be so stubborn that you won't realise what you've missed out on until it's too late. I've only seen you with her once, in Harrington's when I came to visit, but my goodness the two of you had enough chemistry to fill a black hole."

"That's... A really weird analogy." Santana said, shooting a confused look off into the distance before realising that her best friend couldn't actually see her, "And whatever, even if it was true, it doesn't matter."

"It is true. But go on then, why doesn't it matter?"

"Because I don't want a relationship," Santana said simply, "They're messy and just hurt people."

"Don't. Don't do this. I know we spent our last year of high school joking that you were a robot and no woman could touch your heart, but we both know there's more to all of this than you not having a heart. Because, you do. You feel a lot more than you let on and that's the problem."

Santana had an inkling about where Rachel was taking their conversation, and it wasn't somewhere she wanted to go, "I really don't want to talk about this, Rachel."

"We have to. You're not your Dad, Santana."

Santana's throat felt like it was closing up. When Rachel had called she hadn't anticipated Rachel bringing anyone of this up, and talking about it certainly wasn't on Santana's to-do list, "Rach-"

"You're not. I know he messed up a lot and I know what he put you through when you were a child but you're not him, alright? You're not selfish and you're not a coward and the Santana I know would never do the things he did. Having feelings for someone doesn't mean you're going to hurt them. You need to stop thinking that."

"How can I?!" Santana found herself wandering over to a nearby tree, the rough bark slightly scratching her back as she sat down underneath it. Her free hand found the grass by her feet and began tearing clumps of it out of the ground roughly, "Even if we ignore my Dad I don't see anything that tells me that relationships end well. Look around you! Everyone fucking breaks up in the end and they sit there and eat a whole ton of Ben and Jerry's and watch endless re-runs of 'Friends' or 'Will and freakin' Grace' while they cry and become pathetic and I won't do it. I won't do it to myself and I sure as hell won't do it to someone else. It's not what I want. I'm Santana Lopez, the girl who sleeps with hot girls and doesn't get attached. It's my fucking tag line."

"Maybe it used to be, but it isn't now and you know it. In Florida you told Quinn you liked her. You put yourself out there, Santana. And then for a while with Mia you were getting somewhere but now it's like you've taken 10 steps backwards and I think I know you well enough to understand why. It's because this is real now."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Santana said sharply, she was rapidly losing patience and was having to force herself not to hang up. She knew for a fact that hanging up would do her no good. Her best friend would hunt her down somehow and pick the conversation up right where they left off.

"Before, in Florida, it was ok to admit that you had some feelings for Quinn because you couldn't really have her and you knew that because you were both leaving. You could admit your feelings with no concern that anything would come of them. It couldn't be real. Then with Mia I think a part of you knew that she wasn't completely right for you. Not really. You've talked about having this pull with Quinn before, about how you feel drawn to her, but how you didn't feel that with Mia. But even though things with Mia weren't serious, your pull with Quinn didn't matter either because she was with Finn."

Rachel paused momentarily. During the break in Rachel's speech Santana said nothing, Rachel's words were still sinking in as Santana tried to make sense of what she was saying. Her friend clearly took Santana's silence as an invitation to continue, or at least not a request to stop, "But then Quinn broke up with Finn and she told you how she felt about you. That could have changed things, but your situation with Mia and the fact that you were determined to be honourable about the whole thing meant that it still wasn't real. You still couldn't have her and so you were able to hide from it all. But now? Now, Santana, there's nothing standing in your way. No Mia and no Finn. You're finally both single and that means that all of this can be real. But you're too scared to admit what you feel, so instead you're trying to run from it all."

Rachel's words made Santana stop everything for a moment. Her hands paused, her fingers clasped around a chunk of grass that she was now hesitating to yank from the ground. She looked up, staring into the distance as she contemplated everything Rachel was saying. Her head was once again swimming with thoughts, making her whole head feel like it was far too full. This was something that had been happening more and more frequently over the past few months. The increasing appearance of this sensation hadn't made it any more welcome however. The grass between her fingers tickled her gently, the movement distracting her mind and bringing her crashing back down to earth. She pulled the grass abruptly, letting the blades sit in her hand, "I... I don't know what you mean."

"Yes, you do. Santana, what are you so scared of?"

The question seemed to roll off Rachel's tongue so easily, yet lingered in Santana's mind so uneasily, "I'm not scared. I just don't want a relationship. I tried doing whatever the hell it was that I was doing with Mia and look how that ended. And you think I can make something work with Quinn? We've had the most complicated start that I could ever freakin' imagine."

"Stop getting hung up on your past with Quinn and look at what could be the future, if you let it be. Gosh, Santana, I don't think you get it. I really don't. From everything you've told me about Quinn, I wish I could get that sort of connection with someone. That's not something that comes around every day."

Santana let the blades of grass that were sitting in her hand fall through her fingers and they tumbled back down to the earth, "I don't know what you think you mean at all. Seriously."

"Santana, I've never seen you light up the way you do when you talk about her. Have you realised that whenever we talk on the phone, you always bring her up? Do you remember the day I came to visit? It was the day after you'd walked to that party with her."

"Yeah?" Santana muttered quietly, she wasn't really sure she wanted to know where Rachel was going with this.

"She came into Harrington's while we were there and inbetween all your flapping-"

"I was not flapping!" Santana shrieked, slightly ashamed at how high-pitched her voice had come out.

"-you couldn't stop staring at her. But not in your usual leery way, it was different. I'd never seen you like that before. And when you and Brittany showed me around San Diego afterwards, you must have reenacted your walk with her at least 3 times."

"What?! No, I did not. And anyway, that was kind of a big deal. Before that we'd just been awkwardly avoiding each other, and that walk changed things. I felt like we got to know each other and we sort of became friends then."

"Santana, please. Just admit that you like her, because you do."

Santana sighed loudly, "Jesus, you know I like her. I've never kept that hidden and you know it."

"Yes, but it's how much you like her that matters. And I'd wager that you like her an awful lot more than you're allowing yourself to admit."

"So what if I do? I can't, Rach. I can't do this and I don't want to. Look, are we done here? Because I'm in the middle of my run and I've got shit I need to do today, like go to lectures."

Rachel paused for a moment, "Well I clearly can't make you see what you don't want to, Santana. But maybe if you actually take a moment to think about how you  _really_  feel about Quinn, you'll be able to admit that everything you're feeling is just fear. Fear that if you date Quinn that it will just end in pain. But has it ever occurred to you that some things are worth the risk?"

Santana remained silent for a moment, Rachel's words were too much for her to think about. She stood up from beneath the tree, using her free hand to dust herself off before saying dismissively, "Great chat, Rach. I'll talk to you later."

She hung up and stood for a minute, completely still but for the hurricane of emotions inside her. Rachel's words had struck a chord inside her, forcing her to start to think about all the things she had kept hidden. She took a deep breath. She didn't need to do this right now. No. Right now she needed to finish her run. She gathered her senses and jammed her headphones back in, pumping up the volume of the music to a level that could only be described as highly antisocial.

She tried desperately to force it all from her mind, which was proving difficult considering the onslaught of emotions that Rachel had set free. Needless to say her mind was too caught up for her to realise exactly where she was heading and before she knew it she realised she was not running the way she had intended to at all. Instead, Sixth College loomed in front of her. She paused, looking up at the building where both Quinn and Mia lived.

_God, I really don't need to be here right now. I don't even know why I came this way, this is stupid. This is the last place on earth I need to be._

She turned on her heel and ran the other way, despite what her heart was willing her to do.

* * *

The day had been long. A culmination of recent events, lengthy classes, a full timetable and a fairly intense run through for an upcoming group project in her drama classes had left Santana feeling exhausted. When Santana got back to her dorm room, it was already early evening. As soon as she opened the door she saw Brittany sitting on the bed, looking up at her with a mixture of emotions visible on her face. Anger, concern, irritation, worry, sympathy... Too much for Santana to even begin to analyse.

"You've managed to avoid me all day, don't think I didn't notice," Brittany said, her arms folded across her chest.

"Come on, Britt. You know this is a ridiculously busy day for me normally. I'm sorry, ok? But hey, you went and called Rachel."

Brittany sighed, "I'm just worried about you."

"I know but I'm fine. Look, do you wanna go to the bar and grab a drink? Maybe invite Puck and Mike?"

"Sannie, aren't we going to talk?" Brittany pleaded.

"I talked to Rachel earlier. Look, today has just been hectic and chilling out with the guys would be nice. Just for a bit? It feels like forever since I saw them."

Brittany smiled uneasily, "Fine. But, I'm pretty sure Mike's busy."

"Oh. Ok, well Puck knows everyone so I'm sure he can get one of his buddies to join us."

Santana could tell that Brittany wasn't keen on her plan but to her credit, she called Puck anyway. Santana figured that maybe Brittany was waiting until Santana was ready to talk, which Santana appreciated. Lately it had felt like she had been bombarded with 'talks' and quite frankly, her chat with Rachel was still on her mind.

The truth was that Santana knew that a lot of what Rachel had said had made complete sense. If she was being honest, she knew she was scared. She was scared of rejection, scared of getting in too deep. scared of getting hurt, but most of all she was scared of fucking up and hurting Quinn. That was something she wasn't sure she could bear. Knowing she had hurt Mia, however unintentionally, was bad enough.

Mia was fantastic and part of Santana wished she could just be with her, but she knew that wasn't right. They weren't right and their end had been inevitable. Ever since they had met on the beach in Florida, Santana had felt drawn to Quinn. When they had reconnected during the walk to Heather's party, Santana recalled how it had all felt so easy. Like they were meant to be around each other. Rachel had been right, things with Quinn were different.

They arrived at the bar and found Puck, who was sitting with another guy who had floppy blonde hair. Santana didn't recognise him, but then again Puck knew a fair few guys around campus due to his sociable nature.

"Brittany! San!" Puck exclaimed, "Lopez, it has been way too long. This is my buddy, Sam."

"Hey, Sam," Brittany said, waving at the newcomer.

Santana followed suit, smiling at Sam. They grabbed some drinks and started talking and Santana had to admit that Sam, who was in his second year at UCSD, didn't seem so bad. Ok, so he did far too many (bad) impressions, and yes he did have an unusually large mouth (Santana couldn't help but think that he sort of looked like a trout) but regardless, he seemed a pretty sound guy. The four of them sat and talked, and Santana was grateful for the distraction.

A little while later Sam's girlfriend, Laura, joined them briefly to say hi before heading off to sit with her friends. During that time, it had been painfully obvious that Sam was head over heels for his girlfriend, who he had met during his first year at UCSD.

"So how long have you guys been dating?" Brittany asked, before taking a swig of her drink.

"Six months," Sam grinned, "She's so great."

Santana resisted the temptation to vomit right there on the table. Hearing about a lovesick couple definitely wasn't what she needed right now.

"Didn't you tell me she played hard to get when you met her? Man, I dig that. I love a challenge," Puck chimed in.

Sam laughed, "She didn't play hard to get!" He turned his head to look at Brittany and Santana, as though he felt he needed to explain, "She had a genuine reason for not wanting to date anyone when we met. It hadn't been that long since she'd come out of a pretty serious relationship so she was kinda not wanting to start anything up. So I said we could just be friends instead. Eventually we both agreed to take it slow, and try dating."

"I couldn't do that. I mean, she's hot. How can you take it slow with someone so hot?" Puck said, looking over his shoulder at Laura who was now stood by the bar with her friends.

"Hey! Puck! Eyes off my girl." Sam rolled his eyes at his friend and shrugged, "That was what she needed. I didn't mind because I knew she was worth it. She warned me that it might not work but I knew as soon as I met her that she was different, and that she was worth the risk."

Brittany smiled, ignoring Puck who was pretending to vomit in the background, "That's sweet, Sam. I'm glad she was worth the risk!"

"Yep, me too!" Sam grinned, "But I'd rather risk it than spend my whole life thinking 'what if'. If I'd let her get away without even trying then I'd just regret it, even if I got shot down. Y'know what I mean?"

Santana knew that she should be joining Puck and fake throwing up but something was stopping her.

There were so many things she would normally be doing in response to something so absurdly sappy. Maybe she'd roll her eyes. Or perhaps she'd tut loudly. She'd probably tease Sam for being such a softie. But somehow all the things she would normally be doing in such a situation didn't seem right because all Santana could think about were Sam's words and what they meant.

He'd talked about Laura being worth it, about her being different, about him knowing she was worth any risk, about him never wanting to think 'what if'...

It was all too familiar to Rachel's words earlier. She'd called Santana out on her emotions, insisting that she was hiding from them through fear. Rachel had said that some people were worth it, and here Sam was saying the exact same thing. Their shared words echoed through her mind, and all those feelings Santana had tried to repress started to surface once again. They had been threatening to break free ever since her talk with Rachel, and now it seemed that it was inevitable.

It was then that it hit her.

What if Quinn was her Laura? Yet instead of being like Sam and risking it all, here she was sat in some bar trying to ignore everything she was feeling. Yes, trying to have something real with Quinn could end in a whole bunch of pain... But what if it didn't?

That question lingered in Santana's mind.

What if it didn't?

What if being with Quinn didn't end in hurt and heartbreak? And even if it did, was she worth the risk?

Santana suddenly thought back to her run earlier, when she had unintentionally ended up outside Sixth College. She had thought she had just run the wrong way, that it didn't mean anything. She had told herself that she hadn't needed to be there, that she had come that way for no reason, but she couldn't have been more wrong. Part of her had known and had been trying to lead her in the right direction... But it had been no use then because hadn't been ready to acknowledge the truth. No, it was only now that she was starting to understand how very wrong she had been. Santana realised that the truth was that maybe that was the place she should've been all along.

"What am I doing here?" Santana muttered to herself, the question slipping out of her mouth before she could stop it.

"Are you ok, Sannie?" Brittany asked, concern evident in her voice.

Santana looked at Brittany and nodded, standing up, "I'm sorry guys. I've just realised that there's somewhere I need to be."

Brittany's eyes widened slightly in question, "Where are you going?"

"Somewhere I should've been ages ago." Santana grabbed her bag, "Tell Rachel she was right. God, I hate it when she's right because she never stops gloating, but she totally was. Britt, I... I think she might be worth the risk."

Brittany grinned, understanding exactly what her friend was talking about, "Finally."

Santana smiled as she stepped towards the exit of the bar, "I've got to go. I'll text you later, Britt."

It was time to do something that she should have done a long time ago.

It was time to talk to Quinn.


	20. I'm Coming After You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is courtesy of Owl City.

The wind blew through her dark hair as she ran across campus, desperately seeking what she had not realised she needed until a few moments ago.

_Please don't let it be too late… Please don't let it be too late…_

The words sped through her mind, their rhythm matching the pounding of her feet on the hard concrete as she ran furiously towards Sixth College. She repeated the words to herself, praying that the time for her and Quinn hadn't gone and passed. Since they'd met on the beach they'd had a lot of chances, she knew that, but none of those chances had been quite right. Not really. Something had always been in the way but now, for the first time, all the puzzle pieces of their messed up existence were in alignment. She just hoped Quinn saw it that way too.

The hard ground slammed beneath her feet and air rushed into her lungs too quickly, leaving a slight burning sensation as it flowed through her. Her emotions were too fraught to be able to focus on keeping her breathing steady; all her attention was focused on her destination.

She rounded the corner and saw the familiar building in front of her for the second time that day. Santana couldn't help but think how a few short hours had managed to alter her perspective so dramatically. When she had arrived at Sixth earlier that day she had been determined to ignore all her feelings for Quinn, but now she knew she couldn't ignore them even if she wanted to. They blazed too strongly, like a hunger that can't be sated or a fire that can't be extinguished.

Santana couldn't deny that she was still absolutely terrified of laying her emotions on the line, and of getting hurt, but the time for being stubborn had gone. It was now or never and she had a feeling she wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she chose never.

She stood there, looking up at the vision of stone in front of her. Her heart was beating way too fast and she knew it wasn't just down to the fact that she had run across campus as fast as she had been able to.

She groaned inwardly as she realised that she still had no idea which room was Quinn's.

_Jesus. I'm really going to have to find that out sometime soon… Well, this is awkward._

Santana looked up at the countless windows on the multiple buildings that made up Sixth College. Thanks to the time she had come to ask Quinn to help with the cheer competition she knew that Quinn lived in the building to her left with the black door, but that was pretty much as far as her knowledge extended. Santana knew there was nothing for it; she was going to have to ring Quinn.

Santana cringed as she grabbed her phone. She had no idea exactly what she should even say if Quinn picked up the phone. Plus, the 'if' in that thought was weighing on her mind. She had no reason to expect that Quinn would even want to talk to her. This certainly wasn't how she'd imagined this scenario playing out at all. Somehow she'd just figured she'd show up at Sixth, miraculously find Quinn, apologise and then the two of them would have a super hot make out session in a big rainstorm that would appear right on cue.

Just as she was about to press 'call', she heard a voice behind her.

"221."

Santana spun around and her eyes connected with deep brown ones, "Mia?"

"Quinn. You're looking for her, right?" Mia asked, continuing when Santana nodded slowly, "Her room number is 221. Through that door, up the stairs and to the left. You can't miss it."

"I…" Santana started, "Erm… Thank you."

Mia shrugged, "It's ok."

Santana paused before continuing, her words stuttering out awkwardly like a malfunctioning motorbike, "Look… Are we… Will we-"

"We're going to be ok, Santana," Mia smiled softly, "I won't lie, it's going to take a little time but we'll be alright eventually. We didn't get in deep enough for this to be some sort of life altering moment. We weren't married or anything."

Santana could sense Mia was trying to lighten the mood but all she knew was she still felt terrible about the whole situation, "No, I know. I just…."

"I know. Look, it hurts but I want to see you happy because I care about you. Just maybe…" Mia paused, "Don't rub it in my face at cheer practice. Not straightaway, anyway. I know I'll be able to handle it, but not right now. It's still very… fresh."

"I wouldn't do that," Santana swallowed, "Anyway, there's nothing to rub in your face."

"There will be. It's like you two are inevitable." Mia shifted awkwardly, "Anyway, Lopez, I'll see you at practice later this week, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah you will." Santana smiled and Mia began to walk away, heading to the accommodation block situated to their right, "Oh and Mia?"

Mia turned around, "Yeah?"

"Thank you," Santana said simply, although the words didn't seem enough to convey what she really felt.

Mia nodded in response, smiling slightly, before continuing on her way.

Santana took a deep breath and stepped forwards, her hand connecting with the cool metal of the silver door handle of Quinn's building. She made her way up the stairs, turning left. Her eyes scanned the numbers on the doors, until finally she stopped dead in her tracks.

Three metal numbers were fixed prominently on the green painted door of what Santana now knew was Quinn's room.

2-2-1.

Santana found herself staring at them, focusing on the way the light reflected off them, making them glimmer slightly. She tore her eyes away, attempting to find the courage to knock on the door in front of her.

Her hand hovered over the wood, her knuckles close enough that she could feel the smooth paint on its surface.

_Oh just do it, Lopez._

Taking a deep breath she allowed her fist to knock on the door twice. The first knock was hesitant and soft but her second was more determined, her confidence growing slightly.

_Come on Quinn…_

Her feet started to tap on the floor, doing a nervous dance against the hard wood flooring. Santana couldn't hear any sound coming from the other side of the door. She waited anxiously before knocking again, this time louder.

_Fuck. She can't be in._

Santana ran her hands through her hair, desperately trying to think of where else Quinn might be. Potential locations whizzed through her mind, before she quickly dismissed them.

Harrington's would be shut because it was almost 11pm.

She wasn't at 'Evil Eye', the most popular bar with UCSD students, because Santana had been there only half an hour ago.

_Think, Lopez, think._

Santana knew that Quinn liked running. It seemed to be something the two of them had in common since Santana had spotted her more than once going for a jog around campus. The problem was that even if that was what Quinn was doing right now, the very notion of running means that a person is not static... Which didn't really help Santana at all.

Eventually she decided that standing outside Quinn's room was pointless considering she definitely wasn't around, so she decided to cut her losses and see if she could see Quinn anywhere nearby on campus. After all, maybe she was simply sat on a bench somewhere or something.

Santana made a deal in her head.  _I'll search for half an hour and then come back here. If she isn't here then I guess I'll just wait by her door until she is._

She left the building, goosebumps forming on her skin due to the cool night air and her lack of any sort of jacket.

A sigh left her lips as she looked out into the darkness surrounding her. She shook it off. Now was not the time to give up. This was simply a small bump in the road. Inevitably, at some point, she would find Quinn and attempt to sort everything out. It may just take her longer than she had anticipated. She turned her head trying to figure out which way to go, which route seemed the most plausible.

_Right then, Quinn… Where the hell are you?_

With a look of resolve she strode off to the right, determined to find the girl she was missing.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

"Hey cutie pie, how's life?"

Blaine's voice made Quinn immediately smile, regardless of her current state of mind, "Oh, you know how it goes for me these days. Full of awkward lesbian moments."

Blaine laughed softly, "Standard." He paused before adding, in a more serious tone, "Are you alright, though? You know, after everything with the competition?"

Quinn shrugged her shoulders, regardless of the fact that her best friend couldn't see her, "I'm alright."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Blaine asked, his voice full of concern.

Quinn was sat on the grass, in a secluded area of campus that she'd managed to find a month after arriving in San Diego. It was a small square of grass, tucked away between some of the lesser used campus buildings, bordered with delicate flowers. It was the kind of place that not many people walked through, and so was perfect for when Quinn needed to escape reality for a while. Her shoes were kicked off to the side of her and she could feel the blades of grass tickling her toes with every movement she made. She'd been sat there for quite a while, thinking about something that had happened earlier that day. The moment had been playing over and over in her mind and she knew it was time to talk to Blaine about it.

"I saw her earlier," Quinn said.

"You did?"

"Yeah. I was sitting in my window-"

"People watching?" Blaine asked.

"Of course. Anyway it was this morning and I looked down and there she was outside my building. She was running, well except she wasn't right then because she'd stopped and she was looking around." Quinn sighed, "And my brain wouldn't shut up and all I could think about was why she was there. Like, what was she doing?"

"Maybe it was just part of her route?"

Quinn shook her head, "No… I don't know how to explain it, Blaine. She was stood there and she looked like she was looking for something, she looked confused, and then she just ran off. God, I sound ridiculous. I know I do."

"You don't, honey."

Quinn ran her free hand over the grass, before picking a daisy that was growing by the side of her. Her fingers toyed with the delicate petals. "There was this small part of me that was naively hoping she was there for me… I know that's stupid since it's much more likely she was there because of Mia. After all, she lives at Sixth too and that's the girl she's dating. But then she ran off and that moment has been stuck in my head all day and I couldn't get rid of it."

"It's going to be ok. Just give it time," Blaine's voice was soft and sympathetic.

Quinn smiled sadly, "I know. I just got back to my room tonight and it was empty as usual because Lucy is never around and then I sat in the window and I just… I couldn't. I kept picturing her standing there, like she was this morning, and all I could think when I looked outside was that I wished she was there again. That she'd come back and maybe it would be for me. It was too much. I had to get out."

"You did the right thing getting out of there. You're a very sensible lady, Miss Fabray. Which is obviously why you're friends with me."

Quinn giggled softly, "Of course it is, Mr Anderson."

"I love you, you know?"

"I do know. And I love you too." Quinn slipped her shoes back on and stood back up, "I should probably head back."

"Well I'll be on the end of this phone for as long as you need me to be and in whatever capacity," Blaine said, "Sympathy, dodgy jokes, confidence boosting… I can cover all bases."

Quinn weaved her way out through the buildings and began the short walk back to Sixth, "God, just move to San Diego already! You know, Colorado is really greedy for keeping you."

"You know, I was thinking maybe I could visit you soon? I'd love to see you and meet all your friends."

"Yes! You have to come and visit! I'd love to see you too." Quinn grinned with excitement, "Oh my god, Blaine, I would love that so much. I could take you to all my favourite places in San Diego and we could-"

Quinn suddenly stopped speaking, her eyes fixed on the girl stood directly in front of her. Santana's cheeks were flushed, as if she'd been running somewhere. Her eyes locked onto Quinn's in a way that made Quinn feel nervous, because visible in those dark eyes was an intensity Quinn hadn't seen before. Quinn had no idea why Santana had stopped right in front of her, but the look on her face told Quinn it wasn't coincidental.

"Quinn?" Blaine's voice echoed in her ear, "Quinnie, are you alright?"

"Hi," Santana said, her voice soft. "Can we… Can we talk?"

"Erm… I'm going to have to call you later, Blaine. Is that ok?" Quinn said hesitantly, unsure of whether the conversation she was about to have with Santana would be one she wanted.

"Of course. Did I hear someone's voice?" Blaine asked.

Quinn's voice came out shakier than she had imagined, "Yeah."

"Santana?"

"Yeah. I'll ring you back." Quinn hung up the phone, looking at the ground briefly before meeting Santana's gaze, "What do you want to talk about?"

* * *

**Santana's POV**

_What do I want to talk about? God. How about everything?_

Quinn's sentence made it all sound so simple, so easy. Yet now that she was actually stood in front of Quinn everything seemed inexplicably overwhelming. Her heart was pounding like a bass drum in her chest, so loud she wouldn't have been surprised if the whole world could hear it.

She swallowed, trying to quash the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach, "Us. I... erm... want to talk about us."

Santana saw the look of surprise enter Quinn's face as she responded, "Oh?"

"God… I'm no good at this stuff," Santana shook her head. She began pacing back and forth nervously, "I've been an idiot, Quinn. I really have."

"Santana, what do you mean?" Quinn's tone of voice was more urgent now, as if she needed to know exactly what thoughts were dashing around in Santana's mind.

"We've been doing this silly dance since summer, avoiding what's really going on and not being honest about how we both feel and I… I don't want to do it anymore. I can't do it."

She stopped pacing, turning to face Quinn. She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself down, before allowing her eyes to refocus on the hazel ones right in front of her.

"I'm so sorry that I blew you off before Christmas. I was being stupid and the truth is I was scared, scared of how I felt and there are so many things I should have said to you instead of just letting you walk away but I didn't say them and I'm sorry." The words were leaving Santana's mouth so fast that her brain barely had time to process exactly what she was saying. All she knew what that she needed to get these words off her chest, she needed Quinn to understand.

"What did you want to say?" Quinn said, her voice trembling slightly.

Santana took a small step forwards, closing the gap between them, "I should have told you that I felt the same way and that I want to be with you too. Only I guess there was a part of me that wasn't ready to admit it then."

A small smile began to appear on Quinn's face, although Santana could tell it was a hesitant one. It was almost as if Quinn wasn't quite sure of what she was hearing, "You… You want to be with me?"

Santana smiled and nodded her head, "Even if the idea does sort of terrify me."

"It does?"

"Honestly? Yeah," Santana began, hoping she wasn't being too honest, "I just… Feelings are kinda scary and I'm not really used to having them. At least not like this. You know? And I think I was just running away before, but I know that I don't want to run now."

Quinn relaxed at Santana's words. As she began smiling it was obvious that a thought had suddenly entered her mind because the smile immediately dropped and was replaced with a contemplative frown, "Wait, what about Mia?"

"It's over." Santana said simply, stepping closer to Quinn again, "Even she could see what I refused to see, Quinn." She grinned slightly, "Apparently the fact that I really fucking like you was obvious to the whole world but me. But I see it now."

Quinn's heart was hammering in her chest, she grinned at Santana's words, "You really fucking like me?"

"I do," Santana smirked. "Look, I might not have the best way with words, and I'm kinda messed up sometimes. I don't always react in the best ways, and I certainly don't know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to feelings but if it's ok with you… I'd like to try figuring that last part out. Y'know… with you."

Quinn smiled, "I'd like that too." She paused before continuing, "You know, there's probably a lot we should talk about. I don't know… Things haven't exactly been simple between us."

Santana nodded slowly, "You might be right. I… I haven't really got a lot of first-hand experience with any of this and you might have to be patient with me though."

"I think I can manage that. After all, it's not like we got here quickly." Quinn stepped forwards, and her hand grazed Santana's. Suddenly, Quinn's thumb began tracing small circles on Santana's palm.

Santana smiled shyly, completely baffled by how such a small action could feel so intimate, "Do you mind if we talk about everything else later? Take it one step at a time? It's just… Well, right now I sort of just want to kiss you."

"I think I can definitely deal with that."

Santana saw Quinn smile nervously and her heart seemed to flutter, dancing an unfamiliar dance in her chest. Their lips connected and Santana was aware that this wasn't like any of the kisses they had shared in Florida. There was no urgency behind it, not in the same way at least. Instead it was soft and slow, full of all the emotions they had kept hidden for so long. Santana felt herself relax, her nerves slowly disappearing and her muscles loosening as Quinn's hand reached the back of her neck. Santana's hand found Quinn's waist and she pulled the girl in closer. As their bodies pressed tightly together, the kiss broke momentarily as Quinn gasped at the sudden contact of Santana's body against hers. Santana could feel Quinn's lips curl into a small smile before she drew her in for one last kiss.

"God, you're good at that," Santana pressed her forehead against Quinn's. She knew she was grinning like an idiot but she wasn't sure she cared.

Quinn laughed, "You're not so bad yourself, Santana."

"What happens now?" Santana asked.

"Whatever you want," Quinn said simply.

Santana's hand grabbed a fistful of Quinn's shirt, pulling her in. Grinning, she pressed her lips against Quinn's once more, "That's what I want."

"You're such a horndog," Quinn teased, her fingers absent-mindedly curling themselves in Santana's hair, "Not that I have any problem kissing you again."

"Good to hear," Santana thought for a moment, "What I meant was… I was at 'Evil Eye' before with some friends and I would suggest we both go join them but I don't really want to go back. I just want you to myself right now and I don't care if that's greedy."

Quinn blushed slightly, "I feel the same. Alright so this might be totally lame but we could just hang out around here, on the grass. I have this… well this place I go to nearby. Sort of my special place. I could show you if you want?"

Santana tried to repress the smirk forming on her face but failed miserably, "You want to show me your special place? Wanky."

"You're ridiculous. It's a good job I like you." Quinn hit Santana's arm playfully, rolling her eyes, "Come on."

Suddenly Quinn's fingers intertwined with Santana's. Santana knew the action shouldn't have caught her by surprise, but it did all the same. The experience wasn't entirely new, after all the first day they had met in Florida Quinn had led her down the beach, hand in hand. This time however, she found herself marvelling at how perfectly Quinn's hand seemed to fit in hers. Something she hadn't noticed before. It was almost as though every space between her fingers was made to be occupied by Quinn's. Santana couldn't help but wonder how something could possibly feel so right. It was as overwhelming and scary as it was exhilarating.

Quinn led her through the buildings and back to the secluded courtyard she so often went to, "It's nothing special but I like it."

Santana looked around. Tucked away like this, the small-ish square of grass with its borders of flowers seemed like a piece of an undiscovered world. It was hard to describe it and Santana wasn't sure why exactly she liked it, but she did. Perhaps it was the slightly unkempt nature of the place, some flowers growing where they shouldn't be. Or perhaps it was the solitary tree that grew on the grass, off centre. There were some types of plants climbing up the walls of one of the surrounding stone buildings, the foliage so thick that it almost obliterated the modern building from view. Santana could see why Quinn liked it here. It was almost like a private garden, in the middle of what was ordinarily a busy campus.

Quinn's hand left hers and Santana couldn't help but long for its return. The blonde had walked a few steps away and was about to sit down in what Santana couldn't help but think was a very deliberate place.

"Favourite spot?"

"For some reason, yes," Quinn nodded. "I know this place is really nothing special. It's just a small courtyard with some flowers and a tree but I like it anyway. Nobody else seems to really even know it's here, or they don't care. Either is fine with me. I come here to think or just get away from it all and it's rare that I ever see anyone else around."

Santana couldn't help but think that Quinn had never shown anyone else this place before. She sat down beside her, then slowly let her body fall back so she was lying down, "Thanks for bringing me here."

Quinn smiled shyly, "You're welcome." Santana felt Quinn shift beside her and she knew the blonde was lying down now too. She turned on her side, and saw Quinn looking up at the sky, "I always kind of wish I knew more about stars. When I think about them too much they seem almost impossible, I mean some don't even exist anymore. All those patterns they make have been mapped for centuries. Throughout history people have looked up at them, just like we are, seeing those same patterns but I don't know what most of them are." Quinn suddenly turned, meeting Santana's gaze, "Sorry. I ramble sometimes. I know it's lame."

"That's ok, I liked it." Santana laced her fingers in Quinn's before lying back and looking up at the sky herself, "Maybe we can learn about some of them sometime."

"That might be nice," Quinn said softy.

"You know, you're so different to how you were in Florida. I mean, in some ways anyway. I've gotta say, your confidence really threw me back then," Santana turned once more onto her side, this time Quinn copied her immediately so they were lying face to face.

Quinn giggled, "Oh I know. It was fairly obvious, chokey."

Santana shook her head, a blush spreading on her cheeks as she remembered the night she had choked on her drink in front of Quinn, "God, don't. That was so embarrassing! In my defence your words kind of took me by surprise."

"They took me by surprise a little bit too, you know. You made me feel so confident, it's not something I've felt much before. I figured I'd just go with it." Quinn's gaze averted, her eyes focusing on the grass between them, "Santana?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you... Are you sure about all this?"

Santana tugged on Quinn's hand gently, a soft and silent request for her attention, and the blonde looked up at her. The uncertainty in her eyes made Santana nervous, "Why would you say that?"

"It's just…" Quinn's teeth chewed her bottom lip nervously, "I've never really done this with another girl before. My parents don't know anything about this, about me. God, I'm not really sure I even knew about this side of me before. Not properly. Anyway, I'm pretty sure they'd really freak out if they did know. Plus I'm not necessarily like that girl you met in Florida. I'm not always that confident, or forward. I'm just... It's all different now. You know? That was just hooking up and it was simple. I don't think I'm Florida girl anymore."

Santana squeezed Quinn's hand gently before letting go, her hand instead cupping Quinn's chin as she kissed her softly, "Will you calm down? Freaking out is my job. I don't want Florida girl. Besides that would be really awkward since you'd be on the opposite coast." Santana smiled as Quinn's face visibly relaxed, "Seriously all I know is I like you, Quinn. Whatever version of you this is, I like it. Alright? And I want to see where this can go. Screw the rest until later."

A soft smile spread onto Quinn's face, "So we're really going to give this a go?"

"Yep, blondie." Santana rolled onto her back again, this time pulling Quinn towards her gently so that she was tucked in right beside her, "Let's do this."


	21. Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song this time is by Meatloaf.

The small pieces of gravel on the pathway that led to the black door scrunched under Santana's feet, the sharp edges digging in slightly through the thin soles of her shoes. Quinn looked up into the sky for a moment before her gaze settled on the ground between the two of them. Santana could see a small, shy smile playing on her lips.

"So, I guess this is goodnight," Quinn's words were softly spoken, aimed at the ground beneath them.

Santana caught Quinn's gaze and gave a small nod, "It is. But I haven't technically walked you home yet."

Quinn looked at Santana properly, clearly confused, "What do you mean?"

"Well this is only the front door. It's black and is very much outside. Your door is green and is definitely inside with the number 221 on it."

Quinn raised an eyebrow in question, clearly curious about Santana's new found knowledge, "And you know this how?"

Santana laughed softly, "I came by earlier to find you but I didn't know where you lived. I, erm, bumped into Mia. She told me which room was yours. I knocked but, obviously, you weren't in."

"Well it's comforting to know you haven't just been stalking me all this time," Quinn said with a grin.

"How do you know I haven't been?" Santana smirked before opening that black door for the second time that day, and in fact ever, "Come on then, Fabray. Let me walk you home properly."

Quinn giggled and walked through the door that Santana was holding open, "Dork."

"Whatever. You love it."

They walked in silence to Quinn's room. It struck Santana that the silence surrounding them wasn't uncomfortable at all. It didn't hang in the air awkwardly, making her want to fill it with inane ramblings, insults or bad sex jokes like she normally would. She wasn't sure she'd experienced many silences that felt like this before, but she knew that there was no need to fill it. It didn't need filling because it didn't exist due to anything negative. In fact, she had a feeling it was entirely positive.

As they reached Quinn's door, Santana couldn't help but grin. It wasn't that long ago that she had been stood there, looking at those metal numbers that hung on Quinn's green door, wondering how this whole situation was going to end. Now, she knew.

It occurred to Santana that perhaps she had been wrong in thinking of it as the end of something. All this time she had felt like she was waiting to discover how their story was going to finish, but perhaps in reality everything that had happened had all just been the prologue, and now they were finally ready for the start.

"There you go, you've walked me home properly. Happy now?"

"Very," Santana nodded. Her eyes were focused on Quinn's and she saw the blonde blush slightly at her words, "You know you blush quite a lot, Q. I don't think I've noticed that before. Maybe you should get it checked out at the doctors, you might be seriously ill."

"Oh shush. It's because you weren't around being all dorky and adorable before."

"Take that back! Take it all back! I am not dorky or adorable."

"Oh, you so are." Quinn leant forward so her face was mere inches away from Santana's. She paused, before grinning and whispering, "You're adorkable."

Santana glared, "I'm never walking you home again."

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep." Quinn suddenly leaned forward, capturing Santana's lips between hers as she closed the small gap between them. She pressed her body tightly against Santana's while running a finger slowly down her arm, the sensation making Santana shudder slightly. Quinn pulled away, her teeth momentarily biting her bottom lip.

Quinn's words caused memories to flash through her mind, bringing back her vivid recollection of the one morning she had woken up beside Quinn in Florida…

* * *

_Flashback_

_Santana hung up the phone and heard the shower turn on in the bathroom. Quinn reappeared from the bathroom and began casually leaning against the door frame. "Aren't you going to join me?"_

_Santana felt her throat constrict, Quinn just kept surprising her, "I... Wow..." she paused before finishing lamely, "I promised I'd be home in an hour."_

_Quinn looked straight at Santana, her eyes still full of lust, "You shouldn't make promises you can't keep."_  
 __  


* * *

"Goodnight, Santana."

It took a moment for Santana to respond due to the brain malfunction that Quinn's words (and kiss) had triggered inside her, "Erm… Yeah… Night."

Then, just like that, with the flash of an adorable smile and a wink, Quinn had closed the door.

Santana stood there for a moment, her mind completely overwhelmed. Maybe this version of Quinn wasn't exactly the same as the girl she had met in Florida, but Santana had a feeling that San Diego Quinn definitely still had some of Florida Quinn's traits. She pressed a finger to her lips. The indescribable, yet very individual, taste of Quinn still lingered in her mouth and she knew she wanted nothing more than to make it last forever. She exhaled loudly, rolling her eyes at how dazed Quinn had left her. She knew she needed to get out of there, otherwise it was highly likely that she was going to end up knocking Quinn's door down and shoving her up against the nearest surface…

It crossed her mind that maybe that really wasn't such a bad idea but as much as she wanted to somehow it didn't seem quite right, not since it had literally been a few short hours since their talk that had started this whole thing. No, sex could wait, well for a little while anyway... After all, she was only human and Santana could not deny that Quinn Fabray was really fucking hot.

She grinned to herself as she walked back down Quinn's corridor and down the stairs. The cool night air made her shudder slightly and she wished, not for the first time that evening, that she had brought a jacket with her. She rubbed her arms, hoping the friction would be enough to keep her tolerably warm.

As she began walking away from Sixth College she found herself looking back, trying to figure out which of the many windows was Quinn's. She rolled her eyes as soon as she realised what she was doing.

_Oh god. I need to stop being such a freakin' loser!_

Her phone pinged, alerting her to the new text that she had just received.

**Quinn:** _Second floor, third window from the right. Now stop being so adorable and go home so I can ring Blaine before he thinks I'm dead. See you soon, chokey._

Santana looked up, following Quinn's instructions. She saw the blonde sitting in her window, looking down at Santana. It was difficult to tell through the darkness but Santana was pretty sure Quinn was giggling at her.

**Santana:** _Tell Blaine you're not dead but if you keep calling me adorable then you might be. Night, Q._

As she walked off back in the direction of Warren College, and her room, she couldn't stop a grin from appearing on her face.

_What have I let myself in for?_

* * *

"Shit."

Santana cursed under her breath as the floorboard beneath her left foot made a loud creaking sound. She looked across the room at Brittany, silently praying that the noise wouldn't wake her up.

Creeping across the room on her tiptoes she reached her bed and lay down, a grin immediately forming on her face as she revelled in her victory of managing to make it all the way to bed without disturbing her friend. Her grin got even wider as she remembered the events of the day.

"Dirty stop out."

Brittany's voice was muffled with sleep, and if Santana hadn't been so used to trying to decipher Brittany's sleepy voice then she was sure she wouldn't have had a clue what her friend had even said.

"Busted," Santana sighed, "God you're a light sleeper, Pierce."

"No… you're loud," Brittany countered, her words were slow and Santana could tell she was barely awake, "So?"

"So what?" Santana said innocently, although she knew exactly what Brittany was hinting at.

Brittany rolled over, looking at Santana with sleep-filled eyes, "All good?"

Santana nodded, "All good."

Brittany mumbled something that even Santana's well-trained ears couldn't recognise, so she knew her friend must be drifting back off to sleep.

"Sleep tight, Britt."

* * *

It was safe to say Santana hadn't been looking forward to cheer practice that evening.

Even though Mia had been the perfect description of 'nice' about the whole situation (seriously Santana was fairly sure that if she looked up the word 'nice' in the dictionary there would be a picture of Mia right by the side of it), she was still a little nervous about seeing her. She didn't want to hurt Mia, well at least not any more than she already had.

The previous night Quinn had told Santana that she wasn't going to re-join the team, something which Santana had found herself torn about. On the one hand, she didn't think it was fair for Quinn to stop doing something she enjoyed (plus Quinn looked pretty hot in the uniform, which was definitely an added bonus), but on the other hand Quinn staying away seemed fair for Mia, and Santana felt pretty guilty for everything she had put Mia through already.

Either way, Quinn had insisted and Santana had got the impression that, even if she'd wanted to, trying to pick a fight about it wasn't a good idea. Santana loved being in control, but something told her that Quinn would be giving her a run for her money when it came to being in charge.

As it turned out, Santana had no reason to dread cheer practice. Things between her and Mia actually seemed alright, and although Santana had been a bit concerned about reactions from their mutual friends like Tara and Heather, it turned out that all of that was better than expected too. There definitely wasn't too much awkwardness, and practice had been quite full-on so there hadn't been a whole lot of time for chatting.

Practice finished and Santana saw Brittany waiting for her over by one of the benches. She waved and began to walk over.

After Brittany had fallen back to sleep the night before it had occurred to Santana that she didn't really know what was going on in her friend's life at the moment, and that realisation had made Santana feel pretty crap. Brittany had been there for her every single time she'd wanted to whine and moan about her girl problems. Hell, she'd even put up with Santana going all crazy like the Hulk and shouting at her for no reason… yet Santana was pretty sure that in return she deserved a shiny gold medal for being the world's worst friend.

As well as feeling like she'd neglected her friend (and roommate) duties, Santana got the feeling something was going on with Brittany, something not entirely positive. However, Brittany's selfless nature had meant that she hadn't told Santana and had instead focused on her friend's problems rather than sharing her own. Therefore, when Brittany had woken up that morning Santana had insisted that after her cheer practice they would have a girly night in together. She'd even suggested they bring back their hot chocolate and PJ times and that Brittany could pick whatever film she wanted to without Santana complaining (Brittany had squealed with joy at the suggestion, although had seemed dubious about the idea of Santana managing to resist complaining for the entire night).

Brittany had agreed at once, with the condition that they had to facetime Lord Tubbington first since he was getting a bit jealous of Santana monopolising Brittany's time. Brittany figured that if Lord Tubbington got to know Santana properly then maybe he wouldn't be quite so jealous.

"Lopez! Hold up!" Mia called from behind her.

Santana slowed down her pace so that Mia could catch up with her, "What's up?"

"I just wanted to say hey. It was a busy practice so we didn't get much chance to talk. How's things?"

"Things are good thanks," Santana said as they arrived next to Brittany.

"Hey Mia!" Brittany smiled, "Sannie, I hope you're ready for a super cheesy film tonight."

"Oh god… Worse than 'The Notebook'?"

"Erm… 'The Notebook' is tragic, Santana", Mia said, shaking her head, "It's not cheesy."

"Precisely, it's a whole different genre." Brittany nodded in agreement, "Actually I've got three for you to choose from, because I thought I'd be nice."

"This sounds serious. I'll leave you to pick your film, Santana. See you later."

"Hang on, Mia! Before you go you've gotta help me pick. I'm fucking clueless when it comes to Britt's film collection," Santana insisted.

Mia rolled her eyes sarcastically, "Alright, but only because this is clearly a life or death decision. What are her choices, Brittany?"

Brittany took a deep breath, clearly taking the whole situation very seriously, "Ok, I've narrowed it down to… 'Music and Lyrics', 'What Happens in Vegas' and 'New Year's Eve'. Obviously I love them all."

Mia inhaled sharply, shaking her head, "Tough call right there, Lopez."

"Well that doesn't help me! Can't we just watch 'Friends With Benefits' again? Ooh or 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'? Mila Kunis is ridiculously hot. Like, I'm surprised fires don't just suddenly appear wherever she goes," Santana nodded seriously.

"Nope!" Brittany grinned, "You've got to pick one."

Mia turned to face Santana, "Ok, so do you want Hugh Grant singing 80's cheesy pop, Ashton Kutcher in a film I can't actually remember so I suggest you don't pick that because clearly it wasn't very good, or lots of mini stories put together that are all about New Year's Eve?"

"Oh, so sort of like 'Love Actually'? That had lots of different stories in it, right? Except that was about Christmas," Santana asked.

Mia nodded, "Yeah, but it's not as good."

"That's because 'Love Actually' is amazing," Brittany said very enthusiastically, "God I love that film so much."

"I'll admit that one wasn't unbearable," Santana shrugged, "We'll go with 'New Year's Eve' then. I don't think I'm ready to hear Hugh Grant singing 80's pop. Thanks, Mia. Your help is appreciated. If the film is terrible I'm going to blame you."

"You promised not to complain, Santana!" Brittany smirked, "You're going to love it."

Mia laughed, "Have fun guys!"

As soon as Mia was out of earshot, Brittany turned to her friend, "I'm glad things between you two are alright. I know you were a bit worried."

"Yeah, I was worried it would be awkward but I think it's going to be ok. I mean, I don't expect us to be best buddies or anything, or hang out like we did, but it's definitely not a bad start."

* * *

Santana rolled her eyes, holding back what felt like the hundredth insult she'd thought of during the film so far, and it hadn't even been on for long.  _Seriously though if they use the phrase 'ball drop' again I don't think I'll be able to stop myself. Damn, why did I pick a film about New Year's Eve? Rookie error, Santana._

Brittany was laid by the side of her, both girls on their stomachs, staring intently at the TV screen. Santana distracted herself from blurting out negative comments by making up extra dialogue for the characters in her mind. At the moment some girl (who was actually pretty attractive) was stuck in an elevator with Ashton Kutcher's character, who was called Randy.  _I have too much I could say about this guy's name. God, this film is fucking killing me. I swear Britt did this on purpose. This is just like that episode of Friends where Chandler isn't allowed to make any jokes…_

"So that girl is a back up singer for Jon Bon Jovi?" Santana asked sceptically, trying to figure out how all the separate stories in this film were going to come together.

Brittany nodded, still munching a handful of peanut m&m's, "Yep. You hear her sing later, she's really good actually."

Even though Santana couldn't have cared less what the character's occupation was, or whether she was going to sing later on, she was enjoying spending time with Brittany. It felt like it had been a while since they had spent time just hanging out together, and Santana knew that was on her.

Over the last couple of days Santana had sensed that something was going on that Brittany wasn't telling her about. She didn't want to force it out of her, but she certainly didn't want her friend to feel like she couldn't tell her. After all, Brittany had been there for Santana countless times since they'd met in September and it was probably time for Santana to return the favour.

"Hey, Britt?" She asked, "Just so you know, if there's anything you ever want to talk to me about I'll always listen."

Brittany pressed pause on the remote and turned her head so she was looking at Santana, "It's not like you to get all serious. I hope you're not just trying to avoid watching the film, because you've been really good at not being negative so far."

Santana laughed, "No, I'm not just trying to avoid watching it. I just… I just want you to know you can talk to me. If there's anything going on that you would need to talk about of course. Not that I'm saying there is of course. But hypothetically, if there was, you could definitely talk to me."

Brittany narrowed her eyes, "You're so bad at this, you know that? You'd be like the world's worst ninja. If you think something's wrong you are allowed to just ask me."

"Excuse me! I would make an amazing ninja!"

Brittany snorted, "No you wouldn't! You suck at hiding your emotions or being sly. And a ninja contains their anger and has to be all calm and collected. You, Sannie, are not calm and collected. Do you remember that guy in the cafeteria the other day?"

"Oh come on!" Santana suddenly sat up on the bed, throwing her arms up, "He was taking like 5 hours to choose his food! Nobody gets me between me and my food, not for that long, especially when there's pizza involved. Besides, I only told him to hurry up."

Brittany's eyes widened, "Santana, you told him if he didn't make his mind up in 5 seconds you were going to grab hot sauce and shove a spoon-"

"Ok, ok. I get the picture. Sometimes I gets a little ragey. You know, that was nothing, I'm way better at controlling my crazy now. You should've met me in high school because that dude got nothing compared to the time I went all loco at the waitress in Breadstix. No one should get between me and Italian carbohydrates." Santana shrugged, "Anyway, Miss Topic Changer, I feel like there's something going on with you that's all."

Brittany twisted her mouth into what Santana immediately recognised as her embarrassed face, a sure sign that something serious was on her mind, "Yeah…"

"What's up? I mean, obviously you don't have to tell me."

Brittany wriggled on the bed, getting herself comfortable. That was Santana's second inkling that whatever Brittany was going to say was serious, "Well… You've got to promise not to laugh at me."

"Pinky promise," Santana said, holding out her little finger towards Brittany who gripped it with hers.

"Ok, so, Mike and I… We… You know we've been taking things pretty slowly, right?"

Santana nodded, "Yeah."

"Well, after New Year's we kinda decided to… y'know."

"Have sex? There's nothing wrong with that. It's not like you're a virgin."

"No I know. It's just… This is Mike and we were friends for so long and we didn't want to rush things."

"I get that," Santana smiled, "So, what's the problem?"

"It got… sort of weird."

Santana thought about making some sort of joke about how sex involving a penis was always weird, but she knew that Brittany did not need her jokes right now, however hilarious they might be, "Weird how?"

"I don't know. It's just, one minute we were kissing and then the next we could both tell it was building up into something more and neither of us stopped like we had before, which I thought was ok. But then… it… something didn't…" Brittany sighed, "I don't know, Santana. Something didn't feel right and it was probably the most awkward moment I've ever had in my life because you know, we were both almost naked-"

"Hang on. So did you have sex or not?"

"Not." Brittany paused, "Every time one of us tried to make a move that took things further it just got a bit awkward. It was like there was this line… I can't even describe it. It was so obvious neither of us was feeling it. We ended up stopping and then sort of awkwardly cuddling for a while before I made a really lame excuse and left."

"Oh."

"Yeah… Exactly."

Santana thought for a moment, "Have you talked about it since?"

"Not really. We've not seen each other much since we got back to San Diego and when we have we've sort of hung out as a group with Puck."

Santana wasn't exactly sure what to say, she'd never had any real problems in bed before and certainly hadn't had any issues with sex not feeling right, "I mean… It doesn't have to be a big deal. Maybe neither of you were in the mood or something. Or, maybe you just need to wait a little while longer, until the timing's right."

Brittany shrugged, "Maybe… I don't know, Santana."

"You can't avoid each other forever, you know."

Brittany sighed and rolled onto her back, knocking over the bag of peanut m&m's as she did. She groaned as she saw the multi-coloured balls scatter all over the bed, most of them rolling off onto the floor and veering off in different directions, "Stupid m&m's, being all round and rollable."

Santana smiled softly and lay down beside her friend, "We can have fun finding them for weeks to come. It'll be like a chocolatey surprise each time."

"Sounds like the best kind of surprise."

"Do you promise me you'll talk to him? Because even if this all turns out to be nothing, right now it's something and it's stopping the two of you from speaking and that's not cool. You guys have been in each other's lives since you were the size of smurfs."

Brittany nodded, "I know. You're right. I promise I'll talk to him. We're both pretty good at avoiding things."

"And if you want to talk about anything I'm here to listen."

"I know, Sannie. Thanks." Brittany leaned over and hugged her friend, "Sorry to put a downer on things."

"What? Don't be ridiculous, Britt!"

"It's true though. Things with Quinn are finally ok, and when I say finally I really mean my-god-how-long-did-I-seriously-have-to-wait-for-t he-two-of-you-to-finally-get-it-together-because-i t-was-a-little-absurd." Brittany ignored Santana glaring at her because honestly it wasn't even a proper glare, and the lack of conviction behind it was kind of adorable, "And things with Mia seem to be going well too! When we talked to her earlier it wasn't awkward or anything. So yeah, everything's actually really good but then I flew in with my awkward non-sex and ruined the happy times."

"Firstly, be quiet. Secondly, it's really fine. God knows you've had to deal with enough of my shit over the past few months-"

"Drama Queen," Brittany coughed.

Santana playfully hit her friend's arm, "Shush. Anyway, just because things with Quinn and Mia are going well, it doesn't mean you've ruined anything. Goober."

"To be fair, it would be pretty dull if everything was going well. I don't think we'd know how to cope. It's crazy enough that Quinn and Mia aren't causing any drama, it'd be too much to handle if I was drama-free too. We can't have three of the ladies in your life making things easy," Brittany joked.

"Precisely," Santana said, discovering a green m&m that had managed to get lost in the creases of the bed cover, "Besides, Britt, two out of three ain't bad."


	22. I Do Not Hook Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So all chapters that were already written were bulk uploaded onto here since I started this story in May on FF.net. At the time of writing this note these are all the written chapters, and so this story is up to date. It will now be updated as and when new chapters are written. 
> 
> I tend to post previews and updates for chapters on my tumblr so if you feel inclined to then you can find me over there.
> 
> This chapter song is by Kelly Clarkson.

"Rachel Barbra Berry speaking."

Santana rolled her eyes, "Are you kidding me, Rach?"

"I'm trying something new, Santana!" Rachel huffed, "After all, if I'm going to be taken seriously in the Broadway circle then I need to sound professional, and creating a good first impression is vital!"

Santana laughed, "Okay, firstly, take your hands off your hips. Secondly, calm your tits. Thirdly, I'm not freakin' Broadway calling, I'm your ridiculously awesome best friend."

She heard Rachel sigh down the phone, "How do you know where my hands are?"

"Oh come on, I know you well enough to know exactly what your hands are doing all the time," Santana paused as she re-evaluated her words. She smirked and laughed before saying, "Wanky."

"Santana!" Rachel shrieked, "For goodness sake."

"Whatever. I can't help it! My brain is programmed to think dirty thoughts. They just pop right up in there before I have chance to think. I like to think it's my superhero power."

"I feel so sorry for Quinn…" Rachel muttered, "That poor girl doesn't know what she's signed up for."

It had been two days since the night when Santana had told Quinn how she felt. Santana knew that Rachel would go crazy if she didn't tell her about developments, so she had called her the very next day to fill her in. She also knew that if Rachel heard about it from any other source she would pout for weeks, and since Santana still wasn't quite sure how much Brittany and Rachel talked she had decided to call as soon as she could. Her two friends seemed to have a budding friendship of their own, which had started when Rachel had visited San Diego. Santana thought it was kind of nice that her two closest friends at least got on, although she hoped it didn't mean they would be making a habit of ganging up on her when she did stupid things (which seemed to be quite often).

After Rachel had finished chastising her for not ringing immediately after everything had happened with Quinn, she had insisted on knowing every tiny detail about their conversation. As much as Santana would have loved to deny it, she had actually loved telling Rachel about things with Quinn. It was all a big step for her and it was weird not to have her closest friend around to share it with.

"How are things with Quinn anyway? You haven't managed to scare her away yet?"

Santana pouted a little, even though there was nobody in the room but her, "Your lack of faith in me is real nice."

"Oh you know I'm simply joking, Santana. Seriously, how are things? Tell me everything!" Rachel said gleefully.

Santana stood up and walked across the room, her bare foot coming into contact with something unexpected as she did. She furrowed her eyebrows and bent down, picking up a red m&m. Ever since their last hot chocolate and PJ movie night when Brittany had knocked them over, Santana had been finding the little chocolates everywhere. Brittany had insisted on creating a sticker chart and had turned it into a competition between the two of them to see who could find the most m&m's.

"Hang on, just found another m&m. Time to put yet another sticker on my side of the chart. Britt is going down! I'm 4 ahead of her already. Now let's see if I can get it in the bin first time round…" Santana said, taking aim at the trash can that was situated about 5 meters away on the opposite side of the room. She concentrated, sticking her tongue out as she narrowed her eyes at her target.

"Put your tongue away. It's not very ladylike."

Santana aimed and the m&m made a satisfying clang as it hit the inside of the bin and clattered to the bottom, "It's not  _ladylike_ … but I'll have you know the  _ladies_  very much  _like_  my tongue."

"Oh lord," Rachel sighed, although Santana knew she wasn't actually annoyed. After all, if crude humour actually bothered her, their friendship would've crashed and burned a long time ago, "I was merely pointing out that you stick your tongue out when you concentrate."

"And I was merely pointing out that my tongue has many uses," Santana smirked, peeling off one of Brittany's Disney stickers from the sheet (Simba to be precise) and sticking it triumphantly on her side of the chart, "Anyway you asked about Quinn, who, not counting Florida, has unfortunately only experienced my tongue in her mouth."

"Irrespective of your lack of tongue use on Quinn's anatomy, how are things going?"

"It's been like two days, Rach! No new developments," Santana said, opening a can of red bull and taking a big gulp, "We hung out with Britt last night and forced her to watch The OC with us. Y'know, I think she might be starting to like it."

"So no talk of a romantic first date or anything?" Rachel said somewhat hesitantly.

Santana sat down on her bed, giving the room a quick scan for more m&m's to increase her lead, "Nope. We're good. We hung out watching The OC, it was nice."

"You're like a 14 year old. Aren't you going to actually, you know, take her on a date? Or at least do something with just the two of you?"

"Well Britt was at dance practice when Quinn came over so we did have some alone time before Britt got back. We gots our mack on."

Rachel sighed loudly before saying, "So romantic."

"Anyway, we're taking this one step at a time. She knows I haven't done this whole thing before, well except for Mia and I don't think that really counted."

"Well okay then. Have you got any exciting plans this week?"

"Puck's frat, Sigma Nu, are having an open frat party on Friday and he invited us along so me and Britt are going to go. Plus half the cheer team will probably be there too," Santana continued, "But I know Britt is a bit unsure because Mike will be there. I swear, those two drive me fucking insane sometimes. They both just avoid issues and then Britt sits here looking all miserable and confused and I want to strangle Chang but I'm not actually sure he's done anything wrong."

"If my memory serves me correctly it didn't used to matter if someone had something wrong. I remember in our senior year when poor Jesse tried to-"

"No! Oh no you don't! 'Poor Jesse'? The guy was an absolute dickwad who was just trying to get in your pants. I mean, apart from him being smarmy as hell, he's almost as gay as Kurt. The whole thing was bizarre and quite frankly as confusing to me as Furbys. I mean what the fuck are those things anyway?!"

"He is not gay!" Rachel shrieked loudly.

"Oh Rach, honey, yes he is. Anyway, I'm working on being less…" Santana pondered for a moment, trying to find the right word, "Ragey."

"Although I'm very pleased that you're maturing, your 'ragey' side does come in useful sometimes."

"Snix has her uses," Santana grinned, "Don't worry, she's still in there."

"It really freaks me out when you use that name…" Rachel paused briefly, "Anyway, are you going to take Quinn to the party too?"

Santana contemplated Rachel's suggestion, "I hadn't actually thought of that but yeah, maybe I will. I don't see why not."

"Fantastic!" Rachel exclaimed, "I'm sure you'll both have a lovely time!"

"You seem a little too pleased about me taking Quinn to a party…" Santana said, narrowing her eyes in suspicion, "Berry, you haven't got some kind of weird plan I need to know about have you? I know you're all the way over in New York but I would not put it past you and Britt to have done something-"

"No! I promise we haven't. Look, I just know what you're like and I don't want you to not invite her along to things. I think she'll want to meet your friends and it's a good step forward!" Rachel said happily.

"Well thanks, Oprah, I'll be sure to invite her. Alright?" Santana replied, "Right, I better go. Gotta go to class. Talk soon, Rach."

"Goodbye, Santana. Let me know how things go!"

"I'll make sure to send you regular progress reports on all aspects of my life. Laters." Santana said sarcastically before hanging up the phone.

* * *

Santana stared at her reflection in the mirror, deep in contemplation. She'd been stood like that for at least the past 5 minutes and she still wasn't sure she was any closer to answering the question that was whizzing around in her mind. Frowning, she realised that something this important definitely needed a second opinion.

"Britt!" Santana yelled from the bathroom, "Do these jeans make my ass look hot enough?"

"Well that depends how hot you want your ass to be, doesn't it?" Brittany responded as her head peered round the door.

"Okay, so if 0 is an ice cube-"

"But they're not hot," Brittany furrowed her eyebrows for a second before realisation hit her, "Oh… I get it."

"Yeah, so 0 is an ice cube and 10 is lava."

Brittany took a moment to look at Santana properly, her nose wrinkling slightly as she thought about Santana's question carefully. Finally, after much deliberation, she straightened up and said, "I'd give you a 7."

Santana looked at Brittany in disbelief, before looking back at her reflection and analysing it some more, "What the hell?! No way, surely I'm an 8 at least! These are hugging me in all the right places. 7 my ass."

"That's funny... because it is your ass," Brittany laughed and then winked at Santana before saying, "I've got to be careful, I don't want to over-inflate your ego. Why's it matter anyway? You've got Quinn, you don't need to be impressing anyone at this party!"

"Erm… Quinn is the reason that I need to look super hot!"

"Am I missing something?" Brittany left the bathroom, and sat down on her bed to put on her shoes.

Santana followed her friend out, glancing back at herself once more in the mirror before deciding that Brittany must have been joking because she was definitely at least an 8, "I still need to impress her! Have you seen her? She's, like, ridiculously beautiful!"

"But she already likes you…" Brittany said slowly, clearly waiting for her friend to explain herself properly.

"Well, yes, but that doesn't mean I don't want to make her jaw drop," Santana winked, "Who knows what could happen tonight, Britt Britt."

"And to think you used to call her Voldemort," Brittany joked, sticking out her tongue.

Santana glared at her friend, the words she was about to say stayed hidden as she was interrupted by a gentle knocking on the door, "That'll be Quinn, so keep it zipped. You gots it?"

Brittany grinned as Santana headed to the door, "Quinn would love to know all about your affectionate nickname for her."

Santana opened the door and saw Quinn standing on the other side, a bemused look on her face, "You have an affectionate nickname for me?"

"These doors are way too thin. I fucking hate you, Pierce. Next time we FaceTime Lord Tubbington I'm going to tell him all about that cat you stroked on the way to Harrington's the other day."

Brittany gasped, "You wouldn't!"

"Oh, I so would," Santana suddenly felt a hand on her arm and she turned around to face Quinn who was grinning adorably. Soft lips touched hers lightly, and Santana mentally mocked herself for how such a swift and fleeting kiss could cause her whole body to tingle so dramatically. The sensation caught her off guard and she was glad she was leaning against the doorway because she wasn't entirely sure she could trust her knees to keep her completely upright.

"What's my nickname?" Quinn said sweetly as she pulled away.

Santana looked at Brittany, narrowing her eyes before sighing, "Erm… Voldemort."

Quinn's eyes widened, "Voldemort?"

Santana laughed nervously, running her hand through her hair as she spoke, "I mean… It was before we, erm, y'know… and I didn't really want to talk about you so Britt called you 'you-know-who' so really this is all her fault, and, erm, I swear it's nothing bad."

"Well you better watch your step then, Santana, otherwise you might find me using Avada Kedavra on you," Quinn said while smirking, she laughed as she saw the look of surprise on Santana's face, "I'll have to think of a nickname for you too. I'm sure Brittany can help me with that while we walk to the party."

Brittany grinned, "I already call her the Hulk, since she gets all mad and crazy sometimes."

Quinn giggled, "I like it, Brittany. You're definitely the right person to help me come up with a nickname for her, although I think it should be something that's super adorable."

Santana blinked, unsure of precisely what was going on. She certainly hadn't expected Quinn to be quite so cool about her choice of nickname, and she definitely was not down with the idea of having her own nickname, especially if it was going to be 'super adorable', "Okay, time to break up the Brittany and Quinn show. Let's go."

As they walked the short distance to Puck's frat house, Santana began to realise that she was feeling unusually nervous. She wasn't sure why, but there was certainly no denying the sensation that was building inside her. Quinn and Brittany were talking animatedly next to her, so it wasn't as though she needed to be nervous about the two of them not getting along (besides, she wasn't sure there was anyone in the world who wouldn't adore Brittany). She wasn't the type of person that got anxious over social situations, so it certainly wasn't that either.

She tried to make sense of what was happening inside her, but it was pointless. Butterflies were doing an Irish jig inside her stomach and she had no clue why. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted as she felt Quinn's hand slip into hers. The butterflies that had previously been fluttering around suddenly started performing advanced acrobatics inside her, jolting violently. It was a complete different emotion to the one she had been experiencing previously. The flips in her stomach only began to lessen when she felt Quinn's hand lightly squeeze her own. She felt her body calm down at Quinn's touch; something that only added to her confusion.

_Am I even in control of my own body anymore?! First she kisses me and I feel like I want to faint, and now she's turning my stomach into an Olympic gymnast…_

Santana looked to her left and was met with a soft smile and those unmistakeable hazel eyes, "Are you alright?"

Santana nodded and gave a small smile, "Yeah, of course."

"You seem quiet," Quinn said, a hint of concern in her voice, "You know, I'm not going to get offended if you'd rather just go to this party with your friends."

"What?! No! I promise everything's okay, Q. We're going to have a great time, and you'll get to meet Puck and Mike and everyone. Oh and I know a few girls from cheerleading said they were coming too and they'll want to see you."

"And you're alright with all of that?"

Brittany was walking at the other side of Santana and was clearly focusing on her phone in order to try and give the two of them a little privacy. Santana made a mental note to thank her later, "Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't I be? It's just a party."

Quinn's thumb began move up and down Santana's hand, creating a soothing rhythm, "I'm not saying you shouldn't be, but you're definitely acting a little strange. I just wanted to make sure you were definitely alright with me coming along tonight. It can be a bit weird, y'know, the whole meeting each other's friends things. I'd understand if that was freaking you out a bit."

Santana hesitated, considering exactly what Quinn was saying. Maybe this  _wasn't_ 'just a party' after all. Quinn was right; Santana's friends were going to be there, most of whom hadn't met Quinn yet. In fact, the two of them had only really hung out with Brittany. The girls from the cheer team who might be there knew Quinn, but they didn't know  _this_ Quinn. The Quinn that held her hand, the Quinn that made her stomach go funny, the Quinn that was absolutely and definitely more than just her friend. And they certainly didn't know  _this_ Santana either.

She didn't think she'd thought about it like that before Quinn had pointed it out, but perhaps subconsciously she had. The churning in her stomach that had started again only seemed to be agreeing with her hypothesis.

She'd often thought about things with Quinn as being like a new type of journey for her. The sort of journey that had the potential to take her to places she'd never been before. The kind that went down long, windy, uncharted roads where she had no way of knowing exactly where she'd end up, but the type that she was pretty sure would have some pretty good sights along the way regardless of the final destination.

It hadn't really occurred to her that their journey would lead them down all sorts of roads. The types of roads where Quinn would meet her friends, and she would do the same, where they'd be a 'couple', and people would say their names in the same sentence as though they came as a package deal.

It had only been a few days since whatever they had together had begun, and until now they'd steered clear of those unknown roads, just hanging out alone or with Brittany.

But now… Well, this was about to be something that other people could see and comment on. It all made it feel a little more real than it had already.

This party, as stupid as she thought it sounded in her head, was like the beginning of their journey into the unknown.

It was one of those surreal moments where Santana felt like hours had passed as she allowed all her thoughts to wash over her, but when her eyes refocused on Quinn's she knew it must have only been a matter of seconds.

"You know, Q," Santana began. She smiled, as she realised that whilst this party might seem a little scary, it was also sort of awesome because if there was anyone she wanted to try going down those roads with, it was definitely Quinn. As long they took it slow, maybe all that stuff would actually be alright, "I really do want you here. Alright? So be quiet, come meet my friends, and try to stop being so ridiculously cute."

"Okay, but I can make no promises about that last part." Quinn smirked, "It's pretty much out of my control."

"Watch it, big head, you won't make it through the door." She joked, playfully hitting Quinn on the arm. She stopped grinning as it suddenly occurred to her that this was potentially a big deal for Quinn too, "Wait… Are you okay with all this?"

Quinn nodded, "I am. I mean, don't get me wrong, if Mia is there I might feel a bit odd but she's been nice about everything so I think that'll be alright. I'd be more bothered if Finn was there, but that's pretty unlikely since he's in Pi Kappa Alpha. Those guys don't really get on with Sigma Nu."

"Well if Finn is there we can go if you want to, alright? No big deal."

"Thank you," Quinn said softly, "Now come on, my ridiculously cute self is getting a little cold, so we should hurry it up."

"I wish I'd never said that, I'm going to have to watch that ego of yours," Santana countered before looking over at Brittany who, bless her, was still pretending to be completely engrossed in whatever was on her phone screen, "Hey Britt, you can stop pretending to play Candy Crush on your phone. I know you've been stuck on the same level for two weeks now."

Brittany looked over, pouting, "That level is hard…"

"My friend Blaine and I got really addicted to Candy Crush over Christmas, Brittany. I could totally have a look at it if you want," Quinn offered.

Brittany's face spit into a wide grin, "That would be amazing! Yes please!"

Santana shook her head and sighed, "You're a Candy Crush nerd too, Fabray? It's bad enough having Britt playing it."

"You know you want to play it too, Santana. You're just trying to act cool," Brittany said as she put her phone away.

"I love addictive phone games," Quinn shrugged, "I haven't played it since Christmas, but that game is pretty good."

"Man, I think I might have a lot to learn about you, Q," Santana said, glancing over at the blonde while a smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

Quinn nodded, "Fun fact number two: I can play the piano."

Santana raised an eyebrow, "Seriously?"

"Seriously," Quinn nodded, "Daddy made us all learn an instrument when we were young. I never fell completely in love with it, probably because I felt forced to learn, but I did like it. I haven't played for a couple of years though."

"Pianos sound so pretty!" Brittany exclaimed, "Oh my god, you totally need to play for us!"

Santana looked at Quinn, finding herself (not for the first time) completely mesmerised by the girl in front of her. A brief pause hung between them before she said genuinely, "I like these fun facts."

"Well stick around and maybe I'll tell you some more," Quinn smiled shyly.

Santana returned her smile, "Deal."

"Just so you know, you two are so adorable it hurts a little bit," Brittany grinned at them.

"I'm not adorable!" Santana exclaimed, "Seriously, between the two of you my credibility is going to be ruined."

"Oh, San, you're the only one ruining your 'credibility'," Quinn giggled as Santana's glare got stronger at her use of air quotes.

"We're here!" Brittany squealed, "I'm so excited! We've never been to Puck's frat house before!"

Santana laughed, "Don't get too excited, Britt. It's just a frat house."

Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and pulled her excitedly towards the door, "Stop ruining my fun! Let's go find Puck!"

* * *

Santana didn't recognise whatever song was currently playing but she didn't really care. The beat was good and so that alone meant she could move easily to it. They'd already been at Puck's party for 2 hours and the gentle buzz of alcohol that was in her system had helped to loosen up her limbs, not that she particularly needed any help in that department. Years of cheerleading and going to far too many parties at high school meant she had no reservations on the dance floor.

Brittany and Mike had scuttled off outside as soon as Mike had arrived around half an hour ago, and Santana hadn't seen them since. She hoped this meant they were at least talking about their issues, rather than continuing to ignore them. Puck had talked to them briefly (for about 10 seconds) but seemed to know every single person at the party so was being pulled in several directions all at once.

So far they'd seen a couple of the other cheerleaders, who had all hugged Quinn and told her to come back to the team, but there had been no sign of Mia. Quinn was dancing right by Santana, her drink in one hand and a smile on her face, when Puck sidled up beside them.

"Ladies! Sorry I couldn't really talk earlier. This place is crazy," Puck pulled Santana in for a hug as he spoke, the movement causing a small amount of her drink to slosh over the edge of her cup and onto the floor.

"That's cool. You're a popular frat boy now, Puckerman. I get it. Ain't go time for us nobodies," Santana winked at him as their hug ended.

"You're not a nobody. You know, the two of us have bro potential, I can feel it. We should hang out more. I miss us doing stuff with Mike and Britt. We haven't done that for a while."

Santana nodded, "Well, once they're cool with each other again I'll hold you to that."

"And you'll have to invite this lovely lady along too," Puck said, gesturing towards Quinn, "The more the merrier."

"Oh yeah, I should probably introduce you two. Quinn, this is Puck. He'll probably try and flirt with you at some point since he never knows when someone is out of his league, and he doesn't like anybody touching his hair-"

"Hey! You have to earn the right to touch things that are this awesome," Puck interrupted, one hand gesturing to his mohawk for emphasis.

"And Puck, this is Quinn. She was on the cheer team and she's my..." Santana paused, suddenly aware that she had no idea what technical term she should use to describe Quinn. They hadn't talked about the word 'girlfriend' so that was definitely off the table (plus, Santana thought that seemed way too soon since it had only been less than a week), 'partner' made it sound like they were married (or in a dodgy Western film where Quinn was a Sheriff and she was an outlaw), and 'friend' was definitely not accurate. Santana swallowed, aware that her pause had already been way too long, and words definitely needed to be leaving her mouth around now if she didn't want to look like a complete fool. In her panic she said the only words that came to her mind, "Quinn. She's my Quinn."

_Oh god. Please tell me I didn't just say that. Fuck. 'My Quinn'? What was I thinking?! Santana to Earth, now would be a great time to swallow me whole._

Santana looked directly at Puck, desperately avoiding looking in the direction of Quinn. She wasn't sure she wanted to see the expression that was on her face right now.

Puck only paused for a brief moment before he grinned and responded, "Cool! Well, I'll lay off the flirting but it might just happen accidentally. She's a beautiful lady."

"Well aren't you a charmer," Quinn joked, winking at Puck, "Thanks for inviting us, well inviting Santana. I just tagged along for the ride."

Puck shrugged, "No problem. Mi casa es su casa and all that shit. Now can I interest you ladies in a game of truth or dare? A few of us are playing if you're interested."

Santana looked over at Quinn, trying to gauge if the blonde had a preference over whether they joined in or not. Part of Santana hoped Quinn would say yes, just because that meant the two of them wouldn't have time for any sort of awkward chat about how Santana had introduced Quinn to Puck. However, the other side of her thought she wasn't nearly drunk enough to consider playing truth or dare yet.

Quinn shrugged, "I'm good. But we can play if you want to?"

"I'm alright. Maybe Britt and Mike will want to play?" Santana suggested.

Puck shook his head, "I'm going to leave those two to sort it out. I'm fed up of Mikey boy moping around, this shit needs fixing. Whatever happens between them, I just want everything to be cool again. The three of us have been friends since we ate sand together so it'd be weird if things changed now."

Santana smiled sadly, "They'll suss it out."

"They better do!" Puck grinned, "Right, see you later ladies."

"Tara's over there!" Quinn exclaimed as Puck walked away, pointing excitedly across the room, "Can we go catch up? It's been way too long."

"You know, if you rejoined the team you wouldn't have to have these catch ups. The girls miss you being there, Q. I miss you being there."

Quinn raised one eyebrow, "You just miss seeing me in that uniform."

Santana laughed, "I can't deny that, but seriously you should just rejoin."

"We'll talk about it another time. For now, I think it's better I stay away. Now come on, let's go have fun!" Quinn grabbed her hand and dragged her off in the direction of Tara.

* * *

The cold air practically smacked her in the face as they went outside. The alcohol that had previously been gently tingling its way through her system was now doing a lot more than that. It had been another 2 hours and Santana was fairly positive that whatever was currently in her bloodstream was some sort of descendant of fire. She giggled as she imagined an army of miniature flames dancing their way through her body, pit stopping every so often to go through one of her major organs.

"What's so funny?" Quinn asked, her voice slightly slurred.

"What if little people, like little flame people, are in us right now, Q? What if alcohol is full of all these little, tiny flame people and we drink them and then they have a party inside us? Just hanging out in our bloodstream, livin' it large," Santana looked at Quinn and tried to pull the most serious face she could manage, "We should probably tell someone important about this, because I think it might be a big deal."

"Do you normally turn into a scientist when you're drunk?" Quinn giggled.

"I'm not  _that_ drunk. You won't be laughing at me when I'm right, y'know. I'll be world famous," Santana joked, "Anyway, you've had plenty to drink too, hot stuff."

Quinn shrugged, "I'm not the one talking about tiny fire people!"

"Flame people, Quinn, flame. Big difference."

Quinn stepped closer and suddenly pressed her lips to Santana's, "You're cute. You're also ridiculous."

"I'm ridiculously cute," Santana winked, pulling Quinn in for another kiss.

Quinn gave out a soft sigh as they pulled apart, "Wanna go see if that game of truth or dare is still on?"

Santana shrugged, "Sure thing."

They worked their way back into the frat house, manoeuvring their way through the kitchen and back in the direction that Puck had gone earlier. Since Puck had left they had spent the majority of their time with a group of girls on the cheer team, and, thankfully, Quinn hadn't brought up the whole 'my Quinn' incident.

Santana had replayed the conversation over again in her mind far too many times, trying to work out what words she could possibly have used instead but had come up with nothing that sounded any better. All she knew was that, for some reason, she felt like a complete idiot. She had tried to tell herself that she was blowing the whole thing out of proportion, after all Quinn hadn't mentioned it, but the words still niggled at the back of her mind acting as a constant reminder.

Quinn was in front of her, their hands intertwined, leading her through the crowded room. They weaved their way through the sea of people that seemed to be all around them. The lethal concoction of over-thinking, alcohol, and an over-crowded frat house was beginning to make Santana feel a little light headed.

The two girls finally wrestled their way out of the packed room and into a quieter area where, sure enough, a group of people were still playing truth or dare. Santana couldn't see Puck anywhere, but that was no surprise since it had been two hours and no doubt the group of people playing had changed multiple times.

As Santana sat down she heard a wolf whistle from across the circle of people. Looking across she saw a tall, blonde guy whose eyes were practically glued to Quinn. Santana was positive that a puddle of drool was starting to form on the floor next to him.

"Well now this game is going to get better," he commented, leering at her, "You should've joined us an hour ago, gorgeous."

Quinn shifted uncomfortably next to Santana and the brunette felt a rush of anger course through her, "Get yourself some better lines. You've got no chance."

The guy looked at Santana in disbelief, "Nobody asked you, did they?"

"Santana, let's just go. He's clearly an idiot," Quinn muttered under her breath.

"Come on, let's let the newbies go first," the guy continued, pointing at Quinn, "Truth or dare?"

"That's okay, we're going to go now-"

Quinn was interrupted by Puck, who had appeared behind them and started to sit down next to Santana, "I hope you're being nice, Luke. Because these girls are good friends of mine."

"Of course I am. I'm just asking one of our newcomers if she wants a truth or dare."

Quinn looked at Santana, clearly unsure about whether they should stay or go. Santana squeezed her hand, an indication that they may as well stay, and Quinn answered, "Dare."

The blonde boy, Luke, leaned forward to bring himself slightly closer to Quinn, his shaggy hair falling in front of his eyes slightly as he did. His eyes didn't leave Quinn's as he spoke, "Make out with the hottest person here."

It only took a second before Santana felt Quinn's lips collide with her own. Quinn's tongue slid over her bottom lip and the kiss deepened. Santana couldn't help but want to kiss Quinn senseless, partly because she wanted to and partly because she really wanted to piss off the jackass who had been leering at Quinn.

"What a fucking joke."

Santana reluctantly pulled away from Quinn, "Excuse me?"

Luke rolled his eyes, "Should've fucking known you were lesbians."

Santana's hands shook slightly as she attempted to control the rage that she was feeling inside, "Oh what, because she didn't automatically kiss  _you_  you're getting pissed off? Firstly, your face looks like something I stepped on outside, and secondly, you have the charm of a fucking cockroach."

Suddenly Luke was stood up, his body looming over Santana who was still sat on the floor, "What did you just say to me?"

Puck leapt to his feet, "Look you either calm down or leave."

Santana grabbed Quinn's hand and stood up, "It's okay, Puck. Quite frankly being anywhere near this jackass is making me feel ill."

Santana was aware that she was moving quite quickly, and as a result she was probably dragging Quinn behind her, but she knew that getting away from Luke was vital. The anger was so hot inside her that it was threatening to overcloud any logic that was left within her, and she was pretty sure that getting into a fight with a guy who was 6ft tall and clearly athletic, wasn't a smart move. It took every ounce of her resolve to leave the room, rather than attempt to go all kinds of Lima Heights on his ass.

She wasn't exactly sure where she was going. Everything in front of her was almost a blur, her vision clouded with the emotions that were flooding her. Suddenly she felt Quinn's hand leave hers and she heard a door close.

She blinked, realising that they were in an empty bedroom. She didn't even remember climbing any stairs, but it was clear that she must have.

"Santana?" Quinn's voice was quiet and soft but the sound of it seemed to almost rip through Santana's world, amplified somehow.

She took a deep breath in, focusing on her surroundings. Quinn was stood in front of her, and as their eyes met Santana came crashing back down to earth, "Shit. I'm sorry, Quinn. I saw red and I had to get out of there before I-"

Quinn stepped forwards, silencing Santana by placing one finger over her lips, "What are you apologising for? That guy was an idiot, you didn't do anything wrong."

Quinn moved her finger from Santana's lips and softly brushed it over her cheek. Santana swallowed hard, forcing herself to focus on Quinn, and ignore her emotions. She could feel her heart begin to slow down, and some of her rage started to dissipate, "I know but I dragged you off. God, I don't think I even knew where I was going."

"You mean so you didn't drag me to secluded bedroom on purpose?" Quinn joked, clearly attempting to lighten the mood.

Santana grinned, "No, I didn't."

Quinn bit her lip and stepped forwards, "That's too bad, because I was sort of enjoying making out with you before." Santana shivered as Quinn's hand began to run slowly down the length of her arm, "And I was thinking it was a little too public."

Santana's breath hitched in her throat as Quinn's other hand connected with the bare skin at her waist, "Well this is definitely not public."

"No. No, it's not," Quinn whispered.

Quinn's lips were mere centimetres away from her own. Santana suddenly closed the gap between them, biting Quinn's bottom lip before she crushed their lips together. Quinn returned the kiss with equal force, almost causing Santana to topple backwards onto the bed. Santana pulled her in closer, so their bodies were so close together that they were practically joined. Her hands began to run along Quinn's body, one hand found its way into her hair while the other explored her back.

Santana expertly pushed Quinn backwards onto the bed, their lips remaining connected as they fell together. Santana propped herself up slightly, ensuring her entire body weight wasn't pressed against Quinn's. They kissed hungrily, the pace unrelenting. Santana felt Quinn moan gently against her lips and she removed her mouth from Quinn's, attaching it to her neck instead.

All traces of anger were gone. Now all that mattered was Quinn, and everything about her.

The ferocity of her touch.

The intoxicating smell of her perfume.

The delicate curves of her body.

The soft moans that were leaving her mouth.

Santana's teeth grazed lightly against Quinn's ear lobe, whilst at the same time her hand crept up Quinn's thigh and under the thin material of her dress, and she felt the blonde shudder slightly beneath her.

"Santana?" her voice was low, edged with desire, yet Santana knew she wasn't just saying her name due to pleasure.

Santana kissed down the length of Quinn's neck, accentuating each of her words with a press of her lips to Quinn's soft skin, "What is it, Q?"

Quinn took in a shuddering breath, her words almost a groan, "You… You have to stop."

Santana pressed one last kiss onto Quinn's neck, before she peeled herself away and locked her eyes with Quinn's, "Stop?"

Quinn nodded, "Yeah."

Santana inhaled deeply, trying to catch her breath, "Why?"

"Because I don't want it to be like this. Not this time," Quinn explained softly, "If you carry on kissing me like this I know I won't be able to stop and I don't want this to be like Florida all over again."

Santana gently rolled herself off Quinn, propping herself up onto her side so she was facing Quinn, "Go on."

"I know we've already had sex so this probably makes no sense but I don't want to rush into that with you this time. I know this might sound lame but I want it to be more," Quinn's gaze altered and she stared at the sheet between them, "I want to get to know you and go on dates and do all of this properly."

Santana's heart pounded ferociously in her chest as she gazed at the girl in front of her, "I don't think it's lame at all."

Quinn looked up, "You don't?"

"Nope," Santana smiled, "Look, do I want to have sex with you? Duh. Is the Pope Catholic? Of course I want to. I mean, look at you, Quinn. But I get it, and I think maybe you're right. We did the whole rushing into sex thing in Florida."

Quinn kissed Santana softly, their lips delicately brushing over each other's, a stark contrast to the heated kisses they had shared only moments ago, "Just so you know, I absolutely want to have sex with you too."

"Well I'm glad you don't find me hideous," Santana joked.

"I just don't want to just hook up this time. I know this probably sounds completely stupid considering what happened over summer but I don't do that. I don't hook up. Not normally."

"I get it, Kelly Clarkson," Santana laughed, "And just for the record, I have no intention of just hooking up with you this time, Quinn."

Quinn smiled and shuffled her body in closer to Santana's, "Glad to hear it. So does that mean you're going to take me out on a date?"

Santana's eyes widened at Quinn's words, "And why exactly does it have to be me organising a date?"

"I just figured, you know, you said I was ' _your_  Quinn' and if you're going to say things like that then you should really back it up with a date," Quinn grinned, supressing a giggle.

Santana groaned into her hands, rolling onto her back so she was looking up at the ceiling, "Fuck you, Fabray."

"That's precisely what you're not going to do, Santana," Quinn retorted before she propped her body up so she was looking at Santana's face, which was still covered by her hands, "And for the record, I liked it."

Santana slowly took her hands away from her face, glancing over at Quinn cautiously, "You did?"

"I rather like being called  _yours."_  Quinn nodded slowly, further emphasising the last word of her sentence by linking her fingers around Santana's.

Santana could feel her cheeks reddening, and she was powerless to stop the soft pink blush that was spreading over them, "Oh… Well, erm, good."

"Just so you know, since we've already established that I'm yours, I'd rather like you to be mine as well. ' _My Santana'_ has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

A small smile appeared involuntarily on Santana's face at Quinn's words, and she couldn't even find it within herself to mentally mock herself for turning into such a sap. She paused for a second before replying, "Well I guess that could be arranged, Q. But like you said, I'm pretty sure if I'm going to be yours then really  _you_  should be taking  _me_  out on a date. It goes both ways."

Quinn thought for a moment, "Fine. Santana Lopez, will you go on a date with me next Saturday?"

"Next Saturday? It's Friday today, that's quite a long way away."

"Someone's awfully eager. It's because I want time to plan it, alright? Now answer my question. Will you go on a date with me?"

"Yes, I'll go on a date with you, silly." Santana laughed, "You want to plan it?"

Quinn nodded, "If I want you to be mine then I have to make sure it's a good date, Santana. There's an awful lot at stake. Now come on, what do you say we get out of here and finish that episode of The OC that we started earlier? You can crash at mine if you like since my roommate is practically non-existent."

"Crash at yours? Miss Fabray, I thought you wanted me to keep out of your pants."

Quinn stood up, smoothing down her dress. Her tongue ran along her bottom lip and she shrugged, "I never said we were sharing the same bed. You can have Lucy's. Come on, Hulkypoos."

Santana stood up, her eyes narrowed, "What the hell did you just call me?"

"I'm working on a nickname, but for now I thought Hulkypoos would do. Hulk just wasn't cute enough you see."

"I hate you a little bit," Santana muttered.

"But I'm  _yours_ Santana, so I get to call you adorable little nicknames. Didn't you know? It's part of the deal," Quinn said as she opened the door.

"You're evil, just like Voldemort," Santana shook her head in disbelief as she followed Quinn out of the room, "Cute nicknames and planning dates… And I don't even get the benefit of sex! It's too much. You're going to be the death of me, Fabray."

Quinn stopped walking and looked over her shoulder, her hazel eyes fixated on Santana's, "Avada Kedavra, baby."


	23. Jump Then Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a picture showing the inspiration behind the date location, head over to my tumblr page: pensieri23.tumblr.com (no doubt it will prove much more useful than merely reading my description)
> 
> As always, props to my beta for being super awesome. Chapter title is a song by Taylor Swift.

Santana was sat on the uncomfortable plastic chairs at the back of the room, trying her best to feign interest in the performance that was going on in front of her. It wasn't really the fault of her fellow drama students, the scene that was unfolding wasn't bad at all, but for some reason she found herself struggling to focus fully on what was going on around her, and she had a feeling that was due to a certain blonde in her life.

In fact, it was probably due to two blondes.

Ever since the night in Quinn's courtyard (as Santana had come to call it in her mind), Santana had struggled to get Quinn off her mind, although she didn't see that as a negative point at all. The amount of the time she spent daydreaming about this particular blonde had only increased over time, and after their discussion at Puck's frat party, she had found herself constantly thinking about one thing in particular.

The date.

It was only 2 days away now, and Santana was aware that the swooping sensation she often felt in her stomach when she was around Quinn, was only getting stronger.

As far as Santana could see, going on a date with Quinn was going to be one of the most nerve-wracking moments of her life.

Cheerleading competitions had never really been a major problem, she didn't overly panic about tests, and glee club performances had never made her feel this anxious either.

But this was different.

After all, this would be Santana's first real date. Sure, she'd done stuff with Mia, but the two of them had never really been official at all, and their relationship had been so relaxed that nothing had even really classed as a date. Prior to that, simply making out at the back of a cinema was the closest she had come to anything resembling a date, and that was only due to the venue rather than any real emotion she had felt for the person she was locking lips with.

No, it was absolutely clear to Santana that out of all the things in the world that had ever made her nervous, Quinn Fabray was in the number one spot. She'd called Rachel to talk about it, and her friend had attempted to calm her nerves, but it was all in vain.

Normally Santana would have talked to Brittany about it too, but currently her roommate seemed preoccupied, and it didn't seem wholly fair to dump her problems on her friend when she already had a lot going on herself.

In fact, it was Brittany who was the second blonde that was filling up Santana's mind, albeit in a completely different way to Quinn.

Since the party the weekend before, Brittany had been unusually quiet. Her normally bubbly persona had been replaced by a much more reserved one, which wasn't something that suited her at all. Santana had tried to talk to her about it, assuming that the change was linked to Mike, but Brittany had rather successfully avoiding talking about it in any detail, insisting that she was alright. Santana knew Brittany was far from okay, but as of yet her friend didn't seem ready to discuss it, so she hadn't pushed her too far.

Brittany had been busy, having taken a job helping teach dance at a studio nearby, and so over the past few days it had been difficult to find any real quality time to try and talk to her anyway.

Class was coming to an end, and the sound of applause echoing through the room brought her suddenly out of her daydreams. She sat up in her chair properly, trying her best to force the thoughts to the back of her mind and focus properly for the last group performance.

The last group had just begun performing their scene, and Santana had to admit that they'd done a pretty good job interpreting the brief in a unique way. Her own group had been alright, but she knew that her own acting hadn't been superb, most likely due to her over-crowded mind. Plus she'd been grouped with Cooper- a guy she really couldn't stand.

The group finished their scene and so came to join the rest of the class on the seats at the back of the room. A girl Santana knew, but hadn't really talked to properly before, came to sit in the empty seat to her left, catching her eye as she sat down and smiled politely. After another couple of minutes the class was dismissed, and Santana leaned down to grab her bag.

"Hey, erm, Marley," Santana said to the girl beside her, her bag in one hand as she sat back up, "That was really good, you guys did a great job."

"Thanks, Santana," Marley responded, grinning, "It still feels so weird performing in front of each other sometimes though."

"I know what you mean," Santana nodded, "I guess it'll get easier the more we do it."

"True," Marley turned her body around so she was facing Santana, "You guys were really good too, you know."

Santana laughed softly, "It was alright. Honestly, I felt a bit spaced out so I can't even remember if I delivered the right lines. It was all Cooper's idea anyway. I won't lie, I just let him get on with it, it was easier that way…"

"Yeah I thought your scene had more than just a hint of Cooper… He's a little bit…" Marley paused, clearly trying to find the right word, "Full-on."

"That's one word for him!" Santana laughed, "I'm not one to keep thoughts to myself, but in this case it just seemed easier. Besides, most other people seem to be in love with him and his dishy looks. I swear though, if he'd told me to point my finger while I talked one more time, I probably would've kicked his Disney Prince ass into the next century."

Marley giggled, "I wouldn't have blamed you. Anyway, despite your performance being 'Cooper-ified' it was still good."

"I'll believe you this time," Santana raised an eyebrow, "Well, if you get put in a group with him next time don't say I didn't warn you."

"I consider myself warned!" Marley grinned.

The two girls both stood up, making their way over to the exit. They continued talking as they walked down the long corridor, and Santana made a mental note to try and get to know more people in her classes. After all, Marley seemed really nice and sweet, and it occurred to Santana that it was a little ridiculous that it had taken her until the beginning of February to work that out.

As the main door of the building opened, and they followed the rest of their classmates out of the drama building, Santana saw a familiar blonde waiting for her on the wooden bench across from the entrance. As she saw Santana, she pulled the headphones from her ears and stood up.

"Britt!" Santana grinned, "Whatcha doing here?"

"Figured I'd meet you after class, see if you wanted to grab a coffee or something? You're done for the day now, right?" Brittany asked, her gaze settling on Marley, "Oh sorry, it's cool if you're busy. I'll see you back at home."

Marley smiled, "No, I was just going anyway so don't worry about that. I'm Marley by the way, I'm in Santana's class."

"Oh yeah, erm, I suck at remembering to do introductions. Marley this is Brittany, Brittany this is Marley. Britt is my roomie. She's also one of the best people you'll ever meet."

"And Santana tells lies, so you shouldn't believe anything she says," Brittany joked, "Nice to meet you, Marley."

"Likewise! I better get going but I'll see you next time, Santana." Marley waved as she walked away, looking over her shoulder to shout back, "Remember to point your finger if you're talking to someone, okay? People just get confused otherwise!"

Santana laughed, deliberately pointing her finger in Marley's direction as she said, "Thanks for the tip!"

"You don't mind that I showed up, do you?" Brittany asked, a hint of concern in her eyes.

"What? Of course I don't, silly!" Santana said, gently poking her friend, "Wanna head to Harrington's?"

"Sounds great to me."

The two girls walked the short distance to Harrington's, Brittany filling the silence between them with random information about her day. It didn't take a genius to pick up on the nerves that were radiating from her, and Santana had noticed them as soon as the blonde had waved at her outside the drama building.

Light rain began to fall around them as they walked down the street to their left and closer to their destination. They picked up the pace slightly in order to avoid getting too wet. Brittany had just finished telling Santana about her day when they arrived at the familiar door, small droplets of rain were clinging to the light blue paint that was slightly cracked and worn.

The bell jingled cheerfully as the two girls stepped out of the cold and into the warmth of the coffee shop. Geoffrey, as usual, was behind the counter and he smiled and waved at them as they entered.

"Hey Geoffrey," Santana smiled, "How are you?"

"Oh we're very good thank you, love," he replied, his British accent chirpy and bouncy, "What can we get for you ladies today? Caroline whipped up a lovely batch of scones earlier if you'd like one."

Brittany grinned, "You guys are so adorable and British. I'll take you up on that offer. Can I get a hot chocolate too?"

Geoffrey typed into the till quickly, smiling up at Brittany as he did, "Of course. What can I get for you today, Santana?"

Santana thought for a moment before saying, "Double that order. It's definitely hot chocolate weather today."

"It certainly is! I'll bring your order over for you in a jiffy."

Brittany made her way over to their favourite table, in the back corner of the shop. Santana settled herself into the large dark brown leather armchair, the feeling of it familiar and comforting, and curled up, tucking her feet up beneath her. She looked up and saw Brittany staring at one of the many paintings that adorned the walls around them. It wasn't a new one, so Santana knew her friend must have seen it before.

"Want to stop looking at that picture and tell me what's going on, Britt? Are you ready to talk to me about it now?"

Brittany looked away and sighed softly. She took a deep breath and spoke, her voice quiet and unsure, "I don't know what to do."

"About Mike?"

Brittany gave a small nod, "Yeah."

Geoffrey walked over, putting their order down on the small circular table between them. They both thanked him and as he returned to the counter on the other side of the room, Santana said, "Tell me everything."

"Alright…" Brittany paused, "So you know that things haven't been great between us, not since the whole awkward sex incident."

Santana nodded, blowing lightly on her hot chocolate before taking a small sip, "You guys talked at Puck's frat party, right?"

"Yeah, yeah we did. We talked for like hours but I just… It didn't feel like we got anywhere, you know? I was worried that the whole sex thing had been in my head, but Mike said he felt really awkward too," Brittany ripped off a chunk of her scone and dipped it in her hot chocolate, while Santana silently wondered just how unacceptable that would be considered in England, "But neither of us could explain it. We go on dates and that's great, and we kiss and that's all good too, but it's just this next step that's getting in the way. I feel like something's stopping us but I don't know what. I love Mike, I do, but I'm so confused right now. We've barely seen each other since it happened and I feel like we're not friends, but he's not my boyfriend either. I don't know what he is."

"Boyfriend is just a word," Santana said as she absorbed Brittany's words, "Forget the labels."

Brittany looked up, Santana's words clearly echoing around in her mind as she contemplated them, "What do you mean?"

"Do you think you couldn't have sex because you were overthinking it maybe? You guys have been friends forever and I guess maybe it's normal that it feels a little strange to cross that line. After all, dates and making out is in a different league to sex."

Brittany nodded, blowing on her hot chocolate before taking a tentative sip, "Maybe."

Santana continued, "Maybe stop overthinking it, and trying to label it and just let it be whatever it's going to be."

"But whatever this is, we've been doing it for like 2 months now. If he's not my boyfriend then what has all of this even been?"

Santana shrugged, "I just think you don't need necessarily need a label, Britt. Not if it makes things more confusing. Perhaps just let things do whatever they want to do, without feeling forced. Hang out in your little trio with Puck, hang out just the two of you, do whatever you like but don't feel like you have to call it anything. I don't know, I'm just trying to help I guess and I don't really know what else to suggest."

"No, I mean, I think I get what you're saying. I'm so tied up thinking that we should be having sex because he's my boyfriend, and worrying about it, that it's becoming something that it shouldn't."

"You're giving yourself a hard time too. You guys have been friends for so long, there's bound to be parts that need figuring out along the way. Maybe just hang out, see what happens and how you feel because what you're doing right now clearly isn't working for either of you. Avoiding each other won't fix anything anytime soon and instead you're both just feeling pressured which is not helpful at all."

Brittany chewed her scone thoughtfully, "You're right, I guess I can't just run away from it. Maybe I'll see if we can hang out, with Puck."

"Sounds like a plan to me. Just try not to overthink it maybe. We can talk about it as much or as little as you want to, you know."

"Thanks. Maybe you're right. I think I just need to actually spend time with him properly. I feel like a little kid avoiding the issue like this." Brittany put her plate down, the only remnants of her scone were the few crumbs that were scattered on it, "Anyway, that's enough for now. Sorry I've been so busy this week. I feel like we've barely seen each other and you've got your date with Quinn coming up this weekend too."

"It's alright! You've been busy starting your classes, which is so awesome. Did I tell you I'm proud of you for that?"

Brittany grinned, "You did but thanks for saying it again. Now talk to me about this date?"

"How long have we got?" Santana joked.

Brittany tucked her feet up underneath her, clutching her mug in one hand as she curled up, "We've got as long as you want. That's what friends are for."

"You know, I'm really glad I got paired with you, Britt."

Brittany smiled, "Me too."

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

Quinn left her room. As usual, her roommate was nowhere to be seen, and so she turned off the light as she exited. The door creaked ever so slightly as she closed it behind her and made her way down the stairs. For what felt like the 50th time she checked she had everything she needed, and headed out of her building and towards Warren College.

Even though it was only a ten minute walk across campus, Quinn knew from the butterflies inside her that she needed a distraction in order to stop freaking out over what was about to happen. Getting out her cell phone, she did what she always did in these situations and called her best friend.

Blaine answered almost immediately, "Quinn, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Quinn smiled at the sound of her friend's voice, which always seemed to calm her down (even if it was only momentarily), "Just fancied a quick chat, that's all. How's my favourite Colorado boy doing?"

"I'm your favourite boy full stop," Blaine quipped, "Hang on… Isn't today the big day? The big FD?"

Quinn laughed, "The big FD?"

"Yep, the big First Date!"

Quinn subconsciously bit her lip at Blaine's words. The truth was she'd spent the entire week trying to plan what she thought would be an interesting first date, but now that it was actually Saturday she was inexplicably nervous, "Erm… yeah. I'm heading over to Santana's now."

"Does she know what you're doing yet?" Blaine asked.

"No, I haven't told her what I've got planned. Honestly, I'm sort of terrified she'll think the whole thing is kind of lame," Quinn admitted, her free hand fiddling nervously with her shirt.

"Don't be silly! It's awesome and I'm sure she'll appreciate the fact that you've thought about it properly."

Quinn sighed, "I hope so. I just hate generic first dates, you know? I didn't want to just take her to a movie or grab dinner, but then I didn't want to be too full on either."

"Well I like it so you should stop that panicking right now because you'll have a great time with her no matter what. I bet she'll just be happy to be around you, and hey, if worse comes to worse you can just spend the entire time making out."

Quinn giggled, "I was sort of hoping we could do what I have planned  _and_ make out."

"I'm sure she won't complain about that!" Blaine laughed, "Seriously though, don't be nervous. From what you've told me about this girl, it's safe to say she really likes you Quinn."

"Well I hope so, because I sure like her," Quinn paused, her train of thoughts suddenly derailed as she remembered something, "Oh, I meant to ask you something! Do you fancy coming to visit soon? I know we've talked about it before but I really miss you and if you could make it that would be amazing."

"Yes! I'd love to! I'm pretty sure I'm free the weekend after next if that's any good for you?"

Quinn grinned, "Perfect!"

"As long as I won't get in the way of your budding romantic life and all," Blaine joked.

"Oh shush," Quinn rolled her eyes jokingly, even though her best friend was nowhere near her, "Besides, you'll get to meet Santana and I know you've been dying to do that since I told you about her at Christmas."

"I have!" Blaine exclaimed, "I'll get to meet the girl who has stolen your heart."

"Oh gosh, as long as you don't say anything like that in front of her. That'd be far too embarrassing." Quinn turned the corner and was faced with the, now familiar, red brick building of Santana's accommodation block, "Anyway, I'm at Santana's now so I better go but seriously, if you are free that weekend then you are more than welcome to come and stay with me."

"You've got yourself a deal. Have a great date!"

Quinn smiled nervously as she neared the front door, "Thanks. I'll fill you in later."

Hanging up the phone she took a deep breath and made her way to Santana and Brittany's room, her feet almost moving on autopilot since her brain was heavily preoccupied. As she reached their door she slowly raised her hand to knock, taking one last deep breath as her knuckles collided with the smooth painted surface of the door.

As it swung open, Quinn felt the breath disappear from her lungs as Santana smiled softly at her, "Hey."

"Hi," Quinn responded, her voice quiet and edged with nerves.

"I'll just grab my stuff. You said I should wear my bikini right?"

Quinn nodded, "I did."

"Are you actually going to tell me what we're doing anytime soon?" Santana asked, heading inside to grab her bag. As she did, Quinn saw Brittany who was sat on her bed, smiling in her direction.

"You two crazy kids have fun, and don't do anything I wouldn't do. Quinn, make sure she's home for her curfew. No later than 10pm please."

"Oh shush," Santana muttered, walking out of the door, "Anyway it's like 11am now, so even if I did have a curfew that gives us nearly 12 hours. Catch you later, Britt."

"Bye, Sannie!"

As the door shut and the two girls began to walk down the corridor, Quinn grinned at Santana, "Sannie?"

Santana rolled her eyes, "Don't even start…"

Quinn prodded Santana gently, "It's totally adorable."

"It is not!" Santana protested, "It's a dreadful nickname, but it's Britt and she gets away with it. Saying anything mean to her is like kicking a puppy, I just can't do it."

"Well then, Sannie…"

Santana stopped dead in her tracks, glaring at Quinn, "Nope, Fabray. You don't get away with that."

Quinn sighed melodramatically, "Fine, I'll just have to call you other adorable names won't I, sweetpea?"

Santana narrowed her eyes, "You're on thin ice, Voldemort."

"Good job I can save myself with my magical powers. Now come on, move that fine ass of yours."

Grinning, Santana raised her eyebrows at Quinn's words. As the blonde began walking down the corridor Santana's eyes followed her. Santana shook her head and muttered, "Talking about fine asses…"

* * *

Quinn's eyes focused on the road in front of them, her senses still getting used to the unfamiliar feeling of the pedals beneath her feet. Sure, she drove all the time at home but being in any new car took a little getting used to.

"I can't believe you actually rented a car, Q. Where are we going exactly?!" Santana asked, her eyes focused on the girl next to her. A ripple of wind blustered in through the open window, and ran through her hair.

Quinn's gaze remained fixed on the road ahead, "You'll find out."

"Remind me to never let you plan a date again," Santana's words came out just as Quinn began to brake, the lights turning to red.

Quinn looked over, a playful smile on her face, "You're like a small child. Don't you cope well with surprises?"

"Oh I complain about surprises all the time, but really I sort of love them. Although, this whole situation is pretty confusing because I can't think of a reason why we'd need a hire car… Unless right now you're kidnapping me."

"Would you be complaining if I was?" Quinn countered, the light turning green as Quinn drove on towards their destination.

"Good point," Santana laughed softly. Turning her heard to the right, she watched as buildings shot past them. As they drove further the air seemed to thicken with the scent of the sea, not entirely unexpected since Quinn had told her to bring her bikini. Although, Santana knew at this time of year the sea would be freezing cold, a fact that only added to her confusion about what Quinn's plan might actually be.

Quinn couldn't help but look over at the girl by her side, wondering briefly how this whole situation had even come about. She knew that if people back home could see her now, taking a girl on a date, that most of them wouldn't believe it. The idea of her parents seeing her was even worse, without a doubt they would more than heavily disapprove, but somehow Quinn couldn't find it in her to even care about any of that. After everything that had happened in the aftermath of Florida, it all just felt too right to ignore it any longer. After all, Quinn was all too painfully aware of the time they had already wasted.

Quinn glanced back at the road, almost too late to see the red light in front of her. Her foot pressed down hard on the brake pedal just in time, "Shit!"

Santana's hand was mid-way through ruffling her hair when the car braked far too suddenly, causing her body to jerk unpleasantly in the seat, "Whoa, blondie! Did you not see the stop light there?"

"Sorry," Quinn gasped, "I… I don't…"

Santana leaned to the side, placing her hand over Quinn's, which was gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles were turning white, "Hey, it's all good. We're still here."

Quinn inhaled deeply, "Yeah."

"Calm down, it's okay."

Quinn nodded, before muttering, "You're too much of a distraction. You should stop looking so attractive while I'm trying to drive."

Santana leaned forward, her tongue darting out and moistening her lips slightly. She winked before placing a soft kiss on the blonde's cheek, "Sorry, Q. It's sort of out of my control. Now focus that pretty head of yours, and stop almost running red lights because you're too busy looking over at me."

Quinn smiled, her heartbeat which had previously been racing like a runaway train, had now slowed down its pace to a gentle jog, "I am completely focused. Now go back to looking out of the window and looking super hot."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Right answer, pumpkin." Quinn didn't see Santana raise her eyebrow in response, her eyes focused on the lights as she waited for them to turn green, but she expected nothing less.

"Pumpkin? I think I preferred 'sweetpea', and that's saying something. You are completely ruining my rep."

Quinn grinned, her foot pressing on the gas pedal as the lights changed, "You rep was nothing but adorable to begin with."

Scowling, Santana muttered, "You're going to be the end of me."

* * *

The waves crashed menacingly, bubbling and frothing as their journey ended on the soft sand and they ceased to exist. The splashes of water were barely visible to Santana, who was peering down from such great heights.

"Are we on top of this cliff for any particular reason, Miss Fabray? I mean, I totally see why we needed the car now, but I'm a little confused."

Quinn nodded, biting her lip nervously, "I just… I didn't want this to be a generic date. I figured it should be something different. Blaine once told me I needed to try more new things, and he was right and I've been trying to do that lately, you know let myself go a little. You might think this is totally lame and a bit weird but..."

Santana stepped forwards, smiling as she kissed Quinn softly, "You're cute, even if you are insane sometimes. But what exactly are we doing that's new and a bit weird? You're sort of making me nervous…"

"You don't need to be nervous. I promise. If you don't want to do this, then we'll just do whatever you want to do."

"Okay, now I really am nervous," Santana furrowed her eyebrows deep in thought, looking down at the sea below.

Quinn laughed, playfully poking Santana, "Okay so firstly, I brought you up here because it leads to a path that we're going to take through the trees. I mean, obviously the view up here is beautiful too, but we can't get where I want to go by car, so we're on foot from here. So if you're up for a short walk then we'll grab the picnic from the car and get going."

"You packed a picnic?"

"Yeah," Quinn felt a blush spreading through her cheeks, "Anyway, are you alright with this? If not, we can just stay here."

Santana grinned, "I'm down with it, blondie. Let's get going."

Quinn nodded, "It's not too far, I promise."

Quinn led the way, grabbing the bags from the trunk and taking off into the woods and down a reasonably well-trodden path. The sunlight shined brightly through the trees, creating dappled shadows all around them as they made their way away from the car and towards their destination.

They walked mostly in silence, although it was the type of silence that was devoid of awkwardness. Quinn realised in that moment, that they could simply be together, with nothing feeling forced. It was a novel feeling, only heightened by the sensation that rippled through her when Santana's fingers wrapped around her own. There was no need for constant conversation, and being able to be so comfortable around each other said more than enough anyway.

"Here we are," Quinn said softly, as they stepped out of the trees and into a huge clearing.

Santana looked around in awe at the view in front of them, miles of trees stretched over endless hills, with nobody else in sight. It was like a private wilderness. She could clearly see that the rock she was stood on formed the edge of a rather large drop. As she stepped forward she could see a vast pool of water at the bottom, and a waterfall to her left. The sunlight poured down, reflecting off the water and casting an illuminating glow all around them.

"Quinn, this place is beautiful."

Quinn walked forwards to stand by Santana's side, her eyes staring down into the pool below, "I figured we could eat lunch up here and then maybe head down and swim down there if you want. Which is why I asked you to bring your bikini."

"I think you just wanted to see my hot body, Fabray. Can't say I blame you," Santana smirked, pushing Quinn playfully, "And I hate to burst your bubble, Q, but won't it be absolutely freezing in the water? I mean, it is February."

"Well, since it's like a little cove it's not like ocean water. Don't get me wrong, it's not going to be really warm, but it should be a fair bit warmer than the sea. It's a smaller body of water to heat up, and this place is a great suntrap," Quinn explained, "So, we won't freeze to death but I can't promise it'll be super nice either. Californian people would probably think this is completely crazy but I'm sure it'll be way warmer than it would be in Colorado or Ohio right now, that's for sure. I figured we could just give it a go? If it's freezing we get back out."

"You're so cute when you get all knowledgeable," Santana grinned, "I'm up for it. Why not? How do we get down anyway?"

"If we go to the right there's a decent enough path down. A guy in my French class told me about this place. I checked it out earlier this week and it's easy enough to get to the bottom as long as you're careful."

"You know, there's probably an easier way down," Santana said, her words slow and deliberate as she voiced the thought that was spinning around in her mind, "But it depends how you feel about it."

With confusion in her eyes, Quinn raised an eyebrow in question, "Go on?"

"Well… We could just jump."

Quinn's eyes widened in shock, "What?"

"We could jump. How far down is it? Like, 20 feet? The water looks pretty deep." Santana stepped forwards towards the edge, and away from Quinn, clearly thinking about it seriously.

"Well yeah, it is pretty deep and there are no rocks but…"

Santana suddenly grabbed her shirt, pulling it off to reveal the bikini she was wearing underneath, her actions causing Quinn's sentence to trail off unfinished. Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips as her eyes focused on Quinn's, "All looks good to me, Q."

Quinn felt her stomach flip, and her eyes couldn't help but fix themselves on Santana's toned body. She tried her best to focus but concentrating on anything other than Santana's abs was proving somewhat difficult, "Erm… I…"

Santana stepped back, removing the rest of her clothing on her way until she was stood in just her bikini, her body so close to Quinn's that they were practically pressed against each other. She bit her lip, snaking an arm around Quinn's waist, before whispering, "Yes, Quinn? Problem?"

Swallowing hard, Quinn forced herself to focus on stringing together a coherent sentence, "We can't jump, Santana. We don't even know how warm it is."

Santana allowed her lips to lightly brush against Quinn's before shrugging, "Sure we can. You said yourself, it's not like the ocean. If it's cold, we get straight out. I don't see the problem."

Quinn sighed against Santana's lips, her words merely a whisper, "It might not be safe."

"True," Santana agreed, "But you're the one that said you wanted to try new things. Besides, sometimes things are worth the risk."

Brown eyes flooded Quinn's vision, desire forming quickly within them, causing her stomach to flip uncontrollably. Santana's lips pressed against hers once more, leaving her slightly breathless when they pulled apart.

"But… I didn't mean this!" Quinn argued weakly, all her energy going into stopping herself from shoving Santana up against a nearby rock and kissing her senseless.

Santana bit her lip, and stepped away, "Well, either way I'll see you down there. It's up to you if you take the quick way or not."

Before Quinn had time to protest, Santana had flung herself from the edge. Quinn quickly ran forwards, her heart suddenly racing uncontrollably in her chest. She saw Santana land with a loud splash, and she waited anxiously for the girl to resurface safely. Sure enough within a few seconds she emerged, and Quinn could vaguely make out the grin on her face.

Looking down, she contemplated her options for a moment. However, in the end it only took her a few seconds to make up her mind.

Everything about the way Santana made her feel seemed to be crazy. The first time they had met it had felt as though Santana was a hurricane whirling its way through her life, and that feeling had never faded. Everything she had thought she knew had gone out of the window, and throwing it all away couldn't have felt better.

There was something about Santana that made Quinn feel like she was losing control, but in a way that only served to fill her with exhilaration. The complex mix of emotions that Santana caused her were so intense it sometimes felt like she was hopeless to stop them taking over every fibre of her being.

Nothing about the two of them had been straightforward, nothing had been ordinary, at least not yet. For the first time Quinn felt as though she was finally discovering who she was meant to be. It was as though Santana was the parachute she had been waiting for all along, and now she could leap into the unknown with someone by her side.

_Screw it._

Her clothes were on the floor before she knew it.

Quinn felt her body move quickly, launching itself into the empty space in front of her, although her feet seemed to move of their own accord. All she could feel was the furious pumping of her heart as adrenaline rushed through her, wind rushing by her as she fell through the air.

She landed with a crash into the cool water below, and she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that her heart was falling with her, helplessly following the girl she had leapt after.

The water crashed around her, the force much harder than she had expected. For a moment she allowed herself to stay beneath the surface, before lack of air forced her upwards. Looking all around, she attempted to find both her bearings and the girl that was doubtlessly stealing her heart.

The water was colder than Quinn had anticipated, but the shivers running through her had nothing to do with the temperature of the water. Dark eyes met hers and before she knew it their lips were crushed together. Santana's hand found the back of her neck, deepening their kiss, as they both tried desperately to stay above water. In that moment, adrenaline still coursing viciously through her veins, all Quinn could think about was Santana.

It was as though she was consumed by her, drowning somehow in the depths of her emotions, and all she knew was that she never wanted it to end. Not when it all felt so perfect.


	24. Can't Keep My Hands Off You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes life gets in the way and I can only apologise for the wait on this. I had a couple of other things I was writing and it took me a while to get back into the right headspace for this fic since it's been quite some time, but now I'm there. I actually need to thank a review I had last night on FF.net. It spurred me on! This certainly isn't my longest update but I figured it was better to post what I had and this seemed like a natural break.
> 
> I can only thank you for your patience. Here's a catch up since it's been about 20 decades...

 

**_Here's what you missed on What Happens in Florida:_ **

**_Quinn and Santana finally hooked up but they decided at Puck's party that they shouldn't get down and dirty just yet (which sucks because we'd all dig a little of that). Santana's kinda worried about her roomie because Mike and Brittany aren't getting down and dirty either. Basically, nobody at all is getting it on._ **

**_Quinn took Santana on their first proper date and they ended up diving off the rocks and into the water below which was kinda really dumb of them but luckily neither of them split their heads open._ **

**_And that's what you missed on… What Happens in Florida._ **

* * *

"I can't believe you just jumped. You're sort of crazy, Santana," Marley laughed quietly, whispering at the back of the room. She paused before raising an eyebrow and saying, "Or maybe you're just crazy for Quinn."

"Oh shut it," Santana rolled her eyes, "I just like her, alright? Nothing wrong with that."

Marley stifled a giggle, "Whatever, I reckon you're the secret romantic type though."

"I am so not. I'm definitely not the flowers and chocolates type. All I know is that I like being around Quinn and so I'm going to carry on doing it."

Marley nodded slowly, "Whatever you say, Santana. But you know, one of these days, you're going to learn how to be all mushy and how to fall in love and I will definitely not hold back on making fun of you."

Santana shoved Marley softly, tutting under her breath, "And I will kill you while you sleep. How's your love life anyway, Marley? Let's move that spotlight of interrogation onto you instead."

"Nothing to report."

Santana raised an eyebrow in question. The two of them had become pretty good friends over the past week, and it wasn't like Marley to be so quiet, "Cat got your tongue there, Rose?"

"No, I just have nothing major to report," Marley spoke softly, returning her gaze to the front of the room.

"Am I sensing a troubled romantic past here? Because I can totally shut up if you want me to, you know."

Marley turned her head, "No… It's just complicated. There was this girl back at school-"

"I knew it!" Santana hissed excitedly, "I knew you played for the good side."

Marley failed to suppress her laughter, earning the pair of them a dirty look from the professor, "You are so going to get us kicked out of this class."

Santana waved her hand, a physical sign of her dismissing Marley's words, before whispering, "Whatever. When we get out of here I want details!"

The rest of their classmates began to move, signalling the end of class. The two girls stood up and began walking down the long corridor towards the exit of the building.

Marley took a deep breath before finally saying, "Her name was Kitty."

"And?" Santana said, pushing open the door and stepping out onto the grass in front of them.

"We were never really a thing. Not properly, even though I wanted us to be. I was so crazy about her." Marley shrugged, "We dated a bit I guess, but it was mostly just fooling around. She never wanted anyone to know about us and in the end it broke us up. It's not exactly a long story."

Santana frowned, "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. It's been a long time now, but she still wants to be friends and that's hard. The distance makes it easier. If I was still back home I'm sure it would be virtually impossible to even talk to her but when all I get is her words typed in an email so it's a lot easier to try."

"Well I'm sorry for bringing it up. I might like to be a bitch sometimes, although all those fools deserve it, but I wouldn't have asked if I'd known. I'm not that heartless."

Marley smiled, "I know. Seriously, it's cool. You live and learn. First loves are just the hardest to get over, I think."

"I guess I wouldn't know," Santana shrugged, "but that's what they say."

"Have you seriously never felt like that about anybody?"

"Nope," Santana shook her head casually, as she did she saw a girl approaching from the corner of her eye. She grinned and stopped in her tracks, leaving Marley looking confused, "Mia!"

"Hey Lopez," Mia smiled in return, walking towards the two girls. Since everything had happened between them, Mia and Santana had been friendly at cheerleading practice, but their friendship certainly wasn't the same as it had been before. Santana figured that was the way it was bound to be, although it didn't make her feel any better about it at all, "How's life?"

"Good thanks. Mia, this is Marley. Marley's in my drama class, and Mia is on the cheer team with me."

Marley beamed, "Hi, it's nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Mia replied, "Which way are you ladies heading?"

Santana pointed to the left, "I'll probably head back to Warren, see if Britt is in. I feel like we need a catch up, she's been super busy lately with these dance classes she's been helping to run."

"I'm going back home to Sixth," Marley said, nodding her head the opposite direction.

"You live in Sixth College too?" Santana asked, her brow furrowed in disbelief, "Seriously, what is it with Sixth?! Everyone I know lives there. I swear there's some sort of conspiracy."

Marley laughed, "Erm… Sorry? I'd move but I'm sort of settled there now. Plus I like the view."

"From the east side?" Mia chipped in, looking directly at Marley.

Marley nodded, "Yeah. This is probably super dorky, but it's just so beautiful in the mornings."

Mia grinned in return, "I know, right? Hey, do you wanna walk with me, since we're both walking in that direction?"

"Sure thing!" Marley smiled back politely, "Sounds good to me. Catch you later I guess, Santana?"

Santana nodded slowly as Mia and Marley headed off to the right, "Yeah, see you both soon."

As they both waved goodbye to her, Santana began her own path to the left. As she rounded the corner an idea struck her. She'd wanted to catch Brittany anyway, just to catch up, but now she had extra reason to see her friend, so she could voice her idea to someone else.

The walk back to Warren College seemed to take a fraction of its usual time, perhaps due to Santana's new found excitement. Whatever the reason, within what felt like a few short minutes, Santana found herself at the front door of her building. She entered quickly, taking the stairs two at a time, her long legs striding down the corridor towards their room. However, as she pushed the door open, she was faced with a rather unexpected sight.

"Santana!" Brittany squealed, her eyes widening in shock as she saw her friend.

Santana's mouth fell open, her jaw hanging as her eyes quickly attempted to take in the scene that was playing out in front of her. Brittany's legs were wrapped around who Santana was assuming (after all she could only see his ass) was Mike. A very naked Mike.

After a few seconds Santana's mouth formed a grin, and she cleared her throat before smirking and saying, "I'll, erm, see you guys later."

Mike turned around, his eyes connecting very briefly with Santana's before he looked away in embarrassment, his cheeks burning red. He began furiously searching for something to cover himself up while muttering, "Oh god, oh god, oh god…"

Santana opened the door, stepping back out into the corridor. She glanced back one last time and said, "That's what you're supposed to say later, Mike."

Chuckling to herself, she wandered back down the stairs. As the cold air hit her, it occurred to her that her plans for the evening had now altered dramatically. After all, she had no desire to see any more of Mike's naked body, even if his abs were almost as chiselled as Ryan Gosling's.

She grabbed her phone, contemplating her options.

Realistically, she didn't have many, and she knew that her best option by far was to call Quinn. Failing that, she decided her back up plan would be to head to Evil Eye and see if anybody else was hanging out there. She figured it was likely that Puck would be, considering the bar was his favourite haunt. Maybe he'd be there with Sam.

After a couple of taps on the screen, she heard the line begin to ring. It didn't take long for Quinn to answer.

"Hey you, how are you?"

Santana instantly smiled at the voice on the other end of the phone, before shaking her head and chastising herself for being so ridiculous, "I'm good. So, I went home to catch up with Britt and, well let's just say she was little… preoccupied."

"Preoccupied?"

"Yeah… Preoccupied with Mike. A pretty naked Mike."

Quinn laughed, "Well at least they sorted that problem out, I guess!"

"It definitely looked that way. I'm sure I'll get all the gossip later. Anyway, it sort of means I'm homeless right now…" Santana's sentence trailed off.

"Yes, you can come around," Quinn giggled, "I was feeling super lazy and was going to sit here watching some Lost Girl."

"Anna Silk kicking ass? Sounds great to me. Thanks, Q."

"Well, I can't just let you freeze, can I? Head on over, sugarpie."

Santana rolled her eyes at Quinn's words, yet despite this she couldn't stop the smile creeping up onto her face, "It's a good job you're cute, Fabray. See you soon."

As Santana walked across the path and towards the direction of Sixth College her smile remained plastered on her face, seemingly a permanent fixture.

* * *

"God, Bo is so hot," Santana muttered, taking a sip of water, "This show is fantastic."

"Because it has lesbians?"

Santana looked over at Quinn, shaking her head, "No, Quinn, because it has  _hot_ lesbians. And, you know, the plot is pretty amazing too."

Quinn hit her playfully on the arm, before placing a kiss gently on Santana's cheek, "Hot lesbians on the screen… a hot lesbian next to me… Yeah, this could be worse."

Santana's gaze, which had previously been firmly planted on the screen in front of them, moved to the left. Biting her lip, she slowly turned her body around, "Oh yeah?"

Quinn simply nodded, no words exiting her mouth. Instead she just looked directly at Santana, her eyes saying everything that her mind was thinking.

"You know…" Santana whispered, "You're pretty hot yourself."

"Is that right?"

Santana nodded, leaning in to kiss Quinn firmly on the lips. As they broke apart she spoke again, muttering her words against Quinn's lips, "Absolutely."

"Glad to hear it," Quinn responded, grabbing Santana's shirt and pulling her in closer, the warmth from the bodies colliding together, "Because-"

"Hey, Q," Santana muttered, separating their lips just long enough to speak, "How about we stop with the talking?"

Before she knew it Santana was on her back, Quinn's actions definitely speaking for her now. Quinn's body was pressed tightly to hers and the girls lips were planted firmly to Santana's neck, causing a soft moan to leave her mouth.

Since Puck's party, where the two girls had agreed that they had somewhat rushed into the physical side of things in Florida, the two of them hadn't had sex. They'd fooled around a lot, sure, but that was as far as things had gone. Inevitably the situation left both of them feeling rather unsatisfied, and it crossed Santana's mind (not for the first time) that she wasn't exactly sure why they were still waiting.

At first, the whole plan had made sense. It had taken them so long to sort out the mess that was left after Florida, and get their acts together, that it had seemed sensible not to rush and mess things up. But now Santana found herself wondering how they would decide it was the right time. It had already been a few weeks and things seemed to be going pretty well (although Santana's limited knowledge of relationships didn't exactly make her an expert on the matter). Was there some kind of time limit? Some kind of moment where it would all become clear? She doubted it.

Quinn's hands began roaming up her sides, fingers lightly making a pathway up her ribs. As they travelled back down, Santana let out an involuntary moan. However, it didn't hang in the air for long, quickly captured by Quinn's mouth as it trapped her own, lips and tongues moving against each other.

From nowhere the moment seemed to build. Only seconds ago they'd been sitting happily watching Lost Girl but now they were lost themselves. Completely lost in each other.

Fingers were tangled in hair, each of them pulling the other closer until practically every inch of their bodies were touching. Lips were moving ferociously, silently voicing the thoughts that were burning through their brains.

Without a second thought Santana sat up, her lips still pressed against Quinn's as she did. Her hands roughly grabbed the bottom of Quinn's shirt, hauling it over her head and throwing it haphazardly somewhere to her right. It took a matter of seconds for Quinn to do the same to her, and as they sank back down to the floor, skin touching, Santana swore she'd never felt so out of control before. It was though she was on fire, a million sensations burning through her and she was powerless to stop them. Not that she wanted to.

Santana regained some control of the situation, swiftly reversing their situation until she was on top of Quinn, straddling her as she looked down into her hazel eyes.

Her pupils were blown, her breath jagged, and Santana knew they were in the same place, both feeling the same intensity of emotions coursing through their veins.

Suddenly, the expression of Quinn's face changed and she closed her eyes, leaning her head fully onto the floor as she sighed, "Shit."

Puzzled, Santana waited a beat for Quinn to explain but in the end she couldn't wait any longer, "Q?"

"The time. I'm sorry!" Quinn said, opening her eyes to meet Santana's.

"Huh?" Santana looked down, a look of utter confusion on her face.

"I signed up to some art classes and the first one is tonight. It starts in 10 minutes."

Santana groaned, moving off Quinn and flopping down beside her, "Do you  _have_ to go?" Her fingers began trailing up Quinn's sides, tracing intricate patterns on her pale skin, "Because I can think of better things you could do. Maybe we could start with some life drawings, right here in your room."

"Titanic-style?" Quinn giggled, running a hand through her blonde hair, "I'm sorry, San. I really should go. I promised Tara I'd be there."

Santana sighed dramatically, "You're abandoning me? God you're such an ass, Fabray."

Quinn raised an eyebrow, "An ass that's cute enough to get away with it?"

Santana paused, pouting slightly, "Maybe."

"Well maybe, if you'll let me, I'll just have to make it up to you another time," Quinn said as she looked around the room, trying desperately to locate her top.

Santana contemplated Quinn's words, sitting up and watching the blonde with amusement as she looked in every possible location, "I could go with that."

Quinn pulled her top over her head, before leaning down and kissing Santana, "Thanks, and I am sorry. If I hadn't promised Tara…"

"I get it, Q. But since you are abandoning me, am I cool to stay here? After all, Britt and Mike are probably still getting all hot and bothered and I do not wanna be interrupting anything."

Quinn laughed, grabbing her bag and heading to the door, "Sure. And feel free to just stay there half-naked. It's a good look on you."

"Everything's a good look on me," Santana said, winking as Quinn opened the door, "If I'm still around then maybe I'll see you when you get back."

"Sure. Oh and don't forget that Blaine is coming tomorrow!" Quinn beamed, already halfway out of the door as she spoke.

"Oh… yeah of course," Santana shouted after her, Quinn already gone.

She lay there for a second, her top still abandoned at the side of her, as she groaned. Quinn had not only got her all worked up, but she had also reminded her of Blaine's imminent arrival.

Everything Santana had heard about Blaine had been great, and she knew that realistically she had absolutely nothing to worry about. Yet somehow, even though she knew it was stupid, she couldn't stop the nerves that were swimming through her.

Meeting Quinn's best friend seemed like an awfully big step, and something Santana had never done before. She knew how important Blaine was to Quinn and she couldn't help but worry about what would happen if the two of them didn't get on.

Santana was more than aware that she could be deemed as an 'acquired taste'. She was pretty guarded around new people and it took a while for her to sometimes let them see past the bitchy exterior. Sure, she was getting far better at it than she ever had been at high school, but still she wasn't the type to let people in easily. She had her own reasons for that.

It occurred to her that if there was a chart with relationship achievements, this moment would definitely be on there. Santana figured it was probably the next logical step, but that didn't stop her from feeling pretty weird about it. As she flopped down onto the floor, her brain in overdrive, she just hoped to God she was ready for it.


End file.
